I pray

Discussion in 'Archives' started by sora awsome11/10, Mar 13, 2011.

  1. sora awsome11/10 Traverse Town Homebody

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    I pray for everbody. I pray for some day the war will end, and everybody will be happy. I pray for Japan. I pray for all kids with no food; with no water. I pray for everybody. There's so much war going on and for nothing. God gave us life, we can't fight. So lets stop fighting, for a better day, for a better world. For a better life.

    Hope you like. Anything I didn't spell right, tell me and I'll fix it :type:
     
  2. terminallyCapricious Traverse Town Homebody

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    This is.........so entirely precious. Let me shake your hand, here, for this.
     
  3. Chevalier Crystal Princess

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    Well, remember that when starting a sentence you use capital letters. You leave a space after a period. Also, this structure doesn't really show any flow or anything, you may want to start out with a more default structure.

    Keep it up.
     
  4. terminallyCapricious Traverse Town Homebody

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    I don't mean to go all poetic wise person here but...

    Prayers don't need to flow, they just need to be from the heart.
    ALWAYS REMEMBER: You're writing for God, not anyone else. Don't be afraid to mess up, he's cool with it.
     
  5. Chevalier Crystal Princess

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    Of course, if you're implying it's a prayer. I'm going on the default basis that it's a poem about prayer. And of course there's free-form poetry, too. I'm just saying that maybe using a stanza structure could help.
     
  6. terminallyCapricious Traverse Town Homebody

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    Oh I know, but I'm telling her that she shouldn't want any kind of revision for her prayers with the "I hope you like it" you know?

    Yes.
     
  7. Styx That's me inside your head.

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    I agree with you both. It works very well as a prayer, not so much as a poem.
    If it was meant to be the latter, I suggest following Chev's advice. He's in the know.