Kingdom Hearts Happenings- Down with the Sickness

Discussion in 'Archives' started by SlippingStar, Apr 21, 2008.

  1. SlippingStar Merlin's Housekeeper

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2007
    Location:
    Behind you!
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    "Sora... Sora... SORA!" the voice startled the teenage spikey-haired boy from his palm-tree doze. "YEAAAA! What?" Sora turned to too his red-haired friend giggling at his reaction.

    "Lazy bum." she commented between giggles.

    "What is it, Kairi?" Sora grouched, rubbing the back of his head.

    Kairi's expression fadded from her happy air to a serious frown. "What's with you today? All youwant to do is sleep and you snap at anyone who talks to you!"

    "Maybe he's on his time of the month." a silver-hair boy teased, approaching the two.

    "Yeah right, Riku." Sora replied.

    Riku laughed and slapped Sora upside the head. "Lighten up!"

    "Isn't that my line?"

    "Usually."

    "C'mon you two, I'll race you to the boats!" Kairi said, and took off.

    Riku shurgged and ran after her. Sora sighed sat up. What is with me today? I feel all groggy....

    'That makes two of us.

    You too, Roxas?

    'Namine's been nagging me about it all day.'

    Sora shook his head and started after his who compainions, who had almost reached the boats by now. His vision blurred and his balance swayed as the world seemed lose all heat. What the...?

    ***

    Kairi turned around to see Sora collapse on the sand.

    "Sora!" she called out, turning around and running back to her friend, Riku in toe.

    "Sora, Sora, answer me!" Kairi shook Sora's motionless figure in an attempt to rouse him.

    "He's really pale... and his breathing's irregular...."

    Kairi placed her palm on Sora's forehead, her eyes widening. "He's burning up!" Kairi lifted the unconcious boy's head to her lap. "Riku, what are we going to do?"

    "I... I don't know.... I'll go back to the mainland for help." Riku stood up and ran to the boats, jumping into his and rowing vigously. Kairi placed her hand onto Sora's cheek as he let out a voilent shake, leaning his head to the side with a moan.

    "Sora...."

    'He's just like Roxas.'

    Namine? You mean Roxas is like this too?!

    Yeah, just sweating and groaning.

    Oh, what's going on...?

    Kairi looked back at the ocean. "Riku, hurry...." She looked back at Sora and gently stroked his cheek. A drop of water hit Sora's face.

    Am I... crying?

    Another dropped on Kairi's head, causing her to look up. The sky grew dark as storm clouds gathered over head. It's just like the night the island was swallowed in darkness....

    Thunder boomed over head, causing Kairi to jump. She pulled Sora's arm over her shoulders and grabbed his belt, dragging him to the nearest place she could find- the Secret Place. She was actually thank ful fro the small opening, so that water wouldn't flodd into the cavity. Kairi gently pushed Sora though, following him close behind. She arrived to see a bed set up; a gag Tidus had put up that she never bothered to take down. She put Sora down onthe matress, lightly tucking the blankets around his shivering body.

    Please be okay, Sora....
     
  2. Forever Love Life Without Limits

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2007
    Location:
    Shaping my life.
    71
    869
    Not bad. Not bad at all.

    The only thing that bothers me with this, and other stories so don't take it personally, is that it's not spaced twice in between a person speaking. I'd say just make another line break in between quotes and what not. This one space aggravates the crap outta me, but I can deal if you don't feel like doing it.

    Good job, nonetheless.

    -Kairi
     
  3. SlippingStar Merlin's Housekeeper

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2007
    Location:
    Behind you!
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    I'm honored that you read it(even though no one else has ^^;;;) and thanks for the crit- I'll change it.
     
  4. K.H.Nut13 Traverse Town Homebody

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2008
    Location:
    Virginia
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    Pretty good.
     
  5. Forever Love Life Without Limits

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2007
    Location:
    Shaping my life.
    71
    869
    You're welcome.

    And don't worry about it. I had hardly ANY viewers/readers on my story, and that changed as I progressed. Which reminds me...

    Is there going to be an update any time soon?

    -Kairi