As of late, it seems as though all my friend (from school= Lets call her Mai for now... Not the real name might I add) could talk about is this guy she really likes. She lives just opposite his house and knows practically everything about him... She speaks to him (not so often as she used to... and only on the internet now) and she's practically so shy she would collapse at the sight of him. D: It all began with one simple conversation in my sociology class. My teacher went out of the class as usual, to print out loads of worksheets on the neo marxist view of religion... And then we initiated a conversation... She then said out of the blue, ''Can I ask you something [insert cherry's real name here]? I need help... Its to do with a boy...'' I then replied, slightly surprised, ''What'd this boy do to you?'' In which she responded, ''Nonono... I'm talking about I like.'' Raising my eyebrow, I begin to look slightly interested as I like to give out advice from time to time (If I knew what to do in a particular situation), and then replied curiously, ''So... Who is this guy?'' ''Well... First things first. He's called (lets call him Ben for now... Not the real name btw D: ) and he's got heart melting smile. He's so hot... But... I can't ask him out...'' She muttured, looking around the classroom to make sure nobody else was hearing. ''Um.. Don't mean to intrude.. But...Why?'' I said, looking rather confused at her. She then curtly replied, ''He only goes for girls who looks like complete tarts... and I'm not sure if he'll ever like me for who I am... He's also extremely popular and well... look at me. He also deleted my facebook comment, even though I wrote a compliment about him...'' ''There's nothing wrong with you Mai. Seriously. All you need to do is to go up to him, think of him as just some ordinary human guy, and communicate. And as for the facebook thingy... He might still be together with his girlfriend... even though she's openly biitching on about their relationship like she wants to give up and stuff... Ask him why he deleted it.. If he has no reason, then he's a complete and utter idiot.'' ''But he isn't! I know he isn't. He's sweet, handsome, funny...'' She replied excitingly, her eyes glimmering with happiness.. ''Buut... He likes tarty, desperate girls... Or so you say he does..'' I replied, looking at her in a sad yet puzzled way, ''Not to mention he's 2 years younger than us.'' ''Can you help me?'' [Will write more later... Gotta get home first.] [Goes on to some long elaborate talk about the guy... which somehow led me going to her house yesterday to arrange some plot on how to meet up with him and just talk to him. - Needless to say. We failed. We didn't even go out the front door. She laughed anxiously at the sight of him... and then collapsed. I've tried to give her as much advice as possible, but nothing's helped so far. You can't just barge into the front door and command the both of them to communicate with each other... D:] Please, I implore you... members of khv, I need as much help as I can get so I can aid her to becoming a more confident, bubbly person who will at least talk to him from time to time in r/l, if not dating him.
At this point, it looks like setting her up with a moment with him, without her knowing, is the only option. However, I question her taste in this guy: If he only goes for 'tart' girls, that should be considered a warning that his views could more of a danger to her, than anything else.
This is kind of just a hormonal crush thing and she's very emotional and needs to get a bit more grounded in things. To me.. if he only likes 'tart' girls, as said above, that's a warning sign that he's probably too young to want a decent girlfriend. Also, you mentioned he already has a girlfriend who may complain she wants to break up with him, but she's still going out with him. Crushes are things we all have to deal with and get used to and sometimes it's better to look and admire but leave it alone. If she really wants to ask the guy out, she is going to have to gear herself to do, but her reluctance is for a reason, other than just her insecurity. She may want to listen to her intuition, rather than catering to a crush. Some people look -really- good but you should not touch with a 10 foot pole. Having said that, maybe you should see if this girl he's going out with fits a 'tart' girl description and see how he does act, before going to help her more. The best advice I'd say is if she really wants to go out with him she's going to have to pony up and just ask him. I always tend to tell people not to write notes because sometimes a person will use them against the other person to hurt him/her and show it around. If he has a gf already, that's a worse situation. She may at least want to hold off asking until he and this girl have broken up. I'm not much help I guess on crushes as most of the time if they are not mutually felt, such as he's deleting her comments etc.. it usually ends up not being an equal relationship to begin with, if it happens. If she does by some chance, go to asking him, she should make sure before she says 'yes' to him that at least he broke up with the other girl so he's not just playing the field. Your description of how he is and how she is though, just sends bad vibes to me in which I would feel it better that she just hold off.
I think she should wait a while, and try to cool off. That kind of boyfriend seems like a not nice boyfriend.. Try to get to know a bit more about him, a guy who wants to lose his virginity just sounds weird...
Well this guys she likes doesn't seem like such a good person...Sounds like your average chav to me...And if he was being serious on facebook...Then maybe...Unless this friend of yours is willing to do that kind of thing for him...Even if they did get together...It sounds like she'd be dumped pretty quickly...As said in previous posts maybe she should wait a while and see how things roll. before making any major decisions
Well looking at it from a selfish, analytical view, you would be better off helping her hook up with him. This way she notices you going out on a limb to aid her in her quest, and your friendship will improve. As we've already decided, the guy looks like bad news. Once your friend has been with him for a bit, she may change her mind, crisis over, you are the friend who stood by her the whole time. Alternatively, she might get emotionally hurt. In that case, you will be there to help her get over it. Again, you are viewed as a good friend. Finally, he could be a good person, and the pairing could work out. You now have less attention from her, but it all worked out, so she is grateful for your aid. Let's look at the other actions you could take. You could tell her that you feel the entire endeavour is a bad idea and that you refuse to help her for her own good. You come off as a condescending person who refuses to help her friend get together with the guy of her dreams. Even if he would hurt her, she wouldn't know that, because you would stop them getting together. Thus you are now the bad guy of the piece. That's my advice for you. Now whether you follow it or not is your decision.
