I think...

I may have killed someone. Just now. I don't think it's my fault though, I mean, I told him to shut up first. Things just kinda happened. Regardless, I've got a guy lying here, in my room, not breathing. I asked my roommates and they said just pitch it in the garbage. I don't think he'll fit, though. So, I guess what I'm asking is, what should I do?

 

Make jerky.

 

Take him to the cleaners​

 

have you tried turning it off and on again

 

Call the hospital, then call the police and explain the situation. After that, call the Loch Ness Monster explain that she will not be getting her tree fiddy.

Alternatively, take him to sleep with the fishes. I hear that's pretty therapeutic.

 

yfw she's not kidding

 

Get some bleach and a whole lot of lye.

DA FACK IS "YFW"?

 

your face water​

 

yo friend, what

 

go yfw yourself​

 

"Yo friend, what she's not kidding." Fantastic grammar.

 

yer fucken weird

 

It turns out he's a lot more manageable in smaller pieces. I hope Apartment Maintenance will unclog the toilet without any questions, though.

 

Stop showing off, ya fried wiener.

 

I was going to suggest bomb fire! No one would think it was weird right now.

 

My English teacher wanted to have sex in junior high. The only problem was, my English teacher was a guy. I smacked him in his face with an eraser. Chased him with a stapler. Stapled his nuts to a stack of papers

 

Walked in the strip club, had my jacket zipped up
Flashed the bartender, then stuck my dick in her tip cup

 

Just the tip?