Leshayas Story

okay, well this is my very first fanfic so i would like to hear some feed back, anything i didn't do so well or anything i did wrong, i also what to know what i did that was good and made the story interesting.


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Sun crept in from the window, onto Leshayas face “not yet” she murmured to herself as she rolled over “Ouch!” she whispered to herself, realizing she must have roller off the bed, how many times has this happened now? She thought to herself, but she didn’t have enough time to figure that out.
“LESHAYA! SORA! BREAKFAST IS READY!” her mom called up the stairs
Leshaya sighed, got up and went down the stairs.


When she got to the kitchen, she found grilled cheese sandwiches waiting for her, and her mom drinking green tea.
“Hi mom” she said as she took a seat and started munching on her favorite breakfast food.
“Good morning Leshaya” her mom replied, “where is your brother?”
Leshaya sighed, her brother Sora was always sleeping in, it was a bad habit of his. “I’ll go get him I suppose,” she said putting down her grilled cheese sandwich and getting out of her seat.
“Oh I almost forgot, there was a package today addressed to you” Said her mom, “after getting Sora and finishing your breakfast you should go get it, I left it on the table by the front door”
“Really a package for me?” asked Leshaya curiously “I wonder what it is” she though out loud, before racing up the stairs to wake her brother.

“Sora…SORA…SORA!!!” yelled Leshaya knocking on her brothers door. After waiting a few seconds she heard shuffling and a mumble, something about it being too early to wake up her brother came to the door
“What is it sis” he said still tired.
“Mom wants you to come down for breakfast” she said “now hurry up or you’ll have to do the dishes” she said then turned and ran off to finish her sandwich.

“Hey mom, Sora’s coming down” She said after taking her seat again and munching on her sandwich. Once she finished her breakfast, she rinsed off her plate and rushed off to get her package. Sitting on the carpet in the living room, she tore off the wrapping and opened the box to find a pressed blue rose, a butterfly hairpin and, a pendant with an odd marking on it. After examining the three items, she looked at the box again and found it had no return address. Weird. She though to herself, but then dismissed the fact and looked outside. Seems like a nice day out. she thought, the decided it was to nice a day out to spend any longer inside so she went upstairs to her room.

She got dressed into her favorite outfit, a pink shirt with a blue flower on it, jeans that go to her knees and have pink flowers embroidered on them, and blue and pink sandals. She thought for a moment and decided that the pendant she had received was pretty, same with the hairpin, so she clipped her hair in place with the hairpin and put the pendant on. After making sure she looked nice she went down the stairs “ Bye mom, bye Sora” she called as he went out the door. ____________________________________________


so what did you all think, was it good? and should i keep writing?


here is a quick picture i drew of Leshaya, i know its not that good, i'll draw another one thats better when i feel like it

http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t115/randomspazzu/Leshaya.jpg

 

I think u should def keep on writin good story i liked it :) keep up da good work

 

thanks *already has chapter 2* i'll go get it and put it here *runs offto get it*

 

ok lolz ill read it 2 :)

u do have a little errors though but i figured it out n understood it XD

 

alright chapter 2 is out :D

Once outside she took in a deep breath. I love the morning air it’s so crisp and fresh. She thought to herself as she looked around but stopped when she saw a small figure where her brother Sora and his friends normally sit. I wonder who that is. She asked herself, and then partly because she wondered who it was, partly because she had nothing better to do this early, she walked off to find out who this person was.

When she arriver she found it was Kairi, one of her brothers friends. Although her brother and his friends where older, she got along well with Kairi, so she decided to go say hi.

“Who’s there?” called Kairi, who heard Leshaya coming up.
“Just me Leshaya” said Leshaya
“Oh…” said Kairi distantly, like she was in a far off memory, “hi Leshaya”
“You don’t mind if I sit here do you?” questioned Leshaya “….Kairi?” said Leshaya “Kairi?” she said again.
“Oh! Sorry Leshaya” Kairi said after snapping out of her trance “no I don’t mind”
“Are you sure? I don’t want to disturb you,” Asked Leshaya.
“Oh it’s fine, I was just remembering something,” answered Kairi as a tear rolled down her face
“You’re crying though, do you want to talk about it?” questioned Leshaya as she jumped up to take a seat by Kairi.
“Nah, I’m fine,” said Kairi cheerfully as she wiped the tear away “what about you, how are you this morning?”
“I’m-” but someone calling out cut off Leshaya before she could answer.

“Hey Kairi!” called Riku, running up to greet her “now who’s this little pipsqueak? Oh right, you’re Sora’s little sister”
“I have a name you know!” said Leshaya a little mad that he had called her pipsqueak. Riku, although another one of Sora’s friends, she did not get along with at all.
“Well anyway pipsqueak, I have something private to talk to Kairi about, so run along”
“You’re so mean!” she said sticking out her tongue and running off. However, her intentions were not to go find something else to do, they where to find a spot to spy on the two that where left in the tree.



i know, the chapters are a little short but i'll try to get them out fast

 

ur doin great im startin to lov this :) good job in ur writing keep goin this is goin to be interesting :)

 

thanks :D i'm writing down the next chapter right now (i write it out then type it, oddly, it seem easyer to me than just typing it out)

 

yea thts wat ill do but i dunt write stories bad at writing XD

 

that what i thought when i was thinking up the first chapter >.< but i get an idea...or alot, and i place them togethert in my head till i have a story... then i just write it out, if i don't like some parts normaly i figure out a better way to put it while i'm typing it on the computer :)

 

OOO good idea :) cant w8 till ur other stories

 

:D i'm glad you like it so far :D

edit: ok i'm about 1/2 done writing chapter 3 :p oh mu gosh i'm starting tyo get excited about my own story, lol its geting really interesting

 

Great great im w8in :)

 

2/3 done the writing part now what will happen? i'm not even sure what one of the two options i shall use :D i'm glad i started this story

 

heh lolz ur ganna leave me in suspince ?? ooooo im gettin excited bout this story :)

 

maybe *evil smile* lol, but i think the suspence is getting to me to :p *runs off to type out chapter 3*

 

Heheh lolz :) yea the suspence makes me soooo ecited :D

 

Heh. Thats what i do for mine. And then when you type it, you sometimes thing of better words or sayings.

Anyways..... Its a good story. It could do with some more descriptors, and you might want to put in a little more emotion from all charactors.

Other than that, good job. Ill read the next chapter when it comes out.

Heh. Im posting on other peoples stories when i should be writting out my own.:D

 

thanks, and i'll remember that :) thaks for the tips

 

very good kikame I love it!

 

ok everyone chapter 3 is out :p this fanfic is even geting me excited


Seeing a spot in the bushes Leshaya quietly snuck up to spy on Riku and Kairi who where still by the tree. Darn, I can’t hear them from here. She thought to herself while watching them closely. It seemed like whatever Riku was saying Kairi didn’t agree to. I’ll have to get closer to hear them she thought, worried she may get caught. As she snuck closer, she watched as Riku jumped up to take a seat by Kairi. They where still talking and Kairi seemed to still not agree with Riku.

Still can’t hear them. Leshaya though, hoping she wouldn’t have to get much closer. She could already tell her heart was beating faster as she moved closer Riku was moving closer to Kairi and Leshaya could tell Kairi didn’t like that much., Kairi said something and Riku looked hurt. Just a little closer, I can almost hear them she told herself, its was a tight squeeze but she kept crawling forward. She knew it was wrong to spy, but something in her told her she should stick around.

Her heart was beating quite fast now. She looked up again, now Riku was right by Kairis side, Riku was now disagreeing with what Kairi said, she looked at him funny, like she didn’t quite get why he was disagreeing with her. Riku was hugging Kairi now that was the last straw; she squirmed out of his hug and jumped down off her seat. with a look of hurt and anger on her face she put her hands on her hips and said loud enough for even Leshaya to hear, “Riku how could you!” a tear rolled down her face, Riku who was still just talking said something but Kairi wouldn’t listen she shook her head, and was about to dash off.

Oh no, if she leaves then she could see me, then I would be in huge trouble. Leshaya though to herself. She tried to move to a better hiding spot but she found her light purple hair was entangled in the bushes, she couldn’t move! Before Kairi dashed off Riku grabbed her arm, stopping her from running off.

As Leshaya franticly tried to untangle her hair, she looked over and saw Kairi and Riku arguing. Good she though, that will give me some time. Her heart was beating extremely fast now, since the bushes where so close together it was hard for Leshaya to move around to get her hair untangle

She looked over again Kairi pulled her arm away from Riku, tears still in her eyes she ran off. Oh no, not now! Leshaya screamed in her head, still tangled in the mess of bushes she would be seen if Kairi looked her way