I'm making this without putting much thought into it so I'm sure I'll regret it later. Also, I know it seems like I'm asking a lot, but if you are going to read this please read the whole thing, there are important details throughout, and to fully understand why things are a problem, and why I am the way that I am, you would probably need to read the whole thing. Let me preface this by saying that I started going to a new school in 9th grade. I had gone to a private school with a very small student body (150 give or take) from kindergarten to 8th grade. I switched to a public school for high school because my old school only went up to 8th. The first year I was there I resolved to have a new group of friends and essentially start over, but that didn't happen. By 10th grade I started to realize how much these people disgusted me, and that I wanted nothing to do with them. I never said it or admitted it to myself, but by the end of the year I had made the decision that I wanted nothing to do with them, and when I graduated, I wouldn't think twice about them. In 11th grade I was exposed to a new group of people, due to the option of advanced classes now being available, and I discovered that there were actually people who I could tolerate, and some people who I liked very much. By the end of 11th grade I had been exposed to people who I liked, people who I wanted to be around, and people who I wouldn't mind knowing after I left high school. However, because of my quiet nature I still hadn't made friends, but rather friendly acquaintances who I, perhaps somewhat subconsciously, wanted to develop a relationship with. It's now 12th grade. It's been 9 weeks since school started, and it seems like I've made my first two friends. ( I have friends who I've know for a long time but don't go to the same school as me. ) If you knew me in real life you would know how I hardly talk to anyone. I don't know why this is, I just find it hard to talk to people who I'm not comfortable around or who I don't know personally. It's something that I've had a problem with all my life, and it has been the main contributing factor that makes it hard to open up to people, thereby making it hard to make friends. In the past 9 weeks I've really been able to open up to these people, I feel comfortable around them, and talking to them is not a problem. Talking to them is still not as easy as talking to say someone who I've known my whole life, but it's certainly not hard. I wouldn't say we are great friends, but we certainly are friends beyond the level of friendly acquaintanceship. The only reason I would say that we are not great friends is due to the fact that it's hard for me to open up because of my quietness, meaning that once I do finally open up it takes a while to fully open up, making the process of becoming good personal friends excruciatingly long. Though there are still 9 weeks left before we get all new classes, meaning that I probably wont see these people next semester, and I'm hoping that within these next 9 weeks I will be able to become good friends with them, and it seems as though I am close to being almost there, things have happened but I would need to write a whole lot more to tell those stories, and this is long enough already. The bulk of the problem comes now. One or two friends is fine. I can handle that, and even though that I said I didn't want to know these people after high school, one or two is not enough to have serious emotional ties to something that I overall don't like, but rather people who I would just miss after high school. There is some self-contradiction going on here. I don't want to know them, yet I do. This will play a big part in the reason I wrote this thread. The reason I wrote this thread is because of a subtle friendship that has been developing over the past week or so with me and this other person. She and I are in the same group of a class-wide project that has been taking place since school started and will continue on into next semester. Because we are in the same group there has been inevitable interaction that has somewhat forced me to be able to open up, and because she is the type of person that I wouldn't mind knowing regardless, it has, in a sense, spring-boarded my ability to open up with her. Our group has the task of calling local businesses and essentially organizing an event that will take place at the beginning of next year. We had to call people on Monday, and the original plan was to split the people to call between the two of us, but because she was nervous I volunteered to make all of the calls. Today we didn't really do anything except check up on some calls and get some more information. Though it may not seem like it, our group doesn't have a lot of work to do until the actual event comes, making days in that class very uneventful for the most part. Today all we did was check up on some calls, and that was it. When we did that the classroom went to the computer room, and we went to another room in order to check the calls, but since our group doesn't do a lot we took the long way around the school to avoid being in that small computer room for too long. When we returned she had to go to her car to get something for the teacher, so she asked me to walk with here and hold the door for her so she wouldn't get locked out. We took the long way around the school both times. A few weeks ago we had to meet with a teacher to discuss something for the event, once again we took the long way around the building. The reason I'm emphasizing this is because it allows for a ton of time for talking, which as I said is unavoidable and a good thing. I wouldn't call it a friendship since we don't talk about much personal stuff, however the fact that I'm able to talk with them so comfortably, is, for me at least, enough reason to say that this is something that could develop into a friendship. Today we talked for the first time about personal things, it was nice, it felt like a step towards gaining another friend. I'm sure in my head I'm romanticizing the entire situation, but considering there are so few people that I like, and even fewer that I feel I could open up to, this is significant in and of itself to me at least, and I hope that she feels like we could be friends. The problem is that I'm concerned it may be too little too late. My time at that school is almost done, and I'm wondering if I should even bother making friends with someone who in a few months I will never see again. I don't want a lot of friends, just a few close ones. So here are my problems - Self contradiction - I can't decide If I should give up what I said early on about wanting no ties, only to have it be replaced by sadness in few months when I never see these people again. I said that I wanted no ties to the school when I left, but now that I'm starting to make friends none of it makes sense, and I feel like it's something that is too complicated to deal with. It's like the whole unstoppable force/immovable object analogy. My desire to have no ties being the immovable object, and my will to continue developing friendships being the unstoppable force. Frankly, I'm not sure if I described this well enough to understand, but I sincerely hope I did because I think it is the most important factor to solving this problem. - Should I continue fighting this losing battle of gaining a few close friends only to lose them in a few months, or should I just live out the rest of high school as is, without making any serious attempt to solidify what small fragments of a friendship there are? This whole ting gives me a headache because I feel like I can't describe it well enough for anyone to understand, and I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle regardless, a very depressing sentiment. Well, that's it. Sorry for vomiting my emotions onto the forum. If you don't understand something please ask because I really, really, want help on this matter, and the friends that I've known for a while aren't able to help me with this problem.
I say go for it. Yeah, you'll be sad at the end of the year when you think you'll never see her again, but you never know. You could end up going to the same college, or work at the same place someday. You might also see her at reunions and such, so it really depends. You could also keep on being friends. It's mostly about how much effort you want - and how much they want - to put into the friendship. When my mom only speaks to one of the friends she had in high school. My aunt has kept most of her high school friends and visits and speaks to them on a regular basis. On a personal level for me, when I left grade six, I didn't go to the same junior high as any of my other friends. They went to the local junior high, I went to the city. For about a year, I called and visited and kept in contact with all of my old friends. After a while though, communication stopped. I could have kept calling them, or they could have called me, but I suppose neither of us was willing to put the effort into it. However, last June, at another friend's (let's call him Friend A, to prevent confusion) graduation, I saw two of my old friends (friends B and C). B had briefly gone to A's school and had some friends here he wanted to congratulate. C has been friends with B since forever, and had met C through hi,, and wanted to come too. So, yeah, you might never see your friends again. But you also might. You never know. It's probably better to be friends, so you can have happy memories of being together to reminisce of later in life rather than regrets of not being their friend. They could be your boss. You could end up as their boss. You could be coworkers. Hope I helped. Good luck with your friendship.
I have never found a more relatable OP I would say definitely go for it. Think of it this way: After school ends, you can CHOOSE who you want to see in your life. You're not forced to sit with/talk to/go to the same school as people you dislike, but why would you not see the people you do? I assume you have another year left of school, yes? Well, that is more than enough time to develop a perfectly good friendship with someone you already get along with really well. Now, you'll sit there and be like 'but I can't develop a friendship because I hardly talk' and let me tell you, I am exactly the same. I just finished 12th grade, and everyone in my group is making an effort for us to catch up in the future. I was exactly like you: I went to a new school in 9th Grade after being bullied by a small year group in 8th. The new school was alright, and I made a few friends, but it wasn't until 11th Grade where I actually became friends with the people I am friends with now. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely despise the majority of my year group. I didn't get along with them and I didn't force friendships with them. It was never going to work in the future, so why bother? My group of friends, on the other hand, are a group that I would stick with forever. After so many dramas over the past 2 years, we have all managed to stay friends (hell, my ex is now my best friend). Even still, tomorrow I'm going to a party where I get to interact with people from 8th grade. I haven't seen them in a few years and lord knows, maybe some unexpected friendships will arise. You never know. My point is that if you have people that you get along with, there is no reason why you shouldn't see them when school finishes. You can now choose who you see. As for this new friendship, why wouldn't you pursue it? You have a whole year to develop a friendship, and these things don't just stop when you leave school. You can choose to continue development when you leave school. The other thing: Don't let the fact that you're not very sociable, or that you hardly talk be a factor or a reason why you can't make friends. I'm known to only speak about 5 words a day at school, but I'm still finishing school with at least 10 good friends, and a lot more acquaintances that hold potential to become my good friends. The friends that you have now have responded to who you are, that's why they're your friends. Why give up on it? I hope that helped a little. If you need to talk, please don't hesitate to PM me. I'm happy to help! :)
thanks I graduate this year, which is part of the problem. I'm worried that that won't be long enough to develop a friendship solid enough to stay connected once the year ends, especially considering these people have tons of friends, I'm afraid I'll get lost among the people who mean more to them. Part of the problem is that these people mean more to me than I mean to them, since they are very sociable and have many friends, there is no way that as things are now I could mean as much to them as all of their other friends, and the only way for that to happen would be for me to become well enough friends with them, as the people that they are friends with now. Another problem is that they've known these people their whole lives. I've known of them for 4 years, and am just now starting to know them. On a positive note I noticed that one of these people applied to the same college that I want to go to, so there is a chance, regardless of how immeasurably small it is, that we could end up going to the same school. The problem is that the school I want to go to is not their first choice, so if they got into another school they probable wouldn't pick this one. Another positive thing that came out of this is that I began a conversation with them that allowed for more interaction, which is significant in that it furthers the situation. I'm really starting to feel comfortable around her (the other two guys are no problem whatsoever now) which means that talking won't be as much of a problem I hope. basically the problem boils down to not having enough time to solidify a friendship well enough to stay in touch after school, or one at all. People have told me for forever that I need to put myself out there and come out of my "shell." I still get annoyed when people say this, but I can't deny that they're right. I think I may finally understand it to the point where it doesn't seem as difficult as it previously did. All in all I just hope I can make something of this without falling on my face in the end.
Back when I was a kid I rarely had time to make friends. My parents were always moving from place to place, so every time I ended up making a few friends it would be pointless in the end. Eventually I stopped moving though and made one very good friend. In fact a best friend, and I still talk to him today. I don't see him much but we text and stay in touch. As for my other friends i've became distant from them, I still text them every now and then. It's not hard to stay in touch with today's social media. Cellphones, Facebook, Skype. If you have the chance to make a friend you should. Not trying would be the biggest regret of your life. You would always have that feeling in the back of your head saying, what if I tried. What if it worked out. Here's an old phrase to help sum up what i'm trying to say, "You can't make an omelette without cracking a few eggs." I can't guarantee that you'll stay in touch after high school. The final choice is up to you. Whichever choice you make I wish you the best and hope things work out in the end.
