I started a story randomly. I didn't base it off of anything or anything like that, I just felt like it. I'll put up what I put so far, and I would greatly appreciate it if you'd tell me if I should continue or not and/or what I could improve on. Thanks! ;D [It has no title yet. :/] .::~Prologue~::. I'm 14 years old, you could say. Mentally, I'm over that. Or at least, that's what I'm told. I'm in the year 2008. Of couse, I'm not from this time. That's why I said that you could say I'm 14. I'm from further into the future. But from the time I'm from, not many people stay in their own time, the Earth is not too stable, and we are spreading ourselves out through the timeline, not interfering with the time, being as invisible as possible. I have no idea what time I was born in, no idea at all. But, if I were to actually be in the present time, I'd say I'd be in a year around 3000. Now, some people that live in the present might call me medieval for living in a such a time, but I find things here quite simplistic. And, of course, there's the 1,000,000 people limit, a law created by the Universal Data Controllers, more commonly known as the UDC. Their mental abilities are so far beyond the common man, therefore making them superior to most being, which is a neccessary element to becoming a part of the UDC. The 1,000,000 people limit law states that no more than 1,000,000 people from the present time can be in each year, or they suffer a death penalty, usually a rare illness. Once some people from the present time naturally die off in whichever year they are in, then the time travelers are given back their health, what people in the year 2008 commonly know as "miracles". The UDC has the power to do almost anything. They reign over the universe, and all of the universes that they have the power to travel to. As I've said before, their mental abilities are extreme, making them both physically and mentally superior to everyone and anything that dares to challenge them. Just about the only thing that they can't do is give the Averages, people that aren't a part of the UDC, a way to travel to another universe, leavivng them stranded on the puny, weak Earth. Oh, and of course, my name. Miyuki Takahashi. A bit unique, considering I am not Japanese, and it is a Japanese name. My mother was really into Japan around the year 2000 time period. I love my name though. Miyuki means snow, or something along the lines of it. I can't really remember. Takahashi is my last name because my mom wanted a Japanese last name, so she went to a member of the UDC and asked them to change her Universal File so our last name was Takahashi. Now, a bit more about the UDC. For as long as I can remember, my mom has always spoken so highly of them. They were always supposed to be a symbol of peace and greatness and such. But lately, they have become less and less of a symbol of peace, and more and more of a symbol of disloyalty, and somewhat war. As more of the peaceful members of the UDC are slowly dieing off from old age, the younger members, who learned all of the tricks from their elders, became madly obsessed with the power they held. There are about 100 members of the UDC. If I had to guess, I'd say 40 of them are just as I described to you. And as a result of that, the people of the present must suffer. Thank god for the elder, more responsible members. If it weren't for them, the whole universe, every time period, would be a living hell. This is the basic structure of everything you need to know about the story I am going to tell.
No, just no. You have a weird idea going here, and I'd accept it under two conditions, if I liked the writing and if it were consistent with itself. The writing is just a bit off to me, I understand it's train of thought first person, but it doesn't excuse the fact that it's not clearly conveying a message. This leads into my real problem with this. You say that being mentally superior to a human by default implies phyical superiority. Wrong. You also have several other parts that are self contradictory and unclear. Make sure others can understand you when you write anything down. Otherwise, this isn't a broken story.
