English Teacher said we had to write a short story... worst thing she ever said >D anyawys, our word limit was 800 and i kinda went over by... 200 something O.O' and i was wondering if it's quality was worth it... now note, i know it ends abruptly but if i went too much further my english teacher would shoot meh T-T so... tell me what you think of it: ---------------------------------------- The Craft of Guns and Blades A shaded figure slowed, nearing a large door to which his target had disappeared into only moments before. Reaching for his weapon slot, he smiled grimly, feeling the comfortable weight of his deadly weapon resting across his back. He readied himself as he reached for the doorknob, a small light flickering in the dark of night… Cian yawned, rolling over in his sleep, the sun making his snowy white hair shine delicately. The light drizzle of noise seemed to finally find its way into his room, as his partner, Lucy, burst down his door, practically tackling him soon afterwards. Cian jumped in surprise, calming down as he saw the familiar face of his partner, her long brown hair falling into his eyes. “What are you doing?!?!†She demanded, jumping of off his bed. “How can you sleep at a time like this?†“A time like what?†Cian asked impatiently attempting to pull the blankets back over him, only to find Lucy ripping them out of his grasp again. Cian sighed, his annoyance making itself apparent, as the large crowd seemed to bare his way. He looked around impatiently for Lucy, only to find more rows of people baring his path. The wait finally getting to him, he ignorantly pushed through the crowd, collapsing suddenly as the crowd withdrew, a sudden flashing of swords shining in the sunlight. Cian stumbled to his feet hurriedly, realizing that the armed men were actually his craft masters shortly afterwards. The crowd oozed back to it previous positioning, pushing Cian to the front. Barely upright, Cian looked over at what the commotion had been about, seeing an apparently dormant figure, spread out across the deck of the ship Master Ureksa had arrived in the previous day. The crowd grew quite, as the figure now rose, rubbing his eyes impatiently and reaching for the large rectangular device on his back. Cian’s craft masters moved suddenly, as the figure threw a small silver object into the sky, grabbing it by its tip and swiping it through the air, the shape now extending into what looked to be a small sword. Swords ready the Craft-Masters leapt one by one at the man who moments ago had appeared so dormant, each one finding his or her death shortly afterwards as the man dispatched the craft-masters with ease. The crowd was now in hysterics, dashing in all directions as Cian was continuously knocked over and dragged across the ground, fear seeping into him as the crowd once again bared the way to the small and timid figure. Struggling to get up, he felt someone grab the back of his shirt and throw him behind a small group of boxes. His head banging, Cian looked around in surprise, a sigh of relief escaping his lips as he saw his father’s old friend, his sapphire-based sword shining. After a few hours of fear-based terror, Cian crawled his way out of his hiding place, hearing a clash of steel, and turning to see his father’s friend, Sakuro, locked in-combat with the man. A small crowd appeared to have returned, each looking on in-total awe, as the figure spun around, meeting Sakuro’s diamond sword with his own rectangular weapon, sparks seeming to explode as Sakuro fell backwards from the friction. The man had now shoved the northern half of the rectangle into the ground, typing rapidly on a small keyboard on the weapon’s side, the upright end of the rectangle opening up to reveal a large circular hole, with no apparent end. A small energy began to gather at its center as Sakuro leapt away, a large blast launching itself out of the tip of the rectangle, ripping straight through everything in its path and practically disintegrating the small crowd that had gathered. Cian turned to find Lucy running towards him, tackling Cian and then clinging to him, her hair blinding Cian as he collapsed to the ground again. She jumped in surprise as there was a sudden clash, the battle between Sakuro and the man continued. The fear in her eyes clear, she grabbed Cian’s arm and pulled him to his feet, stopping suddenly as several other figures charged towards the conflict, each with their own respective weapon drawn. Sakuro smiled to himself, his blade becoming a sudden flash as he cut lengthwise at the man, a blue outline tracing where his sword had been, causing the man to jump backwards. Sakuro pushed his glasses up, his sword ready, as Master Ureksa’s now visible form joined him, the tip of his spear shining emerald like the materials that had made it, in the sunlight. Cian’s eyes widened as the man spun the rectangular weapon around, bringing it to a halt in Sakuro’s and Ureksa’s direction, the northern end now pointing to them, as yet again he typed on the small keyboard. This time the tip opened to reveal several smaller holes; small explosives going off, as hundreds of small yellow bullets came showering out of it, each one exploding upon making impact. Lucy screamed as one flew towards them, Cian’s mind racing as life seemed to leave his grasp. A few moments of silence past, a man appearing out of nowhere and taking the explosion himself, and a small flame lighten on the deck of the boat. Cian grasped around for the hilt of his own blade, pulling it out triumphantly from its sheath. Silently stammering to his feet, he felt Lucy pulling him back. “Are you crazy?†She pleaded. “If you fight you’ll be killed!†Unfortunately, her plead seemed to have reached the ears of the mysterious man, as moments later a small blade flew in-between Lucy’s and Cian’s faces, making them both jump in surprise. A few moments later the fight re-started, with Ureksa now offering support for Sakuro. Though even with this support, the man was more than a match for the both of them, disarming Ureksa, and stabbing another one of his smaller swords through Sakuro’s hand. Paralyzed to the spot, Sakuro watched in horror as the cannon half of the rectangle slowly charged, turning in shock as he heard someone’s voice. “Now, now Heiro, no need to kill, calm down.†A shaded figure ordered, walking towards the man. “Or more simply put, let’s head back to our own time. Doing anymore here will only hurt where we’re from…†And with that the man turned and walked away, Heiro chasing after him, as he had before any of this started… --------------------------------------------------- i personally think it's good since this is litterally the first time i wasn't (as Destined puts) Free-Writing... i wonder if anyone will pick out which game i stole most of the character's from O.o
off-topic(le gasp): You love the name Heiro don't ya? I actually liked it.... didn't feel rushed at all near the end <3 Ahh but this sentece, "Though even with this support, the man was more than a match for the both of them, disarming Ureksa, and stabbing another one of his smaller swords through Sakuro’s hand." Feels like it needs a comma after "Though"...But that is MHO.... I don't see anything else either....
Yea! a none free-written story by DMaster. It's not bad dude, I like the descriptions and the sort, but sadly I can't place what the games from, I thought it was going to start out from Hellsing or something. lol.
hey someone BESIDES Demi finally picked up on it. Heiro, Cian and Dein, my three own personal characters , although they're highly overused ^-^' cool! huh... you know now that i think about it, i agree, thanks! sweet! and Destined... i now have greater respect for you dude... how do you do it? and the games called Summon Night: SwordCraft Story, for the GBA, litterally the best handheld game i have ever played.
Excellent! I liked it a lot in terms of story and refreshingly spot on grammar. Nah, the "though" is gramatically correct without a comma. Otherwise it'd be a comma splice.
