Note: Okay...So this is my first fan-fic. Yay!! ^.^ It is set in a time period long after the time of Sora and his friends. After I finished this story, I had a secod thought...So I decided that I would include Sora and the others in K.C.2 or 3. But don't worry...I added a few characters from the series in this story. I hope you enjoy my writing! ^.^ Chapter 1: Strange Greetings Raven sat in a subway car, and she wasn’t enjoying the boring ride. Two boys sat across from her. They were talking about Kingdom Hearts. She rolled her eyes when one them started singing Simple and Clean. “I like that song,†she thought, “but hearing too much of it?! I’m trying to get kingdom Hearts out of my head.†When she reached her stop, she gloomily walked out of the subway station. Half an hour later, she arrived at her apartment building. Before she could put the key in the front lock, she heard a loud meow. “Probably just a stray cat.†she muttered. A meow sounded again, and she decided to find where the cat was. When she walked to the side of the building, she saw a kitten. It had its paw stuck in some tangled wires and cords. “I have to help it!†was the first thing going through her mind. “Lord please don’t make the cat attack or scratch me. It could have rabies.†she said, going over to the kitten. The kitten looked very scared. Raven carefully untangled the cords and wires, freeing the kitten’s paw. The kitten seemed overjoyed, and rubbed against Raven’s pant leg. It was purring happily. Feeling the warmth of happiness in her heart, she turned around. The kitten ran away quickly. She jumped when she heard a crackling sound behind her. When she looked around, she saw a huge portal. “Woah!†she exclaimed, before it pulled her in. It closed behind her. She was being spun around in glowing space. “I’m dreaming! Oh no, what if I’m dying?†she cried, panicking. After a while, she blacked out. When she opened her eyes, she saw a yellow glowing light. “Is she dead?†a voice asked. “No you dummy! If she was dead she wouldn’t be laying there!†said another voice. Raven slowly sat up. She saw a little boy with green eyes, glasses and brown hair. She also saw a tall girl with black hair and brown eyes. “Where the heck am I?†she asked, standing up. “You’re in Fiddle Town of course!†the little boy exclaimed. “Fiddle Town?†Raven said, puzzled. All of a sudden, a big black dog came charging down the street. “Oh no!†Raven exclaimed as the dog knocked her down, licking her on the face. “Ewww!†she cried, pushing the dog away, and wiping her face on her sleeve. She froze as she saw her sleeve was a different color. “What? Wow! I have new clothes!†she cried in amazement. She had on a black jeans jacket over a gray long sleeve shirt with black sleeves. Her pants were black, comfy, and had a chain with silver stars and circles hanging from it. She also had those gloves where the fingers stick out. A worried looking girl holding a big brown dog on a leash came running down the street. She grabbed the leash of the dog that knocked down Raven. Then she looked curiously at Raven. “Who’s she?†she asked the tall girl. “Oh! We didn’t introduce ourselves. My apologies. I’m Lena.†the tall girl with black hair said. She pointed to the little boy, adding: “And this is Larry.†The girl holding the two dogs said “My name is Anna. What’s your name?†“Raven.†Raven replied. “Raven...I like that name!†Larry exclaimed. “Are you okay, though?†“I’m fine.†Raven said. “You know Anna we just found her laying here. Maybe she passed out.†“Where do you live?’ Anna asked. “Um,...I live in the Bronx, in New York.†Raven replied. Anna seemed puzzled. “The Bronx? New York? I’ve never heard of it.†Raven moaned, and thought “Will I ever get to go home again? Plus, why am I here?†“Why don’t you come with us Raven?†Larry suggested. “That would be great. Thanks.†Raven said, smiling. Later on in the day, they were all at Lena’s house. As Larry, Lena, and Anna were talking in the kitchen, Raven was in the bathroom looking at herself in the mirror. Many thoughts were going through her mind. “What if they think I’m crazy? And...Come on...Fiddle Town? I wish I knew why I was here!†She slammed her fists on the sink, and some water flew out of the toilet. “Oh my gosh. They must have a toilet ghost just like in Harry Potter...Cool!†she cried. Then, she looked into the toilet. “Hmm, seems normal to me.†She walked out of the bathroom and headed for the kitchen. Anna was pouring water out of a pitcher into a cup. She knocked over the pitcher and it was like slow motion. “No!†Raven said in her mind, closing her eyes. When she opened her eyes she saw that the water was floating in the air. Anna, Lena, and Larry all had surprised expressions on their faces. “Raven, you’re a water-mover!†Larry exclaimed. “A what?†Raven asked. “You can control water!†Anna said. “I can?†Raven cried. “Yes! Make it go in the pitcher.†Raven moved her hands. She was shocked to see that the water moved with them. Slowly, she directed the water back into the pitcher. Anna clapped with joy. “I love water-movers!†she cried. Raven was still amazed by this discovery. “So I can control water,†she thought, “I have powers.†She sat down on a chair at the kitchen table. “I can control wind.†Anna said. “I can control fire.†Larry said. “I can control anything earthy!†Lena cried. “Wow.†Raven said. “Does anyone else in this town have these abilities?†“Yes. But some people don’t.†Lena replied. “What element you have depends on your zodiac sign. I’m a Capricorn. Anna is a Libra. Larry is an Aries. And you are a...†“Pisces.†Raven finished. “Awesome! We should be great friends then!†Lena exclaimed, giving her a big hug. The next day Raven sat on the front steps of Lena’s house, still thinking about how she would find out her purpose of being in this strange world. Her train of thought was interrupted when Lena came running out of the house. “Hey Raven, why don’t you come with me to Hiromi’s house? Maybe he can help with your situation here.†she said. Raven nodded, and they both walked to Hiromi’s house. When they got there, the front door opened to reveal a tall boy with short gray hair, brown eyes, and a fang ear ring. “What’s up, Lena darling?†he said, giving Lena a big hug. He looked at Raven. “And you must be Raven, I presume?†“Yes. Um, hi.†A little while later, Lena and Raven were sitting on a tiger stripe patterned couch; across from Hiromi, who sat on a black armchair. He listened attentively as Raven told her story. He thought a while before he spoke. “That’s possible. I think I might know why, but I’m not sure. There’s still the reason why you were transported here.†As he thought more, his mother came into the house. She was tall, wore a pink dress, had brown eyes, and brown hair. “Hello Hiromi. Lena. Who’s your new friend?†she cried, sounding tense. “Hey mom.†Hiromi said. “Her name’s Raven.†“Hello Raven. Hiromi...†she put her hand on her forehead. “Hiromi, it’s been such a long day. The things I have to deal with. T.J.’s store has been robbed. There’s been an outbreak of heartless at the east side.†Raven froze at the mention of “heartlessâ€. “Did she just say heart-less...? That means...I must be in...†Hiromi stood up. “Let’s go to Marie’s place. I have a message to tell her.†he said to Lena and Raven. They all arrived at Marie’s house in a few minutes. Lena was about to knock on the front door, when they all heard a loud scream. “That was Marie!†Lena cried, running to the backyard. Raven and Hiromi followed. They all saw a huge monster holding a little boy in its hands. Marie was trapped in a block of earth, and the monster started to run away. “Oh great!†Hiromi cried. He made some thick vines rise from the earth , which wrapped around its legs. Lena threw a sharp rock at the monster’s arm, and the boy fell. Raven caught him, struggling with his weight. “I need to work out more!†she cried, putting him on the ground. Next, she freed Marie from the block of earth. “Thank you!†she cried, hugging the little boy in her arms. Raven ran to help Lena and Hiromi. She looked around and spotted a pipe with a faucet. She turned it on full blast and gathered water. She ran to the monster. She had an idea. She made the water wrap around the monster. “I just hope I can freeze it.†she thought. When she opened her eyes, she saw crystals of ice starting to form. “Awesome!†she cried, sending sharp spikes of ice through it. The monster screeched in fury. It broke the ice. Together, Hiromi and Lena slammed the monster with big boulders of rock. It disappeared in a flash. “Are you okay?†Hiromi asked Marie. “Yes. I am.†Marie replied. “I’m just so glad to have my son back.†“I do wonder why it was after him, though.†Lena said. “It could have been hungry.†Hiromi said. “Hungry? Since when do monsters feed around here?†Lena cried. “The only monsters we know here are the heartless. It was obviously not from around here.†Raven stopped daydreaming and looked up at them. “I agree with Lena.†she said. Suddenly, they heard a loud crash. Heartless had knocked down the fence, and were coming toward them. “Run!†Marie cried, running away with her son. Raven shot many large icicles at them, and Lena trapped them with many vines. A boy with red hair and blue eyes came out of a house. He sent a huge mass of flame after the heartless in the street. Soon, they had gotten rid of all the heartless. “I really didn’t expect that!†Lena cried. “Neither did I.†Raven added. “Thanks for all of your help Max.†Hiromi said to the boy with red hair. “No problem.†Max said. They all heard a loud bark from down the street. It was Anna’s big black dog. It was running towards Raven. Raven ran to avoid being knocked down by it, but it wouldn’t give up. When she let down her guard, it knocked her down and licked her in the face. “Ewww! Not again!†she cried. “He must really like you.†Lena said, laughing. Anna came running down the street. “Why must that dog always ditch me?†she said, grabbing its leash quickly. “Hi Anna!†Max cried. “Hello Max.†Anna gasped. “Mayu...Mayu’s gone missing.†“What?!†everyone cried at the same time. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I hope you are enjoying the story so far. Any questions, comments, concerns…Please feel free to write them. Thank you so much! ^.^ Chapter 2: Something’s fishy in Fiddle Town “I saw what happened.†a voice said. Everyone turned around to see that it was Larry. “Mayu was sitting on a bench late last night crying. I was walking to her when I saw a dark figure behind her. It was about to grab her, when I warned her that it was going to. She ran to me, and we both started running away together. When we felt we were a safe distance away, we looked around. There was no one in sight. All of a sudd it appears out of nowhere in front of us. We both start running, and he ends up in front of us again. I ask him what the heck does he want, and he does not say anything. He knocks me away with some strange power, and when I get up, Mayu seemed like she couldn’t move. She fell to the ground, and he picked her up. I threw a ball of fire at him, telling him to let her go. It was no use. He vanished into some portal.†Larry looked very somber when he finished explaining. Everyone was silent for a minute or two, absorbing this information. “Something fishy’s going on in Fiddle Town.†Anna said, breaking the silence. “Then we’d better get the fishing pole and hook, cause’ we are solving this case!†Hiromi cried.
Thanks! I wuv u! Here it is: Chapter 3: Plan in Action A little while later, they were all at the bench Mayu was sitting at. Everyone scattered to try to find clues. Raven noticed that the air behind the bench was cold. “Lena! Come here!” she cried. “What is it Raven?” Lena asked. “Can you feel the coldness in the air behind this bench?” “Yes. I do.” “I wonder what it is?” Hiromi came up to the two girls. “The air is also cold where the guy disappeared.” he added. “What if he opened up a portal?” Raven suggested. “Possibly, he did.” Hiromi said. They all went home after searching for more clues. Everyone agreed that they would all sleep on the porch and sleep in shifts, while two people kept watch. Raven couldn’t sleep. She was very worried. Next to her was Anna’s big brown dog. It got up and jumped over the porch rail. “Where are you going?” she whispered. She quietly went after the dog. It seemed to be sniffing out something. She followed the dog until it stopped ten blocks away. A little bit more feet down the block, she saw a boy with short, curly black hair, which was in locks, fighting heartless with a silver and blue keyblade. “He must be a keyblade holder!” Raven thought. “What did you smell?” she asked the big brown dog. She looked around and saw a mysterious black figure on the roof of a nearby building. He was watching the boy fighting. When it noticed that she saw it, it vanished. “I have to warn him!” she thought. She helped him to fight the rest of the heartless, and told him about the figure. “Really?” the boy said. “I’m serious.” Raven said calmly. “Look out!” she cried, as the figure appeared behind him. It was a person in a black hooded cloak, holding a silver scepter with a symbol on it. “You wanna fight?” the boy cried. “Well bring it on!” The person laughed, and they both discovered that it was a boy. He had dark green hair, and blue eyes. “Since you have such a mouth on you,” he cried, “Your girlfriend here can go first!” With almost lightning speed, he flew at Raven with an attack. “I’m not his girlfriend!” Raven cried, as an aquamarine blue keyblade, with designs, appeared in her hand. The boy was surprised that she had blocked his attack. Raven was amazed. “No way...” She heard footsteps pounding behind her. It was Lena, Hiromi, and Anna. Hiromi had his keyblade in his hand. “You could have taken us with you, ya’ know!” Anna cried. The boy with the green hair leaped into the air, and he slammed his scepter into the ground. Everyone jumped out of the way as many lines of darkness spread on the ground. The boy with the silver and blue keyblade threw beams of lightning at him. Anna tried to pick him up with a small tornado, but he was too fast. He sent out a huge attack, and everyone but Lena was hit by it. He swung his scepter at her, but she blocked his attack with a golden keyblade that had tiny bells hanging from the handle. She laughed in amazement, and started to fight him back with it. “Take that, you freak!” she cried. “I wonder if I have one too.” Anna thought to herself. Something inside of her was saying yes, and when she opened her eyes, she was holding a silver keyblade. The green haired boy seemed to be getting weaker, so everyone decided to attack him all together. He was knocked over by their powerful attack, and he fell onto the ground. “Awesome!” the boy with the silver and blue keyblade cried. “No one messes with Ben!” Suddenly, the green haired boy vanished. “Where did he go?” Anna asked no one in general. All of a sudden, he appeared again behind Lena. “Oh no! I can’t move!” cried Lena in fear. He grabbed her, and started to run into an open portal a few feet away. “Lena!” Hiromi cried. A sudden urge welled up inside of Raven. “I’m not going to let this happen!” she thought. She rushed at them and grabbed the boy around the neck. It all happened in what seemed like a second: She found herself floating in what seemed like a tunnel of purple and black energy. Beside her was Hiromi, who blasted the boy with a powerful beam, and grabbed Lena. Ben and Anna were next to them. The boy disappeared in a black whirlpool in front of them. Hiromi quickly slammed his keyblade into the wall of the tunnel, as it was now collapsing. They were all pulled into the gap that formed. They all landed on a very sandy surface. “Okay, what the hell just happened here?” Ben cried, panting heavily.
Story has the potential to be good, but what I find you lack most is detail and emotional portrayal.I mean she gets sucked into a portal, right? What is she feeling, Fear? portray that in her head or with her body.You're main character didn't really find anything as shocking as a normal person would.You can move water ..'zomg I can move water lololoz' I think she took it lightly =/ Anyway, those two things are the problems I see, but keep writing anyway and lets see how it works out.
I understand, Asterisk...but this isn't anime...The characters don't spend 10 minutes thinking inside their heads. Chapter 4: Showdown! Raven picked up some sand and let it run through her fingers. The sky was blue, and two suns were visible. Not too far away was a small town with western style houses. “Hey, look, a town!†Anna cried. “We can find out where we are if we go there.†She stood up and brushed sand off of the green dress she was wearing. “That is, if it isn’t a ghost town.†Raven said as she walked with them. In a few minutes, they reached the small town. “It’s like something out of a western movie.†said Raven. All of a sudden, gunshots rang out. “Everyone, get down!†Ben cried, and they all hit the floor. When they had stopped, everyone stood up to see a tall woman in front of them. She had blonde hair, blue eyes, and had on a blue jeans jacket, brown pants, and cowboy style boots. In her hands were two futuristic style guns. “Who are you?†Anna cried. “And why did you fire at us?†“Hands over your heads!†the woman cried. “And I’ll ask the questions.†Everyone followed, and there was a slight pause. “Now tell me, what are you all doing here in this town? We don’t want any trouble here.†“We were lost, and happened to see this small town.†Hiromi said calmly. “If I may ask, what’s the name of this place?†The woman stared him in the eyes, and said after a while “This here’s the town of Cowbell. Now you said you’re lost. Where are you all trying to go?†“We’re following the person that kidnapped our friend.†Lena said plainly. “You? But you all don’t seem like any law enforcement to me. Tell me more.†“Well, for starters, have you seen a figure in a black cloak and hood with dark powers around here lately?†Ben asked. “You mean you’ve seen it too?†she asked. “It was here?†Raven asked curiously. The woman nodded, and put the two guns in their holders. “Come with me.†she said, walking. “Can I put my hands down now?†Ben cried. “Of course, dummy!†Anna cried, rolling her eyes. A little while later, they were inside of a small house. A little girl entered the room. She had brown hair and brown eyes. Her dark blue dress went well with her hair and eyes. She seemed very troubled about something. The woman said “My name is Lucy. And this is Amber.†Amber was clinging to Lucy very shyly. “Don’t worry. Tell them what happened.†Amber hesitated, then said “The figure...It took my brother.†“How did it happen?†Hiromi asked her, a concerned look in his eyes. “I just saw it carry him through the air, and they were gone. And – I couldn’t do anything to save him.†She cried into Lucy’s arms. “Three others have also been taken.†stated Lucy. “David, Isabella, and Joe.†Hiromi clenched his fists. “I’d like to know who’s behind all of this so I can teach them all a real good lesson!†he growled. “So, where do we go from here?†Raven asked. “There’s another town over those green hills.†Lucy said. “Maybe he’s there. I’ll be happy to walk you guys there.†A few minutes later, they were at their destination. The town was neatly arranged with many different colored buildings. “Be careful.†Lucy said. “What you’re dealing with is no joke.†When she was a good distance away, Ben said “Well, she was rather to the point!†“Just your typical mysterious cowgirl.†Raven added, smiling. When they all reached the middle of the town, they heard the sounds of a small battle going on. “That’s our cue!†Anna cried, and they all ran to see what was going on. A girl with black hair and brown eyes was fighting many heartless with a red, silver, and gold keyblade. Lena looked around hurriedly for the boy. “There!†cried Raven, pointing to a black cloaked figure on the top of a clock tower. Everyone summoned their keyblades. The boy in the black cloak leaped out into the air very quickly. Before he could reach the girl, Ben threw flames at him with his keyblade. The girl was surprised, but stayed focused. “Not you again!†he cried angrily. “It’s six against one. You’ve got no chance.†the girl with the red, silver, and gold keyblade cried. The boy with green hair gathered up a big sphere of dark energy, and threw it at them. They all dodged it, and attacked him together. Once again, he was knocked to the ground. “Dammit!†he cried. He opened a portal, but Ben grabbed his foot, and everyone was swept into a swirling mass of black and purple energy once more. As he kicked Ben away, Raven slammed her keyblade into a nearby wall. She almost threw up due to the velocity that they were all thrown out at. Everyone was sitting in a field of many flowers. Fluffy and colorful little furry creatures surrounded them. They were many colors of the rainbow, looked like furry little balls, and had cute beady eyes. “Aww! They’re so cute!†Raven cried. One of them made a cute “click†sound. “Oh, I can’t take all of this gushy-ness around me!†Hiromi cried. “In case anyone here wanted to know, my name is Cindy.†the girl who wielded the red, silver, and gold keyblade said dully. Everyone introduced themselves after she said this. The sun was setting behind them. “We need a place to rest. I’m beat.†Lena cried. Anna picked up one of the furry ures and petted its head very gently. “I’ve read about these creatures.†she said. “They’re fluffy migrating mush-balls. We’ll be safe if we sleep here with them for tonight.†“Wanna hold one?†Raven asked Hiromi just to tease him. “Don’t push it.†he said, annoyed. “But they’re so cuddly!†Anna cried, holding one near him.
Well I haven't read the thing, I'll admit that now. So I'm not going to even attempt CnCing it for real. Rather I'm just going to take that little quote I have above and make a few comments on it. Firstly I'd like to say 'wtf'? I mean seriously. The whole idea of a story is to portray a character's tale through the written word, much like an anime (or indeed any television show or movie) tells the tale through pictures and sound. So really you SHOULD be spending a good few minutes examining the character's thoughts and feelings. If nothing else it means the reader will feel as though they know the character better and therefore be more emotionally attached. However I'll agree that maybe ten minutes of reading for every little change is a bit much, but something truly amazing happens that should really render the character speechless or overjoyed or terrified you should really spend a lot of time examining these things. As I mentioned before it helps to create a emotional bond between character and reader. Also, if nothing else, if you write a fair amount of internal monologue for the character in question once in a while it bumps up the word count and ability to keep your reader interested. There's nothing worse then a bored reader, it means they won't read on.
It doesn't need to be anime at all.But I know in real life I'd be flipping out if I went through a large portal that appeared, and then appeared in a place called 'Fiddle Town'.I'd think 'what the heck happened?' and have all sorts of feelings.
Okay guys...Now that I think about it...a monologue would've worked in this case. It's still not too late to edit it! ^.^ (*determined*) I'll do my best to portray their feelings, and to make this a better story....Thank you for your critique! ^.^
It's good to see you're determined, hopefully you'll see this to the end. One thing I'd recommend is for you to read stories here, so that you can get a feel for the art of writing. I agree whole-heartedly with all that the others said. this has much more dialogue, than it does monologue. Monologue is as equal important- if not more than dialogue. With it one can familiarize with the character down to the senses, the feelings and their internal thoughts. For a beginner you're pretty good, so keep it up.
Okay...So I edited the story a bit. And yes...there's a monologue...and suspense...(I guess) Here is: Chapter 5: Twilight Balance Raven would’ve had a very peaceful slumber; except she was having a weird dream... She was surrounded by fog, and the air was cold. She walked through the fog, noticing that it had started to clear. A figure in a hooded cloak stood on a tall boulder, not too far away. She ran as fast as she could, trying to summon her keyblade, but she couldn’t. It turned when it heard the sound of Raven’s feet. “Who are you?†she cried. It didn’t reply, jumped off of the boulder, and started to run. She ran after it, and caught up to it just as it was about to jump off of a nearby cliff. She grabbed its hood just as it pushed her to the ground. She froze as she saw a familiar face. Before she could say his name, he vanished, and she woke up feeling very cold, and sweating. Hiromi was awake, and said “Raven, are you okay? You were talking in your sleep!†“I was?†Raven asked. “What was I saying?†She told him what had happened in her dream. “It was just a bad dream...But I do wonder why you had it now.†Hiromi said, brushing his hair back. “I really do wonder if Kahlill is here...Or if it was only a dream.†Raven said. Everyone awoke at the beginning of dawn. “So, um, where do we go from here?†Cindy asked, looking nervous. “I think we should explore this world.†Lena said. They all walked, and walked until they came to the place where the field ended. The sunlight ended where the field stopped. “Um, isn’t it supposed to be day here too?†Ben asked curiously. “Yeah.†said Raven. “That is weird.†All of them stepped from the sunlight into the night. Every cottage or house that they passed by was either broken down or badly damaged. Windows were broken, bricks were on the ground, and there was an eerie silence. “What happened here?†Raven said out loud. “I have no idea.†Anna said in response. “I don’t like the feeling this place’s giving off!†Cindy cried. Just as she had finished her last word, many heartless appeared. “Somehow, I was expecting this.†Hiromi said dully, summoning his keyblade. Meanwhile, on a world not too far away, the same boy in the black hood and cloak, who had been beaten by these six keybladers, was standing inside of an immense fortress. He was faced by his master, who was concealed by darkness. “On your knees!†a cold and menacing voice shouted to him. He was trembling in fear. His blue eyes showed deep and intense fear also. “Why haven’t you captured them, Nick?†Sweat rolled down Nick’s green hair. “I...I†he started to say. “Silence you worthless fool!†the voice shouted. “What do you think I should do to you?†Nick whimpered, and cried “Please! Give me another chance! I beg you!†Nick’s pleading was no use, for he was grabbed by a bolt of darkness. Ben finished off the last heartless, and they all continued walking. Raven felt weary from all that fighting, and thought it was normal when she started to feel dizzy. She saw a boy with green hair being held up by an arm made of darkness. “No! Please! No!†he cried. He was dropped to the ground. “Finish him off!†another voice cried out from somewhere. Another figure in a hooded cloak slashed him with a keyblade, and the green haired boy disappeared into the darkness. A familiar voice let out an evil laugh. Raven woke up to see everyone standing above her. “What happened?†Cindy cried as Lena and Hiromi helped Raven to stand up. “She just collapsed.†Lena said. Raven told them about what she had seen. “I heard Kahlill laugh. I just know it.†“Who’s Kahlill?†Ben asked. “Um, one of my best friends.†Raven said quickly. “Are you sure he isn’t your boyfriend?†Anna asked. “Because it would really suck to have an evil boyfriend.†“No. He isn’t.†Raven said. “Oooh, Raven’s got a boy-friend!†Anna cooed. “He’s not my boyfriend!†Not yet, I guess... Darn Libra. Hiromi ignored all of this, and said “If your friend really is somewhere here...That means you have the ability to see what some people can’t. You have the gift of visions.†“But how can I be really sure he is, or isn’t here?†Raven asked no one in general. “Don’t worry.†Cindy said. “I’m sure he’s all right.†“Oh, how are we ever going to get off of this strange world?†Anna cried. “We don’t have a spaceship.†Ben had a mischievous smile on his face. “Don’t be silly, Anna! How did we get here in the first place? We’ll just open a portal.†“But in all of the things I’ve heard about the keyblade...opening portals was never mentioned.†Lena said. Raven thought for a moment, and said “But they did mention that keyblades can have secret abilities that no one has discovered yet, right?†“Well, yes.†Lena said. “Then why don’t we give it a try?†Ben said. “Even if we do,†Hiromi added, “Who knows where we’ll end up? I certainly don’t want to land in a pit full of heartless.†“That’s one chance I’m willing to take!†Ben cried, summoning his keyblade. “Are you with me, or not?†“I’m with you, Ben.†Anna said. “Me too.†said Raven. “So am I.†said Cindy. “Me also.†said Lena, tugging Hiromi along. They all held their keyblades at one spot in the air. Each of them focused their energy at that spot. Suddenly, beams of light were sprouting from each keyblade. They all met at the same spot, converging to form a rectangular golden gateway. They were all thrown back by the energy it had let out. “Now that’s freakin’ awesome!†Ben cried. Next, they all went through the newly created portal, and closed it behind them. All six of them stepped out onto a grassy field. A short distance away, a tall stone wall stood around a great city. Raven felt uncomfortable about going into the vast city before them. A memory had come back to her: She had been waiting for Kahlill at the bus stop near the school. After waiting for a long time, she had gone home. None of his friends knew where he was either, after a few days. What worried her was that no one else noticed that he was missing. After all, they were best friends. She followed them into the city, thinking very deeply. “Kahlill...Could he really be evil?†she thought. “The day I saw him, he wasn’t like himself. I told him how I really felt about him before he went missing. I’ve had a crush on him for a long time...everything seems to add up...but how can he...†She was knocked out of her train of thought when a loud gruff voice said “Stop right there!†All looked around to see what looked like a guard coming toward them. “Is there anything wrong, sir?†Anna asked. “All of you don’t look like you’re from around here.†the guard said. “We’re not.†said Ben. “I do have a question to ask you, though. Have you seen any kind of guy in a black hood and cloak with dark powers around here?†“No. Never seen one.†the guard said. Lena felt a sudden wave in the earth. “Ben, look out!†she cried, as a guard was about to attack him. Ben leaped out of the way just before the guard hit the floor where he stood. Many guards were now rushing at them with big swords. Their eyes were red, indicating that something was controlling them. Raven knocked some of them over with blasts of ice from her keyblade. Some of the guards dropped their swords when Ben heated them up with fire. “I knew I felt bad about coming to this place!†Raven thought. Soon, all of the guards were knocked out. “I wonder who’s behind all of this?†Cindy cried. “That would be me.†a voice cried out. All of them spotted a man in an organization coat with golden hair. “Oh my gosh, it’s Vexen!†Raven thought to herself. “But what’s he doing here? Wasn’t he killed by Axel?†“Who the hell do you think you are, coming and attacking us like that?!†Ben cried out. “So fight me, then!†Vexen cried. Ben charged at him with a powerful ice attack. “Ben, wait!†Raven cried, but it was too late. Vexen blocked Ben’s attack, and knocked him over with a powerful counter-attack. Then, he froze Ben in a block of ice. Raven broke the ice very quickly with a wave of her hand. Anna ran to Ben, who was on the ground. “Ben, are you okay?†she cried. “I’m okay!†he said, standing up. Hiromi used his keyblade to block a sudden attack with shiriken. “Who–,†he said, looking around. He saw a girl with red hair and brown eyes, who was holding many shiriken. “Hi! You’re cute!†she said. “Too bad I have to get rid of you!†Raven was helping Ben to fight Vexen. She had an advantage because she could control water, and she had also seen the way that he fights. She blocked every attack he threw at her. Anna and Cindy were fighting a man with blue hair and brown eyes. His weapon looked like a boomerang, sword, and spear combined. Ben struggled against Vexen’s attacks. Raven and Ben decided to attack him together with a large beam of energy. He was knocked back a few feet onto the ground. “Lucky shot.†he growled. “Look at you,†he said, pointing at Ben. “You can’t even pull together a decent attack without her help. How pathetic.†“What?!†shouted Ben. “Wanna bet?!†Ben threw a wind and fire attack at Vexen. Vexen blocked Ben’s attack with ease, and sent spikes of ice after him. Raven blocked them, and said “Ben, we should be fighting him together! If you’ll just charge recklessly, then I’ll take of it!†Soon, Vexen was very weak. “You mind telling us why you came here and attacked us like that, before we finish you?†Ben cried. Before Vexen could say a word, Kahlill slashed him with a yellow, black, and green keyblade; causing him to vanish into a stream of yellow and black energy. He was wearing a black cloak over a black and yellow designed shirt, and baggy black jeans with a chain hanging on them. “What did you do that for?!†Ben cried angrily. “He was mine!†Then, Kahlill disappeared. After he vanished, all of the other people in cloaks vanished. Lena came running up to Raven and Ben. “This whole city is fake.†she said. To be cont.
Bump!!! Chapter 6: Labyrinth After she said this, the whole city vanished, leaving only a rocky ground. Very unexpectedly, walls began to rise out of the ground. Before everyone could run to each other, the walls separated them. Anna tried to pick herself up with wind and fly to the top of the wall next to her, but she was shot back down by a very powerful electric force field. “Hello?!” she called to the others, but they couldn’t hear her. The walls blocked sound from going through. Hiromi and Lena were together. “I think we’re in some kind of labyrinth or maze.” Hiromi said. “I think whoever created the fake city also left this as a trap.” Raven was alone in this complex maze. She had also tried to escape with wind, but had failed. “How am I going to get out of here?” she said to herself. She made up her mind to keep going straight ahead. After walking for minutes, she came to a fork in the path. She chose the left path, and kept walking straight ahead. All of a sudden, vines shot out of the walls and started to wrap around her. She threw her keyblade, and it formed a big circle of energy like a shiriken, and it cut her free. She decided that she would be even more alert from now on. The only sound she could hear was the crunching of the gravel under her feet. She listened very carefully to her surroundings. She stopped when she thought that she had heard a swishing sound behind her. “What was that? A heartless?” she thought, turning around. Anna was running for her life, as the walls around her were falling down. She was in such a hurry that she didn’t notice Ben, and she bumped into him. “Ow!” cried Ben. “Sorry!” Anna said. “Have you seen any of the others?” “No.” he replied gloomily. Cindy was all alone, just like Raven. “Creepy maze. Just what I need.” she cried sarcastically. She nearly jumped out of her shoes when she heard a ghostly moan behind her. When she turned around, she saw a big ghost-like heartless. “I hate ghosts!” Cindy cried. Raven held her keyblade, ready just in case of a surprise attack. She jumped just in time to block an attack from Kahlill. “Kahlill, stop, I need to talk to you!” she cried. “No talk.” he said. “Fight.” They both swordfighted against each other, keyblade against keyblade. After a few minutes, she knocked him out, and he disappeared into the air. “Whew!” she said. “Maybe it was just a fake Kahlill.” She continued to walk forward. Suddenly, she was stopped by something. “Why can’t I move?” she cried in fear. Before she could react, or scream, she was swept away into darkness. Chapter 7: Casualty Lena and Hiromi had found Ben and Anna. “Where’s Cindy and Raven?” Lena asked. Cindy came running across a path in front of them. “I’m-so-glad-to-see-you-guys!” she gasped. They all ran down the path in front of them, and had found the maze’s exit. “We made it out!” Ben cried happily. “Yeahhhh! All right!” As they all stepped out, the maze collapsed into the ground. “Don’t celebrate without a great cause.” Hiromi said. “Raven’s missing. I think they’ve got her.” “What?!” Cindy cried. “But how?” Anna looked down onto the rocky ground. To be cont. Extras: There's a picture of Raven here: http://www.kh-vids.net/showthread.php?t=87962
I love this story so far it's pretty good. However can you detail the settings often so I can picture exactly where they are. because otherwise the obvious things all I can picture is a blank place. all in all this story is really good keep it up!
Thanks! I'll try to work on that! ^.^ Chapter 8: The battle of Endearment Raven fell onto a rocky and gray surface. She slowly got up to study her surroundings. The sky was full of gray clouds. There were rocky hills all around. Chipped rocks lay strewn across the ground. She saw the same boulder she had seen in her dream in front of her. Kahlill was standing on it. “Why did you throw yourself on the ground like that?’ he said. Raven clenched her fists. She was becoming very angry. Kahlill did a back flip and landed in front of her. “Go away!†she cried, holding her keyblade defensively. She blocked his many swift attacks. “I don’t want to hurt you, Kahlill.†she said. He didn’t listen, and they both threw attacks at each other. Raven threw the shiriken at him. It missed him, and it returned to her hand. “He’s just so fast!†she thought. She was getting weary. She gathered up energy and threw her strongest attack at him. “Darn.†she cried, when it missed him. “This is going to be so easy.†Kahlill thought with a smile. He threw a very powerful attack at her. She tried to block it, but it was too strong. She was thrown onto the ground. She tried to get up, but was too weak. Kahlill walked over to her, and raised his keyblade. “So this is how I’m going to end.†Raven thought. Kahlill was about to strike, when something stopped him. His keyblade vanished, and somehow, it wouldn’t reappear. “Why? Why won’t it come?†he cried. Raven slowly gathered enough strength to get up, and used some of the little energy she had left to heal herself. “Why? What are these memories?†“Memories? Kahlill...If you are the real Kahlill...I just want to know why.†Raven said. Kahlill threw a blast of fire at her, which she avoided easily. Then, he said “Raven, I love you.†“If you love me, then why are you fighting me?!†Raven said. Kahlill fell to his knees with his head in his hands. “I can’t believe I was so stupid.†he said. “I was drawn in by my greed for power.†“What?†Raven said, but he stayed quiet. “Kahlill, you were already powerful in the beginning.†she said to him. “But...are you the real Kahlill?†“Yuki.†he said, hugging her in his arms. “I’m sorry.†Chapter 9: Azalea Hiromi, Lena, Ben, Anna, and Cindy transported themselves into another unknown world. The sun was setting. Beautiful stars were appearing one by one. Crickets were chirping, and the air smelled of sweet grass. They all walked through the deep grass. They stopped when they saw a beautiful and elegant mansion ahead of them. They decided to go and find out if anyone lived there. They were surprised when the gate swung open by itself. A tall man with gray hair opened the front door. His blue eyes showed tiredness. “Yes? How may I assist you?†he said. “We’re kind of lost.†Cindy said. “What world is this?†The man’s eyes widened, and he said “Come in. Let’s talk inside.†They all followed him into a cozy sitting room. Ben saw a picture that caught his attention on a nearby table. In it was a man with gray hair, laughing and smiling with a brown haired man. They were each holding a keyblade. “Who are they?†Ben asked, pointing to the picture. “Riku and Sora.†the man said. “Riku is my grandfather. My name is Gale.†They all told him their names as well. “So, are you also a keyblade holder?†Hiromi asked him. “No.†Gale said. “But I study and perform magic. You wanted to know what world you’re in, right? We’re in Azalea. You’re all keyblade holders, aren’t you?†They all nodded. Then, they told him everything that had happened. “So, someone has been kidnapping keyblade holders.†Gale said. “But as for why...That’s some mystery you have on your hands.†“We’re not sure of what to do next.†Anna said. “We’ve lost one of our team members.†Lena said. “There’s a city not too far away.†Gale said. “I haven’t been there in a while, though. Something could have happened.†“Then let’s go check it out!†Ben cried, leaping to his feet. “But you all look so tired and weary.†Gale said. “You might want to rest for a little while.†“But every second counts!†Ben cried. “Every second we waste means more time for the scum that’s doing this!†“But we can’t go and fight without being refreshed and rested.†Lena said. “She’s right.†Hiromi said. Gale waved his hand, and a small bell rang somewhere. A tired looking maid came to the door. “How may I help you, Gale?†she asked. “Please tell the cook to prepare something for us. And tell Rose to prepare a few of the spare rooms.†The maid nodded, and ran off. “You’re being way too kind, mister.†Cindy said. “It’s no trouble at all.†Gale said. “I’m just glad to help you in any way I can.†Chapter 10: New Gecko Raven was very worried about Kahlill. He was still very depressed about the situation. When she asked him about what was behind all of this, he said “Something very dark. Even I have no idea what it truly looks like. So, basically, they want to create an army. That’s why they want the keyblade holders. They’re finding some way to turn them evil. Once they feel they have enough people, they’ll attack. I’m just lucky I snapped out of it.†“But they haven’t gotten every keyblade holder.†Raven said. “I do wonder if Lena and the others are okay.†“Come. Let’s get off of this empty world.†Kahlill said, holding out his hand. Raven took his hand, and they both vanished. They reappeaa sandy beach. The sound of waves pounding the shore filled the air. “Where are we?†Raven asked him. “The rock islands of New Gecko.†Raven smiled as a nice sea breeze blew. “Why here?†she asked him. “It’s the perfect spot to get some training done.†“Training?†“We’re going to need to be in top shape if we want to beat these guys.†“Oh. Yeah. Right.†To be continued....
Bump!!! Chapter 11: Hunted The same cold voice that had decided Nick’s fate spoke again. This time, to the man with blue hair and brown eyes. “What news have you brought me, Jones?” it asked. “Five of the six keybladers have escaped.” “And how do you plan to get them, now?” “We are working on a new plan now. We have seen the way they fight, and are taking that into consideration also.” “Good. And the sixth one?” “My sources tell me that Kahlill took her. But, even so, he should have returned by now.” “Then something has gone wrong. Send out the hunters.” “Yes, master.” Kahlill and Raven were sitting under a palm tree, both laughing at a joke he had just made. “I am starving!” Raven said, remembering how she hadn’t eaten for many hours now. “We should go fishing!” “Good idea.” Kahlill agreed. They both sat in front of the fire he had made; feeling stronger now that they had full stomachs. Raven didn’t even notice when she had fallen asleep, or when Kahlill had put his cloak over her. She woke up when the sun was about to rise. Kahlill was asleep next to her. She decided to take a walk on the beach. She loved walking by the sea, the wind blowing her black hair, which was kept up by a clip. When the sun rose high in the sky, she walked back to Kahlill, who was now awake. “Good morning Raven.” he said. “Good morning.” she replied. They both practiced fighting until early afternoon. Day after day, they continued training. “Let’s take a break.” Kahlill said a few days later. “Okay.” Raven replied. Before she could say anything else, she felt a chill in the air. “Oh no, what now?” she thought. Suddenly, a portal opened a few feet away. She couldn’t see them clearly at first, but they appeared: three tall figures walking in the sand. A woman with a red and black dress, hazel eyes, and orange hair stood there with a long and spiky whip in her hand. A man became visible. He had long brown hair, blue eyes, and was holding a big silver sword. A man with a shaved head, brown eyes, and a big futuristic gun stood next to them. “Careful, they don’t usually travel alone.” Kahlill said to Raven. “So, Kahlill...,” the woman with orange hair said, “I thought you were with us. Changed your mind?” “Let’s just say I’ve come to my senses.” Kahlill said. “Aww, how sweet. He has a little girlfriend, Isa.” The man with brown hair laughed, and they both flew forward in attack. Raven blocked the woman’s attack, and froze her with ice. She melted it with fire, and threw her whip again. It caught Kahlill’s leg. Raven quickly threw her big shiriken attack, and it broke the whip into many pieces. The woman growled in anger, and threw a huge ball of fire at her. She very easily extinguished it with a big wave of water. Kahlill fought the man with very swift and strong attacks. Once Kahlill had knocked him back a few feet, he rushed forward with a strong wave of darkness. “You’re better than I thought. Small one.” the man said, blocking it. Raven was shocked when many heartless appeared. “When you said they didn’t come alone, you were right!” she cried to Kahlill. “We’re way outnumbered.” They struggled against the many enemies around them. “That’s it!” Kahlill said. “Watch yourself, Raven.” “What?” Raven said, confused. Her heart skipped a beat as he fell to the ground. “Kahlill!” she cried, holding him in her arms. She was shocked to see Kahlill standing in front of her. “How is he in my arms when he’s right...there?” He wasn’t the same. He had transformed somehow. He had black skin, dark purple eyes, and long black hair. His keyblade shot out of his hand and fell to the ground. He picked it up and walked slowly toward the hunters. The heartless remaining were destroyed with a wave of his hand. The hunter with the sword swung his weapon at the transformed Kahlill. Kahlill just grabbed the hunter’s sword and engulfed him in darkness. “You’re a madman!!” The hunter with the whip said. She swung the whip and it wrapped around Kahlill’s legs. A gunshot sounded and Raven cried out in terror. It had gone right through him. Kahlill still stood there, and he grabbed the whip. The hunter who held the whip was also engulfed in darkness. “I’m not going to die for something as stupid as this!” the remaining hunter said, running away. Kahlill disappeared and appeared in front of him. The last hunter was also engulfed in darkness. All three hunters lay unconscious on the ground. Then, they all disappeared. Kahlill turned and looked at Raven. She was frozen, and couldn’t find any words to say. The transformed Kahlill vanished, and Kahlill opened his eyes. “How...” she started to say, but she couldn’t finish. “You’ll know soon enough.” Kahlill said. The three hunters were on a rocky planet not too far away. “I can’t believe I was beaten by such a small shrimp!” Isa growled. “We’ll just have to be stronger than we are now!” Ted, the hunter with the gun cried. “And we can’t let him catch us off guard like that again. We’re too powerful for that!” “If we’re so powerful, then why did he beat us?!” Isa snapped at him. “Like I said, he caught us off guard.” “Let’s catch him off guard. That is a good idea. To me, of course.” Said Ira, who was filing her nails. “Then, we take him!” ~The next day~ Raven looked around, but she couldn’t see Kahlill anywhere. “Kahlill!” she called. “Where are you?” She looked around for a few minutes. “He had just been over there!” she thought, worrying. Kahlill blocked a sudden attack with his keyblade. “They’re back!” he thought. Suddenly, he couldn’t move. “Why can’t I move?!” he thought, struggling. He saw strings around his legs and feet. “You really should pay more attention.” Ira said, laughing. Kahlill couldn’t move, and he was getting weaker every second. They tied him up, and carried him away into a nearby portal. Raven saw a sheet of paper fly out from somewhere. She picked it up and read it. It said: If you want to see your “precious” Kahlill again, you will do as this letter says. We are on Rock eight. Be there within an hour, or we’ll finish him off for good! And be there alone, or we’ll kill him anyway. Tears streamed down Raven’s face as she read the last word. She fell to her knees in the sand that surrounded her. Chapter 12: Reunition “Everything’s okay in the city. I’m so glad.” Gale said to Hiromi and the others. “Everything’s not fine.” Cindy said. “Raven. We must go to where Raven is. And now!” “But, if we don’t know where that is, then...” Anna started to say, but Cindy cut her off. “She needs our help! I can feel it! She’s still alive. And she’s near the ocean...” “What? What are you talking about?” Ben cried. “How do you know this...” “I just know it, okay?!” Cindy cried. “I can help you to get there. But it will be a powerful tracking and transport spell.” Gale said. “Really? You can?” Lena cried in amazement. “Yes. Now come with me.” Gale chanted some strange words while everyone held hands. They were surrounded by green swirls of magic. Before they were whisked away into space, Gale shouted “If you ever need any help, just use the shell I gave you!” They all landed on the sandy beach where Raven sat, looking out at the ocean. “Raven, is that really you?” Hiromi cried, putting a hand on her shoulder. “Yes.” she replied, and she explained to them what had happened. “And here I was, thinking he’s so powerful!” Ben cried. “He takes Vexen out with one hit, but he can’t handle them? You gotta be kidding me!” “Ben!” Cindy cried, giving him an evil look. “Okay! I’ll stop! You’re scaring me!” Ben cried. Raven grabbed Ben by the neck, and she said “If you make one more sarcastic remark I’ll make sure you don’t see daylight again!” Ben struggled against Raven’s grip and said “Okay! Okay! I won’t talk about your boyfriend anymore!” “You bet you won’t!” “Geez, what a grouch!” Raven let him go and sighed. “So...What are you going to do?” Anna asked Raven. “I have no choice but to go there.” Raven said. “If I want to save him.” “We’ll transport you there...” Hiromi said. “But there’s no way you’re going to that planet alone. We’ll be hidden. But if any trouble comes...You know we’ll be there.” Raven smiled a weak little smile, and she nodded. The note in her hand changed, and it said: Are you ready to go see the hunters now? In her mind, Raven said “Yes”, and they all vanished from the island and appeared on a rocky area. Very silently they all slipped away, and Raven walked to find the hunters. She walked through a small patch of forest, and came upon two small lakes of water. She used the water to fly through the air very quickly. Her keyblade was in her hand, and she was ready in case of an attack. She landed when she saw the hunters. Ted was holding Kahlill by the shirt, and he threw him at the ground in front of Raven. Isa shouted “Get them!” and a few figures made of shadows appeared. They vanished, and when they returned, they were holding Hiromi, Lena, Cindy, Anna, and Ben. “Let us go! Let me go right now!” Ben shouted, struggling. A strange aura appeared around the hunters, and a sphere of energy engulfed all five of them; trapping them inside. Raven’s expression changed to shock in an instant. No matter what attack they used, they could not escape the sphere they were trapped in. “Now that’s just sick!” Kahlill shouted. “We have an agreement for you.” Ira said. “Oh yeah, this should be real good.” Raven muttered. Isa held up two objects. One was a silver necklace with a white charm on it, and the other was a chain with a maroon and black charm on it. “The white one is for you, Raven. And the other is for Kahlill.” “What?!” Raven thought, puzzled. “So, here’s the deal...” Ira said. “You beat our former boss...And we’ll let your friends go. I know you want to get rid of the bad guy who’s behind all of this...And we do too.” Isa walked over to them, and he put the chain around Kahlill’s neck. “See? Harmless.” he said to Raven, laughing. Raven nodded slowly, and let him put the necklace around her neck. Then, she tucked the necklace under her jacket. “Remember...Only use it when you really need it.” Isa said. Kahlill took Raven’s hand, and they both vanished to appear on a rocky hill next to some mountains. “Basically, the fortress is a few miles behind those mountains.” Kahlill said. “It’s very heavily guarded. Guards, heartless, nobodies, the other cloaked members, and the boss.” “How are we going to get past all of those?” Raven asked. Kahlill pointed to the necklace around Raven’s neck, and said “This necklace. It can bring out your full power.” “How...” Raven started to say. “Just like this chain can bring out my own.” Kahlill added. “But after I use this chain, I’ll be vulnerable like I was in my dark form. Plus, you would be too.” “But why would the hunters help us like that?” “Trust me, I don’t know.” Kahlill said. “They were just at our throats not too long ago!” “But now...We need to worry about getting rid of the boss. Remember... Their lives depend on us. And we’re still in the world of Kingdom Hearts.” he said, taking her hand and walking forward. To be continued...
Bump!!!! Chapter 13: Fight! They both came to a large fortress after a few minutes of walking. They both walked up to the large door in front of them that was the entrance of the fortress. “This was too easy.†Raven said, suspicious. “Remember what happened to Sora at Castle Oblivion?†Kahlill sighed and opened the door in front of them. The white hallway in front of them led to three spiral staircases. Each of them led to a different hallway. Black border designs lined the white walls. “At least they have good taste.†Kahlill said. “Ay.†Raven said, sighing and shaking her head. Suddenly, many heartless and nobodies appeared around them. They both summoned their keyblades. “I bet you can’t destroy more heartless and nobodies than I can.†Kahlill said in a challenging voice. “We’ll see about that!†Raven said, determined. Soon, all the heartless and nobodies were defeated. “Wow. It’s a tie.†Kahlill said, panting. They both walked up the staircase on the right and came to a long hallway. It led to many other different hallways, and was like a maze. “Um, where do we go now?†Raven asked. “Come. This way.†Kahlill said, taking her hand. They both went down a lonely hallway. It was very silent as they walked through the corridor. Raven felt very cold all of a sudden. She kept looking ahead. They came to a very tall black door. “Do you know what’s in there?†Raven asked him. “No. I don’t. I never came to this door.†he said. He turned the knob and they both stepped into the room. The door closed behind them, and it vanished. Fog was all around them. Raven felt the same chill she had felt earlier. She pushed the fog away, and a rocky ground appeared before them. They both walked forward. Kahlill saw something move behind a nearby rock. Raven was about to ask him what was wrong, but he motioned for her to keep quiet. She followed him to the rock. Behind it was a girl who looked exactly like Raven, except very scared. She shivered in fear. Raven couldn’t speak because she was so shocked. “She looks exactly like me!†Raven exclaimed. “But...What is she?†“I don’t know.†Kahlill said. “What are you so scared of?†Raven asked her. “I’m afraid...I’m afraid of the man in the hood. I’m also afraid that you won’t be able to find a way out of this room.†“What are you?†Kahlill asked. “I’m just a figment. This room...It can only be escaped if you can find the key to the door.†“But, can’t our keyblades work?†Raven asked. “In this room, reality is not what it seems.†The girl started to fade away. “Wait! Hey! Please explain more!†Raven cried. The girl vanished, and they were left alone. “Ay. Just how are we supposed to find the key?†Raven said. “Well, we’d better start looking. We won’t find it just standing here, Raven.†Kahlill said. They both searched the area very quickly. Raven got excited when she saw something gold glinting in the distance. She ran to it very quickly. She saw a gold, star shaped locket hanging on a branch of a small tree. Before she could get to it the ground shook, and she was thrown backward by some powerful force. She quickly pulled herself up, and froze at the sight of the tall monster in front of her. She ran very quickly to avoid its long black tentacle. It was black, had red eyes, tentacles, claws, and sharp teeth. Using one of its tentacles it grabbed a tree, and it started to swing it at her. She sliced it up with ease and threw an ice attack at it. A big rock flew through the air and hit it in the head. It was Kahlill. “Try to find its weak spot.†he said to her as he fought. “Um, and where’s that supposed to be?’ Raven thought. “I sure hope it’s not the...†She blocked a blast of energy that came flying at her. She concentrated the best that she could. Finally, she saw what appeared to be a weak spot. “Keep it busy!†she cried to Kahlill, who nodded. She concentrated, and threw her keyblade. The large shiriken slammed into the monster, and it howled in pain. It cracked, then it vanished in a cloud of darkness. Kahlill picked up the locket. “This must be the key.†he said. The black door appeared again, and he opened it with the locket. They both stepped outside into another long hallway. The door vanished behind them. They were both surprised when they saw the girl with red hair, who wielded the shiriken. “So you came to visit me! Aw, how sweet!†she cried. The man with the blue hair appeared next to her. “We want to help you...but first...†He summoned his weapon, along with the red haired girl. “You must defeat us both!†Raven threw a fire attack at the red haired girl, but she just dodged it. The red haired girl laughed, and threw many shiriken at her. Raven tried to trap her with ice, but she broke it, and threw Raven into the wall with a lightning attack. Kahlill attacked the blue haired man with a flurry of attacks, and the blue haired man blocked them with ease. “I never knew Jones was this good.†he thought. Raven threw the large shiriken made of energy at the red haired girl, who blocked it with a large shiriken of her own. “Darn!†Raven thought. “You can’t get rid of Aqua that easily, you know.†the red haired girl said, laughing. Aqua made many shiriken fly out from many different directions. Raven tried, but she couldn’t block them all. The ones she couldn’t block cut her on the arms and legs. Anger and frustration was building up inside of her. Meanwhile, Kahlill struggled against Jones’ weapon. Suddenly, Aqua knocked Raven over with a burst of energy. Raven fell to the ground, and she weakly tried to stand up. Aqua laughed and raised many shiriken in the air. “No.†Raven thought. “No. I... She clutched the charm of the necklace around her neck. The shiriken came closer and closer to her. The charm started to glow bright white. Then, a burst of light surrounded her. The shiriken vanished, and Aqua squinted her eyes in the bright light. Raven had transformed into a more mature version of herself. Her hair was longer, and her outfit had changed. Her keyblade was longer, and it was glowing with white magic. “Hmf.†Aqua muttered, keeping on a neutral expression. Raven raised her keyblade, and she fired a burst of golden energy at Aqua. Aqua dodged it, and she threw her large shiriken. It was broken in half by another powerful attack. Kahlill saw this, and decided to use his necklace as well. His keyblade also became longer, and it was glowing with purple magic. His outfit also changed, and his hair was styled differently. He knocked Jones all the way down the hallway, and he slammed into the stone wall. Raven knocked Aqua down with one strong hit. Just as Jones and Aqua managed to get up, both Kahlill and Raven each fired an attack. A big explosion of energy followed that shook the room. “They’re gone!†Raven thought as she saw an empty hallway after it cleared. They both heard a noise behind them. Very quickly they turned around; on guard in case of any attack. Both Aqua and Jones stood before them; very weak. “Now...you’re ready.†Jones said weakly. Both Raven and Kahlill turned back into themselves, and their keyblades disappeared. The chain and the necklace both had a single crack on their charm. Raven felt weak, and so did Kahlill. She studied the crack on the necklace. Jones and aqua each summoned a ball of swirling golden energy. One flew into Raven, and the other flew into Kahlill. They were both healed instantly, and the chain and necklace were like new again. Then, Aqua and Jones both fell to the ground, and they disappeared into the air. “Thank you.†Kahlill said. Both Kahlill and Raven sat down, trying to take in what had just happened. “I just don’t feel like sitting down.†Raven said. “I just can’t wait to knock the crap out of...†Kahlill started. “Let me stop. Or I might do something I’ll regret.†They both stood up, and they walked through the tall white doors in front of them. A big room with white pillars surrounded them. “Reminds me of Castle Oblivion.†Raven thought to herself. Before they could step any further, a huge creature appeared before them. It was black, and it looked like a combination of a dog, bird, and lion. “Oh! What else are we going to run into?†Raven said, moaning. “Stop whining and just fight.†Kahlill said. They both fought it together, and soon it was defeated. “That was just the watchdog.†Kahlill said, panting. “Watchdog.†Raven said, looking at the door in front of them. It led to another long hallway with a door at the end of it. Kahlill led her to the large golden door, and said “The big boss is in here. Let’s go.†He opened the door and they both stepped into the large room Raven recognized from her vision. The being hidden in the darkness looked up when they came into the room. “Kahlill, Kahlill, Kahlill.†it said. “What brings you here at a time like this?†Kahlill drew his keyblade, and said “I think you know why.†The being in the darkness laughed, and said “So, you wish to challenge me? What a laugh!†The darkness vanished, and Raven was amazed at who she saw. “Oh my gosh, it’s the bald guy from the Birth by Sleep video!†Raven exclaimed in her mind. “That Xeanhort guy.†The figure that appeared beside him had its helmet off. It was a boy who slightly looked like Riku. He had long gray hair, blue eyes, and armor similar to that of Riku’s dark mode. “And it seems he’s brought his girlfriend with him. They can both perish together.†“The only ones who are going to perish are you and armor boy over there.†Kahlill said. “Ha! You’re a fool just like your dear father was!†“What did you just say?!†Kahlill growled. “What about my father?†“Oh? You don’t know? Just what I’d expect from a ‘lesser’one.†“Lesser one?†Raven thought. “Might as well tell you before you die. Your father was a pureblood like I and my son. But he spent his time using his days as a keyblade holder for good! Light! Happiness! Before...only us purebloods received the keyblade. But now...any old person of lesser status can wield one. I couldn’t stand to see it being used for light! Staining the purpose of what it should be used for...He was standing in my way, so I got rid of him! He is the reason why I’ve suffered all those years in that prison...I vowed that I would wipe out all of those keybladers who use the keyblade for that purpose! Especially you un-purebloods!†“Father...†Kahlill said. “He...was...†“I’m taking him down!†Kahlill said to Raven. “You take armor boy.†“But...†“I have personal business with this guy. I’ll have fun taking him down!†Chapter 14: The Battle of X Fortress Kahlill dragged his keyblade on the ground, and he threw an attack at the man. The man smiled, and he blocked the attack with a keyblade. Raven blocked the boy’s strong and swift attacks the best that she could. She threw him back with a burst of lightning, and threw the large shiriken. He quickly dodged it and he appeared behind her. She rolled over to the right in time to avoid an attack. She held her breath a few seconds in shock when he multiplied himself into many clones. “Here we go!†Raven said, transforming herself with the necklace. She destroyed his clones one by one. Kahlill was also transformed, and he had knocked the man back a few feet. The man and boy appeared next to each other, and they put the tips of their keyblades together. Big spheres of dark energy flew at Raven and Kahlill very quickly. Kahlill stood in front of Raven, and he blocked them. The man waved his hand, causing many heartless and nobodies to appear. It was a challenge to fight both at the same time. The heartless and nobodies surrounded Raven. She wiped them out with a powerful circular attack, and then she took care of the boy. Soon, both the man and the boy were weak. The charm from the necklace and the charm from the chain combined to form a ball of rainbow colored magic. Raven and Kahlill each held up their keyblade. Then, they each fired a beam of energy, which combined with the magic. The room filled with bright light, and when it cleared, they both saw the boy and the man vanish into the darkness; the man holding out his hand. Both of them changed back to their original forms, and they fell to the ground. They both vanished. To be continued...
Bump!!! Chapter 15: Teamwork “I’m worried about them.” Anna said. “What if they’re...” “They’re not dead.” Cindy said. “I can feel it. They’re close by.” “And how do you know that?” Lena asked. “I just know.” “Hey guys, look!” Hiromi cried, pointing in front of them. The barrier around them had vanished, and they saw Raven and Kahlill lying on the ground unconscious. “What have you done to them?!” Ben shouted at the hunters, his keyblade in hand. “Oh, don’t worry. We haven’t done anything. In fact, they should be just fine when they wake up!” Ira said, smiling. Raven and Kahlill slowly stood up. Anna’s eyes were wide with fright when she saw them. They both looked like they were possessed. “You call that nothing! You did do something you lowdown dirty son of a *****!” “Ben! Calm down!” Lena cried. “You think you’re so tough, don’t you kid?” Isa said. “Well, we’ll see how tough you are against this!” He waved his hand, and many heartless and nobodies appeared. They all stood; ready to fight. “How can we fight them? They’re our friends.” Cindy said. “We could just knock them out.” Hiromi said. “Wow. That’s gonna’ be sooo easy.” They all fought and fought. They all knew this was not going to be an easy task. Soon they realized that they were losing. Badly. “Look at these wimps, they’re tired already!” Ira cried. “Let’s finish them off!” Ira opened a portal and went through it. He came out with five people. “Mayu!” Anna cried at one of them. “They must be the missing people!” Lena said. “No fair! It’s ten against five!” Ben cried. Lena made her way to Raven. She blocked each attack she threw. “Raven! You have to wake up!” she cried. “Don’t let these creeps use you! Just snap out of it!” Raven’s eyes regained their shine for a moment. “Lena?” she said, lowering her keyblade. The necklace on her neck glowed with dark energy. Black lightning zapped all around it. She grabbed at the necklace and fought against its control. It was putting up a real fight against her. “You…piece…of…garbage…” she cried at it. An aura made of light surrounded her, and the charm on the necklace cracked. The charm shattered and Raven fell down in a heap. “No way.” Ted said under his breath. “She broke the necklace!” Kahlill came up behind him and slashed him with his keyblade. “What the f***?! What are you doing?!” Ted shouted at him. “You’re supposed to attack them, not me!” Kahlill held the broken chain in his hand. “Sorry if I don’t meet up to your expectations.” Kahlill replied, dropping the chain on the ground. The others were waking up too. “Their magic has weakened!” Lena said. “How the hell did they break free of our control?!” Ira exclaimed. The three hunters stood closer to each other. “Let’s kick their sorry asses!” Ben shouted. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” “I think we are.” Hiromi said with a determined smile. They all raised their keyblades and attacked them with a big burst of energy. “We can take them!” Ted cried. “No we can’t!” Isa said. Ted stayed in the direction of the blast. Isa ran to grab him, and Ira followed behind. They were all hit by the blast. When the magic cleared, all three of them were bent over and weak. They started to vanish into the darkness. “You may have won now...” Ira said. “But next time...We’ll crush you like bugs!” The air cleared, and they were gone. Chapter 16: Sunset Raven sat on the top of a building in Fiddle Town. She was watching the sun set in the distance. There was a sudden noise behind her. It was footsteps. She turned around to see Kahlill. “How did you find me?” she asked him. “Okay...maybe I followed you.” he said. “Stalker.” Raven joked. “Hey, I’m a stalker?” he said with false surprise. He sat down beside her. They stayed silent for a while. Kahlill moved closer to Raven. She didn’t notice because she was lost in thought. “What are you thinking about?” he asked her. “Everything.” she replied. “Everything?” “What you said...Did you really mean it?” “Yes.” He took her hand. “I want us to be together.” he said. Raven was tearing, but she didn’t want him to see. It was hard for her to say what she said next. “I really like you too.” she said, trying her best to hold back tears. “I love you.” He noticed that tears were starting to fall down her face. “Don’t cry Raven. Please. You’ll make me cry too.” He took her in his arms and held her close. She calmed down, and dried her tears. When he let go a little, she still stayed against his chest. “I want to stay here a little longer.” she thought. “He’s so warm.” Suddenly he tickled her sides and she was forced to laugh. “That made you smile.” he cried, laughing. “I don’t want that sad face. No sad face.” Raven’s smile faded after a minute, and the look of uncertainty and sadness came back to her face. “I know what’ll cheer you up.” he said. “What?” she asked with a flat voice. Without warning he took her in his arms and gave her a passionate long kiss. ~A few weeks Later~ “Isn’t it great?” Lena said. “Raven’s in love.” “Yep.” Anna said, putting on sun block lotion. All seven of them were on the beach at Fun Cove. Kahlill was in a lounge chair with Raven on his lap. All of a sudden, a giant monster with heartless around it sprang out of the ocean. “Here we go again!” Kahlill cried as they all sprang into action. ~The end~ I’m glad this was a happy ending! I love happy endings. (I cried because of my own story...wow...I’m that emotional?) Hope you enjoyed it! I’ll add Sora and the others in another fanfic. (I’m better at original characters...I guess.) At least I added Vexen, Master Xeanhort, that knight guy who follows him. Ciao!
