How do you deal with it?

When you find out that someone you were quite close with, someone that you respected and looked up to, isn't what they said they were? You know, like when friends stab you in the back or treat you like **** for no reason?

Do you forgive and forget? Get revenge or what?

Me personally, it always surprises me when friends turn on me, I wonder whether they ever really were who they said they were. Nine times out of ten it sends me emo, was it my fault? Did I just never see it or what? Sometimes though it makes me angry instead, when you do a lot for someone and they take take take and then just throw you away like an old toy that lost its use.

Friends come and go that is part of life, but, what do you do, when you realise that friend was never a friend in the first place, and was nothing but a masked enemy?

What about you guys?

 

I just don't let people get that close that it would affect me. But since that reply won't help anyone, I'll go with this...
When friends betray me I'll look for the cause (often it's me so I look there first), then I try to talk it over or something.
If that doesn't work however or if his/her reason for "betraying" me was invalid, (s)he'll lose some...privileges that come with friendship.
It all depends on the degree of betrayal. I am mostly very forgiving but I can be quite nasty as well.

 

I think my main issue is I always let people get too close xD I really should learn to stop being so trusting.

It just means you fall harder when it explodes.

I have always always gone with forgiving people. I will always forgive, but I am starting to wonder if maybe sometimes people need to be nasty to stop themselves getting walked on.

 

Some touching words there CTR
yes
its true
it happened to me before and i hated myself forever
thats why i don't have "close" friends anymore
It's a tough world out there
better going threw it alone
:3​

 

i.agree.it.depends.on.what.they.did.
but.i.normally.always.try.to.forgive.em.(even.E)
but.if.it.was.so.bad.and.u.know.for.sure.it.was.not.a.mistake.or.a.bad.day.or.something.else.affecting.them.
and.u.either.wanna.or.not.forgive.em.
i.would.say.try.to.be.friends.again
and.if.they.are.not.who.they.were.in.the.start.for.real
move.on.and.don't.let.them.affect.u.any.longer

 

Yes. Yes, they do. I'd hate to be thought of as someone who gets walked on.

 

Well,let's see,that's happenend to me before,and I kicked his a**!But eventually I got over it and moved on.

 

i.i.don't.think.u.do...
u.have.ur.own.thoughts.and.u.choose.not.to.believe.or.to.believe,what.there.saying.or.doing.
and.if.u.choose.not.to.believe.them.u.don't.let.it.get.to.u.bucause.u.just.think.it.to.be.a.lie

 

I know what your saying completely. When that happens though, I treat them 2x as badly as they begin treating me. See, how things work with me, I'm all about respect. I do whatever I can to help people that I find would really deserve the help, but thing is that if they ever come to me for help, and then end up turning, then i find that to be extremely disrespectful, especially if they do it out of no where. If that happens though, then I make sure that the tides change.
Last person that did that to me ended up going into a crowd that almost got me kicked out of school once and started insulting me and stuff, and cuz he did, I revealed one of his darkest secrets right infront of them, and that kids popularity went down the tube.

Its simple how I work. If you want to be my ally, then you stay as my ally. If you want to become my enemy, then you tell me that you are going to become my enemy, you don't do it when I still think you are my friend.
Its harsh, but it is fair, is it not?


And for the record, people know that they can walk on me as much as they want, as long as I have respect for them (its a hard concept to understand, but I usually am the one who is getting the problems,but never giving them, you know what I mean?), but anyone who shows me disrespect won't get the same treatment at all

 

Story of my life. Practically all the people I've ever been close to have betrayed me in some way, like lying or giving me false ideas of what they were really like. My first reaction was hurt, then anger, then sadness and after 2 long years, forgiveness. I may not have liked it, but what they did to me made me who I am today, and after going through those experiences, I'm a much stronger, more determined person.

 

There are things you can't ignore. That doesn't necessarily mean having to take revenge, but there are things that become a pain unless the cause of it is dealt with in some way or another.

When you start doing things twice as bad as the one who betrayed you, then I don't think I need to spell out how much respect you yourself deserve, now do I?

 

If someone stabs you in the back after you decide that you can trust them, and do it for no reason at all without even at least that they dont want to be friends anymore, then of course I'll treat them 2x as bad. If ur not gonna be my friend, then dont become my enemy, just leave. If you are going to suddenly turn and become my enemy without a good reason except for peer pressure or some bull like that, then why shouldn't I treat htem 2x as badly as they are treating me? Its called Karma smart one. What goes around comes around.

and leave the political tactics for the polotics, dont go taking out a sentence without reading a whole dam thing and then judge you on one specific part of speech

 

Because you'd lower yourself to a level twice as low as them duh.
Go take revenge, see if I care. But repaying your debt twice over may just as well end up in an endless circle.
"He did something twice as bad to me. Fine then. Now I'm gonna do something four times as bad to him!"
Quite embarassing that a self-proclaimed cause-and-effect-cycle expert such as yourself overlooked that tiny detail. :)

*gasp* You've got one of those state-of-the-art devices that can tell whether someone has read the entire post or not? :shocked:
Awesome! Where did you get one of those?

Seriously though...
Well, I'll be honest. I did read the rest of your post and found it to be little more than an in-depth rant of the quoted sentences.
"You reap what you sow."
But unfortunately, the one who sows, the one who betrays, probably believes he's right. And revenge doesn't actually help in persuading either.
If you counter whatever he's doing, he may well counter that and so on, because nobody likes to take a bow and leave it at that when it came that far.

Often they even want you to be dragged along with the waves.
When someone goes Judas on you it gives you the perfect opportunity to be the better man instead of losing head and showing your worst side like a preschooler.

 

It really does suck when that happens. It's difficult to create attachments that are not too close, and yet not too distant at the same time. Most of the time we accept others as friends when they pass that initial water test, but people can be short sighted and fickle without us ever knowing. It happens, but it's no reason to be jaded because then you just suspect every new person you meet. Any issue with it will eventually pass and you'll find yourself feeling better. Revenge is petty in most of these cases and is just a waste of time. Use this as a building experience to improve on remaining friendships, as well as those to come.

Karma is brought about effortlessly. You're describing petty revenge that won't benefit anyone.

 

Call it lowering yourself if you want, but if something is not done, then they simply get away with it, and come to believe that it is ok. Those who show disrespect to one should be disrespected back. it is how I believe things work.

I understand what you may be saying, but I am not as forgiving. Even if it does go farther and farther on, in the end, I go along the beliefs of an eye for an eye (I will admit, there are acceptions, but none the less). Fact is, if someone thinks they are right for suddenly betraying someone because of say, peer pressure, for example, then I believe that something like that is completely wrong, and there for, I found it to be a betrayel. Take it as if it were a war for example, and all of a sudden one of your allies suddenly bombs you and goes to the enemies side. How do you react? Forgive them, or do something to show them that doing something dishonost like that has its consequences?

 

Rising above such petty actions doesn't imply forgiveness, and at no point do you have to forgive someone for betraying you. Experiences like that should enable you to better cultivate your own interpersonal views and build on more stable friendships. Social interaction isn't like war.

 

Its very hard to deal with, because i get attached very easily, and i had to deal with something like this not too long ago. Friend of mine from here lied about his whole life, and even how he looked like, but he's still my friend, no matter what.

He apologized, and he expected me to hate him... but that's something i can never do once I'm attached. It really hurts me to lose a friend, and i would never hate anyone, or be upset with them if it happens.

Everyone has a reason to lie to their online or real friends.... To protect themselves, or others, or if they didn't want anyone to know stuff...

 

Let me rephrase this, to say exsactly what my stand point is.

Say you are best friends with someone, and they act a certain way around you, and you basicly tell eachother everything. The year right after, he/she says "F off loser", and goes to hang out with a group of kids that absolutely hates you for no reason. Now this I will let go of. But then say he starts telling them things about you that you told him/her was personal things and you don't want others to know about, especially these people.

What do you do then? Do you simply pay no mind to them?


It is this exsact kind of situation, as well as similure ones in which I stand my beliefs. Now say someone just left you except they didn't give out any secrets. In that case, I pay them no mind, and I get on with my life.


These are my beliefs, and I do not plan on changing any time soon. If a friend wants to betray me, then fine, but as long as they don't talk **** about me, then I am alrite. (unless I did something wrong that would make them do something like that, but that is a different story)

 

Hm... the weird thing about me is when somebody turns on me or hurts me in some way, I don't fight back. I'm just one of those people who take a blow and then move on. Maybe a thought of revenge might slip into my mind, but I never carry out with it because I know it just makes things a whole lot worse.

True thing is, the hardest and best thing to do is muster up some courage and forgive them. It's hard, but it helps both you and that person out tremendously, even though you might not see the effects of it right away.

Sometimes peoples hearts are shattered when somebody close and dear turns on them. Sometimes it feels like your broken in pieces that can't be mended, but eventually, you learn to move on. You find better friends, one that help you out of the rut you fall in to.

Revenge is never the answer... it just adds gasoline to the flames.

 

While telling people intimate things about yourself is assumed to be done with confidence that they won't tell others, you can never be sure- life just isn't that fair. *****ing and whining about how they told so-and-so this and then getting them back in return doesn't change the fact that people still know things about you. Learning more to accept your faults, secrets, shortcomings, etc. as opposed as to trying to put an end to the small issue of the person who let those things slip makes you a better person in the end.

Then again, you're argument is coming from a point of view that is still molded by a rigid, adolescent social structure. While it may seem like making another person feel bad because they made you feel solves some sort of problem, it really doesn't. In the end all it will facilitate are behaviours and attitudes that are maladaptive towards others.