My thoughts on life

I have alot of thoughts and issues with alot of things in life. I just thought I'd let some of my thoughts out on here. You can think on them or comment if you wish.

Romance and Marriage based on love and feelings: The reason I hate this is because there is no commitment. Alot of People believe that if you don't feel that you love someone, then you should not be with them. That is why there is so much contempt for arranged marriage in fics. Ok, sure. So, lets say that you "love" and marry a guy or girl based on the fact that your feelings tell you that you love him or her. Ok, first years of marriage, it's all lovey-dovey. But what about when all the lovey dovey crap goes away, and the lady is just kicking you in the nuts because you ain't ****. Then you two say "I don't love her anymore." "The feeling of romance I had for her at first is gone and now she's always kicking me in the nuts(not literally)." "So, lets get a divorce" "We don't love each other anymore, so what is the point of staying together anymore?" There is a point to staying with her. You promised to love her and to take care of her. You stood in front of God and the State of Wherever, swearing to love and care for her. For better or worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer. TILL DEATH DO YOU PART! It seems those words don't mean anything to anyone anymore. Because of romances based on feelings. That is why I am not really against arranged marriage. Because in those marriages, usually it is stressed that commitment and taking care of your wife and future children comes first before your "feelings of love". I'm not saying that arranged marriage is always right, I know that it can go both ways. There are arranged marriages that are just total hell, and there are marriages who started out with infactuation and got stronger over time. But, arranged or not, you cannot be in a marriage and think that love is what is gonna keep it afloat. PERIOD. A marriage should be ALWAYS based on commitment to your spouse no matter what feelings you two may have for each other and a commitment to do what's right. No matter what. Even if the wrong way seems easier. That is a real pet peeve for me. People who can't seperate how they "feel" from what is right

 

i will have to think over that some more.... interesting theory, but i have to say that arranged marriages can go really bad, because you never even loved them in the first place. you may even hate the person.

 

I am sorry but I have to disagree with you Gritz.

Sure marriages can sometimes go wrong and yeah peoples feelings can changes over time, but feelings are the most important thing. I think it is wrong to be in a marriage just out of commitment, if the feelings are not there then both people will just end up miserable. Marriage like anything is about working hard to keep it working true enough ^^ and I do think some people get married far to quickly in today's society. But I think it is perfectly acceptable for people to marry for love ^^

I strongly disagree with arranged marriages I think they are wrong in the aspect that I think marriage should be a personal thing, not a business deal! But that is just my opinion ^^

 

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmhm. i agree.

 

I think you hit some really valid points of problems with marriages today but I do have to disagree with you that arranged marriages are the answer. It is saying that it is acceptable for parents to assign their kids with their life mates for the rest of their tenure and adults used arranged marriages for better situations in society, familial status, ownership and genetic control, as well as nobles settling disputes. It really was not about the the actual people at all.

There are issues with people that they 'romanticize' things and movies, books, tv, etc give people a view of marriage that is just plain wrong. However, love is important to the success of a marriage. If it isn't there, it is just a slavery of sorts and convenient for someone other than the two people involved, and if it does support the two involved, there's nothing saying they aren't sleeping around. Men of course could get away with that far more than women that often could be killed for adultry.

In the end, I just feel that people should be more informed of the 'realness' of marriage and not the illusion that things are always going to be peachy keen all of the time. Seldom do you see in movies, books etc what happens to people after they get married or have some great romantic ordeal. It's like the end of their lives and they just get a 'happily ever after' tune and no one seems to care. It's assumed they just live it out and it must be boring or something to ponder how that couple endures.

People who get married should first be 'friends' rather than just counting on the romantic love, and marriage is also a strategy and commitment. Those who are going to get married should spend quality time together not just bumpin' uglies or giving each other gifts on Valentines Day but also planning out, asking each other about what their feelings are on kids, what would they do if they are in financial burden, how they plan on improving their lives together, and working as a team to do these things. If they cannot even talk about their emotions when they are upset to one another, marriage just isn't going to last. The most important flaw I see in marriages is that people get married way too soon and have not established a friendship that is enduring and understand that sadly though it might kill some of the romance off, not knowing your partner is a serious bad thing. There is a place people put those they are going out with often times above their friends and I just think until that friendship is established, even if people are sleeping together, the person is just a friend with benefits. That contradicts what most people believe but how many times do people break up because of inconsolable differences based mostly on they don't have trust for one another or do habits that the other person cannot deal with? Those who are romantics and just want it all for love don't get that in the beginning many of the feelings they have are not even real love but more an obsession. When that interest does die out that friendship will endure if it is there. If it is not, things die.

This is not to say that even the closest of friends will not find that they just have no more interest in each other or something bad happens that can tear people apart. Hence why there is actual divorce. However, if someone loves you with or without having sex and all the fancy stuff of romance, those two people are also likely to be able to hold true to things and just know it's time to call it quits together. No one would be in the dark on why a divorce is happening and these are also the people that can remain friends, not make ugly divorces happen and are still there for their kids. Marriage in its way is a business, strategy, union and bonding of two people to make things work for their futures. It is also about love that is not just this romance stuff in novels. I see way too many friends that get all excited about a relationship and do things too hastily without really knowing who that other person is that they spend so much time ogling over. Later when the other person dumps them or they finally see the faults themselves that are too much to bear, there is an awful hate there and resentment.

 

you beat me to it in a better way.

((your posts are always so looooooooooong))

 

Here's a shorter one! I know. =:( These are some of the longest posts I've ever made on a forum. lol

 

i am not suprised. i still go against the idea of arranged marriages.

 

I do to dislike arranged marriages.. And like CtR, I disagree with it being totally about commitement. You're commited to someone you might not even like in any way. You can sommite yourself to somebody, but the feelings of those two people are what keeps the marriage alive at all.

 

you must know your parents well x3rty. thats a good way to explain it.