Help with Self-Esteem?

Hey. Zippy here,in need of help with my self-esteem issues. What's the problem?

-I always think negatively about myself

I'm not the brightest in the bunch outside of school. I've made some pretty stupid mistakes,and I mean STUPID. I'm overweight,I know.I'm working on both. But when I think I've made just the slightest bit of progress....it goes down.

I'm pretty stressed about my body and my grades because of my family. It's all critism,and none of it is constructive. It's really affected the way I think about myself,and I get emotional over it.

Help? D:

 

1.) don't listen to anyone who calls you names... they are the ones with self-esteem issues. they are willing to hurt your self-esteem to gain their own. (trust me)

2.) just try to think positive... say: I will lose wieght! I will get smarter! use anything in your emotions to do something, use your love for your family or friends... or use your hatred from those who have called you names! use either of those two to fuel yourself with the energy you need to accomplish these things!

 

See,now,people don't usually call me names. That's not my problem. It's the stress at home that's causing this. My parents (mom especially) kind of stresses me about how she wants me to be,and I can't take it. =/

Thanks for the advice,though. I'll try to keep myself motivated. =)

 

mothers... I know how you feel... I have a perfectionist sleeping in the other room...

 

xDD I have a situation like that. It's like 'You gotta get straight A's or yer not smart enough! D<'

lol

 

LOL my mom says that all the time! also, "clean your room". and once I do it, she'll say: "I see a speck on the floor!" and I'll be like: "who are you? superwomen with your x-ray vision?"

 

1.) if people judge you on how you look, don't listen to them, because it is wrong to judge somebody on how they look, don't listen at all, if you do it is all just going to get worse, so just keep positive, not negative, about yourself.

2.) don't get emotional about yourself

3.) I get Critisised all the time, but i don't fret about it, sticks and stones is all it is, just the getting in your head kind, don't listen to anybody if they give you critisism.
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Study longer for exams. You'll get noticeably better grades over time. As for the dieting, I realize how hard it is to stick with it. Talk to your parents. Ask for a gym membership. Ask your parents to buy less junk food or to make more nutritious meals. I can guarantee they'll do their best to help you.

 

sticks and stones? that whole part where it says: "names will never hurt me" is a bunch of bull... names hurt, and using that saying is only a way to hide the hurt. trust me... I know that for a fact, I have used it so many times, and it doesn't work.

 

Sticks and stones may hurt thy bones,but words can kill.

That's what I learned. =/ (and while I'm not trying to sound bratty or anything,the point of this board was to help me with my self-esteem,not help me with my brain and body. XDD)

 

unfortunatly, that is true... and you don't sound bratty or anything at all...

blow them off, forget about the people who do say things to you... especially your mothers... if she really does hurt you with her words, then just tell her. mothers criticize you becuase they love you. they want to help you be better and have a better life... while respecting your mother's wishes, tell her that what she says, hurts you.

 

self-esteem, it's hard to tell someone how to get self-esteem. i woudl just say to think positively and when ppl make comments at you, you should assume positive intent (except if it clearly wasn't). what i found that helped me was to get a few accomplishments under my belt so i would have something to be proud of, like get straight As or something, or lose weight or gain muscle. get SOMETHING to be proud of, that's what helps me. or get a job, that is something to be REALLY proud of, even if it is minimum wage.

 

True,parents do criticize because of love. But there's an extent to that criticism,and she passed it a long time ago. Believe me,there's a difference between when you care and you criticize at the right moment,and when you want someone to be how you want them to be by reprimanding them everyday. D: (I said 'reprimanding' cause 'criticize' is being used a bit too much. XD)

 

Like I said, telll her how you feel... show her the line, and say: don't cross this again.

also, take Evilman's advice into consideration too

 

Yes. I was thinking about getting a job earlier this year. But there aren't that many places around here that hire 15-year olds... >>;

I will try that next time she takes it too far. Thank you. =)

 

well one, i would have low self esteem if i was rejected from some one i liked.

but being overweight, people dont like you because your bigger than them, but also not much of that will do it, if you are rejected by someone you like makes you thinking no one likes you and if you are rejected by someone important such as a mom, that will make you feel unimportant and just in the way thats where thinking negitive about your self. thinking about things such as good things you have done or things someone has said about yourself that is positve. it doesnt matter if you are smart or not because thats just a competition of what you know and what you memorized. so be nice to your self and everyday look into a mirror and talk to yourself being nice.

 

I write this in general to several people here who had problems as I scanned through so forgive me if it's a bit lengthy, trying to cover a variety of topics. I hope any of it helps.

Weight is always a fussy issue. There are so many things that people associate with being overweight like the person doesn't exercise enough, eats like a pig etc. These of course get told to the person overweight and make the person feel worse. Weight can be controlled but it is a real fight in people with slow metabolisms because even if they eat to other people's habits, they still can gain weight. That's the real enemy.

Self Esteem is a hard thing to just 'get' to happen, so I can understand anyone's frustration. Sometimes people mistake self-esteem for arrogance and become egotistical. Self esteem really is just about self-respect and also learning to respect others. We all have our faults so ignoring them isn't really as much a self-esteem thing as is seeing them and working on them to make them lesser faults. Also, seeing your good traits is key to a healthy feeling about the self. I agree with what you said and if you can look in the mirror and see that you are a decent person, that's good.

Also, part of self-esteem can be looking in the mirror and seeing well...if you don't like some aesthetic things you can change quite a few. If you hate your hair, go to a salon and talk with a stylist and ask what a good style would be for the hair type you have and that would go better with your face. This can help a lot to change your whole facial appearance surprisingly enough. If your clothes don't represent your true depth, try getting some that help you do that but also try to get clothes that don't represent too much in the 'depression' department. Your clothes really do represent more to yourself and others than people assume so that's something to work on. Physical things like zits or weight, whether to plump or thin to your tastes...(note I said 'your' tastes and not others here) can also be worked on and advice on how to can be given by others if it's something you want to change. Remember though that anything you want to change should always be because -you- want to and feel it would help -you- feel better. Also, other than changing clothes and hair, trimming fingernails, being clean and such, things to fix up yourself is well...not going to happen over night. It takes effort, but don't hate yourself for it. Sometimes watching the changes happen can be exhilarating.

Parents and others in school can be pains for self-esteem. Parents especially sometimes have the biggest fault of placing way too many expectations on kids. Some parents get this dream in their heads that a kid is going to do what they could not in their lives, such as being super demanding on great grades so the kid can go to college and be a genius etc. In the end, parents that push too hard make anyone feel like crap. However, this is where you have to be real to yourself and also not too hard on yourself. Take what they say as constructive criticism and realize they are 'human too'. If what they say just isn't in your ability to do, then you just try your best and remember that part of their demands probably are based on their own weaknesses when they were your age. They just want you to have it better than they did. However, you are going to go through your own trials, battles with grades, etc. It's no longer their fight but to help coax you to keep up the battle. It's yours. So, I'd say not to just blow them off, but at the same time, realize where they are coming from that they just want you to be successful. In the end though, you do your best and hold your head up high because you did do your best and that's what your parents and others are just going to have to accept. Sometimes parents need a dose of reality too. Let their words to you just mean that they want you to do your best and then it won't hurt as much.

Rejection - That is a part of life and as much as I hate to say it, it's good to learn it in your childhood and teenage years because adults who don't know it...my god they can be so annoying. Most people who don't know it as teens ...got everything they wanted from parents and those around them and so when the really real world smacks them in the face, they have no idea what to do. They also are often very arrogant and ask the 'how dare you?' question and some even become great stalkers etc. As much as it hurts for a girl or guy to say no to you, there -will- be others who will say yes. Some of those relationships will work and some will fail. It's part of life to accept it and it hurts but hating yourself certainly won't help make the future dates etc even possible. Think of it that way that if you go and get down on yourself too much, who's going to want to be with you then? Instead, the best option is to just try to work on some faults, and if someone just says no to you straight out, it simply means the person isn't interested in you in that way. There may be nothing wrong with you at all. So why be hard on yourself for it?

Hope this helps any of you who have posted here and I hope things get better for all of you who are having problems with self-esteem. Self-esteem is really just self-respect which is a state of being in the end. It takes a while to work up, especially for those who are shy, were picked on a lot, or where others have such high demands that can't possibly be met. It's a battle to find the real you and be yourself, but you can do it with time and you will be happier for it. As you are teenagers or young adults now, you all can have ideas on what a 'quality' person is to you and it may not be what your parents or others who are so into fads and name brands consider it to be. This by no means makes you weaker. In the end, it may make you stronger.

 

i agree with repliku because one: he tells the truth about it and how to help it
two: because his reply is big and looks smart and offical

 

Quoted for truth. XD