I'm Emo... I guess. and I'm upset.

I finished my Org. 13 jacket last week... and I've been wearing it everyday... I'm wearing more of my black shirts... I'm wearing a lot of silver lately... My hair is totally covering the left side of my face... I'm isolating myself from my family more often than I normally do.

I've been very depressed this past year. I'm failing at school. my entire family is completely two-faced and talking about me behind my back. My school is so horrible. I am constantly talked about and bullied in all of my classes. People saying I'm mean and quiet.

I'm not mean, I just don't want to talk, unlike all of you who constantly scream and laugh and barely get any of your work done cuz all you're doing is bad-mouthing me for a whole hour.

oh, and to make matters worse. just today we had an assignment to do and it involved making a poster and drawing out an example. I always work by myself because... I just really can't work with people who are two-faced and rude like that. Everyone was like "oh can we draw stick people?" "Why do we have to draw an example?" "I can't draw."

and guess what... All eyes fell on me. and the badgering started.

"Hey, uh, what's your name, can you draw us a picture?" "Hey girl, draw us this." "She's not drawing for you, she's in our group!"

That made me mad. I was never in your group to begin with and I really don't appreciate being a tool to your success. How in the world are you going from messing with me to telling me to draw something for you? After calling me names like goth-girl or something like that. But I'm not goth... yet. They have the gal to do that. And they've seen the way I draw, I'm sitting at my desk drawing a picture of Zexion, one girl looks over my shoulder and goes "Is that supposed to be you? You're really strange."

=_= I don't say anything. I learned that the hardway last year, they would instigate and keep going until... they got what they wanted. Yes, they wanted to see me cry and I did. it was bad to the point where I walked out of the classroom, walked out of the school, went to the parking lot, got in my car and cried in all out agony and went home to cry some more.

I'm telling you. The school I go to is horrible. And so are all the other schools around where I live... I don't even know why I put up with it before I go completely into a downward spiral of self-loathing and what not. All of my friends are going to different schools or out of state and I'm all by myself...

I hate it. Bad-mouth me. Use me. Torture me. Laugh at me.

But... now I stay calm and collected. I just ignore them. Let them blabber on and on and get no reaction. That makes them even more mad and it gets to the point where they'll actually push me or pull my hair. Side note: The teachers don't do squat to stop this. This happened at another school I used to go to...

I got hit by a boy. I didn't do anything to him. I was just sitting quietly and he and his friends kept messing with me. That's all I'm going to say.

And yet... I'm still here. Drawing and writing. The only thing that keeps me going through this emotional rollercoaster... and I glad... but I'm very upset for what happened today.

And this is probably my longest post yet... but it's good to let it all out. ^_^

 

Hm.
I had it bad aswell.
Bullied, tortured, laughed at, and that kinda stuff.
I really have no idea how I made it.
Anyway, sorry this is happening to you.
I hope you make it, and don't think about killing yourself like I did.
If it gets to bad, I suggest seeing a counsilar(sp?)
Again, i'm sorry bout this.

 

I feel your pain. :( (Well... sorta, seeing as "nobodies can't feel" X-X)
Yeh, I get pushed around so much too, and I hate when people talk about me like that. Even my family hates me too. ='(
I can especially relate to the whole drawing thing, once I was drawing a picture of Kairi and Namine (a pic of their faces, one side of it was Namine's and the other was Kairi's, so it was like half of their faces on either side :P) and one kid went up to me and said "What the ****?!" =_=
Anyways, just talk to somebody about it (a counsilor [sp??], friend [on the phone I guess], or one of us [I'll be your friend if ya want :)]
Hope you feel better. :')

 

It's all right. I already been to a counselor... they didn't help one bit. They even said I'm strange. I even went to family counseling with my sis and dad... that only made it worse. And I don't plan on killing myself. That's the last thing I'll ever do.

^_^ My mind is so full of awesome artistic ideas... but it's horrible that some people make fun of it and then turn around and act all supportive and fake.

That's one thing I don't like. Being used.

 

Amen, that's why I usually keep my sketchpad where nobody else can see it. ^_~ It's more like a journal, only it has drawings instead of writing. :]

 

Wow, people where you live are f****** up.

 

Screw kids at school, they are a bunch of low life dumbasses anyway. Ignore them... they are only kids, blinded by the way things work in life. The worst thing you can do is let this get to you. Enjoy life, regardless of what anyone says to you :)

 

Thanks Namine. I believe this whole ordeal has really made me emotionless. Last month my cousin died and... I didn't cry. I didn't feel any kind of emotion at all. But that's another story. as for my friends, they either moved and got a new phone number, cell number or they've ditched me for the way I am.

Heh, I actually considered getting a tattoo of the Nobodies symbol for my birthday. XD Ironic but that's too extreme.

True, true. I have so much drawings and poetry that... I could get a instant A+ in english or art class.

Yes.. very, very f***** up.

And I do try to enjoy life. But when they get physical... hoo boy. that just shows how much they really wanna mess with me.

 

I was goin to say what Naminé said.
And what BurgerKing said.
I was pushed around bullied, and I actually almost killed myself. :D
Everyone hated me at my school...they still do...a little less a little more...but
other than that...I, too, suggest councelling[sp?] or theapy...it helped me a lot!
(I sound like a crazy person when I say that)

 

I think almost anyone will know what that pain feels like. I'm kind of going through it right now. I always get used for my homework, or drawing like you had said. And it doesn't really matter what people say to me anymore, because I know that there are some people out there, like my friend Tyler, who truly accept me for the type of person I am.

I personally hope that karma comes back and kicks those people in the face.

 

Therapy and counseling... for it to fail again. I can't seem to go through with it anymore. Its like I'm telling them my problems and they're not listening and asking totally different questions that strays from the problem at hand.

Yeah. my good friend Alicia-Oneesan, who is all the way in texas, is really a good friend to me. She keeps me sane. XD I'd rather have her for a sister than the one I currently have. (who is a total B.) ^_^ that is why I always call her Alicia-Oneesan and she calls me Adri-Neechan.

 

I suggest God.
I know it sounds corny and "Oh if you don't you go to Hell."
But I SERIOUSLY reccomend praying and asking for help!
I hate seeing people sad and stuff...it's my job. xD

 

My parents made me go to therapy once cus I was "depressed" (though I know they think I'm crazy ), yeh, it only makes you feel worse. X-X
Oh, and I've stopped caring what other people think, really, this kind of thing helps make you more independent and able to be happy, even if you're completely alone. :)

 

What I do when people make fun of me is smile and laugh.
Though it does hurt, if you show no emotion of hurt, they'll stop.
Though it IS hard not to cry or anything.
I got picked on last year for 3-4 straight hours by three kids and I felt like bursting out with punching them and crying...but they eventually stopped.

 

...

 

Sadly... I stopped praying after my friend died... which was... when I was 8 or 10 years old. or perhaps when my favorite dog died, and grandpa... phew, so many deaths.

It sure does. So for all I care, they can keep on barking brainlessly like the dogs they are.

 

Yeah... My mom made me go to a psychiatrist/conselor when I was a little kid. That lady was just downright weird. In fact, I don't think she helped me with my depression and "signs of schizophrenia". I think she made them worse.

And my parents.. they don't respect me trying to be unique. But that's what I've got my friends for :)

 

God may not seem like he cares...but he does.
I might not have had many deaths but my hamster died on my birthday, I haven't seen my grandpa in God knows when, yadda yadda yadda woe is me...

 

Yep. Drawing and writing helps me cope with the torture. But sometimes when the class ends, I find myself glaring hardcore at the back of their heads. (I'm always the last one out.) and when they turn around, I just look the other way and smirk.

Exactly! It's nice to know that there are other people out there who share my dilemma.

 

Just burp all over them and they'll go away. xD

Jk.

But if you can drive, then you'll be out of school soon, right? And don't worry 'bout it... I like being alone in school too. :)