So far it's just called Bears. Here's how i believe the universe started. In the beginning, there was nothing. And then, there was the Bee. The Bee simply did what he did best. He made the Honey. Honey, as we all know, attracts bears. AND THEN THE GREAT URSURUS CAME, AND HE ATE THE HONEY, AND IN THE MIGHTY BELCH THAT FOLLOWED, THE UNIVERSE WAS CREATED. A growl rippled from the divine throat of Ursurus, and there was light. And it was okay, i guess. Needed more honey. Another growl from the righteous vocal cords of the bear, and there was the Earth, which was also okay.
On the first day, He did nothing. On the second day, He stole some honey from the Bee. On the third day, he ate. On the fourth, he went to sleep. On the fifth through ninety seventh day, he slept. Somewhere around the hundredth day, He woke. The Wonderful Ursurus gave a great yawn He stretched He scratched, but could not reach that one place in the middle of his back, you know which one i'm talking about. He was bored Pulling some dirt the Earth, and scraping some Honey off of the bottom of the pot, he made them into the shape of a man. Certainly not in his own image, because that would be too perfect. When the man was done, Ursurus Sneezed. And what a Sneeze it was. Man awoke, and was horny. "Hey Dude," he called "Make me something i can fuck" Ursurus was a male as well, and understood the need. Grabbing air from the sky this time, as to make a fairer creature, he once again mixed it with honey, and woman was made. Man and woman fucked. Had shitloads of babies. The Earth was populated. Other creatures were made over time, whenever Ursurus became bored. Looking at the wonderful genetic diversity we have today, this appeared to be ALL THE TIME. Finally, one day, He decided He would make a creature in his own image. He created Four of these "Bears" and sent them unto Earth. While the Four had Ursurus image, they did not have his sense of caring, nor his appetite for Honey. They craved flesh, and being in the image of The Perfect One, had no trouble acquiring it. Ursurus saw what was happening, and at first he laughed. "This shit's better than the Tee Vee!" He cried. But suddenly He realized He sorta almost liked man, and was far too lazy to make him again. So he found a man, with a wife and 2 sons. He said "Hey. Find a tree. A big one. Climb it. Take some animals, i don't want to do this shit all over again" So they did. Their names are not important, for they are simply humans. And they were saved, for the moment. Ursurus regarded his Four Bears. They were...Too perfect. So he decided to split them into a multitude of smaller, less powerful bears. Black Bears, Grizzly Bears, Brown Bears, and Polar Bears, to name a few. Once they had been split, they were not as dangerous, and humans could live with them as long as they stayed away from the fuckin Bears. But Ursurus did not want the humans to get too lazy The Mighty Ursurus giveth, the Mighty Ursurus taketh away. While he had diminished them in power and size, Bears could now climb trees.
Shotgun being a priestess to this Religion. My name is Italian for 'honey', do I get bonus religious points?
