thats like the end of the first book Why do these things always happen? He felt heart drop as the trees began to thin and a giant crater was made visible in the clearing. His mind raced with thoughts and emotions that he knew would only bring him more sorrow. How can one man kill so many? No, Arntgiedon isn't a man he's a monster who kills anyone I love. But he doesn't kill just my loved ones, Entron was my enemy I... I thought I we hated eachother. Mintro droped into the crater tears burning his eyes. Entron was flat on the ground at the center of the crater his chest barely moving, he tilted his head to see mintro approaching through the rubble. "why did you come?" he gasped pain clear in his voice. "I... its not fair you shoudn't have to, I'm not gonna let you die! Not yet, it wasn't your battle. He should have hit me then you..." Mintros voice broke as it dawned apon him what had really happened. Arntgiedon was about to kill him after killing his whole family when Entron lept from the trees and took the blow leaving him hurtilling through the trees to a certain and unfair death. "I saved you...my enemy... but why? I hated you we..hated each other." he growned as he looked up into Mintros face, "Lift me up I wan't to see the forest again." Mintro gazed into his cold gray eyes and gently lifted him into his arms and carried him from the crater. "I'm sorry" Mintro finally said as he held Entron in his arms, "I'm sorry we hated eachother, that you have to suffer like this, it's just, not fair." A breeze carried the sent of lilacs to them from a distant feild. "Mintro," he said finally after inhaling the sweet breeze, "I dont hate you" and at these final words his body fell limp in Mintro's arms and his eyes became pale and lifeless. A single tear fell from Mintros eye onto Entrons cheek as he carried him through the trees to the field of flowers he used to visit so often for comfort, He gently lowered him to the ground then silently dug his enemys grave. Tell me if you liked it if you did i'll post some more
You've got the makings of a great story here, but you need to fine tune it a bit. Punctuation, proper spelling, capitalization, etc. I can see some spots that need a comma, and names should always be in capitals. (Proper nouns and such) but other than that, it's pretty good. Although, it would be nice to know a little backstory for the characters.
yeah sorry bout the grammer im terrible about that and as for the back story thing thist is like it says just the like end of the first book so i have the rest but this is all i was ready to release to the public
Writing Critique... Wow. Where do I begin? First off, make sure you capitalize names and sentences. Second, double space between paragraphs. The way it looks makes it kinda blocky, unattractive and hard to read. Thirdly, Spell Check. There's numerous spell check programs such as that "Spell Check" button in the reply window (the blue checkmark with the "ABC" over it). Next, did you make sure to proofread your work? Try re-reading it and see if it makes sense to you. Also, don't title a piece with the words "I was just bored, so I decided to make this up." It tells the reader that you didn't care to put much effort into the piece and that you could've done better but you were too lazy to do it. And finally, watch your grammar and punctuation. The reader can notice little details like that and makes the piece harder to read. Other than that, it's okay. I'm having a hard time following what the main plot and storyline are, but after revising it, I'm sure it'll turn out pretty spectacular. ;)
lol me good at punctuation thats hilaious! thanks but i wouldnt call it wonderfull just good at the most
Sweetness! Everybody already told you what you needed to do to improve it.... sooooooo.... This is a fantastic start of an awesome story! Are you planning to write more? *puppy eyes*
Well its actualy the end of the first book so i have more written only the rest isnt finished ive only finished this and up to page fifty
