Is It Grief or Depression? Or is it my Emoness? :(

Well, it feels like I have no purpose here. I'm not really good at anything and everything that I tried I fail miserably. The only thing I'm good at is listening to music XD and reading, but that is not a very big accomplishment. I'm not really aloud to do anything without my family going all wacko and start to get all freaky on me thinking of the worse cases possible of thing that might happen to me.

For example, I told them I wanted to go traveling before I go to college. They say its not goona happen. They say that I could do that after college. Although, I have no idea what college I want to go to or what I want to be. For them, they have everything planned out for me and they tell me what I'm going to do, not caring on what makes me happy. All I want to do is some soul searching by traveling Eurpoe maybe, and whenever I find my answeres. I want to go to college in London. Although they do not seem to understand, I tell my some of my family my plans and they ask me why. I don't say anything because I'm scared of hurting their feelings. When mine is getting hurt in the process. T.T

Then at school, it feels like everything is crashing down around me. I'm losing friends, because I'm trying to be a good friend to someone else, but ended up making them look bad. So now all my friends their are stuck in between to choose on whose side they are picking. Although it seems like they are choosing his and I'm left in the cold like a lonely icicle on a tree when it starts to get cold. They promise to hang out with me and once we plan something then end up backing out the last minute. Even though come to find out they ended up doing something with him, and me being at home upset.

I wish it is as easy to make new friends but those things don't come so easy for me. Does God think that I should be an outcast or am I going crazy?

Then I find out that a very good friend of mine is moving farther away from California and going to live all the way across the U.S. This just really upsets me and this is not the first time I hd a friend who had to do this, and then we ended up growing further and further away. I'm hoping that this is ot the case with this friend. This just really uosets me.

So in this case my rant is over and I just need a lot of advice. So if anyone is happy enough to give me some, then thanks.

 

No...it's not really you, it's more what the circumstances around are doing to you. I understand that you really want to be outspoken and stop all this, but sometimes things slip out of our hands.

In the matter of your education...the only feelings that should matter are yours. They aren't going to be studying, it's you, and if they push you into their study goals you'll feel unaccomplished. The only one you're hurting is yourself by not being accertive enough.

Most people at schools seem like devils. What will you try to do? You need to put your foot down and get something definite. You can't keep going with this maybe situation.

As for friends who leave...well, most of the times you'll have to say goodbye. Inevitably things change, and the possible future holds much more. I would reccomend just taking them as they go, and getting the good things out of them.

 

I feel very sorry for you.

First off, it's your life. You should live it the way you want, not by someone else's rules. There's no need to say **** like that about yourself, you know it's not true and I'm sure that there is something out there that you're great at. [You just haven't had the time to find it, by the looks of things.] You will accomplish things, maybe not right now, but you will, don't worry too much on that.

Travelling before going to college is something I've always wanted to do. I've planned it out actually. You'll enjoy Europe I've been there before :'D You'll definately find inspiration there. Just needs convincing I guess.

I'm sorry you're losing you're friends like that. Try to keep in touch, if they mean alot to you, or make some new friends when you travel [that's if you travel] are the only two options I can think of. You can do both if you like. Keep in touch aswell as making new friends. It's sad how you're friends back out on you the last minute. I can't think of anything for that, but just keep trying to catch-up whenever you guys can, even if one of you can't make it. But don't continue with this situation if it always ends up being a maybe.

I could say alot more about the parent stuff, but I won't because I don't know you're parents. So all I can say is try to build their trust. Make them believe [&yourself] that nothing will happen to you. Break the ice on the subject of going to University/College in England. It's what I would do. It's your education, and only you have the decision. Don't let you're parents choose your life for you. In a matter of seconds you'll think "What the **** have I done?" and it'll be too late to turn back.

Life is there waiting to be lived. So live it to the fullest.

 

What you're saying is wrong. You have a purpose here. You don't need to be good at anything to be here.

At school, make friends that you know and that they care for you. Those that leave you aren't your friends.

So remember, everyone here is your friend. We all care for everyone here including you. Just give a shout if you need help. =3

 

About your parents and college, don't listen to them. As many here have already said, it is your life, therefore your decision. Don't let them pressure you into doing something they want for you that you don't necessarily want. If you want to travel, then travel. Once you turn eighteen, your parents no longer have control over you. They might think they know what's best for you, but the reality is, if they're not listening to your wants and needs and instead letting their own desires get in the way, they are doing what's best for them. You will be a legal adult once you head to college, so there won't be anything they can do about it.

As for the friends thing, these things happen, but usually they blow over. About two years ago my sister had a long argument with two friends and the fighting lasted for a while, but now they're the best of friends again and willing to forget the past. It seems like that is what will happen with these friends of yours. Even if it doesn't, do you have any other friends you could hang out with so you're not so lonely?

As for your friend who's moving, I've been in that situation. I moved across the country a while ago and now I keep in touch with my friends over facebook. Maybe you could try that? For me, it really helps me keep up with what's going on with them and vice versa.

 

You do have a purpose and that is depression talking. The reason for the depression is clear though and I could not say it's unfounded at all. Try though to not turn what's going on out around you inside so that you look down on yourself. You have some issues about you to address, so working at them is critical. You have value and purpose. Don't forget that, ok? These other problems will sort out with some effort on your part and they may not be perfect, but they will become better than they are now. Hang in there. Again, don't turn this stuff inward to reflect on yourself as a worthless person. You are not worthless and you do not fail at everything.

Parents that plan out the lives of their kids like this are trying to be helpful. It can be a big pain in the ass to get through to them what you want to do because they already know that doing some things, such as taking trips before going to college, could mean you are not going to go to college. I have a couple ideas for you.

1. If you want to go to college overseas, you may want to try to do a year or two first in the states. If you maintain high grades, you can ask for a transfer to an overseas college and it sometimes is easier to get this done. If you get 'electives' out of the way the first year, there are college programs you can research to enable you to transfer easier. You just have to really apply yourself the first few semesters to see it come to fruition and see on this, which you can talk to college assistants and become part of an exchange program. This may get you what you want and also at the same time give your parents what they want. Just remember, really really apply yourself on those electives.

2. If your grades are high enough, apply for colleges in London anyway and see if any accept. It will be harder to go this route but at least they may even send you back requirements you would need to apply again. That way you get a plan for your wish.

3. Apply to a local college and also plan on a trip in the summer to overseas to England if that is what you want to do, for next summer. Save up money so you can go and while on your vacation, check out the colleges and see what is there that is offered. If you can't do it next summer, do it the summer after. Either way, you will be older and have some college under your belt and also get your trip you want to have. If you get a job part time while at college you can try to save up for the trip. You may even be able to find a group of college kids that would plan on a trip to England and be able to get a package deal with them.

In the end, these are ideas you can do on your own, since it is doubtful your parents are going to pay for such a trip etc. If you want it, fight for it. It will take you longer but you can accomplish your dream if you are really mature and serious about it and study hard. It -is- attainable. Just not the way you might have thought it would be. Again, hang in there.

Going to be real here with you. High school friends.. I only have like two people from high school I still know and hang out with, and she and he are two of my greatest friends. All of the others, we moved on and they are doing their things and I'm doing mine. Some were pretty decent friends. Others were fair weathered friends. Most were fair weathered friends, I should say. When you get out of school, you are going to meet a bunch of new people in college, at work, doing whatever. Some are going to be a lot more close to you than these friends at school who pick and choose who is popular this week to hang out with.

In the end, I suggest you do what you feel is right here and if it costs you some fair weathered friends, then they are showing you that they don't really care so they aren't worth the agony they are putting you through. Look for some other friends if these ones are letting you down. Some may come around when they see you are moving on with your life. You have all of these plans you wish to see happen when you leave school, so apply your attentions to doing strong in education, and well, being supportive for the friends who really -are- real friends. Do some other things like join clubs and such and meet others. This will help you find new friends but also it will help when you write up your applications to colleges. I hope that some of your friends will turn around and see what they are doing to you, but you may have to accept that some are also going to move on and do their things. Life is like that for us all. The best we can do is remember the good times and let some people go who just aren't going to be there tomorrow and find out who your real friends are that will be around. Also, as I said, you are going to meet a lot of other people in your future, so choose your focuses and just do what is right to you. It will reflect better on you later in life and you can look back and say you did your best.

I understand this really well as I've had to be the one who moved. I still have two very good friends from High School, despite the fact I moved at the end of 10th grade to another state. There are ways to keep in touch though and you never know that later they might move back or you can plan trips to see the person. You don't have to lose a friend just because he or she moves out of state. You can talk via internet and phone and plan stuff if you both want to. I went into the army even and still managed to somehow keep those two friends from my childhood. It can be done. I hope the friend you have isn't moving, but do not give up hope that you have to write the person out of your life.

All in all, I really hope things get better for you and this is a rough spot to be in. I understand it pretty well and had to fight to get what I wanted to see done because my parents weren't very cooperative in my future plans either and well some friends just aren't real friends. Do stay strong though and don't let this stuff go to feeling bad about yourself because you aren't a rotten person with no purpose. You can turn this around with some investigating of colleges and determination. Good luck to you and I hope this at all helped you out.

 

**** them. Do what you want. Be a rebel.

But, in all seriousness, it seems like this isn't your fault. It's depression, but only because of what's going on otherwise. You want to find a skill but your parents are inhibiting you. It isn't too surprising you feel the way you do.

I say just do things you know your parents can't find out. And if they don't like it, well, their fault I guess. If not you can try and convince them but I'm not sure how far you can get with that, due to the fact I don't know your parents.