My Family

My brother loves the fight,
he is out all night.

my sister crys in her sleep,
her pain is far to deap.

My Father never cared,
love he never spared.

grandmaw is deprest,
she has forgoten the rest.

My Mother trys to protect,
things we shouldn't expect.

near us a womon snears,
she bring us many tears.





will add more later

 

It needs more work, it's too simple and hollow, it doesn't show signs of care and heart, you didn't put enough soul into this.

 

ok...I'm not very good at poems

 

something personal needs more thought, not just whatever ryhmes.

 

it is talking about my family. it's not just ryhmes

 

yeah but it's not very well thought, it's just one little thing about them, something as important as your family, each person should have a whole stanza each.

 

hmm its good =] I like it. Its very nice, maybe just a bit more, I get what Vivi's saying. It needs a bit more emotions. and some of the spelling isn't right, but other than that its really good =]

 

I just kinda made it wehen I was upset last night