Love problems. HUGE love problems.

I love someone, and he's literally the only guy I've ever had feelings for, and well, I thought he was out of my life for good, and then tonight he... Well he called me, just to hear my voice and say hello. Problem is, he knows I love him, and he's told me countless times that he doesn't feel the same way. God, just to hear him for the first time in months really meant something to me, and he said he misses me, but it's not the same as me.

He loves me, yes, but not in the way I love him. It's entirely different, and it breaks my heart, which is why I broke off all contact with him, even though he considered me his friend still, and then suddenly he tells me that he's liked me, always, and I don't know what to do, because he's told me this before just to mess with my feelings. He told me tonight that he really meant it this time, and it kills me because I never gave up my feelings for him, and dammit they're so strong that just literally I would do anything for him, and I know he's gone to great lengths for me as well. He was there for me through a rough break up, a suicide attempt, and when I got molested, and he's always been so good to me, except for two weeks when he was being a jerk and took advantage of my feelings.

So do I pretend those two weeks never happened? I just... Being taken advantage of hurt worse than the things he's helped me through. It hurt worse than anything, because I trusted him, and I never thought he would be one to hurt me, and then it happened, and he did, and he's apologized sincerely, but I'm not over it, but I still love him, and It's very confusing, because I shouldn't, but no matter how hard I try to get over him, or get rid of him, he's always there. He's a tumor that won't go away, a wart on the edge of my thumb that hurts every time I try to write. I just don't know what I should do. It's just, the times he's been good to me far outweigh the bad, and I'm so confused.

He's literally everything I've ever wanted in a guy. He's not the type to buy flowers or be all romantic and mushy, his idea of a date(we have gone out once, then both of us decided we were better off as friends. This was before I really fell for him) is buying me a lightsaber, then having a violent duel in his backyard, and being tackled by his dog. I loved that, it wasn't that stupid, stereotypical bull that everyone thinks should happen. We literally would have ninja fights in choir, where we would beat the crap out of each other until one person says stop. We got put in timeout at a choir Christmas party because we started a food fight and he tackled me into a table of presents. He even LOOKS how I want. Curly brown hair, a bit of a pudgy chin, a thin body, strong arms, and he likes Doctor Who, has great taste in music, likes Digimon... He's just everything I've ever wanted, just with male parts, and you don't get that often, and not only that, I feel a spiritual connection with him, and it's strong. I feel like I've known him before, or that I need to know him, that I've found someone that I need to be friends with, that I need to know, or maybe someone that I knew in a past life. Maybe not even him in particular, but maybe his spitit as a different person. After all of the drama we've been through, the makeouts, the tears, the pain, he's never hated me, and I've never hated him.

I know this is kind of a novel, but I'm so freakin' confused. I don't know whether I should break off all contact with him, and just try and deal with the pain of losing him, or deal with the pain of getting my heart broken by him a third time.

 

Ah, love... Its not just something that comes and goes. If you get it, then take James May's advice which I've forgotten most of, don't trust books, documentaries, friends, the guy(or girl)'s friends, or anything else. When it comes to love, you've got to trust yourself, give him another chance. If he's teasing you again, then stick with your original plan... if not, then good for you, you've got someone, and so you can go on loving... just don't do 'it' before marriage for safety reasons(safety meaning several things).

 

This is a rather tough one.

This is a lot of repeating what you have said, but with a minor twist.

Does he deserve another chance? Personally, I might've gone back to someone who had hurt me twice, because I'm stupid when it comes to love. The question is, do you really love him enough to be hurt again, or do you want to end the repeated hurting? (Leaving him will hurt, a lot. But will it be better for you?)

Keep in mind, even though you'll receive suggestions on this, it is up to you to figure out the battle between your heart your brain.

Of course, though, it doesn't hurt asking for help. But keep in mind that we don't know how you really feel, as feelings differ from individual to individual.

Fact is; if he's hurt you before, it's very likely he will again.
Fact is; if you love him, you love him, not more to it.

You have to wager it - Which hurts the least? Giving him up, or Being hurt?
You don't know for a fact that he will hurt you.
You know for a fact that it will hurt if he hurts you (duh)

 

I guess what confuses me, is that this is the only male I've ever been attracted to as well, so that's weird, on top of all the previously stated things.

But so far what's hurt the most has always been giving him up. Every time he's disrespectful to me, it hurts, but not nearly as much as the times that I've cut off all contact, and I hate losing people. Especially knowing that I chose to lose them, and even more so, the fact that he's been such a huge part of my life, and I'm such a tomboy, and he has liked me in the past, and not many guys have ever found me attractive, but he sees me differently than most, and just, ugh it's so frustrating, because I'm fighting with the "I don't need someone else to be happy" mentality, but it would make me happier to have someone, and it's not like I'm relying on him for happiness in any way.

It's just this huge internal conflict that I'm dealing with, also with the fact that he's younger than me. By alot, and I shouldn't be attracted to a sixteen-year-old when I'm almost 18 here. Wow that sounded vain, didn't mean that how it sounded, I meant that I could legitimately get in trouble for the age difference, and it's so complicated in my head. I really should make it into a simple: Do I love him or not? But I can't, it's not that easy, and I over-contemplate things.

The Aries in me says go for it, taking chances can't hurt anyone, but the Cancer moon sign of mine says to step back and think of the consequences.

 

If he's that young, I would definitely give it up. I'm 20 now, and looking back at what I thought around that age... well, I don't take pride in it.

I must ask; was he your first love? It matters, trust me.

Also, you make take offense to this, but it's important to know. Don't make decisions based on the fact that you're an Aries or your moon sign. They shouldn't impact your decision, as they are generalized and not specialized to you. Of course, you may agree with this, but it's merely an opinion of mine.

 

Well you're probably right about that. Not to mention that I keep telling myself it's not worth it. I think you're right.

Not my first love no, but just my strongest.

And I know, it's just funny, because they match my personality to a t. So I kind of step back and think of the personality traits that they remind me I have, and Aries reminds me that I make alot of rash decisions, while Cancer helps me to remember that alot of my thoughts are based off of emotion.

Which is another thing, because(and this is a legitimate issue I have) of the amount of emotion-based decisions I make, it's difficult for me to make the right choice in such matters, simply because when I feel so strongly about something, it's hard for me to break away from it, even though I know it's what may be best for me. Sorry if it seems I'm just arguing with everything you say, my mind is just a cluttered mess on this subject, and it can't help that I have anxiety problems as well.

 

Alright, it's the first love that is usually the one that's the hardest to get over, so that makes it a bit easier.
And regardless if it matches you perfectly,, there is still room for error, no? I'm not questioning your thoughts on that, I'm just making you aware that just because it matches you in many cases, doesn't mean it is a source you should seek answers from every single time, if you know what I mean?

I used to have the issue of acting only on my emotions as well, a trait I've taught myself to control. I know that emotional-based decisions are easier to justify to yourself, as you are simply acting "how your hearts want you to," but you mustn't forget that regardless of what you feel, you have to force yourself to do something unpleasant. Just force yourself to make a decision, it's what is needed in this case, I believe.

Also, I don't think you're arguing everything I say, you're simply questioning it. Also, I'm currently suffering from Generalized Anxiety Disorder myself, so I know that it may add to the stressfulness of it all.

 

Oh yeah absolutely. No I don't base my important decisions off of that mumbo-jumbo in any way shape or form, hee. That would be a bit silly. I dunno, I've always thought that stuff to be more just for fun, but sometimes it's all creepily accurate.

Yeah, I think I'm going to just do what I did before and get rid of him entirely. It's probably for the best, at least until I can get over the feelings I've had for him for about... a year now I think? I dunno, something like that, ha, and it can't help that I never even try to stop thinking about him once I let him back in my life. So I'll probably do what my brain is telling me to do and just cut off contact.

Thank you for all of the help. It's been really rad

 

Last tip, don't set a time to go back to him again, even as a friend. It doesn't take much to fall in love again. The spark doesn't usually go away. Just think that you want him out, and that's that.

And of course, that's why I enjoy lingering in the Help With Life section :)

 

Your age is going to be off by 1 year, and that's giving you trouble on wether you should choose him or not? Man I hate it when people worry about the age freaking difference.




Not all people are perfect. They may do things you don't like, like being disrespectful towards you, or w/e. We all have our ups and downs, but come on. Doesn't that just give you and he a chance to work things out and grow closer together? It's not like you'll just meet up with him and everything will be perfect.

I'd give him a second chance and see how it turns out. You never know.




Sorry if this reply sucks. I didn't finish a lot of your posts.

 

Off by two, and it could cause problems because I'm about to be 18 and he just turned 16, I could get in trouble, and I've already gotten into alot of trouble with him. Two years is alot, to me that doesn't matter, but state law would call it rape if I did anything more than hold hands with him until he's 17 where I'm from. There are alot of other problems according to age.

And I've been talking to him, just trying to have a clean slate and have normal conversations, and it's been going okay. It's just that in the past he's done things to purposefully hurt me, and he's never done it to me again, but it hurt, but hopefully things can come out better this time.

Believe me, age doesn't matter to me in terms of what he looks like, or how I feel it would reflect off of me, I just have gotten in trouble so many times with my parents for things of that sort that I'm really cautious now.

I know, this has been going on for over a year now, and every time I talk to him again, I just fall for him all over. It sucks that he's the only guy that's ever been perfect, I really can't help my feelings.