I'm sick of being screwed over... who can I trust now?

I'm at the point of giving up ever finding a best friend I can really trust. Why? It seems like everyone I contact with that I relate to either dies on me or stabs me in the back in the end. And then I'm left in an emotional mess. I have a weakness of giving myself to people I feel like I can trust. I give them my heart and soul in hopes that they'll make it something better. I guess that's a mistake...

Guess I should explain why this is a big deal for me.

First Best Friend:

When I was thirteen, in the sixth grade (and really trying to find a good friend) my dad moved my family to a small town. No biggie, right? Perfect chance to make friends. Wrong. There was only one girl who actually showed an interest in me, and didn't shun me for who I was and how excited I was about Teen Titans and other fantasy things. This town had clicks. If you didn't play sports, didn't get good grades, you weren't even considered as a human being. I did neither. The school system was ahead of the one I was previously in, so I was behind. I was failing when I first got there.

By the time me and my friend, let's call her Aleesha, got to the 8th grade I was determind to try. What were the results? I finally got high honor roll. Aleesha on the other hand got the low honor roll. We knew this, because there was an awards assembly and we were handed these awards in front of everyone. So when I found out I was on the high honor roll, I was pretty excited. I was trying to share my excitement with Aleesha, but I guess I did it in the way I was bragging or something because her mother came up to me later that day (since she worked in the school) and this is how it went:

"You know, bragging about your honor roll is really hurting Aleesha's feelings."
"But I wasn't trying to... I just-"
"I would suggest you would go and apologize to my daughter."

After that, I just told myself I was no good and that I was a failure. Her mother left me alone. And then I started to believe my own words: I was a failure (I still think like this to this very day). When highschool came, she ditched me for a group of friends who I wasn't really comfortable with. So I was left alone. I didn't see the point of school anymore.

Second Best Friend:

Then I dropped out of public school and signed up for online homeschool. I met a girl (Let's name her Hailey) who also did the same program. That was around the time I was introduced to anime and Kingdom Hearts. We liked both of those things, and instantly clicked. My dad even made the effort to take me to where she lived to see each other face to face. We had a blast, hanging out and stuff. We also made our own private RolePlay that we both enjoyed and we were both the main characters of the RP.

But then I ran into a road block in my life.

Long story short, I had a death in the family that hit me hard. My friend didn't help much, because she started to put very depressing things in our RP. Example: Hailey would constantly die in our RP, get constantly sick with a serious illness, or get captured by a villain over and over again. Hailey was also struggling with death. When I started to involve dark-ish ideas because of my new outlook on life, she got mad at me.

Hailey told me that my ideas were too depressing and too upsetting. But for me, my dark ideas always ended happy and the character was stronger than ever. Not on a depressing note like she made it. After a while, she started to ignore me in the RolePlay and made sure everything was focusing on her. That was a low blow to me, because I was just trying to reach out for someone to understand me. Instead, I was pushed to the side...

Not only that, but when I was trying to explain my feelings of depression to her outside of the RolePlay, it always turned into "Well I had it worse than you" type discussion. It was suppose to make me feel better, but I just wanted someone to listen to me.

Eventually, because how this friend was treating me emotionally and mentally, I went into deep depression. Later in the year, I was prescribed anti-depressants.

Trying to find someone in the middle of the second friend:

I'm not mentioning names in this one. Even fake names. Some of you know about this, some of you don't.

Long sob story short, I gave my heart to someone. Their ex emailed me saying she and him were dating behind my back. I basically shattered in a million pieces. I tried again, stuff came up with the ex, I had to totally break ties. Even though this was all online, I still gave my whole heart and soul out. And it was screwed over.

Moral of the story: I never ever want to come close to a guy ever again.

Present story:

I'm starting to loose my long time best friend (We'll call her Kassandra). I was friends with her since I was eleven years old, my parents liked her, everything was nice.

But now, things are starting to change.

I think it started to happen this summer. Kassandra came to stay with me for a month. We got into fights though, because she was trying to pry into my personal life that I didn't want her to see. She figured out I was talking to two of the people I mentioned that stabbed me, and got upset with me and started to scold me and critize me like she was my mother.. I was just trying to make ammends to those people, because I thought it was me that caused all the problems. I told her it was none of her business, and then she said to me, "Best friends don't lie." and I said, "Well I just did." and then she started to cry.

I had to leave the room.

While she was staying with us, I caught her looking in my journal. We had this RolePlay between me and her, and we had too many characters to keep track of by memory. I wrote them down. Her excuse was that she was looking for the character list. But she didn't ask me.

I'm afraid to open up to this Kassandra, because she gets so dramatic about things. Some times when I open up to her too is when she's mad about something. Her anger gets directed at me some times, and I'm left crying inside. (I had anger in my family, it scares me senseless when someone yells at me)

She also told me once that if I had an emotional build up to lash out at her. That's not the way I roll. I don't want to hurt other people with my own problems.

And now... well. She's my only friend at school. Several times I asked her if she wanted to hang out with me at lunch. She always said yes, but she never met up with me and end up going to hang out with other people. Also, I'm struggling in school right now. Kassandra is pretty smart, so I asked her to help me in my homework.

Yesterday I went to go get help. We barely had started, and I was already confused. She gave up helping me and said, "You're not going to graduate you know. You're going to fail."

Like I know this already since I say that to myself almost every day.

When I was over there, I let her play a game on my phone because she asked if she could try it. But then she exited out of the game and started to go through my phone without my permission. She was even about to read my texts. I couldn't say anything, because if I said to give it back, she would say, "What are you hiding from me?" and probably would've checked through my texts. I can't stand up to her. She's big, strong, intimidating too. She also has a way of mentally shutting you down and shutting you up to let her do her thing. Anyways I made friends with one of her best friends (We'll call him Brad), and he connected to me more than Kassandra. Like we're almost brother and sister.

I was texting Brad about the problems I was having with Kassandra, because he knows Kassandra like the back of his hand. I didn't want Kassandra to see that I was trying to get help to how to deal with her. So I sat there, praying that she wouldn't start reading through my personal stuff. Then I did the stupid thing and left my phone at her house. When I got it back from her this morning, I saw she changed my screensaver... Which meant she went through my phone.





Basically, I don't know what to do with people anymore. I try to be there for my friends, I really do. Then I give myself to my friends to see if they can help me be better. But I've been betrayed so many times, been emotionally and mentally bullied countless times, I'm at the point where I don't care if I'm lonely... but then again I do care.

Is it just me? I'm starting to get scared of people, of trying to find friends. It hurts to keep my feelings trapped inside of me, but I don't know who to go to anymore... Brad is nice and all, but now I feel myself being cautious. I'm starting to put up walls I don't want to put up, but I want to protect myself. I'm like on the brink of sanity and insanity right now...

I really don't know how to explain everything that I talked about in here... Ugh.

Any advice? Help?

 

It sounds to me like you have just had awful experiences with people.

On Aleesha, honestly, she should have been proud of you. You worked hard to accomplish something, and that's excellent--I mean, she's only human for feeling a little jealous, and she probably confided that in her mother. I don't think it was a great idea for you to cut ties with her so quickly though; I'm sure her mother only said something to you because sometimes that's what mothers do. If it's not too weird (I'm not sure how much time has passed?), you might want to try to get back in contact with her. You've obviously changed since then and I'm sure that she has too, but there might still be something there. If anything, it's someone. You don't have to be best friends, sometimes you just need people to be around.

On Hailey, it sounds to me as if she was just unsympathetic towards what you were going through. It may have been hard for her to understand if she's never lost someone, but it sounds like you're better off without her now. If you weren't happy with her, don't bother. There are people out there who will genuinely care about you, they're not easy to find, but I swear to you that they exist.

For the guy, if he was dating someone behind your back, he's not worth your heart. That's one of the problems with romantic relationships over the internet, it's so so easy for someone to lie. I do think his ex did the right thing in emailing you, by no means was it happy news, but that's better than having been strung along, is it not? Don't write off all guys just because one treated you poorly. You can take time, wait until you've healed a bit, wait until you've gotten older, but don't completely abandon hope.

And really, Kassandra sounds like a *****. I'm not sure what else to say on that. Anyone who invades your privacy and blows you off for other people clearly does not care about you, and you shouldn't waste your time on them.


I think you're just going through a rough time, emotionally and self-esteem wise. And I think everyone's been there, to some extent. Don't waste your time on people that don't care about you, and don't be so down on yourself! Self-loathing is not going to get you anywhere. I know it's a total cliche, but you only have so much time here, and why would you want to spend any of it being anything but extremely happy?

I give this advice a lot, but I honestly do think it helped me raise my self-esteem substantially. Every morning when you wake up, tell yourself you are a beautiful person. Even if it feels like you're lying to yourself. You're going to get through this, you're going to be happy one day, but you've got to work for it.

I feel like I'm not making my point really clearly, but I think these quotes mirror what I'm trying to say. They helped me a lot, I hope they will do the same for you:
"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
and
"This life is what you make it. No matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And babe, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up because if you give up, you'll never find your soul mate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about."

Just believe in yourself, things will get better. I have very few irl friends, but I've found that online friendships can be just as good. :]

 

oh boy have I been there and back, listen very carefully sometimes its ok to put up walls its just not ok to leave them there forever. what you really need to do is block off some people for a bit and try to find yourself first, I know it sounds cheesy but you need to find your footing give yourself a day or two of complete mental solitude it'll help. then afterwards ,if you have to and from reading your post i'd say you do, find new friends, whoever that guy is if he's a friend hold him close, whoever that girl is if she's an enemy push her away. find who you belong with and you'll be able to trust again. until then...... well no one ever said you had to trust ANYONE but yourself.

 

Thanks Misty. ^^ It really did help.

Ugh... I was in a rush to post this, so I didn't really explain everything.

With Aleesha, I did stick with her after that. I just constantly looked down on myself while I was around her so she would feel good about herself. It wasn't the right thing to do, but it was the only thing I could think of. I tried to be her friend when we started going to highschool, but then she started to leave me to fend for myself. She didn't invite me to join her group of friends, and they didn't invite me. After a while, she practically started to ignore me...

With Haily, I forgot to mention that she actually went through bad things with death. Her friend died in a car crash while the other people survived, her favorite cat got put to sleep in her arms... I think she was just trying to reach out and I was trying to reach out... and it really didn't mix.

With the guy, we're talking now. It's just not the same like it use to be if you know what I mean. As soon as I backed off the first time, the ex and him got right back together all over again.

With Kassandra... what am I suppose to do with a friend who I had for a long time and now they're treating me like this?


And thanks again Misty. The quotes help a lot too. :glomp:

Alright... I'll keep that thought in mind. It's really hard finding someone and letting them into my life now. But I'll try.

 

Wow...What coincidence...I was just about to make a thread exactly like this one in this section...I'm having the exact same problem as you right now...

Anyway, Maybe I can help:

From my understanding the definition of a true friend is someone who will do things like stand up for you when they can tell that somebody has hurt you. That's one example. Another one is loyalty. If someone is loyal to you and always there for you. Never doing anything to harm you.

Sorry I couldn't give longer and better advice than this but I hope this helps.

 

Nah, it's okay. Any advice helps.

It's really hard to find people like that up front though. You think they're going to be the greatest friends... but over time, they end up doing the opposite of what you hope would've happened.

Hopefully I'll find friends like that who'll be loyal and stand up for me. Until then, I guess I have to wait a little longer.

 

The key to finding good friends is looking in good places. I've been where you are when I tried to make friends like people normally do. I don't know what your beliefs are, but the only time I've ever made friends who are reliable and good to me(we've been friends for years now), I met at a Christian youth group.

Don't let yourself get too down, even if you can't find many good friends. Don't forget you have your enitre life ahead of you. I went through an extremely long period without any friends but there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and I'm there's one for you too. Keep your head up high and keep moving forward :)

 

Aw, Maka. I'm so sorry. Friend problems are, in my opinion, just as bad as family problems. I'll try to help a bit, but I can see you've got enough help already. :)

I won't say that you should immediately find new friends just when you get new wounds. Time is the best medicine, so they say. Just let the wounds heal, be alone if you need to. It's going to be hard, but try your best to find the courage in you to be friendly. You'll meet lots of people, jerks, morons, givers, loyalists...etc. Life may be cruel, but it's not THAT cruel. It will let you have your good share of friends, and this time, they'll stick to you.

If you need, the forums are always open for ranting, as that helped me out before. I had a friend just like Kassandra (though, admittedly, not as bad), so I vaguely know what you're going through. Sometimes, writing down your problems makes you feel better. Oh, and maybe a pet. :D I'd suggest dog (puppy), but that's totally up to you. They love you no matter what, so that's a somewhat good start.

"Ame futte ji katamaru."

It means "land that is rained on will harden". Suffering makes us stronger.

Don't be disheartened. :3 There are people you can talk to here.