If Genders Don't Matter, Why do they Matter?

Once upon a time I asked this question, but @Ars Nova RUINED EVERYTHING and I never got my answer.
But this is the Spam Zone, I'm protected from your dark powers

So, there are a lot of variations on the standard LGBT, nowadays, right?
But I have a question about a specific facet of it, based on a bunch of people I've met, irl and online
It's about gender roles, and being born a different gender than you physically appear.
Here's an example, a friend of a friend of mine back in high school identified as male, but was physically male. This person would get INCREDIBLY pissed if anybody, even a stranger, referred to him with a female pronoun.
However, he still wore frilly pink dresses, talked about fashion, had a high pitch giggle, a bunch of stereotypically 'female' traits. His logic was that being a certain gender didn't mean you have to act a certain way, and that we jsut have certain roles built up by society.
I've met quite a few people with this view.
But here's what I don't get.
If you believe genders have no meaning, that they don't enforce any rules f restrictions on you, or change how people shoul react to you, WHY do you care what gender you are, or what people call you? I can understand if you feel that being male or female means you have to be a certain way, but when you subscribe to the idea that genders are jsut constructs and don't mean anything, but also cling to a gender identity... it just doesn't make much sense to me.
But this is a completely alien world to me, I've always been pretty comfortable with being male, honestly being a woman sounds AWFUL (I mean, you bleed every month AND sexism is a big issue)
But yeah, I was wondering what sort of insight you gusy might have on the subject

 

Discussion
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Boobs .

 

EXCUSE ME NIGGA?

MY POWERS ARE STRONGER THAN EVER HERE

 

Well, this can all be explained by a millenia-old philosophy with roots before Plato, but he was the one that actually noticed it and brought it to everyone's attention by using it as a story-telling tool. It's mentioned in the holy books of most religions, albeit worded differently for each, and even several secular historical documents. So to quote, Socrates:
"Bros before hoes."[DOUBLEPOST=1399177886][/DOUBLEPOST]

This is how I see you with the Spam Zone

 

maybe on your brain palace

 

Real talk tho you act like these people are unfeeling monoliths who never contradict themselves. People's emotions on a subject sometimes betray their worldviews, or vice-versa. And other times we willfully believe things that are contradictory, because sometimes the world is like that. The way I see it, why do you care how they choose to identify? If it makes them happy, just let it rock man.

 

Well my issue really is that they're being dicks to people who have no reason to know any better.
I'd like to at least understand why, like this is a REALLY common combination of beliefs, there has to be SOME reason behind it

 

Not even sure I want to dignify this with a response but...

Except to menstruate every month, this requires you to have a female reproductive system(uterus, ovaries, and so forth). Not everyone who identifies as female has one. Just the same as not everyone who identifies as male has a penis. Intersex individuals also exist.

It's about feeling comfortable with yourself. You say you are comfortable identifying as male. Why not give the other person that same comfort? It's also a very touchy subject with some individuals because we're afraid of not being accepted for who we are. We're afraid because we don't fit with people's/society's expectations. So a lot of don't feel comfortable on a day to day basis.

And I can understand wanting to know further but you're kind of doing it in a dickish sort of way. At least as I see it.

 

Hey, I DO respect all people who choose to indentify a different way, note that I never called this person she. He wants to be referred to as male, so that's that. However, he has been downright SAVAGE to complete strangers about this, like one day we had a substitute teacher who referred to him as 'she' and he SCREAMED at him and left the class. And I know plenty of people who have the same sort of reaction. In regards to the thing about bleeding, I'm specifically referring to me wanting to be an ACTUAL woman, nobody else. I talk with a friend of mine about this and she's always like "aw dude, you guys have it so easy! :P". Being a woman just sounds rough to me. If a genie asked me if I wanted to transform into a woman, I'd have a hard time coming up with a good reason.

 

That's p. fair

 

i think a lot of people overestimate how much other people care about their dick/vagina situation

 

This is why I use gender neutral pronouns like 'they/them' until I get an idea of what they prefer. A lot will often just tell you once asked. Like I said, it's about being comfortable with yourself.

As for the second part, there's really no way to experience it unless you were born with the right parts. I mean, I have heard of 'male periods' before and I know of men who have had some sort of sympathy stuff. I would not wish my symptoms on anyone really. I have PMDD which, to put it bluntly is a nightmare. I oftentimes experience suicidal thoughts and depression with my period.

 

I dunno, I've never felt that screaming was a good way to increase acceptance and such. The friend who is friends with this person is like the antithesis to this person, and as far as I'm concerned the ideal kind of person to spread love an accpetance for minorities. She's calm, and understanding, and overall just a nice person, she managed to get way more people to stop being hateful or disrespectful that way than anybody I know ever did by screaming or slinging abuse.
I guess another part of this is that it just sort of feels like a trap, a lot of people in my friends Gay Straight Alliance club definitely fed off generating LGBT drama, and that kinda left me cynical to this sort of thing, dressing and acting in overtly feminine ways and then getting obscenely mad when somebody assumes you're that gender in a casual conversation just seems... manipulative.
But that's why I wanted to find out more about this, I figure by the sheer number of people I've met like this there's a good chance that some use it to create drama, and some just legitimately believe it, but I can't think of a good justification, I think I would need to talk to someone with more knowledge on this sort of thing to get a satisfactory answer.
With regards to that stuff at the end, one of my sisters has something like that, and that's honestly where a lot of my sympathy for women/horror at the concept of becoming a woman comes from. For a long time I thought ALL women went through what she did.

 

****ING CISHET MISGENDERED ME, JUST BECAUSE I HAVE A PENIS AND ACT LIKE A MALE IN ALL ASPECTS OF MY LIFE DOESN"T MEAN I'M NOT A TRISEXUAL TRANS-BIRCIAL-MOSEXUAL WHO IDENTIFIES AS HERMAPHRODITE.

 

Except sex refers to physical characteristics. XY=Male and XX=Female. You can't identify as one or the other. It's "man" and "woman" where people identify their who different from their what.

 

I've heard of people feeling like they should have different physical characteristics, including genitals, though. Sort of like phantom pain, but it's a phantom penis

 

I will say that part of it is trying to understand where they come from as well -- they've experienced it on a much more regular basis than you, & patience can only go so far for some folk when having to deal with the same kind of negative treatment for years. That said, I still don't really agree with taking that approach with everyone. From my standpoint if someone honestly doesn't know better, screaming at them off the bat just makes you a dick. If they're unwilling to change and continue to promote negative things, then I think you wouldn't be too much at fault for it (even though I still wouldn't condone it /2pacifist).

 

Yes, and that would be the "trans" part of the term "transsexual." However, now amount of surgery or hormone therapy or feeling like you'd be better off with a penis can change the fact that you don't have the a Y chromosome. An XX who gets penis via surgery is still a female who happens to also be a transmale. The term "transsexual" means something different from transgender. Now stop trying to have an intelligent conversation in the Spam Zone.