Long-Distance Relationships

Nah I'm what they call socially inept and paranoid. Oh yeah I'm a shy person too I don't talk so people ignore me. Not that I blame others it's obviously me. But thanks for the advice and possible pity.

 

Gah, you beat me to it. xD Anyways, I have a girIfriend at my school that I have been dating for 7 months now and I have no regrets. I approve of long distance though, but just be careful with who you talk to. =\

 

I'm in one now...read my sig. Anyways, this is the first relationship I've EVER been in..so I wouldn't know if they work or not. Gawd I hope so....

 

Congrats:D

Ive never been in a long distance one, but Id love to-just to see what its like! Hah, no one on here knows me though, so doubt Ill get the chance to know anytime soon. Thatsok, I guess im kinda busy anyhow xD

Real relationships are tough 0_0

 

Well, when you join, you just seem to fall into a group of people, ya know? That's how I made all the friends I'm with. And that's also how I got with burnitup..we just liked eachother after a while. I'm sure you can be with someone soon! Good Luck!!

 

No I haven't been in one before.

... as for the rest. Frankly I think it entirely depends on the people in the relationship.

As for the five girlfriends you've never even met before... I think they shouldn't have been your girlfriends. Of course not because of you, on no ends of the earth is it you; but it is the fact that... you've never seen them before. I'm just saying... for all you know... those girlfriends could've not have been girls...

 

Are you in one? yes, with thelightisgone123
Have you been in one? well close to. My first 2 boyfriends moved to different schools and we kinda lost connection.
What do you think about them?To make a long distance relationship to work, you need 2 people to do it. I know someone who has done that and it's been great for them
Do they work out?sometimes they do sometimes they don't
Do they just end in hurt? No not to me because i know we will always be friends ^^

 

Yes, I'm in one, for a little over 2 years now.

They can work if people have their priorities in the right place.

They can work out if both individuals are dedicated to making it work.

All relationships can end in hurt, regardless if they're in person or online.

To me, some of the principles that help make long-distance relationships work is firstly, one needs to accept that it's not all that important to be within an arm's reach for a relationship to be genuine or be meaningful. Of course, the intention of getting to that point is what should be aimed for, but patiently waiting for that day helps if both individuals overcome the insecurity of not being able to hold or embrace their loved one. Seeing as how I've been dating a girl for two years and I've yet to know what it's like to hug her shows this isn't impossible. Just knowing we both want it to work can sometimes be enough.

Secondly, because that other person isn't around to have fun with--other than chats online, or emails, etc--lots of people tend to become overly obsessive with having their loved one's attention when they get a chance to talk over the phone, over the computer, etc. It's important to have a life of your own while dating someone long-distance because trying to formulate your life around someone who just can't be with you currently is a recipe for a deteriorative lifestyle.

There are tough times when you want to just complain about irrational things like "Why couldn't I have been born over there?" or "Why are plane tickets so expensive?", and while these can be taken into good fun, it's important to not get buckled down in these negative thoughts. Just understand that long-distance relationships may require a lot more perseverance than an in-person one, the maturity to be patient, and the independence to willfully deal with one's own problems when they occur--as during the period of long-distance, you will be forced to be the source of your own happiness 99% of the time. There are no hugs of consolation, nor a person to cuddle with when times get rough, nor a person to wake up to in the morning or have breakfast with. Those may come much later (as for me, this is two years and still going), but for now there is only so much that can be done.

/endrant

 

I'm applying this to real relationships over the net.

If you mean boyfriend and girlfriend then no...I've never been in one. And I don't think I can ever get one.

I think that they can only work if you have at least some pictures to send each other or vids. It's a lot easier to talk when you can hear their voice sometimes.

 

I don't really see the point in internet/long distance relationships. If you don't have "hugs of consolation, a person to cuddle with when times get rough, a person to wake up to in the morning or have breakfast with" [shamelessly copied/pasted xP] then what do you have? Someone who you enjoy instant messaging with? :/


I believe that for older people in long-distance relationships, who are able to pay for visits and such, it can work out ...because then there is at least some contact. Like, my friend is currently in a relationship with a boy who lives QUITE far away, but they visit each other somewhat regularly.

 

Like I said, thats not all there is to a relationship.

 

I agree with you, Shadow.
The important thing to relations is not the intimacy...it's what you share and how you feel about them. :3
At least for me, it is.

 

I agree with what a lot of you are saying, even though I haven't been in a long distance or online relationship. It seems to me that if you care about someone you'll find a way to communicate as if you saw each other everyday.
I do think that a long distance relationship is similar to a normal relationship, only that you can't hug that person or other things you might do in a relationship.

 

ive never been in a long distant relationship, nor do I think I want to be in one, I can be a friend, but never in a long distant relationship. And I dont think just talking to someone from msn or pm makes a relationship, I think a relationship means to see each other every day, not on a forum or webcam, real relationships have real kisses and loving hugs, not smileys or images, and quite frankly, I think the people you think you know, turn out to be something way diffrent in real life. Im surprised that the girls in long distant relationships havent thought of this as creepy...I am sorry if I have offended you, but im just speaking mind, and sorry if this is spam.:p

 

They can be painful at points, even though it's only internet...but it still picks at you that you can't meet them for a while.

 

The enjoyment of their company? Their thoughts? Their concerns? Their presence? While this all assumes neither person is *lying* to the other--which actually can easily happen in both in-person relationships, not just online--at least one can say that the attraction wasn't initially because of physical appearance. And that in itself is something I feel most people these days do, and that's quite shallow.

Maybe you missed my point, Mish. I stated in my first paragraph:

A person who *only* wants an online relationship, that I won't understand. I can see that happening if they don't plan to make it into their future. But if they wish to plan a life together with the said individual, it's important to eventually meet and start a life together. Going back, it's the intention of eventually being together that's important--however, surviving the online relationship beforehand is what's tough.

I've been dating my girlfriend since I was in high school. There's no possibility of us being together until she's finished nursing school and I've gotten at least my Bachelor's in Psychology and have a place of my own. We both have to bear with the distance until we get our lives put together.

But reiterating my defense, an online relationship *does* have more than just the enjoyment of 'instant messaging each other'. For one, you have the initial appreciation of who they are instead of how they look like, and their thoughts and concerns about your well-being and their desire to want to be with you. That, for me, is enough. For now.

 

I used to be in one, and I really had mixed feelings about it.

On the one hand, I really felt like I knew the person's soul rather than their looks, which I think really counts in the end. After all, isn't that what really makes the relationship work in the end? On the other hand, though, it really hurt when he felt emotionally detatched, and I would often feel helpless, alone, and somewhat worthless when he wasn't around or didn't want to talk to me.

Unfortnately, most of them do seem to end with hard feelings. (One of my friends met his sweetheart and intended to marry her...until she lost interest. He hasn't been the same since, and it's been two years now.) They're wonderful when they do exist though, which is great...

One of the big, major things I noticed was that you're less likely to have stupid, petty fights...but words sometimes have stronger implications when you get around to thinking about them. People really can get hurt, and easily, so you have to watch what you say while in a relationship like that....

 

Online relationships are filled with higher risks of miscommunication. Intonation and 'how they're said' in person greatly affects the reaction you give or get. But when they're written in words--which don't give us these important cues--people are easy to take offense or misinterpret the meaning behind it, and that can really get in the way.

Also, since our lives are still mostly governed by things off the computer, and that things we don't expect happen on the other end of the computer that we don't see, things like "late responses", or the other person "going offline and not saying good night", or the other person seeming to "not write a lot/seem to care"--these can tempt people to make their own assumptions about what it all really means.

You have to really know the person and be a little more gracious in what you receive from the other end of the conversation to really get through some of those situations.

 

i'd say they work sometimes.It has been working for me so far.I been with this girl for 5 months now,and were still together.She had some problems with life that i helped her deal with without physicly hugging her or kissing her.But she and i both love eachother.so LD relationships work out great if you love one another.

 

Exactly ^ (I'm pleased for you btw),


LD distance relationships can work, true there is as ロクサス problems because of possible miscommunication etc etc, but any relationship can be difficult ,and I think I'm not the only one when I say that I've had realationships that aren't long distance that have been affected by miscommmunication :p

I think as long as there is understanding and communication between both people then there is every chance it could work! And Well!


As to online relationships (as this keeps cropping up in this thread) I think that they can work too! I just think that sometimes people can be a bit naive, as long as people are careful then I don't see why they can't work.