Okay, so this is my first story ever in khv so please don´t judge it too hard... It was a peaceful morning. Sora and Kairi were in a little bout sailing around. Kairi had her feet in the water and Sora was sleeping. "Sora look! A dolphin" "Uh, Sora? Sooraa" "Look! HEARTLESS!" "What! Where! Where! Sora yelled while summoning his keyblade. Kairi giggled. "IwasntsleepingIwasjustrestinigmyeyes!" "Cam you just one time... Well, not sleep" Suddenly a big wave hit their boat "Sora!" Kairi screamed "Kairi! Where are you!" After a while Sora came to shore holding the unconscious Kairi. "Kairi, please wake-up" he said when he putted Kairi down. Riku ran to the beach holding his keyblade. "What happen" he asked Sora explained everything what had happen and Riku listened quietly. "We better get her to her home" Sora pick-up Kairi and they left the beach. As they were walking to Kairi's home Sora asked Riku: "Why did you have your keyblade when you came to the beach?" "Oh there was a heartless attack" "WHAT!" Sora yelled "Just kidding. Actually I was training" "Why you!" Sora summoned his keyblade, but took a deep breath and didn´t hit Riku. "Your lucky, because if I..." "Okay, here is were Kairi lives" Riku said completely ignoring Sora. This was kinda short, but hopefully the next one will be longer
Mwa ha ha! Do something totally evil to her for revenge! REVENGE! *evil laughter* MWA HA HA HA HA HA!!!*coughs*... *more coughs*... *more coughs x2*....*more coughsx2 plus sodding* My throat hurts....
Uh-oh... I wonder what has happened to poor Kairi! A bit short, but an interesting start. And remember, you can always ask help from me sis!
I've got a few requests for your story. You make them seem all talk and no action. Let them do this.. I'm not changing yours, I'll just let you have a sample. The morning seemed bright and early... The ocean looked clear as the sky and the water rocked the boat gently. Kairi sat on the boat, and looked over at Sora slightly. She poked him once, realizing he was asleep. She chuckled to herself, letting her feet dangle into the ocean. "Sora! Wake up, there's a dolphin!" she screamed excitedly. She watched the adorable dolphin and looked back at Sora. "Sora? Wake up!" she said, shaking him slightly. After shaking him, he had still not submerged from his slumber. Kairi thought of the quickest way to get him awake. "Sora a heartless!" she shouted. Sora's eyes opened immediantly and he jumped up. "What!? Where! Where!?!" Sora shouted, summoning his keyblade looking around.. Kairi let out a chuckle again at his reaction That's only a sample of how better you can be.. I like your story plot a lot, but it was a little confusing for me, because at the beginning i didn't know their surroundings, and it was a little hard for me to get who was saying what. Your Grammer is great, and i like that i saw no mistakes. You can use a little bit more punctuation.
*gives a cup of tea* it helps me when my throat hurts thank you *does sweet smile* 'k thanks for the tips!!! Okay so here is the next chapter!!! Hope you like it :) I would also like to thank theonly9one for her help in re-writing most of this chapter.... Thanks you *does another cutie smile* "Where am I?" Kairi thought when she slowly came to on her bed. She turned her head and saw her room. Everything was normal. Then, eyes brightening in delight, she noticed... "Riku!" Kairi yelled out loud shrilly as she ran to squeeze him. Riku was confused. He shifted his surprised gaze from his shocked, spiky-haired best friend to his best friends redheaded girlfriend. Who was hugging him. Riku. Not Sora. Riku gasped out, since the hug was very tight: "Uh, Kairi? Don't you wanna hug Sora, not me?" "What are you talking about honey?,'' Kairi's blue eyes widened in confusion, ''and who's Zoula?" "SORA! S-O-R-A! Soo-raa! Not Zoula or Zola or or... ROXAS!" Sora jumped up and down frantically, waving his arms around, trying to get some sense in to Kairi. "Yeah?" came a bored reply from a very familiar voice in Sora's mind. The brown haired Keybearer answered to the his Nobody living in his mind in an annoyed tone: "Roxas not now!" "Whatever..." Roxas sighed, just as bored as always. Kairi stared at the spiky haired boy strangely. "Roxas? Why would I call you Roxas? Riku your friend is kinda weird,'' the Princess of Heart said to the boy whom she thought to be her boyfriend, until her eyes brightened yet again: ''Come on lets go to the beach!" Kairi skipped away, but the two boys didn't move. Riku was even more confused than Sora... And Sora just stared at Riku. The pair stood in a shocked silence for a while until Riku finally asked: "What just happen?" Sora explained everything that had happened to them, not sparing any curse word he knew in his description. "Oh, crap" Riku mumbled and kicked the wall. Sora suddenly leapt to his feet, eyes shining from a brainstorm, yelling: "I'm gonna go and tell her!" "WAIT!" Sora stared at the older boy in disbelief and frustration as he snapped out angrily: "What do you mean wait! Kairi has to know that you aren't his boyfriend!" Sora got the images of Riku and Kairi being together burnt in his mind. "I can't let that happen" he thought. "The truth would be a big shock to her," the aqua-eyed teen said sadly. "Well,'' Sora snorted, '' the truth hurts!" " Fine, think of it this way: What would you do if someone told you that you never were with Kairi?" Riku said gravely. Sora was quiet as Riku continued: ''And that you were really seeing a girl you don't know...'' Sora looked at the door and then at Riku. Should he tell Kairi the truth or listen to Riku? "Okay" Sora said sadly. "Riku! Come on! I wanna get to the beach to-daaaayyyyy!" rang Kairi's voice from outside, a bit more high-pitched than normal. Riku looked out out of the window and saw the redhead outside sending him a blow kiss. A very flirty blow kiss. He sighed at his best friend, trying to give him an encouraging smile, but not really succeeding in it. "I better go,but lets try to let her remember everything by herself. Okay?" Sora nodded but, before Riku left the room the brunette grabbed the older boys arm, saying menacingly: "If I find you two making-out or something like that I'm gonna-" "I get it" Riku said, throwing his hand in the air in a 'She's all yours'-like way and left the room. Sora watched as his best-friend went to the beach with his girlfriend. He waited till he couldn't see them anymore and left the house, hands in pockets, gaze lowered. "Hi Sora! What are Kairi and Riku doing to-ge-ter at the beach" Sora almost jumped in the air when he suddenly heard Selphies cheerful voice behind him. "Selphie! How did you come there?" he asked, dumbfound. "None of you business. Now answer my question!'' Selphie said imperiously, poking out her tongue. "Thats none of your business," Sora muttered a bit sadly. "Aww. Come on Sora!" Selphie attempted to make Sora spill the beans. Suddenly Sora got an idea. "Lets not talk about them." he said, the tone of his voice changing audibly. ''Well what will we talk about then?" Selphie asked, tilting her head. "How are you doing?" "Fiiiiine," Selphie said, eyes narrowing in suspicion. "Sora, are you okay?" Sora tried to sound as charming as he could: "I'm just lost in your uhh... EYES!" "You suck" Roxas' now slightly amused voice rang out in Sora's mind. He snapped back at the Nobody: "Shut up Roxas!" "Not until you tell me why are you saying stupid pick-up lines to her and not hanging out with..." Roxas taunted. "Shut up!!!" Sora bellowed in to his mind, getting a bit hurt. Roxas continued his teasing: "KAIRI" "SHUTUP!" "ANSWER!" "NO!" "YES!" "SHUT UP!" "NO!" "SHUT UPOR I WILL SUCK YOU OUT OF MY HEART AND CHOKE YOU WHIT MY BARE HANDS AND FEED YOUR BODY TO THE TIGERS AND WHAT THE TIGERS DON'T EAT I WILL GIVE TO THE SHARKS AND..." "Sora! What's whit you today! First your grumpy, then you try to flirt whit me and now you threaten me! YOUR CRAZY!" Selphie cried out, hurt, and then she ran away. Sora asked himself, bewildered: "Did I say that out loud?" "Yup, bye-bye" came Selphie's last answer for him in a while.
Now that chapter is a whole lot better than the first. It keeps me in focus about their feelings and their story. remember to let us know who is saying what. I can already tell that you're going to be a great fanfic writer. In my opinion, maybe you should add a little more detail each time you write a chapter.. It'll increase and you'll get used to writing more... Check out one of my fanfics and it'll show how much details that can be left out or put in. http://www.kh-vids.net/showthread.php?t=50523
Thank you Yes poor Sora The story was better thanks to theonly9one so i shall give her a hug... Sorry, but I lost my notebook were I was writing the story so till I find it no new chapter...
"Sora! What's whit you today! First your grumpy, then you try to flirt whit me and now you threaten me! YOUR CRAZY!" :rofl: *after maniacal laughs* sorry, sorry... keep up the good work!
I'm glad you liked it I decided to start giving names for he chapters so I'll if you wanna know them... Well... Go read it from the start of the chapter... Well... Here is the third chapter: Gummi Ships and Romance "Oh, Riku, Isn't this romantic?" Kairi was hugging Riku as they were watching the sunset "Uh, yeah..." he answered uncomfortably. Kairi snorted as she saw something unfamiliar: "Too bad whateverthatis is blocking the view!" "Huh?" Riku had been checking that no-one would see them. Now he turned his head to see that there was a Gummi Ship coming straight towards them. Riku jumped up, causing Kairi to fall in the water, which he barely noticed. "What the heck is wrong with you!" Kairi yelled as she gave him the 'you are so dead'-look. Riku sighed. Kairi just didn't get it. "That. Is. A. Gum-mi. Ship." Riku said slowly emphasizing each syllable. Kairi punched his arm gently. Well... What she thought to be gentle, at least. She giggled a bit: "You don't have to speak to me like I'm some kinda idi... Wait! Gummi-what?!" "You know. The one that So..." Riku started, but remembered that Kairi barely knew who Sora was so he decided to improvise... "Remember when we were doing that raft?" he asked carefully. She nodded. "Yeah. The one that we made so we could get away from the island, right?" "Was there anyone else doing it with us?" "No, just you and I. Why'd you ask?" Kairi looked confused. Riku went on: "Just wondering... What happen to it?" "You should know very well!" Kairi snapped Riku took Kairi's hands and smiled. Hope this will work... he thought and said: "Hunnie, pwease twell me!" Apparently it worked because Kairi was smiling at him, enchanted. "Oh Wiku bwunny, you're so sweet!" I'm in my happy place... Happy place! 'Wiku' thought. He had been laughing at Sora, who always after his date came to Riku to complained of Kairi being so mushy. But now he knew the feeling all too well... Well..." Kairi started and woke Riku from his thoughts. "...There came this storm, that broke the raft... I was so sad, but you were there for me..." Kairi smiled and hugged Riku. "So nothing happen after that?" he asked. "Nope, nothing interesting" Kairi shrugged "Oh, okay..." The two were quiet for a while. Kairi stared at Riku for a long time until everything went black for a few seconds... *******"I'll come back to you, I promise!" "I know you will!" ******* "Kairi! Destiny Islands to Kairi!" "Sor-? Riku!" Kairi jumped up to hug her 'boyfriend'. "Are you okay?" Riku asked, a teensy bit worried. "I'm fine," Kairi said as squeezed Riku even harder. "Kairi?" he started "Hmm?" "We better run." "Huh, wha... Why?" she asked, a bit hurt. " 'Cause the Gummy Ship is gonna land on us if we don't..." At the same time Sora and Roxas were having a conservation. Well, sorta... "So, what are you gonna do about Kairi?" "I don't really know..." Sora sighed, but he was immediately cut-off by Roxas: "Hey, what time is it?" "Uh, eight I guess." he answered. "Turn on the TV!" Roxas commanded. Sora scoffed: "Why?" "Soccer. Match. Now!" Roxas said, so Sora lunged at the TV turning it on. The next 15 minutes they were quiet and just watched the match. Then Sora said: "I'm gonna change the channel fro a sec, I wanna see if I won in the lottery!" "Don't you dare to change the channel!" Roxas sounded threatening. Sora laughed with a wink: "I'm gonna change the channel now!" His Nobody sounded nearly desperate: "Don't!" "Bye-bye football... For a sec!" "Don't you dare!" "I'm gon- GOAL!!!!" "What?!" "A GOAL!" "A GOAL?!" "YES A GOAL!" "A GOAL!" Roxas screamed, over-joyed. While Sora and his nobody were screaming there came a knock on the door. The knock became louder and louder until they finally heard it. Sora went to open the door and something jumped on him and caught him by his head...
This is very good, I'm quite impressed. Your writing is getting much better. And don't worry I'm sure it'll only get better as the story goes on.
Thanks you very much Glad you liked it Okay, thanks... Sry guys, but the new chapter wont come for awhile. My school started and I did a new fanfic, but i'll try to get the next chapter done ASAP
