Its a Poem, it probally sucks tho..

Discussion in 'Archives' started by sorarulz, Feb 5, 2008.

  1. sorarulz Traverse Town Homebody

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    His Black Hair
    His Brown Eyes
    His Smile that makes my day better
    His sense of humor
    It makes me blush.

    The Way he talks, he sounds smarter than he is.
    He's a year older than me, but still so nice.
    I don't know him much, but he's so very cute.
    I like him so much.

    As shy as I am,
    I can't talk to him.
    He seems to see right through me, and see why I talk to him.
    He seems so nice, like nobody else I know.
    And when I talk to him.
    I can't see anyone else around us.
    Only him, and his
    dark honey eyes.

    He's going to high school next year, and I'll be left behind.
    But I'll go through 8th grade, and I'll wait, till that day I can be with him again.
    I'm on his Myspace, I have his cell number. By destiny, I also have his address.
    I wish he liked me back, but I'll wait till the right time to ask him,
    "Do you like me?"
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    I know, it doesn't even ryhme, I'm not even sure If its a poem....
     
  2. Destiny's Force Mess with the best, lose like the rest...

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    Let you on a little secret...

    Okay, just so we're clear...

    POEMS DO NOT HAVE TO RHYME. They only teach you to rhyme in K-12 because the teachers believe it's easier for you to understand. But once you get into the college level, you'll find that poems aren't always an "A,B,A,B" or "A,A,B,B" piece. In fact, this almost sounds like a prose piece. Prose is a poem that's extremely similar to everyday speech.

    And I personally like it. The speaker sounds like she's describing me. :D

    But I think this belongs in the Original Works section. :huh:
     
  3. sorarulz Traverse Town Homebody

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    :P I really didn't know where to put it. And I'm actually the speaker describing my crush. He's really cute..
     
  4. Heaven's Angel Kingdom Keeper

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    aww... this poem was so cute <3

    and no... poems don't have to rhyme... that's called a free verse :D (That's all I write... lol...)

    hmm... there are a few problems with it though... but they're not really all that important :3
    The words and everything are nice but your poem doesn't seem to flow... it may be the way that you placed the words and such but it needs to be a little more fluent.. and maybe use a bit more descriptive words... for example: you could use the word "admire" instead of using "like" so much...



    but it was still a pretty good poem all together... keep up the good work :)
     
  5. Nate_River Hollow Bastion Committee

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    that...was...epic... its so cool that everyone can come up with these great stories and poems... it shows that there may actually be hope for the future...
     
  6. sorarulz Traverse Town Homebody

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    Thanks! I never knew I was that good at writing poems. I made this cause I was bored, and I was thinking alot about my crush, but thanks guys.
     
  7. Heaven's Angel Kingdom Keeper

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    hey... poems turn out better if you write about true emotions... :D just don't doubt yourself :)
     
  8. Nate_River Hollow Bastion Committee

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    it is always good to have inspiration for these things... they seem to make it easier to write them....