A year without a thr- oh wait B( Anyway, I have to leave for class till about 6, so this will be short. I had a brief fling with a friend over the summer (tl;dr only a kiss) and then they stopped talking to me for a month or two. I was a bit "wow what the shlit????" and then asked her why last month or so. She said it was because I kind of latched onto her and she felt out of control of the whole thing. And that hit me kind of hard? I was really bad at handling my emotions around 12-14 (aren't we all), and it just felt like a giant regression on my part. Now I just feel really uneasy approaching any type of friendship feelings. I live on campus for school, and in the two and a half months I've been here, I haven't made any good friends. I have people who I'll talk to when I see them, but I don't feel anything really lasting. It's really lonely and some days I just wake up and don't feel like getting up at all, which is really bad for my schoolwork as well. I've joined clubs and all, but haven't gone lately because making friends is super hard. It was the same way in high school, but my only real friend group was my closest friends, so I think I may also be setting the bar way too high for others. Pretty much I'm hesitant in making new friends because I just really doubt relationships of any sort right now.
“To the timid and hesitating everything is impossible because it seems so.” -Sir Walter Scott I think the fact of hesitancy is the problem, like you stated. I haven't met you outside of the internet realm, so I wouldn't know for certain if you act the same as you do here. I imagine that would not be the case, unfortunately. What makes you so hesitant? Why fear loneliness when you can rid of it? I know it's hard, I've gone through my lonely stages as well. Don't try to make friends, let people try to be friends. I've met tons of people who I just click with and I've never been able to figure it out, in a good way. Be yourself, that would include online!Plums. You are who you make yourself, both online and away from it. Not sure if this is valid enough to be called help, but I hope something can be taken from it.
You've just got to put yourself out there. Forget high school, forget your friend situation back there. You can start fresh right now. You don't have to be that person you were in high school--maybe now you're aware of what held you back (too timid, too high standards, etc.), and you can confront that now. Talk to someone you wouldn't expect to have talked to in high school. Join a club you'd never thought to join. Explore new things--within your comfort zone of course, but if you never open up, nobody will be allowed to come in. It's a slow process and it's not an easy one to work through. You're going to end up in a lot of uncomfortable situations and hanging out with people you may not like, but you've got to give it a chance.
^THIIIIIISSSSSSSSSS! OMG THIS! Okay, Plums, here's the thing: High School is the past. Its gone, forget about it. The way you were then is NOT the way you are now. Be social! The thing is you will never know how well you get along with people until you try. Start a conversation, join a conversation. Provided you go in with a right attitude, you are bound to get results. You've let a few bad experiences get the better of you, and that is definitely something we have all been through, but the beauty of life is that you an have your chin up, and you can keep going! Hesitation comes from overthinking situations. I was in this spot not too long ago, where I was so paranoid about people's reactions when I talked to them that I didn't think I could make any friends ever. How did I get over that? Well, I decided to just put myself out there with a positive attitude. It has done well, and for the last few months of high school that's what I needed. Enough about me. Do you see what I'm getting at? You need to get out there and be like how you usually are here. You don't strike me as the kind of person who is hesitant to make friends, but there you go. My point is, you can change your attitude. Tomorrow when you wake up, set a goal: I'm going to talk to THIS many people today. Of that x amount of people maybe you'll get a few god responses, and that is a great sign. And hey, if all else fails, you've still got us!!! :) Hope everything works out
