Help with Life

Sorry, but im just overloaded, im actually cryign as i type this. Please don't hurt yourself. I know what ive put people through by doing this, and if you hurt yourslef, or even killed youself, i wouldn't be able to live with yourself. I dont really show this enough, but i really do appreciate you, and you were the first one here i really appreciated alot, and i will always be here for you.

 

I am tired of crying and I am tired of feeling so ****ing weak, if I can be strong for other people why can't I be for myself?

Instead I push people away, my friends my family, I push them so that they don't have to deal with me xD lol ironic right? Though, they mostly leave of their own accord. I am sorry people who are trying to help me, both on here and MSN, but I don't know if I can be anymore =D

OH MY I LOVE THIS SONG

LIKE A BAD GIRL STRAIGHT TO VIDEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO​

 

Crying does NOT make you weak. Pretending you have no emotions would make you weak. you are human, you have emotions, you have a right to express them. You are NOT WEAK.

And about asking on a kingdom hearts forum, who here actuallly comes here to talk about kingdom hearts? KH-Vids is almost 100% social now, and almost 0% kingdom hearts, even though that is what the site is based on.

 

Thanks for listening guys =)

Thanks for trying guys =)

Sorry Im a **** up =D ​

 

Kay, dont worry, we can be ****ed up together sweetie <3

I love you, hang in there

 

Love you too :3 you're my baby sister afterall.

<3​

 

I hope things work out for you and yes, I agree with you that K is in for a big surprise when reality smacks her in the face. School is its own little realm and she does seem sheltered a lot. She's going to have some nice doses of reality out there and you and C seem to be a lot better equipped to understanding that.

CtR, I love ya like a sister. You are a strong person and even the strongest people at times crumble and are messed up. We all, no matter how much we help others, sometimes just need a freaking helping hand ourselves. It's rather lonely to continuously do things for others while no one sees that there is trouble brewing for you too, just like anyone else may have.

However, suicide, of course, is definitely not the answer. You know that so I won't go on about it. You say you push people away and such, but I think you also feel that people will -view- you as weak if you say the things you really feel. You said your dad walked out on you when he was 5, but that wasn't just you, CtR. That was also to the rest of your family. I am sure it had more to do with your parents than it did you. He just wasn't a real man. That's on him. I'm sure you did nothing wrong at that age, but kids often feel that they must have when parents separate or divorce. I seriously hope you think on it and see that really at that age, you probably wouldn't know the real issues as to why he took off. Don't pin that on yourself. It's not your fault. Even if your mom won't tell you what happened because she's embarrassed, it's between her and him.

Also, you won't let people down, CtR. You are a strong person but we all have our limits. You get hurt as do other people, but for your own reasons. You have a long line of tolerance and acceptance of things, but when it's reached, it just is. Anyone who expects you to be 'Super Woman' is lame. Most of us out here know we are all fallible, we get emotionally distraught or stressed etc. I have a lot of people who 'depend' on me too and I sure don't want to let them down, but I also have had to just let people know 'today is -not- the day for support. Today I need to think and fix up my life'. You may just have to tell some people that, CtR. If they don't respect it, they aren't being real friends to you. A true friend will ask you what's up and try to be there to support you as you have them. I know it feels awkward, but there are some people you can trust who would listen to you, give you a friendly ear and maybe help with some advice.

There is also -nothing- weak about crying. Hell, I have to fight myself with that because I hate to break down but I know it's true despite how I was raised to think. If you cry, it's a stress reliever and it helps break up some of the tension. Don't let anyone tell you different. We have -all- cried at some point. Also, if you want to talk, PM me too. I'm not sure of everything going on, but you are a great friend on here to many people and I hope you will feel better and we are all human so we are all ****ed up at different points in our lives. It's a natural state of being. =:) Stick in there and keep talking to people and perhaps things will feel different.

 

Exactly , repliku, is right , you know everyone here will , have your back and help you when you need it

 

No one can make you feel inferior without your own consent.

Honestly Kay, it doesn't help anything when you say **** like "OH WELL I'M JUST A **** UP LOLLLZZ". Why the hell would anyone want to even help you then? That's basically shoving everything someone is trying to say to help you back in their face. Not helping at all.

I'm literally sick and tired of people complaining they've got it so bad, when they really don't. In your case, Kay, it's a little different. I know some of what you've been through, but honestly, you've got it good. I live in a broken home. I've lost my father. I've watched men come and go, treat my mother like ****, and walk out. I've gotten hit (hard) many times trying to stand up for my family, and it's taken it's toll. Technically speaking, emotion-wise, I should be dead, or perhaps a serial killer. I've lived on the streets. I've had the embarrassment of getting free lunch at school, walking into the line with my friends and telling the staff that I'm on the list for free lunch, and EVERYONE knows that means you're poor. It wasn't as bad as when I was a little younger, my mom would pack me lunch and by the time we ate, my milk was warm and starting to harden. Yeah, I still drank it too. I could honestly go on for hours, but I really just want you to know how much it pisses me off when people cry for attention when there are so many people out there that are an inch from death, but they struggle every day to stay alive. But some of you take life for granted so badly, that you think you can just end it when you're down, that easily.

Kay, I love you. I really do. You're awesome and I love talking to you, but lately it's been different. Every time we talk you bring up something depressing, and you joke about it. It's not ****ing funny, and that's why I stop responding. It angers me. If you want to fix your life, do it. There's nothing stopping you but yourself, and that's what I think it is. You're afraid, but you don't have to be. If you want to talk to me about this, quit the bullshit and don't make jokes. I'm your friend and I care about you. I honestly don't need to deal with that **** right now. I'd be glad to help you as much as I can, but everytime I try, I feel it's in vain. You don't listen to me. It's like you want to stay unhappy, and if you do, so be it.. Just please don't drag me into it with you.

 

Everyone hates a complainer that always is looking down on life but CtR is hardly a person that goes through depression all of the time. I don't mean to be rude here but seriously, telling someone else that they should cheer up and do what you want while at the same time tossing it in a person's face how miserable your own life is...that just seems kind of selfish. Yes, she may be handling things badly, but really, why bring your own matters into it? EVERYONE suffers and sometimes people need a little motivation or help to get back up on their feet. Even if they need a good yelling, usually the last thing they need is someone doing the 'my life is worse than yours' stuff at them. The 'competition' for whose life sucks worse... most people will just get annoyed and blow you off.

Again, I apologize because this probably will offend you. Just I think it's really the wrong angle here to approach if you want someone to listen.

 

Just because someone dosen't have it so bad in your eyes, doesn't mean it's bad to that person or anyone else it effects. You actually have no real idea how CtR may be feeling at this time, and saying your life has been worse...i'd have to agree with Repliku. It's just plain selfish. Perhaps you never intended it, but it looks like your wanting some pity for your hard life. I don't deny it, your life sounds as rough as it can get, but CtR isn't you. She'll handle thing's differently. You may think her way of handling her situation is a load of crap but she'll be doing what she can. Everyone has their moments, and it's sometimes the best thing that can happen. It's better that she gets it out now than some other point in her life where the stress has continued to build up.

The reason she may joke about issues might be that it is a way to help her relieve stress. It might be annoying to some folk but it can actually help lighten the load for a moment or two. She is just trying to keep a somewhat happy face as she explains what's happening. It can be extremely uncomfortable for the other person who is reading, especially for both of them if no one says anything afterwards. It's her way (and many others) to shed a bit of light on her troubles.

*Sora*, don't mean to bash, but you come off as really discourteous sometimes. You're sick and tired of folk complaining? You're the one complaining about others problems. That's what's annoying. These folk are asking for some help and comfort when they need it. Just because you're not - or feel as though you don't need to ask/show you need a wee bit of support doesn't make it wrong/annoying if others do. Telling them to deal with it or that their problems are nothing compared to your's doesn't actually help. Heck, you not responding to CtR because her IM's were not what you wanted is perhaps one of the worst things you can do. Seriously, if i were CtR, i would get the impression you didn't give a damn.

I could say a whole lot more, but i think i'm on a thin line at the moment.

CtR, you can come talk to me whenever you feel you would like to. You can say whatever you need to say, be it blurting something out, or in a jokey way. I won't judge or ignore you. ^^

 

Oh sorry. I dunno bout that. Just giving advice based on my experience...on other people back at my town. I have some kids at her age giving birth here. Well she didn't die. Because usually at my place, girls reaching puberty are already married and pregnant. So even getting periods at the age of 12, they already have famillies. Well that was a long traditon before, but nowadays kids at my places wouldn't want to get pregnant earlier. Well not all of them. Let see... how about caesarean? (sorry if i spelt it wrong) Will it help?

 

I was not trying to garner pity for myself in any way in my post, and that is what I was trying to explain. Do I seem like a person who has been through all of that? No, most likely not. I was merely trying to show that personal character and morale can overcome almost anything and I am living proof. Never have I expressed my feelings in a way that I wished for sympathy from anyone. I am simply not that type of person. The only reason my post might come off as selfish is because it was. Simply put, I'm not going to lie. Kay is an adult. She can fend for herself, and she honestly should. My post was to no one but Kay herself, so it really wasn't necessary for you two to step in and try to back her up. That is in some cases the greatest approach to fixing any problem you encounter in life. It doesn't help her at all if everyone just steps in front of her and gives off excuses and more reasons to be depressed.

Repliku, I have nothing but respect for you. You help people basically every day and your posts are always meaningful, but if you are as smart as I think you are, you should agree with me. Kind words and motivation from others can only carry one so far, and as much as you all might feel it does wonders, it really doesn't.

kitty, I'm sorry, but you honestly have no place to judge me at all. You rarely know me, and from the times I've talked with you, it seems you don't care either. You have ignored me quite a few times, to be honest. That's all I have to say to you.

Again, Kay, you know how I feel. We've talked extensively on some of these circumstances and for a while it seemed to help you. Not for long, though. There is obviously something going on in your life that is holding you back from even yourself, and I don't think anyone knows it. I'm not going to tell you to not take any offense from what I said in my earlier post, I just hope you understand that all I've ever tried to do to help you just seemed in vain.

This is just what I feel. I'm not going to sugar-coat what I have to say when supposedly someone's life is on the line here. It really doesn't help anything. If you don't like it, I'm honestly sorry. This is who I am. Straight-forward, harsh, and possibly uncourteous in some regards.

 

Having Emotions make you stronger.They might put you down but you'll get right back up stronger and ready for something else to come right back at you.I was like that but pushing people away is bad for for you i thought.The Human Mind is more powerful than people give it credit for.Those Feelings of pushing family away for their benefit is Noble.I do that myself but i only do that to a certain extent.

I Never would have thought you'de be like that but if you feel it get out of control i support you.

 

I do hear what you are saying, Sora, but my point was you are driving the nail in too deep. When I said it was selfish, I did not mean that you were reaching out for attention yourself. I do get what you attempted to do, to toss some reality of the situation in there. Just as I said, I think you pulled the trigger too soon and that is what makes it seem selfish. Everyone falters. I know I don't have the most ideal life and could go on with an essay describing how crappy it can be at times but unless I generally need some assistance to get my head straight, might be using 'my life' as an 'example' to get a point across in another area of the forums or something like that, I won't. When helping someone else, I do have to say it is just the wrong angle to go at. At least in the beginning. Sometimes people do need a slap of reality to say 'look, we all suffer and our lives aren't all peachy keen' but I generally save -that- speech for when someone is moping and just won't cut it out, despite all the help they've received etc.

I am straight forward as well and am not trying to get on you about it. We cannot all handle problems the same way and sometimes a bunch of stupid problems surmounts and it looks a lot worse because you get buried for a while. CtR is probably going through the finals crap in college right now and other things. I know how that feels as demands are very high on me at the moment too. I'm not going to fake I understand the other parts of what is going on with her and if she wants to talk, I am more than happy to listen. Being straight up is important but also having benevolence is too. I see what you are trying to do but it just seems that you drove home a thing that can push someone over the edge instead of using it as a wake up call for one of those people in life that is always depressed. Do you see my point? There is a line I draw on my compassion too because when people just want to emo and angst it's time for them to be told to get some mental help from professionals and I have to move on because I refuse to let myself be dragged down after doing so in the past and realizing how miserable it made me. For those who want help, I would probably always be there. For those who don't, I have to move on. I just think here that perhaps you 'moved on' too soon and it would be counterproductive instead of how you intended it. Also, you said Kay is an adult. I am too, but I will say this...being an adult means you don't have others to always fall back on. The security blanket is just not there as much and it can be -harder- to cope with as well as in some situations better. Adults feel pain too and can be in a lot harder of situations as the really real world outside of school is not all fun and games. It's not easier to be an adult than it is to be a teen.

 

I think my friend is pissed at me, but I can't really tell. Fyi, Wesley is her boyfriend.

Does she have reason to be ticked off? o_o I was just saying what I thought.

​

 

From just that conversation, it doesn't really seem like she's ticked.. You did call her pathetic, which to someone could be a pretty big insult or enough to be irritated with someone. Why not just straight out ask her if she's mad at you?

 

Because... I don't know. I've been really annoyed at her with this whole boyfriend thing, but I've dealt with it lately since she's seemed so happy. But when I want to say something, I don't beat around the bush. I'll tell people flat out what I think because that's how I want people to deal with me in the same way.

I guess I'll try.

 

I agree with Sora. I think she's just tired of hearing she's being pathetic and it is kind of frustrating to her that no one sees her point of her emotional state. I can't say though I would have said much different than you did or I just would have said 'okay' and moved on to something else because it does seem silly to cry because someone isn't around that I really like for one time.

I'm sure it's more of a frustration as she pointed out 8 others said it to her too. Maybe to help fix things but not cater to this, you could try talking to her of other things so she knows that you aren't mad at her and she doesn't feel too ostracized for her emotions.

 

It's always best to get a primary source instead of a secondary or third. If she's mad at you, I'm sure she'd tell you. Although I don't think 'mad' is the word. It seems like she feels you don't understand what she means, but I agree with you. It's a little pathetic to cry because someone isn't in your presence at any point in time.