I feel like a terrible daughter and person

Well i guess i should start from the beginning:

For the longest time(probably 10+ years) my mom and dad have been divorced. About 7-5 years ago(I can't really remember) my dad went to jail. I was never told why, because I was so young. So this September my dad came home(well went to live with his brother) and came by the house to see me and my brother and meet my brother girlfriend, and all that. But I didn't want to be around for all that, so my mom agreed that i would go out for the afternoon while my dad was there. And I felt really bad about doing that, but it would have been worse if I'd been there. And now I feel even worse, because he called me on my birthday to talk to me and I didn't want to talk to him, nor did I care that he sent a card.

I feel like I almost hate him, though I know it's not really that. I just hate the fact that he thinks he could just come back and pick up where we left off. It doesn't work that way. He has to know that he doesn't know anything about me anymore.

Does this make me a terrible daughter/person?

 

No it doesn't. You are right, he shouldn't act like nothing changed. But you should at least talk with him.

 

Well at least he is trying to interact with you. Since your parents are already divorced he could easily just have a happy life and start a family with another women and you guys would never have to bother with him. But he's still trying to be there for you guys, so there's at least that to be grateful for. But maybe you do hate him because he wasnt there for you. Talking things out instead of avoiding him would help.

 

You aren't a bad person.What you need to do is talk to him and tell him how you feel.You should at least be happy that he's trying to interact with you.Try to find a time that you can talk to him and try to clear things out.​

 

If he doesn't know who you are any more, tell him. Your right in feeling the way you are but he wouldn't know about the things that have happened in his absence.

 

Don't worry, you're not a bad person. I can understand why you are angry at him (I have an uncle that I am in the same situation with.)
Anyone would act the way you did if someone the knew in their family went away for a long period of time and came back and acted like nothing happened.
Just try and talk to him when you feel ready, hopefully you can sort things out :)​

 

You shouldn't blame yourself. For reasons out of your control, your dad took it upon himself to behave in a manner that resulted in a longterm separation from you and the rest of his family (i.e. prison). When events like that come to an end and the family member returns, things can never be expected to resume right where they left off. You've had 5-7 years to grow since then, and it's natural that you're starting to structure your own life.

This is not to say that you should forget about your dad, because he's still your dad. There's always going to be time to rebuild that father-daughter connection, and it will take time. Neither of you should expect a full-fledged relationship at the get go. Just take baby steps, whether it's with gradual phone calls, or daddy-daughter days a few times a month.

What's more important is that you should express how you feel about his attitude to your relationship. Try telling him how you feel.

 

You have a right to feel some sort of resentment for everything you've been through. Don't feel like it's your fault. He made some mistakes and you should not have to pay for them by thinking you are a terrible daughter. What done is done and you have to move past that, but remember that he always loves you and perhaps he feels guilty for his actions that led to your resentment towards him. Give him some time, but don't show any hard feelings for him all the time. Let him know how you feel and talk things over with him if you can.

 

It is normal to feel some resentment towards your father who was not there for you while growing up and now comes into your life, expecting things to mend. You don't even know why he went to prison in the first place which makes things more difficult for you. However this emotion basically to me would seem to require answers to resolve.

I'd ask your mom or your father to actually explain why he was put in prison in the first place and what the situation is and how has he changed. You may want to tell him that you are upset with him and that if he wants to talk and answer things for you honestly, you will be more receptive to him. Are you willing to give him that chance at least to explain himself?

In the end, it is also hard on his part to do the fatherly thing and try to get to know you who he has not seen for some time. You do deserve answers and that might make you feel more comforted. You aren't a bad kid for resenting him. After all, you were stuck without a father because he obviously did something foolish and he did have kids and a wife so he should have been smarter. He made a grievous error, but we all do in life so you may want to take it a bit easier on him but also don't sacrifice your own right to your feelings. If he's willing to make things work and you are willing to give him a shot, your feelings will alter in time. He simply has to be willing to work to regain your trust and that happens through communication as well as him listening to you vent your own frustrations out too and with effort.

I hope things get easier for you. It may be hard and awkward there for a while but if he's willing and you are to make things change it can get better. Also, if you find out what he did was something you are really mad at, you at least know and can work that out too and he will just have to deal with it for a time. He did the crime, so he has to do the time, and well, that applies to fixing things with his family too. Just try to not be too hard on him or yourself. Good luck.

 

thanx for all the help everyone it means a lot to me^^

 

No it does not. I would react in the same way, I almost did, but my father refuses to acknowlege my or my brothers existance. You should be happy he is trying to reconnect, but he's doing it wrong. The fault lies with him. Not you. He is the one who lost connection, you coudn't change anything. Don't depress yourself.