Kingdom Hearts Generations- Final Breathe

This is the first story in a series i am making. Here is The Prolouge & Chapter One-
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KINGDOM HEARTS GENERATIONS: FINAL BREATHE
Prolouge-
Light. Darkness. Nothing at all. Its all everlasting. Everything mixed together creates Kingdom Hearts. And the soldier of this Kingdom, Not the wielder but the blade. The blade of a man consumed with Light. The Keyblade! Summoned from Light to conquer Darkness. More tales of the wielders of this blade come and go, but one strikes history sharper then the rest. The story of a boy named Arile.
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CHAPTER 1: BONDING IN SOULS

"Today I will finally overcome this spell of weakness I've been having", annnounced Arile as he drew a sword and placed it in front of him pointing at his rival Serio. "You can try, but i dought you can succeed", replyed Serio sharply. "No faith, No hope, you're just a heartless soul aren't you?", asked Arile as he began his sword training on a nearby dummy before the battle. "You don't know what heartless is until you see what i have. Beyond here, beyond this world, beyond reality. The one world i have seen that is the worst is a place called Traverse Town. Though now it is called Hollow Bastion.", replyed Serio as he drafted his gray bang to the side. "Intresting. But not enough for me to accept your premise.", stated Arileas he stoped training and readied his position. "To every man his own", announced Serio as he then readied his sword, "Enough talk. Begin!". Arile then jumped in the air flinging himself behind Serio. Serio then lashed around fiercly attacking Arile's sword. Arile's sowrd and Serio clashed on and on with red sparks flying from every stagger and hit. Arile then whipped his sword at Serio's denting Serio's foot thick blade in five inches. "Impossible! how could you get so strong over night", yelled Serio in suprise. Arile said nothing but showed an expression of his own suprise when seeing the result of his attack. Serio then tryed to balance out his sword while attacking his hardest. Arile's sword blocked but failed in its fetial attempt and was flung from Arile's hands and thrown yards from the battle arena. Arile then readyied his fists for he was not about to surrender in such vain. Arile threw his hand backwards to throw a punch but then was stopped. A blade appeared in his hand as Arile grasped the handle tightly. The blade was black with many features. Out of nowhere a voice rung in his head as if the blade where talking. "Oblivion.", the voice said. "Oblivion.", the voice repeated. Arile then looked at the blade and looked up at Serio who was startled but still in a defencive stance. Arile then grasped the blade's handle with both hands and readied for a continued battle when the blade struggled forward making Arile point it directly at Serio's sword. The blade then spoke to Arile again. "Fire.", the voice said. "Fire.", the voice repeated. Arile then stared directly at his target which was Serio's sword and uttered the word, "FIRE!". Out from the mysterious blade came a blast of flames that hit and devoured Serio's sword. "Shall we call this a win on my part or must i be granted yet another miracle?", asked Arile as he placed the blade to his side. "You win, but this raises more questions than answers", replied Serio as he then turned and walked away. The voice rang inside Arile's head once again. "I will always be with you.", it said. "Never forsaken, never in dought, never lost shall you be with me by your side", continued the voice. Then all was silent.The blade suddenly disappeared from Arile's hand in an instant. Arile stood knowing nothing but the mystery of what just happened and the statments from the voice.
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This story seems interesting. Try not to make the entire chapter a paragraph, separate the action and the dialogue it looks better that way. Here's an example.

"Today I will finally overcome this spell of weakness I've been having" annnounced Arile as he drew a sword and placed it in front of him pointing at his rival Serio.

"You can try, but i dought you can succeed" replied Serio sharply.

Then when you want to start an action scene, in my opinion you can keep it the way you're displaying it now but don't mix in conversation in the action scene's paragraph, try to make it something like this, this is just an example.

Arile charged towards Serio with two hands locked onto the blade's handle, he jumped up and came down with the blade aiming for Serio's face! Serio raised his blade and immediately blocked Arile's attack! Arile's blade then began to speak to him saying "Fire" repeatedly, Arile then looked at Serio's blade and replied the same words as the blade and a gulf of flame shot from the blade!

"Arile what did you just do?" asked Serio.

"I think I just shot fire out of this blade!" said Arile.

Something like that. But yeah I say you have a pretty good story on your hands, this was just my two cents on how you should format your story and I'm sure others will either agree or disagree. Good luck!

 

Pretty much this. Just little mistakes in format and spelling. but the story itself looks promising.

 

Thats what i usualy do in most of my progressive books. But this time I forgot to, Lol.
Also, Chapter 2 will be longer and in that format and more unique because i got a new partner Adamboy7

Ya, I dont have spell check on my wordpad. Sorry.

 

Try using Google Chrome man it'll let you know if the word has been misspelled or not. I always use Chrome and I'm happy with it, it even helped me learn that the word Amaterasu isn't misspelled which also means it's a real word lol. It's amazing, in Naruto it was a jutsu that released black flames and stuff, but it's an actual word lol! Anyways try it out if you want and you'll be fine, also good luck with the format man!

 

Would if i could XD
Im using my homeschool computer to do this story on and I cant download google chrome. But this computer does have Microsoft Office Word.
(I switched computers because my other one died and the charger broke)

 

This is a good start. I'm looking forward to seeing some more.

 

Ah sad face. Well in that case just spell words the best way you can, or you can play around in Office Word you might just get the setting right to auto detect misspelled words. Just experiment!