If I could break the 3rd wall of my life With some sarcastic statement of the day Would the laugh track be loud Would it be alive Or some digitized recording of a chuckle From a broken actor with a sad career Would I have written it or would Would it be written by a team of corporate comedians Entertaining themselves Would I be primetime would Would I be lifetime Would I be censored or dubbed Or cut out altogether Would I care if I were Would I see the screen and And how thick would it be and Would it blur the face of my fan Would he laugh at me for being fucking funny Or for trying at all would Would he be there at all Is he there at all?
I heard that you wrote poetry, etc but I never saw any of your stuff before. This is good, it's interesting how you wrote in hypothetical statements, like you're describing every possible way something could happen. The flow is nice, doubling up the "and" and "would" keeps people paying attention. Overall it was something I enjoyed reading. Good job, Travis. :3
I have one question...is the third wall refering to a two dimensional life...or are you refering to the 4th wall from theatre / film? I was a bit confused with this line whether it was correct or needing a slight change but in either respect it works. Line 11 "Would I be primetime would"...why the second would? Strong poem Cin.
It was meant to be a combination of both, actually. I didn't think someone would get both meanings, good job.
It's morning already? The older I get the younger I feel Maturity deludes imagination Augments the illusion, I wish I were real The bigger I am the smaller the world It seems to shrink by miles a day And yet any distance is too much now The longer I've lived the shorter the minutes Nights and Days have lost their meaning It's so bright at night, Days seem so dark And they've bled together, hours into Days. Days into Weeks, Weeks into Lifetimes. And none of it even rhymes. I'll have to work on that With what I have left of the inbetween world Because where I am sat Time and space curled And it bent my perceptions, and it snapped them in half And this endless day sings And my pen seems to laugh And I'm only aging to realize We're all too young for this
I am super pissed that nobody has responded to this. Cin I adore it, I only gave it a quick read because I am in a rush for work, I'll read it through again when I get home, but I wanted there to be at least one reply to this. I love the messages it carries and I can really relate to a lot of it, especially the idea of the world becoming smaller the older we get, and how time seems to move faster. Please continue to write, if for nothing else then because I am selfish and want to read more >:C
Oh wow,I loved it. I actually didn't want it to end where it did,although the ending was nice. Just as great as the beginning. I like how you said the days turn into weeks and weeks turn into lifetimes. I also like the the line "and this endless day sings" Very nice. c:
You must enter a title/subject! I dreamt one night, my mind far from mine And I'll tell you the importance of the very first line See I'm never caught dreaming if I'm ever caught sleeping I'm dead to the world, watch my relatives weeping I'll sleep through a bullet, I'll sleep through a train I've slept through an earthquake, and quite a bit of pain But somehow in my slumber I awoke in the night I looked up to see not 1 but 2 lights Red and deep they glowed with a violence Yet illuminated a figure of extreme innocence A fox stood over me, its breath on my face Though I didn't feel fright my heart seemed to pace I was soaked to the bone with sweat from my skin And the Fox seemed to deafen in an indescribable din As it barked over me, my heart seemed to stop I could feel my chest wrenching with a groan and a pop It's white teeth appeared fast and it lunged at my face I stared helpless into it's throat while my mind started to race Where would I go now that I've died? If I told god that I loved him would he know that I lied? My mind disappeared in the dark of the room And it's eyes remained open in the infinite gloom Years later I awoke in a few minutes time I tried to open my eyes but they weren't mine I lifted my hands to my face and all seemed to be well But my eyes were held shut by some sort of spell I felt fur on my leg, I assumed it the fox But to my surprise a bark wasn't it's vox It said to me in the black of my eyes That it was the Devil and it'd broken my ties To what I called my body, what he called my chains He said "God wants a word, it's the worst of your fears." Though my eyes were closed, in the cold I felt tears I asked "What do you know of fears, what do you know of lies?" He said "You've told me them all, son, your fear's in the skies!" I said "What do you know of God?" He said "What I know of lies." I heard a movement in front, but a push in the back I started walking blindly into a world darker then black My footsteps made no sound, but the devil's were loud He must have worn shoes, I guess I wasn't allowed We didn't walk very far, he said "This is it here" But I felt in my heart that God was not near He knocked on a door of thick metal casting Despite what was beyond, the ring was long and lasting He opened the door, the hinges sounded of rust And I coughed as as I started drowning in dust A gust of wind blasted outward and knocked me back But I hit a wall which the room till now seemed to lack It started moving forward pushing me toward the door And the winds got stronger then they'd been before The wall met the door frame and I was inside The Devil grabbed my neck as some strange sort of guide He threw me down on the floor, again, no sound was heard I sat up in my place, and said not a word The Devil broke all the silence, and said "GOD, I AM HERE" And a chorus of voices screamed in response, "I AM HERE". The Devil grabbed my neck again and this time he squeezed I said "God, I am here" with a cough and a wheeze. The voices called out again with a quiet indifference "I am here" What was only a feeling had seemed to appear This room was large, too large to be real And all worry or longing had been forged into steel In the sword of my love and the warmth of the sun And I'd forgotten the feeling of needing to run I said "God, I am here.", again without fear And the sea of voices again said "I am here."" I asked "What do you want?" And the Devil just laughed For whatever was said, God responded with half "Do you want?" "God why do you mock me and the world?" The sound of his voice twisted around my head in a laughing twirl God chuckled in response to the Devil and leveled with "Me and the world?" I asked "What is the meaning of life, my lord?" The Devil laughed louder at my futile attempt God said "Meaning of life?" though My lord was exempt The end of my sentence was drowned out in the laughter A whole universe of voices continued thereafter I refused to say anything else Till the room full of laughter had dwindled to yelps I understood now that god was an Echo A big empty room just as cold as the snow He threw back at you what you wanted said But the sound was deformed and broken and dead And all the love that I'd felt was just in my head And my heart sank in the silence like a full ton of lead The Devil grabbed me by the neck and threw me back into bed And i opened my eyes, what was dark before, was bright now instead I'd lost all that fear, all my worry had fled I said "GOD I KNOW YOU AREN'T THERE AND I'M SCREAMING AT SKY BUT I LOVE YOU AND KNOW YOU ARE ME AND MY LIES NO LONGER WILL I STAY IN THIS BOYISH DISGUISE THE WORLD IS MINE, NO, NOT MINE, BUT OURS AND WE THANK YOU FOR BREAKING ME FREE FROM MY BARS IT'S A LIFE THAT WILL BE FULL OF NOTHING BUT LAUGHTER AND IF I SHOULD DIE I'LL LAUGH WITH YOU IN THE AFTER I know now you're not there, I no longer will fear No, I am alive And I am here."
I really like this poem :'D I didn't know what to say when you first posted it because it was so amazing. I like the last six lines of the poem. But just as well, the whole thing is great too. Nice work.
You know, this is the second time that the only reason I have logged in is because of your poetry Cinnyboo <3 Thank you for showing me this, as I have said before you are great at putting emotions into your words, and they carry so much feeling. I especially love the ending, I think the ideas that are shown in this piece are very interesting and will leave the reader thinking about what they have read for a long while afterwards. I do think that in some places it feels awkward where you have "forced" the rhyming, personally I think poetry is something that should come naturally and flow with its own force. I can see what you were going for though, and as I told you, I think it is great for you to try different styles and experiment. Anyone can write a poem, but not everyone is a poet, I'll go out on a limb and say that if you keep on writing the way you are doing, you will be in both categories <3
