I just lit a cigarette the wrong way.

GODDAMN IT. I wasn't paying attention because I was too into the tv. I grabbed a cigarette, put the wrong end in my mouth, and lit the filter.
What a waste

inb4youshouldntsmoke

 

You shouldn't smoke

 

I also shouldn't drink, but the traffic cone I apparently stole is proof that I don't make good decisions.

 

>not rolling your own cigs

what even

 

Knew a weapons dealer, about half your age. Guy smoked too close to a cache of explosives, tossed the butt, blew himself sky high. Don't smoke kids or you may blow yourself up.

 

At least your aware of those faults.
Next step is trying to improve on them.

 

Get drunker. That way you won't be able to walk. Problem solved!

 

Can take a few moments to appreciate traffic cones? They are truly the most perfect thing humanity has ever invented. Look at them. They do exactly what they're made to do (alert incoming drivers of a temporarily off-limits part of the road) as effectively as anything can. They're portable. They stack on top of each other so you don't have to move them one at a time. They squish down when pressure is applied so that if a car runs over one, the impact will damage neither the car now the cone. On top of all that, they don't need anything to power them. They just do their thing purely by existing.

Traffic cones, man. They're amazing.

 

I bet that tasted horrible

 

I've done that about two or three times >_> Waste of a cig tbh

 

And they make great hats. True story.

 

But the filter is the best part, there's nothing wrong with starting with that end.

 

Yes. Yes it does.

And great megaphones. True story too.

 

Also, if you can remove the relfective coat then that can bring much entertainment as well... including also being a hat.

 

So have I. Always used to feel like such a dumb ass and hope no-one saw me.

 

Only done that once when it was dark and it has never happened since. I refuse.

Also, don't smoke in the house. It damages electronics beyond repair sometimes and really can destroy the value of some of your stuff. I'd never buy a TV off you, for example.

 

One time I was cleaning this house. Standard house, tan walls, hardwood floor, what have you. So we washed the floor, cleaned the bathroom, bedrooms and kitchen, and then we started working one the walls. Turns out, they weren't tan. They were white. But the previous owners smoked so much that they discoloured the walls, not just the ceiling, but the walls. Anyways, I drew a Gastly with my washcloth.

 

I have fortunately never lit the cigarette the wrong way, but I've seen Michael do it a couple of times. That did not go over well.

I used to gun down traffic cones in the middle of the night with my car. Fun times.

 

That, my friend, would be called alcohol poisoning.

#inb4I'mNotYourFriendGuyGag

I broke a guys fan once, apparently. I'd imagine traffic cones are slightly more important though so kudos on being better than me at drunken criminal activities.

-Periwinkle

 

When I was really little, I got sick a lot. Stuffy nose, sneezing, the whole shebang. One night my parents decided to put a humidifier in my room help with the congestion. For the next week I swore up and down that my walls were dripping blood but nobody believed me. It was the most traumatizing thing ever.

Turns out the previous owners of the house smoked so much that walls soaked up all the tar and the steam drew it out.