((For the record, ive got pretty good distancy between myself and the normalcy of society, so dont be surprised if this sounds like "wat?")) This thread could prove more like a debate, but Im really hoping for someone to prove me wrong on something because its giving me issues. If its more fit for the debate corner though, then by all means My besty likes to party. Drinking on the occasion, body shots, sex. She tells me that as long as there's control to it, it isn't a bad thing. I've got issues with it though. I hate alcohol because of the fact that it can effect your way of thinking in general which lowers your judgement and how your body tries to reject it (puking during a hangover). As for the sex, I just feel like its wrong to get pleasure off of another person, I even have issues with just making out with strangers. I feel like it's wrong that people who don't have some form of connection can just get off of each other because all it really is is a craving for that pleasure. She does it to get her mind off of things, which I find weak instead of facing them :/ She's been like this ever since her ex destroyed her trust, and i just feel like she's losing herself with this stuff. I mean, I won't lie, I'm a big time stiff with a lot of things and my entire life has been keeping some order. Last night though I cut loose for a bit after awhile and did some dancing and partied a little and cut back a bit, and so it has left me in confusion. So, what I'm hoping for is either support on my thoughts, or come backs to prove me wrong. But its been driving me up a wall, and I really just can't take her word on her oppinions right now, so I'm hoping to get them from the masses.
I agree with you. Usually casual sex with strangers and alcoholism is associated with psychological problems, but usually it's an attempt to find love and happiness. This world is horrible and to be honest we should do whatever we can to make ourselves and those around us happy (as long as it doesn't come at the expense of others). I personally would never go out and do that sort of thing every night but when I'm a bit older I'd love to go out partying some nights, not exactly having sex with random strangers but just having fun. Some people enjoy putting their bodies to the limits and sometimes it's okay but if it's done frequently then help is probably needed.
If i'm purely honest with what i'm thinking, which is what I guess you want from us posting here, I believe that you both have your own ways of coping with the world. Your friend is using sex and partying to distract herself from facing her real issues and problems, her inability to trust anyone likely means that she has thrown precaution away and attempts to find connection with people by socialising and sleeping with them. You on the other hand may have trust issues, an unwillingness to form bonds with others because you fear that people may reject you or that the connection will be broken. It may also explain why you distance yourself from those social situation, and what comes with it. In the end what you're friends doing is a spiral of emotional instability and being unableto find her place in life. To be honest, that's most of the teenage years. And it's not an easy thing to just break out of. Really this whole experience could be seen as a learning curve for her. She's not likely to stay this way more then a year or two, she needs to discover that the partying and the disconnection to sex isn't going to satisfy her life forever. She'll want to form important bonds with others and nurture them into something close. I recommend that if you really care about her you'll try to form a greater bond with her, deeper then now. Open up to her about it at some point, say that you don't like how she is running away from her problems. But you need to get into her lifstyle more to connect with her better. Go to a party or two, show her that you're trying to get closer to her by putting yourself in her shoes, try and have a sociable time. But be yourself about it, don't get forced to have alcohol, or make out with others that you don't want to. To be honest i'd need to know her better to make a better judgement, but my overall judgement is that if you really want to change her, try to be more like her. That way you'll form a greater connection and through that you'll be able to help her open up about what she is trying to hide about herself. Or you could let the partying cycle take its course and see where it takes her. Maybe she'll grow out of it, then again some people just keep doing it for years till they realise. Just do your best.
If you don't mind me asking, how old are you and your friend? I'm not entirely sure if this is acceptable for Pg-13, so I put it under spoiler tags just in case (nothing too graphic, though) Spoiler I personally have nothing against the partying 'life-style', as long as it doesn't get too out of control (e.g. always use protection during sex, don't drive if you've been drinking, etc.), even though it definitely isn't for me. Sure, I've gone out drinking with friends, but I rarely get more than a little tipsy, and only dance with people I know. Kinda like you, I have some trust issues, and I absolutely cannot get intimate with someone I barely know, and I greatly dislike hangovers (plus I rarely have enough money to get properly wasted anyways >.<). Sex and intimacy is such an individual thing for people, some people enjoy casual sex, others need a deeper connection with their potential partner. Nothing wrong with either point of view in my opinion. I can only control myself, and I don't feel like it's my place to judge others who wish to party harder than I do. As long as your friend isn't hurting herself this way and it isn't disrupting her life, I see no problem with her using partying as a way to wind down.
None of this stuff is bad if it is done by someone who is in the right frame of mind, not someone who has been betrayed and chooses to forget themselves so that they don't feel worthless. Personally that's the kind of life everyone should be living but at the same time, you don't drown yourself in it. for example, during my grads three weeks ago, i flirted(well did the best i could) with the girls and i drank three and a half pints after which i had 7 shots in succession. Now i could handle all of that and still stay true to myself and my friends, and that is essential at the end of the night(technically morning). She isn't in the right mind to do this and you need to make that known to her, you need to be cruel to be kind. Tell her that she is only doing this for the sake of the thrill of forgetting that worthless person she thinks she is.
I'm only answering certain quotes because I figure that it should also be able to comment back to all the other posts as well (just saying. dont wanna seem like im looking over anyones comments. They're all a lot more helpful then I expected). This comment I feel like it probably had the best advise on how I should handle the situation. I never really thought about getting involved, but only because she knows that I've got some pretty big problems concerning alcohol, so I try to avoid. Its a mix between trust issues and not liking people in general. I kind of have a distaste for the normalcy of society, so I usually end up keeping my distance from it. I tend to look down on them by now. But eh, who knows. Maybe ill be more leniant with em. But even as it stands, I'm the person that she trusts the most, so if what you're saying works, then I'm probably the best person to do it to begin with. So I give my thanks for the suggestion, it'll be something that i'll be attempting. As for this, I think that I quote this one because it'll answer a lot of people since I should have stated this earlier. But I've already confronted her on it. Quite frankly, she knows that. She wants to lose herself in that moment and thinks pretty lowly of herself. She's stubborn as hell and I can assure you, is not going to change until she A. Feels safe or B. gets afraid of what she's doing.
