My Ex is coming over...

My ex girlfriend who lives two hours away and who broke up with me two weeks ago is driving down to my house now and will be arriving within the hour. WHAT DOES KHV PROPOSE IN SUCH A SITUATION?

 

Choose from the following:

"It wasn't you that broke up with me, it was me that broke up with you, bitch!"

"Whatever happened to, 'I love you'? Now we see how much your love is worth, bitch."

"The past two weeks haven't been that bad without you, bitch."

"Can we still be friends, bitch?"

"I want you to know I still love you, bitch."

 

"Fuck you"
*cue angry sex*

 

You need to get your SS uniform and clown makeup ready.

 

For a sec when I read SS, Sailor Moon passed through my head. Although I think anyone dressing in Sailor Moon outfits with clown make-up would scare any mortal man....and maybe even non-mortal

 

I have a plan. Get a toothbrush, sixteen Mandarin oranges, a caulking gun filled with wet cement, and three copies of Ender's Game, then meet me by the freeway underpass closest to your house before your ex arrives at your house. The bitch won't know what hit her.

 

I just kinda assumed this was posted in the Spam Zone... so yeah. What a good thing and relief I was right.

 

RUN Forrest RUN .... or go with Space Gandalf's plan...

 

This is what I was going for.

 

Get a leather jacket, a Tardis and offer to show her the entirety of time and space.

 

And then hope she gets trapped in a parallel universe. (lol)

 

If she's coming over to apologise then that's a bit weird but if she's coming over to just perhaps rub your face in the break up then that's just harsh. I would suggest mature conversations, and then put laxatives salt in her tea.

 

Aww, you're no fun, making the normal suggestion. Still, it's probably the way anyone would act if they weren't trying to be a jerk. Although you sure you can't find anything other than salt to put in tea? Tea is already gross as it is

 

I dislike tea also xD So you could just give her tea on its own. Or, if you see a nice bug somewhere like a spider then that'll do nicely >:3 although that may be cruel to the creature as you're going to drown it.

 

I think your English citizenship has been revoked, Enzy.

 

None of the advice in this thread is actual any good so I'm going to go with Jiku's plan. Better trim my mustache a bit before she gets here so I can get the true Hitler effect.

 

YES! I WIN. SUCK IT, BITCHMONKEYS.

 

This shall be my new taunt, if you don't mind.

 

I do fear saying it in public in case I'm ostracised by the other people around me ;-; Someone may end up turning me in...