My life problems...

My life problems:

I have a good home life technically...My parents are still together...

But I have serious problems with my dad...this is really strange but...

My dad has NEVER once in his entire life told me that he loved me...

And he has also greatly proved that he doesn't love me...

When I was little he would beat me with his fists and leave bruises on me when he got mad at me...

It never takes much to make him mad at me either...and whenever something bad happens to him he takes his anger out on me...

He's never like this to anyone else...Just me...

And even back when I was too young to know better he'd still punish me bad...

And he'd also call me stuff like a worthless piece of s*** when he was mad at me... And he'd tell me to go burn in hell and stuff like that...

And he'd always talk about how he couldn't wait for me to grow up and move out of the house...

Yet I've turned out to be such a nice person despite having such a horrible father...

But I really hate my dad...I hate him very much...and I want him dead for what he has done to me...

My relationship with my mom however is very good...Very good indeed...

She is the ONLY one who truly understands me and accepts me for who I am...

I honestly don't know what I would've done without her all this time...

She's so good to me yet she never does anything about it when my dad abuses me...

And she's always sucking up to him just because he's always so good to her...

And she thinks he's such a great person just because he treats her so good...

She thinks I just need to get a better relationship with my dad...

But how can I possibly do that?

I honestly don't know what to do...

Can anybody here help me?

Does anybody know of what I should do to have a better relationship with my dad?

Even though I became a Christian thanks to my mom...I really find it unforgivable how my dad has treated me...

Jesus says to love everyone...even our enemies...

But how...How can I learn to love someone who is so unlovable?

And don't even get me started on my grandmother...I could go on all day with her...but I won't even start...

This post is long enough as it is...

I just wonder what I should do...

I've asked God to help me...

But I also wanted to ask you guys what you think I should do...

Any advice?

 

First off, why is your post double spaced on every sentence?

Anyway, I can relate in some ways. However, I can't relate on getting hit by my step-father. You said your relationship with your mom was very good, but has she ever helped you in this case? If you really get hit by your father like that, then why hasn't your mom done anything? You did say that your mom loves your father because he's good to her, but does she ever defend you?

For me that's where I can relate. My step-dad and I have never been in a good situation. In fact I can't stand him and he thinks he has full control of me. My mom and step-dad have been together for almost eight years. My biological father died when I was a year old, so I really didn’t know him well. So, the point is, if it's that bad with your father try to get attention from you mother. Talk to her and let her listen to you. If he still hits you and it gets out of control then tell friends, other family members or even the police. No one deserves to be abused.

I do hope everything work out for you.
I'm glad you and your mom are close though.

 

Do you live in the US? If so, if you ever feel like it, most government buildings are designated as safe places for (mostly) abused family members can go to for help - hospitals, courthouses, police and fire stations, etc. As the saying goes "god helps those that help themselves". I don't know the origin of that phrase, but taken in this context, it would seem to apply. Besides, from what you've said, it sounds like your father is not the type to hunt you down if you run away. It may be for the best

If your not in the US, then I have no idea and my advice about running away probably doesn't apply.

 

dude, I'm sorry, but idk about most of the people here, but if I wanted a better relationship with my abusive father, then I'd do his favorite hobby, and beat the **** out of him, just like he would with me (dont get me wrong. im saying if I was in your situation. my parents split a long time ago)

point being, if he touches you, or harms you, then you harm him right back, cuz I mean, you sure as hell shouldnt be taking that kind of ****.

thats my only advice though. I'd give ore, but trying will only make your situation worse

 

I don't think hating your Dad will help out with this.
After all he is your Dad, I think it would just be better to not get on his nerves or fight with him, if you can help it.
Because believe me, I used to fight with my Mom everyday and it doesn't do anything for you, and even if you win, the prize isn't great at all.
I think you should just yes him to death and try to avoid him. If he starts to pick on you and you get ticked of, cool down.
I know there are some things that he said to you that you will never forget, but you'll have to, he's one of those people that you can't totally avoid.If he's so nice to everyone else and you just start avoiding him your mom might get made at you.I don't know what else to say, it's a very sticky situation.

 

Your dad sound like a complete twank tbh! And yes you can hate your dad! I hate mine,he dont wanna know me cuz im gay and he is in the army so there is no such thing as gay in his eyes! He hit me a few times but i just stood up for myself and told him enough was enough. Its not always a safe decision to stand up to some though depending on how dangerous u feel they are. If he hits you just remind him that it is assault and you will not hesitate to seek help from outside of ur family! If he emotionally abuses you by calling u the names he does just brush it off and tell him he cant bring you down no more. You know you are not worthless and so does ur mum, and cousins and aunts or whoever else is in ur family!
For your mum to let it happen that is outrageous! Even if she does it cuz he is good to her or because maybe she is scared of your father also but does not show it, there is no reason for herto let this happen to you. If You were my child and I was your mum ur dad would have a cap bust in his A**. Tell your mum that if he does not stop how he treats u or continues abusing you then you will seek help from police! This might help her think twice of her "ignorance is bliss" attitude and step in. Just remember you are obviously a better person he is and no one deserves abuse!!!!

 

thats absolutely true... im glad someone posted that information on here because its very important. my advice to add is speaking more with your mother because she seems to be one to help that you can speak to and she will listen to you. good luck :D

 

I was trying to make the post as neat as I could...

My mom keeps saying that it's not my fault or his fault...

She says that it mostly has to do with him being underpaid at his job...

But that still doesn't mean he should use me as a scapegoat...

In fact my relationship with my father was so bad that he would even show our pets more affection than he would me...

He even loved our pets more...

Though my mother has never actually "defended" me from him still she has gotten me out of the worst of jams before...

If it weren't for my dear mother God only knows where I'd be today...

I was bullied quite alot in school too...

But my dear mother was nice enough to take me out of that horrid school because she couldn't stand seeing me get bullied any longer...

I've never felt like I could trust just anybody...

But I really and truly do love and trust my mother...

My father DOES still provide for me...But I always thought it was just cause he didn't wanna look bad in front of my mom...

Yet my mom actually keeps telling me that he does love me...

But if that's really true then why hasn't he ever told me so?

That's what I'd like to know...

And to think he actually calls himself a christian...

I know that running away from home is not the answer...

And I also know that committing suicide is not the answer...

My mom still believes that I can get a good relationship with him...

He doesn't hit me anymore...and he's not QUITE as mean to me as he was before...

But then came the day when our pets died from diseases...

He was so sad...and he cried like a baby about it...

And then many months later a stray cat came into our yard...

And we adopted it...

And it wasn't long at all before he started bragging on it and talking about how much he loved it...

And what's worse is that I'm allergic to cats...

I just wish that he would treat me ME better...

I wish that I could get a better relationship with him like my mom wants me to...

My mom always said that anything was possible with God...

And my mom also told me that if my dad's job would go better he would be a better person...

But I just don't think I can buy that...

However, there have been times when my mom has tried talking to him to get him to treat me better...

It DID work some...

But I don't think that's good enough...

I always thought he should be punished for how he's treated me...

But my mom is just so darn nice...

She would just let my dad get away with murder practically...

I think the reason why is because she feels sorry for my dad cause of his job...I know that's strange...

 

Im Sorry but sounds to me your mum makes excuses for him! If she has spoken to him and he continues to be a moron then i suggest that maybe you tell him how you feel?

Getting underpaid is no excuse for treating someone in a fowl manner.

 

You are indeed right.

If he wants something to take it out on he should just get some kind of stress-relief equipment and maybe go to some anger management classes...

 

Then I Think You Should Tell Him That Then, Inform Him You Will No Longer Be His Scapegoat or punch bag~

 

It sounds like you mom is afraid of your father, though you can't blame her because she might be afraid he might hit her. Your father should not be allowed to abuse you like that. He could be arrested for that sort of thing, so it is better to stand up to him tell him how you feel, get him a punching bag or something err not you of course. You know something to let out frusteration on and not on his own flesh and blood.

Just don't get aggressive or physical with him because the last thing you want to do is get hurt more by him. The last thing you don't want to do is get down to his level.

 

I'm sorry man. Well you may not like what I have to say, It's nothing bad, it is just that i'm not going to comfort you and say that everything will be alright, because sometimes that is not the way it is....

What your dad did isn't right, and you know that. Your mother knows that too, I just think that she is afraid to confront him. It sounds like she loves you a lot and she wants what is best for you, but I don't think that you should look to her in order to stop him because, from what I read, she isn't about to go and do that. Don't be mad with her about that. She probably has a good reason.

Does she work or is she a stay at home mom? If she stays at home, then she could be afraid that he might leave her if she goes against him, and then she won't have any money to take care of you. If she does work, but doesn't get paid much, then the reason for her actions could be the same the same.

There could be several other reasons too. There could be entire situations that you are not aware of, and if so, then she probably hasn't told you cause she doesn't want to worry you, or she just wants to avoid as many conflicts with you and your dad as possible. cause remember, she loves you.

one more thing before I move on to your dad, your mom probably does love your dad, and he probably loves her too. like I said, she also loves you. so it could be that she is conflicted between the two people she loves and she just wants everyone to get along.

Now, as for your step dad, This is the part that you're not going to like. Whatever his reasons, I don't think that your step-dad wants to have a relationship with you, and chances are, that you won't be able to convince him to. Maybe someday, a long time from now, he'll come around, but it doesn't sound like that will happen any time soon.

He is probably ashamed of himself for some reason, and he takes it out on you. He may even be jealous of you. or the reason for his actions could just be for something stupid as not being his son. you know all those stories you've heard about evil step-mothers and evil step-fathers. They are "evil" for a reason.

It is much more difficult for step-mothers and step-fathers to love someone that is not their child. it is just the way it is. This is not always the case, as a matter of fact, I don't think this is the case that often these days. But there are cases like that, and you just happened to be one of them.

You have every right to hate your dad. There is nothing wrong with that. He has done terrible things to you. There nothing wrong with feeling hatred towards him after all that. hate is a human feeling. now i'm not very religious, but let me just tell this. God wouldn't have given humans the ability to hate if it wasn't alright to do so once in awhile.

Now just because you feel that way towards your step-dad, doesn't mean that you should pay him back for all he has done or anything. No it doesn't mean that at all. You might not like him, and he may be in the wrong, but that doesn't mean that you should want him dead. I am sure that he feels badly for what he's done, and he probably is ashamed, but he most likely won't admit it. at least not now. He may regret it much later and life and ask for your forgiveness. If that is the case then the choice is up to you, but the right thing would be to forgive him. It doesn't mean that you have to like him. no you don't have to like him at all.

Everyone has their own share of problems, take it from me. some people have it worse than others, some people don't. but I assure you that you are not alone. It may help to seek consoling. It helps to get things off your chest. just remember, that you will make it through your problems, and when you do, you will be all the more stronger of a person.

 

Mickey, just let him know that, throughout the history of militaries, the US military included, there has been so much gayness it's laughable! Most of the military forces around the world before 1900 have had almost 50% of soldiers, from officers to conscripts, taking sexual "ease" wherever they could, mostly on fellow (all male) soldiers or (regrettably) on civilians of newly-captured cities. In fact a huge number of British and American officers from these time periods regularly had affairs with their assistants.

And videogamecrazyman, to be blunt, your dad is an abusive SOB, and your mom is probably an enabler. If you weren't around (were never born), he would have abused here. No one acts like that to just one specific person. Usually it's a target of opportunity.

 

Well...my mom has always just been wimpy like that...

She really doesn't have anything to be afraid of...

My dad would NEVER leave my mom under any circumstance...

I know that for sure...

He always talked about how he couldn't live without her...

And how he'd rather die than be without her...

I don't dare confront my dad...

He's much bigger and stronger than me...

He could tear me apart if he wanted to...

Although you have NO idea how much I wish I could get even with him for what he has done to me...

I really don't know what to say to this...

But my mom cannot currently hold a job...

She's been unemployed for awhile now...

And I remember her saying that my dad would be happy if she were to have a job so there could be more money coming in...

She also said that he would treat me better if that would happen...

But I don't know if she's right or not...

And you're right, I do need to forgive him...

That would be the christian thing to do...

I never wanted to accept the fact that he was my father but I know it's true...

EDIT: Oh, and I guess I should've mentioned this sooner...

My dad HAS been nice to me sometimes...

But it's very seldom...

DOUBLE EDIT: Also, I have a reason for not reporting my dad to the police or whatever...

It's because if I do they might take me away from my mom and place me with a foster family...

Believe me...I do NOT need that...

What I wish they'd do if I called them is just put my dad in jail and leave me with my mom...

 

I kinda figured that much, which was why I didn't suggest it.... however, if it ever gets to the point where it gets really really bad, then I highly recommend that you report it, because you never know if he'll end up doing something worst.

oh and if he has been nice to you sometimes, then I'm betting that he is not a horrible person, what he is doing is wrong, but I'm guessing that he must have a rough life or something. And he probably doesn't quite know how to deal with his frustration in the right manner. It is also possible that his father beat him when he was a child, so this is the only way he knows to deal with his anger or frustration.

it just doesn't sound like he is in touch with his feelings to me. He probably feels bad about beating you, but like i said he just doesn't know how to deal with things in the proper way.

 

You should make something that makes he fell Proud of you or something,i don't know,if he was gentle to you at least once,it must be because you did something to him.

Or you could just do it the simple,yet hard way,go to him and ask why he hates/doesn't like you.

Maybe he's even Jeaslous(Sp?) of you because your mother gave you more attention than to him,or because she loves you more than him,i don't know.

But no matter what happens,don't do anything stupid,like Running away from home or suicide,it wouldn't solve anything,it would make your mother a lot sad,and if she discovered it was because of your father,she could ask for a divorce,and you would end up ruining the life of your both parents.

 

You're right, he's not a horrible person...I've met worse people before...

In fact my mom has told me before that he's felt bad about mistreating me...

But still, I'd say him never once in his life telling me that he loves me is really all the proof you need right there that he doesn't...

And he doesn't understand me worth a crap...

My mom has also told me that it's because I'm autistic...and he doesn't know how to deal with someone who's autistic...

That could be true...I don't know.

But then again...I am a VERY misunderstood person...

More than you can imagine...

My dad's not the only one who doesn't understand me...

In fact most people don't...

But it's mainly my dad who doesn't...

My mom is really the only one who truly does understand me...

My dad has even apologized to me before a few times...

But I still think that's only because my mom talked to him about it and because he doesn't want to look bad in front of her...

That's really strange I know...but I think it's true...

 

autistic, huh? i would suggest that you seek consoling for that, but that is up to you, your parents, and your financial situation. if you do get consoling, then be sure to find someone good at it because there are plenty of fakers out there that don't know what they really doing. Consoling does help. I'm living proof.

I have ADHD and Bipolar syndrome. That means that it's hard for me to pay attention, that I am also very hyper, and that i have mood swings. the mood swings are the worst, I can't even begin to describe them. it is so strange. at one moment I would be extremely happy for no reason, then the next I would become extremely depressed. i went to consoling and take meds, and now nobody can tell that there is something wrong with me.

If you go to consoling, then listen to the advise that is given. professionals will sometimes tell you things that you don't want to hear, and that you don't like. Believe me though, they know what they are talking about. just accept the criticism. you need to know what is wrong in order to fix a problem.

 

What I have is actually a mild form of Autism...It's called Asperger's Syndrome.

It's an Autism Spectrum Disorder...

I don't know if you've heard of it...

I do go see a Psycologist...(Sorry, I don't know how to spell that) which helps some...

And I did go see a Psychiatrist...But she was a fraud...I'm sure of it...

You are indeed right...there are alot of fakers out there...and I'm sure she was one of them..

She prescribed this weird medication for me that didn't work...

And it had bad side-effects...

She didn't know what she was doing at all...I don't even know how she got that job...

She probably cheated...

But then I got a new Psychiatrist who was good and was a true professional...but then he retired...

And now I'm currently waiting for a new one to be assigned to me...

Thank You for your help sir...I appreciate it.