KHV Confessions

Everytime I watch the ending of Final Fantasy X I sob
SOB

 

Blarghh,confession time.

I hate everything about how I look,to the point I self harmed. I only stopped because my beautiful friend began doing it aswell,and my brother was worried.
I find it hard to feel guilty about bad things I do,and to feel sympathy for those I do not personally know.
I have a fear of small spaces,and must always sit by the window in cars,buses,planes,or else I end up having a panic attack,and fainting.
I smile for those I love,and to stop people from questioning me on my feelings.
I hate confessing things about myself. So end of the post.
/supernegativeDaxa,nowtryingtomakeitallajoke

 

Time for me to get serious.

• I struggle with severe depression. I keep it under control with medication.
• I feel like I am very chubby and have little to no self confidence. I fake it.
• I prefer internet friends over in real life friends. So bring on the friendship.
• I struggled with my sexuality last summer.
• I have an obsession with My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
• The guy I am currently dating and I decided we were going to get married after just two weeks of being together.
• I have no idea what I want to do with my life other than have a family.
• I'm always afraid when I meet people that they don't like me.
• I obsess over things easily.
• I pretty much had no friends from 6th to 9th grade.

 

• I'm a panromantic asexual. [This means that while I have no sexual feelings/drive, that doesn't stop me from performing and wanting to receive romantic gestures like hugging or kissing. And I am attracted to both men and women.]
• I'm afraid of spiders, creepy dolls, and heights.
• I'm a believer in the paranormal though I don't take everything at face value. [I know things can be faked.]
• I prefer my on-line friends to my off-line friends.
• I've never seen the ocean.
• I identify as neutrois. [Meaning I don't really identify myself as either female or male.]

​

 

• I tend to be more emotionally attached to my online friends.
• I'm incredibly clingy and sensitive.
• I have a very low opinion of myself and everything I do.
• I was bullied for ten years (though quite a few people already know this).
• Like Llave, I can't stand blood. In reality, I'm pretty squeamish when people talk about anything that gets bloody, gory or very gross.
• I made a Kingdom Hearts GMV for my first crush's birthday (which was started and completed in four or five hours of non-stop editing) and put it on Youtube. About a month later, I heard that the people in my grade were watching it and laughing but he was part of that group. Like a week later, it ended up on Facebook where everyone bashed it. It got so bad that I had to remove the video, which was highly praised by my subscribers. The worst part was that I still liked him after that whole thing, but I was never able to talk to him (before or after this) from nerves and apprehension. (This is less of a confession, but I need to get it off of my chest)
• I've never had a boyfriend, and my first kiss was sort of... I don't know, forced upon me?
• I can't say no to someone. I'm afraid of disappointing people, so it's hard for me to refuse anything (so long as it's not totally absurd).
• I get very nervous very easily.
• I'm afraid of rejection, but that fear isn't crippling or anything. It just sort of sits there in the back of my mind.

This is actually a really good way to vent about things. Thank you, Saxima~

 

Jesus Christ, this. That's one reason why I dislike the ocean, and also because of sharks. I prefer lakes now. And for blood, even if it's my own, I cringe. It's just horrible. I've been close to throwing up before just because a show had far too much blood.

• I have phobias of clowns, heights and lightning/thunder. They just scare the living hell out of me and I tend to just stay put somewhere, or I cower behind someone, which I did in public once.
• I kind of regret some of the crap that's happened between me and a few other members here, and I wish I still kind of spoke to those who I simply drifted apart from.
• I have a tendency to want to go back and redo some of the crap/mistakes I've done in my life.
• I really want to start a family now.
• I sometimes wish I was married already.
• I've become a bit indecisive about what I want to do with my life.
• I have a strong dislike for crowds and people, the reason I hate parties so much and just prefer to be in my room when my family decides to throw one. I'm pretty sure I have a severe case of claustrophobia.
• My family doesn't know about my depression, and I don't think they will ever know.
• My family thinks I only speak to my irl friends whenever I'm on the computer. I'm also pretty sure they think I'm on facebook all the time too.
• I cannot stand men who do drugs, drink excessively, and don't know when to pull their pants up.

 

hmmm adding onto the fear of spiders....let's see:

- I can be a perfectionist (can be a curse but also a blessing)
- for some reason I can't look someone in the eye for a long time. (have to look away after a minute or two :/ )
- I don't eat much
- I worry too much
- I'm not much of a morning person....love to stay up late
- I tend to be too nice to people (from what my friends tell me)
- Love to sing when no one is around. Too shy to sing in front of people.
- When I buy a new game, I stay up playing it until I start to fall asleep while playing.
- I love to meet new people, but don't really know what to say because of shyness.
- I can be a very quiet person
- I too was bullied....a little in elementary and all through middle school
- I have a hard time standing up for myself because I don't like to hurt people (emotionally) even if they hurt me :(

 

All of this as well, for myself.

And I'd like to thank Saxima as well. Some of the things I said I've never said before.

 

God, this thread is depressing.

• I have instinctual need to kill every spider I see.
• I feel that my closes friends are here on KHV.
• I haven't hanged out with any friends in real life since Middle School because I don't trust them enough ever since someone who I thought was a friend stole from me.
• I haven't seen or talked to my real life friends in over a year.
• I have a major fear that one day everyone will forget me.
• My second largest fear is that everyone secretly hates me but hide behind a mask of politeness and false tolerance.
• I really, really, really hate being late to things, even if it is something I hate.
• I want a girlfriend but I'm too scared of rejection, commitment and disappointing them to actually get closes to any girl romanticly.
• I am both proud and disappointed by humanity.
• I sometimes dance when I'm alone, walking down the street at night.
• During Middle School I was in a car accident that made me scared to travel on the road. I went to therapist for I don't remember how long. During that time I was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome.
• I have a bleak outlook on the future.

 

- I also get far too attached to online friends, so much so that I have an irrational fear that they will disappear and/or I will have no way to contact them. I guess this isn't such an irrational fear since it's already happened to me a couple of times.
- My private messages on KHV are sorted into 3 folders: inbox, sent items (obv) and another folder for messages from a certain member. Not telling who, but I think a couple of people here might know about it.
- If people ask, I tell them I'm straight but I'm more 'heteroflexible' - which is a term I discovered on wikipedia and thought it fit me to a tee.
- I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M GOING TO DO WITH MY LIFE

 

Hopping on the mainstream train here...

• 
  I am a homosexual.

• 
  I constantly worry about what others think of me.

• 
  A main reason why I am considered kind, other than it gives me a good feeling, is that I don't want enemies and people thinking negatively of me.

• 
  I have never had a first kiss, and have never dated.

• 
  I am never satisfied with my appearance. Every time I look at yourself I am disgusted because what I see isn't an attractive, "dateable" fourteen year old, but a "cute little" ten year old.

• 
  I hate it when people call me cute/little/adorable, because of the above.

• 
  My current crushes are What?, Haseo, Makaze, and Nova.

• 
  Even though I crush, I feel that I'll never find someone who wants to date me because of my looks. They probably think, "Ew, if I date him, it'd be like dating a ten year old.

• 
  I am envious of people. I wish for things that others have quite a bit, and some are long-running. For example, Jayn's amazing singing voice.

• 
  I always need someone to validate me.

• 
  I crave attention, hence me always making a conversation and wanting to be friends with everyone, even if it means acting a little "phony".

 

• I am very attached to my friends. Both my RL ones and internet friends. Some of them I don't know what I'd do without.
• I forgive pretty easily. Sometimes some people might do something bad to me, and I'd just forget it the next day because I'm terrible at holding grudges. I'm too trustful, I guess.
• I'm a pretty paranoid person. Irrational fears that someone somewhere might be talking about me :v
• I'm a Deist. As in, I do believe in god, just not in what religions have taught us.
• I'm Bisexual. Don't know how many of you didn't see that one coming >_> I'm not really open about it, but if someone actually asks me, I'd tell them. I just don't go around telling people that I'm Bi. Although I have control over who I like, mostly. As in when I know a guy is straight for example, there's no way I'd actually feel attracted to them, even if they're perfect.
• I smoke, though not all the time. It takes me about two weeks to actually finish a pack so it's not that bad. It's mostly due to most of my RL friends smoking that made me start it, though definitely not out of peer pressure (seriously, too many people smoke in France). I think it's one thing I actually do hate about myself.
• I NEVER FINISH MY HOMEWORK ON TIME OH GOD THE HORROR

That's all you get from me for now~

 

I still sleep with mulitple stuffed animals. And I love and remember each of my hundreds of stuffed animals' names. :3 ​

 

1. I have an immense amount of anger built up because I hate to display anger
   
   

 

My coldness is a defence mechanism that i extrapolate mostly online, because I generally don't think people are worth my time mostly, i'm an egomaniac aswell which is where this comes from, if I don't want to be your friend, i'll very much so let you know, so its usually best to let me warm up to you, not the other way around.

I much rather build a relationship via the internet, friends I feel its much easier to make and keep and although I'm not a depressed person in any sense of the world, I actually really enjoy myself, it's easier to shut off and get away from people this way during the bad days, which we all have.

 

Well, since I made the thread, I might as well post in it.​

​

• I'm bisexual and have been consciously since I was 12.​

• I used to be an alchoholic, and I'm only 18 now, but I still drink from time to time.​

• I've tried to commit suicide three times.​

• I'm deathly scared of butterflies [and very glad to see I'm not the only one].​

• I constantly believe that I'm not good enough or attractive enough for my lover.​

• I sleep with a doll that I've since I was born.​

• I have anger issues and am clinically bipolar.​

​

I guess I'll post more later . . .​

 

Time to break the perfect image I'm sure all you guys had of me:

-Never had a girlfriend (I'm straight, so no boyfriends obviously)
-Never been kissed
-Kinda scared of driving (the mere thought of being in an accident and causing a tragedy for people....)
-Crushed on Haley, though I think she said that already
-Had to wear glasses when I was younger
-Liked a girl for 3 years, found out she had a boyfriend the day before I was going to ask her out on the 3rd year
-Have an intense hatred of smoking (dad had tobacco withdrawals after going into diabetic shock)
-I've never beaten a Legend of Zelda game, and honestly find them a little overrated
-I relate myself to Squall Leonhart (from Final Fantasy VIII) because of our similar attitudes (at times)
-My main fears are letting people down, and what will really happen after death
-I don't quite know what to do with my life after community college (currently planning on a university)
-I took band for one year to be in the same class as a girl I liked
-I took theater to conquer my fear of public speaking
-I've been bullied by someone related to me, to the point of near death, more than once
-Sometimes I dream of being an awesome father, and husband as well

 

I'd like to take this moment to point out we are the biggest bunch of misfit disasters on the internet, congrats all.

 

So after reading through pretty much all of this thread, I'm pretty depressed, but am glad to know that I'm not the only person with a certain issue.

KHV, come together.​

 

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