My Kingdom Hearts Story- Yes i am obsessed. I won't over do it and make 26 parts.

Part one
Maxy sat up and started at the wall.
"It was just a dream," she told herself,"was only a dream." She got out of bed and looked at the mirror hanging on her closed pink and purple door. Her hot pink hair was messy and her purple eyes were almost pale. She thought of how her mom told her she was surprised with her hair color. She smiled and dressed for school. It was the same old clothes she wore everyday; a yellow skirt over lime green kapris, a orange T-shirt and red tennis shoes. She looked in the mirror and thought of how weird it looked compared to her hair.
"Not even close." she mumbled. She open the door and went downstairs to the kitchen. Her parents had already gone to work and left Maxy home. The said she's mature enough since she's 14, but she doesn't like to be alone. She poured her a glass of orange juice, and fixed her some cereal. She heard a knock on the door and went to answer it. She opened the door and her friend, Lulu, stared at her hard with lime green eyes. Her almost silver hair fell over them as she walked in.
"Hey Lu, just fixed breakfast, turn on the TV and watch something and I'll eat fast." Maxy told her. Lulu nodded and continued to watch anime, while Maxy walked back in the kitchen she picked up her spoon when she saw a note sitting on the counter. She picked it up and read it.
"We must free her from her sleep." she read aloud. She thought for a second, "One of Andrew's stupid jokes. Just ingore it." she told herself eating her cereal, glancing at the extremely violent show her friend was watching.

 

This belongs in the Creativity Corner.

 

~Liek so tottally moved~

^^

 

very nicely written

 

Thank you!

 

Ahh, you did perfectly with the grammar and spelling, particularly with the first part, but then later...!! lol Don't worry, you did awesome, but basically, the only error is that after a dialogue, if it doesn't end with an exclamatory or a question mark, you should put a comma. Like:
"Not even close," she mumbled.
Many people make the mistake of not putting a comma after a dialogue (I did once before) so don't fret about it. You did awesome and I can't wait to see what happens next! :) It really has a lot of potential!!

 

PART 2
Maxy sighed as she laid down in bed. Lulu sat next to her watching anime. Maxy sat up and stared at Lulu. Her silver hair was almost red.
"Hey, Lu, why is your hair red?" she asked. Lulu turned around and stared at Maxy. Maxy fell off the bed. It wasn't Lulu. The girl sitting next to her had red hair and bright blue eyes.
"What's wrong Maxy? Can't recognize your own friend?" the girl asked smiling. Maxy blinked and Lulu sat next to her still watching her anime. Her hair was silver again.
"Lulu?" Maxy asked. Lulu whipped around. Her eyes were lime green.
"What's wrong Maxy?" she asked staring at her friend with worry.
"Nothing." Maxy answered. Lulu shrugged and went back to the TV. That was sure weird, Maxy thought, who was that girl? Lulu turned off the Tv and turned to Maxy.
"Mom wants me home at 7:00. See you at school tommorrow." Lulu said walking out the pink and purple door. Maxy saw the red hair again and shook her head.
"It was you imagination running wild again, Maxy." she told herself and laid down in her bed and went to sleep.

Part 3
Maxy stared at the wall. Her picture of dad hung in a black and pink frame. The picture frame didn't seem to match the pink and purple walls and purple curtains.
"Such a babyish room," Maxy mumbled under her breath. She stood up and walked downstairs. It was Saturday and her parents had gone to their Saturday book club meeting. She sighed as she turned the TV on. She flipped through the TV Guide book sitting next to her. The TV flickered and she stared at it. A black hooded figure with mouse ears stood in the TV staring at Maxy.
"Maxy, sorry to drop in like this, but Alexandra must awaken. We must free her from her sleep." he said. Maxy blinked and he was gone, and the normal Saturday morning anime was on. She toke deep breaths and reviewed over the weird things that have happened.
"First, that note, We must free her from her sleep. Next, Lulu's hair was red, and a girl I have never seen before was there. And finally, that mouse." she said slowly, logicaly doing strange equations and problems in her head. She then sat back and watched TV.
"That sure was strange, she told herself. Her older brother ran downstairs and jumped over the couch.
"What's strange?" he asked taking the remote way from her. He had dark brown hair and blue eyes.
"Nothing, Andrew, now give me back the controler!" she said reaching for the remote. Andrew tickled her in her ribs and jumped up and ran off. Maxy jumped up and sprinted after him.
"Can't catch me!" Andrew replied. Maxy the tackled him to the ground.
"Huh, catch me if you can? And you're supposed to be 16!" Maxy asked him, putting him in a choke hold. He grabbed her arm and tried to tug it off. He finally gave up and handed her the remote. She got up and whipped dirt off her pants and walked back into the living room.

PART 4
Maxt sat at her desk at school.
"Now, who can read the quote from the passage," her teacher asked,"How about you, Maxy?" Maxy moved some things on her desk and read.
"The keyblade is said to hold phenomenal power. The legend says its weilder saved the world, while another brought ruin and chaos upon it." she read looking back up at her teacher. She didn't move. Maxy got up and looked at her. She waved her hand in front of her and she didn't reply. Maxy walked out the door and looked up and down the hall. A girl with red hair appeared at the end. She smiled. Maxy started running toward the girl. I know that smile, she said to herself, that's the girl that was there instead of Lulu! Maxy ran down the hall till she came face to face with the girl. She stared at Maxy with eyes that seemed almost purple. She looked at her hair and noticed that it was almost hot pink.
"Like mine." Maxy said to herself. She walked around the girl. She stood completely still. Her hair color looked as though it was fade into a more pink color.
"Is someone gonna talk... or is gonna be me?" the girl finally said. Her voice is almost like mine, Maxy said to herself.
"What's your name?" she asked staring at the girl's purplish eyes. She smiled back.
"Emmy Mae, but my friends just call me Mae." she said. A light flashed and Maxy was back in the room.
"Now, Maxy, please read the quote in the passage." the teacher said inpatiently. Maxy started but the bell rang and she quickly gathered her stuff and raced out the door.

 

Part 5... right? Its getting out of hand... NO!!!!
Maxy sighed at the strange thing that happened that day.
"That girl... Mae. I wonder." she said. Her older brother burst through the door and walked over to Maxy. He held up a note.
"Read this." he said. Maxy sat up.
"Weirdo." she said, almost laughing. Andrew crossed his arms in front of his chest.
"You think that's a funny joke huh?" he asked her, his eyes narrowed. Maxy looked over at him confused.
"What do you mean? I've been in my room this whole time!" Maxy shouted. Andrew rolled his eyes.
"Whatever. That note appeared in my room. I was watching TV, and then mom called me downstairs. When I came back in, that note was there! That was plenty of time for you write it and stick it on my TV! Pip Squeak," he explained. Maxy looked down.
"I didn't do it!" she shouted. Her brother didn't respond. She got up and looked down the hall. She went downstairs and looked around. The girl with red hair was bottom of the stairs. Maxy raced down and stood in front of her. She smiled.
"Hello again Maxy," she said. The small hooded mouse stepped beside her.
"Sorry, Emmy, you can go." he said. Emmy sighed and turned, her white dress moving slightly. She then disspeared in a dark portal. THe mouse turned to face Maxy.
"Do you happen to know why I'm here?" he asked.
"We must free her from her sleep." Maxy quoted and then stepped on step down. The mouse nodded.
"Lulu, Andrew, your teacher, all of them have been in contact with Emmy. You have some kind of bond with her." he explained.
"What do you mean bond? And if all mine friends have been in contact with her, how come the freeze when she appears?" she asked, slightly confused. The mouse sighed.
"She has certain powers. She can take people's memories and change them, and she can also freeze time, like she did to your teacher and Andrew." he explained. Maxy looked back up at the stairs. Her brother stood where his was when they were fighting.
"But, how come, after this, there will be a flash of light, then its like nothing happened." Maxy asked. The mouse started to answer but long white people appeared behind the mouse. Maxy backed up. She ran upstairs to her brother's room and grabbed his wooden sword. She then ran back downstairs. The white creatures where outside, fighting the mouse.
"Hang on!" she yelled running outside. She saw the mouse fighting off 2 of them, while the other two approached Maxy. She toke a hit at one and it went right through it. She back away, when a key shaped blade appeared in her hand. She looked at and them toke another hit at one.
"A real hit!" she said. She then defeated the other one, when the mouse defeated the otheer 2. She looked back down at the weapon.
"That's the keyblade." he said. A flash of light teleported Maxy back into her room. Her brother sighed and walked out.
"Foreget it," he said. Maxy stared outside. The mouse looked back up and her and disspeared like Mae.

 

Part 6
Maxy looked at her new clothes with rage.
"I don't need new clothes." she muttered under her breath. Her mom crossed her arms.
"Yes, you do, all the clothes you have now are old, and so, bright." her mom said picking up Maxy's bright neon green T-shirt. Maxy rolled her eyes and stared back at the clothes.
"Mom, these clothes are all boring. A olive green turtle neck, plain blue jeans, I mean come on, no design, no color, no personality!" Maxy yelled, pushing the clothes away from her and picking up her bright clothes. She looked back up at her mom and noticed that she was froze.
"Thank you, Mae," she whispered going downstairs. Mae was standing at the front door and motioned for Maxy to come over. She opened the door and they went out. Mae started to run, as Maxy followed. Maxy stopped at a large white door. Mae rested her hand on it and several black lines went around the door. Then the door opened and Mae and Maxy went in. A large white room, with a few pictures of color. Maxy looked around as Mae sat.
"Maxy, do you know your true name?" she asked. A man in a black coat appeared behind her. He grabbed her by her arm and lifted her up.
"It's best she doesn't know," he said.
"But, if now one tells her, she'll.." Mae started, but there was a flash of light and Maxy was teleported back in her room. Her mom sighed and walked out. Maxy stared and saw Mae's saddened face appear, then dissapear.

 

Ooh, very nice...although in part 3, there was so many 'she's running around, I was a bit confused on who was speaking sometimes...but otherwise, it's great. Although if you want to fix the problem, you could say 'the dark-haired girl said' or 'the blonde-haired girl said' (I forgot the hair color so put the right one XD). Otherwise, the story is actually very intriguing, and I can't wait to see what happens next! :)

 

OMG! I HAVE BEEN GONE 4 SO LONG!! I LOST TRACK OF THE STORY!! just let me update it for ya guys.
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Chapter 7
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Maxy and Lulu walked down the hall of there dimmed school hall. The rain outside pattered against the glass windows. Maxy's hot pink hair glowed like neon pink, dispite the fact of the gray clouds, and paled outdoors. A breath of men's colonge brushed past Maxy's nose. A lock of honey colored hair appeared in the corner of her eye.
"Yo, Maxy." said a boy's voice from behind. Maxy blushed and turned around. Maxy's purple eyes stared at the boy's deep brown eyes. Maxy gulped.
"Hi, Andy." she said sheepishly. She looked at her shoes, unable to make eye contact with Andy, "Um.... how's your basketball team doing?" she managed to choke out. Andy chuckled.
"They're ok, We've won a few games, but not enough to go to the Finals." Andy replied with a sigh, "I'm worried that all our hard work will become a waste if we lose." Maxy's head shot up and stared at Andy.
"I don't think so. Even if you lose, your hard work won't be a waste! You can learn from it and do better next year!" Maxy explained. She stepped back and Andy thought for a moment. He finally turned to Maxy, and smiled.
"Your right. It's not a waste." he said walking beside her, "Your cool for a 8th grader." he replied messing up the top of her hair. He walked off, his colonge's presence still weighing in the air. Maxy felt the top of her head. He actually touched me! she thought, Wow.
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End, I need my DeviantART stories. More later after one story!! :3

My story i was reading is almost over, but i'll finish this chapter, then NO more chapters.
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Chapter 8
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Maxy sat on her bed daydreaming, touching the top of her head every once in a while.
"Wow, Andy has been my crush since like, Kindergarten. All though he is a year older then me*, he's still so cute!!" Maxy explained squirming around in the bed. A knock at the door was heard downstairs and she sprinted out of her room and to the door. She opened it, and nearly fainted at want she saw.
"Miss me much, Maxy?" the red head boy asked her. Maxy stared at him in complete suprise.
"Your supposed to be in France! Not here in Tokyo!" Maxy yelled at him. The boy flinced, his red hair falling over his sky blue eyes.
"Not welcome?" he asked her. Maxy blushed.
"NO! It's just you said you weren't supposed to be back for another 2 years! Li, what happened?" Maxy asked him. Li shifted his weight onto another leg.
"I want to make sure that this is Maxy that I'm talking to. What's my crushes name, middle name, and favorite movie?" Li said in a rush. Maxy sighed.
"Lisa Tran, Michael, and Jame's Bond. Do I need to prove myself any farther?" Maxy asked him. Li narrowed his eyes.
"One more. What's my favorite stuffed animal. Animal type and name." Li said slowly.
"An elephant mixed with a duck, and his name is Pucky," Maxy said with a sigh. Li stared at Maxy for what seemed like forever. He finally lunged forward onto Maxy.
"IT IS YOU MAXY-CHAN!!" Li said. Maxy blushed and looked away. Li's smile vanished when he noticed that he was on top of Maxy, only inches away from her face.
"S-S-Sorry." Maxy studdered. She pulled up, but something stopped her. Li's arms where wrapped around her waist.
"Don't." Li said pulling he down toward his face. This isn't right!! Maxy told herself, Li is my best friend, we've been no more than friends since kindergarten, change will be weird. Li's face was centimeters away from Maxy's. I guess, I do like him, Maxy told herself, I guess this won't ruin our friend ship. Maxy's lip brushed up against Li's. She closed her eyes. Li's lips touched her's and she opened. He was staring at her. He met her gaze and winked. Maxy smiled. My first boyfriend.

* the grading system i'm using may be confusing. let me roll it out for you
Elementary.
K
1
2
3
4
5
6
Middle
7
8
9
High
10
11
12
It's a little confusing to me tho. but it came through!!! >.< enjoy the story!

Chapter 9~~
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"WHAT!" Lulu yelled at her pink haired friend. Maxy stared, a little blush on her face. They were sitting in Maxy's pink and purple room. "You mean OUR Li? Li Syaroan*? From kindergarten?" Maxy nodded.
"Yup, he's my boyfriend now. Weird, huh?" Maxy told her friend. Lulu crossed her arms in front of her chest.
"NO! Won't that ruin our friendship? Think! If you and Li are BF and GF, that means no time for us to hang out!" Lulu yelled. Maxy inched back. She's never yelled at me before! she thought. Lulu sighed and got up.
"I'm sorry, but either Li goes, or I do." Lulu explained calmly.
"What! You give me that choice! You are both my friends! And I can't just dump Li!" Maxy yelled back.
"Then. I guess we aren't friends any more!" Lulu said rushing out the door. Maxy jumped up and ran after her. She ran downstairs and nearly tripped on a froze Lulu. She stared at her friend's face, frozen in anger. Maxy's purple eyes started to water. She looked back down and saw Mae sitting on the bottom steps. Maxy ran down but passed right through Mae. The hologram dissapeared and left Maxy alone. Maxy looked back as her friend Lulu rushed past her. Maxy stood in an empty hallway, her brother's hard metal booming through the wall.
*Yes, Li Syaoran from Cardcaptor Sakura. Execpt he's in my KH story.. hum, lost aren't we?