Help with Life

Thank you for the advice. I just do hope that things will work out in the future...

 

No problem. If you ever need anymore help, just PM me or post it here. It will work out. I promise.

 

Vakh :

i think you should ask him, if everything's allright with his GF, and starting from that, you can choose what to do next

you see, youre his friend, and you should ask him

and then who knows......

 

Sorry if I’m cutting into someone’s post v-v’’... I need help…again. Welllll, like I posted three weeks ago, my bros got hit by a car. Now the 9-year-old’s (Joey’s) father is trying to gain full custody. He’s bringing my step mom to court. Before, my step-mom and Joey’s dad have been alternating weeks with him.
Though this is a problem in itself, the thing I need help with is the fact that no one told me this was happening. I’ve always feel like the odd-one-out because the only full-blood real family here is my dad everyone (including him) treats me like a stranger. But I really think that Joey getting taken away is something I should know about. The only reason I found out is because I happened to stumble into a few papers stating the father’s claims/demands. I also overheard my step-mom and my dad arguing over the situation.
So I’m wondering…Why didn’t they tell me? Why do they treat me like an outsider? I mean…Even Joey’s straying from me. We use to be close, but he doesn’t tell me anything anymore.
What I need advice on is whether or not I should tell them that I know and ask why they didn’t tell me. Or should I stay in the background—Like usual, and wait until everything passes. I know they’re probably stressed out >< I hate to be such a burden to everyone here. It’s so stressful.
[I’m also considering just moving back with my real mom…The reason I don’t want to is because I don’t think she can afford me…And we argued a lot the last time I lived with her…Like…A lot…]

 

does Joy know?
man look dont say anything yet
wait a little while and if they dont tell u by then tell them

 

well, right now, you shouldnt ask them, if you really want too give your 2 cents, then wait a bit more before you tell them

you see right now they are under a lot of pressure and , well, you would just pressure them more

but, if you wait just a bit, and then ask them

but what i really think is that, your family needs to talk about it, one night, in the dinner table and try to resolve your issues

 

What you should do is come right out and say "Why haven't i been told that jeoy was being taken away" and don't mind the akwardness in the room because you are in the right for asking them.You deserve answers, especially good people like you which are hard to come by.

 

The reason they don't tell you is because they don't want you to know. They are trying to protect you against the pain and heart ache of the problem.

You said you and Joey are close, right? He doesn't want you have to deal with the problem. Your family is just trying to protect you.

 

Soveriegn i agree with you that they could have been protecting her but what if it was a simple case of ignorance???

 

I considered that. It could be both ignorance and protection.

 

Yeah, Joey knows...

I wish we spent time together like that. I think we need to talk together too, as a family.

 

have u told him that u know yet?

 

Aw. Thank you for saying that. I'm really tempted to just come out and asky why they didn't tell me.

Yeah. My dad called him into a room and asked him some questions, and when he came out I asked what my dad asked him and he responded with a "Why should I tell you?"

I thought about that, but I dont think so. They aren't the type to hold back on telling me something because they want to spare my feelings...Even if they are, why dont they consider the fact that hiding it from me hurts to? Makes me feel excluded from the rest of them..

 

woah wat?
do u get along with him?
look forget him and tell ur parents about it now
that way u can all discuss it together

 

We get along, which is why it hurt so much...
And I'll mention it to my dad later...Maybe. If I can find the courage. I'm sorta scared he'll snap at me for finding the stuff.

 

look if u want him to stay u have to do it
ur a part of the family
dont wait till its too late
trust me
do it as soon as possible

 

Well the point is you do have a right to know if something is upsetting the family like this. If your dad does snap at you just tell him 'I think I'd want to know and I'm old enough to handle it.' You are a part of the family and whether they are doing it to protect your feelings or just to keep you out of the picture so you aren't involved is up for debate after what you've said. I'd say something to your dad when you can get him alone and your little brother isn't around that you know about it and just simply would have appreciated being informed. If you do feel it will just cause fights, in the end you are going to have the burden of knowing and I'd think mentioning to him that even your younger brother knows and doesn't talk to you so much now should be an indicator that things are troubling. If you feel you can't talk to him maybe you should just tell your step mom you know about it and leave it at that.

Also, if you don't get along with your real mother, you may not want to go back to her. Your step mom, if she loves you, may be the best option even if money is kind of tight. This is something though you should talk about with her to know where you stand in things because that seems to be another problem in this is you are going day to day and not knowing what the future holds for yourself, which causes more anxiety. I may suggest more strongly actually talking to her first instead of your dad if he's giving you a hard time because you live with her day to day and just pass on to your dad after sometime that you know about it after having spoken to her and see if she does want you still there and can you help the family in any way.

 

Sorry if I'm jumping into someone's problem. I just, I don't know, need to talk about what just happened last night. But first, some background history.

My parents got divorced when I was like three or four. They both moved and I saw them both. Then when I was like twelve, my dad met his girlfriend. (I refer to her as my stepmom even though its not legal yet.) And at the same time, my mom met my stepdad. They've been married for four years.

The divorce sometimes created a strain but not a major one. And now the problem:

And my mom and stepdad fight a lot nowadays. And I've been thinking that a divorce may happen between them. Mostly because of the alcohol that he drinks. He only drank one or two bottles a night and now its like four or five or twelve a night.

Well last night he came home and there was a huge fight between him and my mom. They were blaming each other for only thinking of themselves. And then my mom said that my stepdad doesn't care about anything or anyone. Then my stepdad goes and says "Fine. Then for my birthday, I want a divorce."

That was the cracking point for me. I just broke down and started crying and ran outside. I called a friend and she couldn't help. Then I called my stepmom and told her what had happened and she said I just need to calm down. When I was off the phone, I told my mom that I wanted to go to my dads for the night. She tried to talk me out of it, but I still went there. My stepmom comforted me and then today my mom came and picked me up and took me home.

On the way home she said she didn't think that my stepdad meant any of it. But to me, it still is there and hurts because I don't know if there will be another huge fight. And if there is a divorce, I don't know how my mom will support three kids on her own.

Sorry, I just needed to say that and sorry if I interrupted anyone else's problem.

 

u have to give it more time
wait like 2 days and see wats up
if they fight a lot then a divorse probably isnt so bad
she might find some one else
but aside from that just wait
they might be pissed off for a couple of days but they might calm down
specially if ur stepdad was drunk cuz then he'll probably regret it and apologize

 

Well. You can try to get your dad and mom to get back together. It's one option and there are more but this one should be the best for now.

The reason why they didn't tell you this was because they don't want to make you worry about it. Like me for example. I get cramps, pains, aches and I don't tell my parents about it because they worry too much about it for me. I don't want them to ask me a million questions how this happened and then get an agrument about it. Pretend you're my parents and I'm your parents. You're gonna ask a million questions like mine and get an argument if I told them or if they told you and then you'll want to go against the law and then more trouble. but if you want to know, it is the right for that person to know so I really don't know myself but I'd rather keep it a secret but if you knew it, then you have the right.