I didn't want to post this at first because a) there are people that have it worse than me and b) I was too much of a bloody coward to actually come into this section. Don't reply if you don't want to, I just want to get this out of my system. Lately I've been feeling depressed to the point that I feel like I need to disappear, I feel like that everyone hates my guts and they wished I was gone. Basically I feel like I'm at the bottom of my own personal pit of despair. This usually only happened every now and then but lately the feeling has been sticking and I've been feeling way out of swing, hell, it's even effecting my schoolwork and how I am doing at my part-time job as well. At school I am pretty much alone except for a couple of good friends that I have but they're seniors and they are graduating at the end of this year so I am going to be pretty much completely alone. Also I've been having quiet a few fights with my stepfather over even the most trivial of things. Hell he yelled at me for not putting a good enough message in my mum's birthday card and made me feel guilty to the point where I felt like I wanted to die. The relationship I have with my stepdad is that like a bond between a dog and a cat, we get along sometimes but a lot of the time we are at each others throats. I don't usually confide with anyone about my problems because I keep thinking that other people have had worse and my problems are insignificant compared to their problems therefore I just keep my mouth shut and bury everything under a whole heap of other stuff and wait until I'm alone to start being masochistic about myself. I'm probably going to regret making this thread later too. If you actually understood any of that, wow, I never knew my senseless babbling could be understood.
well to start things off i used to be in a similar situation a few years ago... things started going better when my mom left my stepdad's ass though... so that helped a lot. but it wasn't until recently that i learned that life can be fun still as long as you let it be. from the sounds of it you are probably shy and likely have low self-esteem(if this is true then that statement prolly hurt a little, sorry...) but just try talking to a few people in your classes and stuff. it may not seem like it would help, but it does, trust me. and i also learned to not let things get to you. don't get me wrong and start being a **** to people just cuz they don't like them or that will make it worse. just pretend it doesn't bother you and focus on the good things that happen. this might sound stupid, but it helps. just don't bottle it all up. you have to be able to let things go, if not then it will be a useless effort. just keep conversations with people. you don't even have to like them, as long as you can keep a freindly relationship with them, and not be two faced and be an ass to/about them behind their back. just learn to make new friends wherever. of coure this may be harder that it sounds, but as long as you are kind and nice and can keep other people in a good mood it is rather easy. for the stepdad, just don't let him bully you, be sincere and most importantly calm, and just try to talk things over with him calmly(this is very important...) if he just has anger problems then send his sorry ass to therapy, lol. i know this probably wont help you, but hell, it 's worth a try... at least get back to me and let me know how things are... k? don't let a little stress ruin your life, it's not worth it.
Aww, [huggles] it's okay. Remember we're here, k? Well then, on to buisness. Your stepdad and you seem to both need to calm down. I already have one friend who is abused by her step-pappi. As for the depression, it's probably a phase. Last year I attempted suicide and went to a few uncomfortable extremes with my own. Perhaps making some new friends would help, although I understand it's hard. Get to know some really motivated and nice people, if possible. I know that personally, who I'm friends with and talk to often really affects my grades and social performance. Maybe take a little time every night to write your feeling down in a journal that you can keep hidden, and ask for a family meeting to calmly discuss your situation with family. A similar talk with friends might help, as well. Good luck hon!
Thanks for the advice. It's not so much about the self-esteem part with me, I've got a decent level of that. It's just that I am really shy and I've tried talking to other people and tried to be nice to them but they just treat my like I am **** so sometimes I don't even bother. I usually ignore it when people bully me but when its someone I know and that I have been close with in the past that's when it gets to me. Also one of the only friends I had that was in my age group was my ex-boyfriend and he's starting to really turn into a jerk and I'm not saying that to mean or anything, he really is. Thing about my stepdad is, probably isnt a factor but I'll mention it anyway, is that he has NEVER had any kids at all in his life and he was pretty much an only child so he can be a tad bit selfish at times. I mean, sometimes we really do get along but sometimes we just... well... argue. Thanks for the advice, I'll keep it in mind. It's really hard to find people to make friends with at my school because a lot of them are the kind that smoke things they shouldn't and I'd rather avoid the crowd of people if I could. I've only ever been able to get along with people who are older than me. Even a few of my friends and family have said this, they have said that I am a lot more mature than your average fifteen year old teenager and I find it hard to find some common ground with people in my age group, I tend to be able to get along with people who are older than me and I'm going to be in my last year of high school next year so its going to be really hard for me to make friends. Hopefully I can. Thanks for the advice too. =] Also, a minute part of the reason why I've been feeling a tad bit stressed is because one of my friends has gone into a state where he feels his life is not good anymore and he's afraid that his girlfriend will break up with him, that part I can help him with but the other part is that he's tried committing suicide three times.
