Help with Life

I can see why this might be difficult for you, but you just have to put on that brave face.
Good luck

 

Life is rough , sometimes...i just want to ..kill myself.

 

I'm glad to hear things are moderately worked out. As far as your current situation goes, it's pretty tough. Does this guy you like like you back? I couldn't tell if he was hugging you becuase he likes you or some other reason. If he likes you back, try to ignore what other people say. They don't know you and if they choose to waste their time making fun of you that is their problem, not yours. If he doesn't like you, it seems like there is still a chance for you to be friends with him judging by the fact that he hugged you.

I think it is more advisable to talk to someone in person, becuase the benefits are then more personal, but if you absolutely can't getting advice here is better than nothing.

Writing too much isn't a problem. If you feel like you're about to panic, my advice would be to just take a deep breath and think over the situation logically before letting your thoughts and fears get the better of you and you start warping the situation out of proportion. Thinking about everything that is good about it could help.

Don't slap your wrist if you ever feel suicidal. Think of all the great reasons to stay alive and think of everything that you like and have access too. Physical punishment for emotional problems gives no benefits. Hope this helped.
​

Why? What is causing you to have these thoughts? Suicide is never the answer. Talk to somebody about it and try to fix your situation. Sure, life is rough, but there area lot of wonderful, indescribable things that come along with it. You may be going through a hard part of your life, but trust me, killing yourself is not the answer. Wait it out and try to get it to end as soon as possible by talking to your counselors, parents, or friends, and I promise you, life will eventually get better.
​

 

This hardly gives us anything to work with here. Life can be rough but it can also have good things in it too. Look for both the positives and the negatives and life will have more meaning and you'll find more to live for. If you are confused or frustrated, and want an ear, tell us what's going on and perhaps we can help offer you some ways to work on things, or at least some support. I hope you feel better about things soon.

 

I'm trying to resolve the issue with the guy I like but he's always with someone and asking to talk to him in private wouldn't work and would make the situation worse; he's trying to ignore because he's always around his friends no matter what and they are really just **** heads especially the one with fake red hair whom I call Hornypops now for a really long reason. and she keeps chiding/insulting me by saying things like "you fancy Kyle" and "Hey! Sexy Kyle's over here" and she stresses the words at the ends of the sentences to annoy me and she's embarrasing him as well. but i need to know how I can confront him alone without it looking weird or suspicious (right now my best option is trailing him from a distance until I find him walking alone and then trying to talk to him but that's bordering stalkerism so how do I confront him?

 

If he is not willing to talk in private he is not worth the trouble at all.

And if you are not willing to drag him from his friends, then you must not care for him a whole lot. Or else it wouldn't matter what the situation would look like from someone elses perspective.

Yes, I am blunt. But that is the simplest way to put it.

You either need to suck it up and drag him away from his friends, or you need to put him out of mind.

 

Unfortunatley I have to agree with Spitfire here, if you love some one, you have to take a chance, because if you don't try, your never gonna know what could of happened.

Keep trying, its all you can do for now.

 

Well my parents say I have social issues and fear risks and honestly I have never taken many risks and all the ones I've taken, they all burned and shot down making things worse for me (and in my defense the people he's friends with are total bas*ards and really difficult to deal with; they actually mangaed to lift me off the ground, leaving my hands on the floor to see if I could do the splits since I'm gay).

Oh and I didn't say I loved this guy I said I LIKED him (Yhere is a really big difference in those words in my view as if you love someone, you wanna spend the rest of your life with them and see the future with that person, however when you like someone it's a person who you like the appearence and personality of and want to experience a relationship with that person but know it'll most likely not be permanent) I refuse to use the word love so easily in my life.

but you're all correct I need to take a risk and now knowing he is uncomfortable when around me when his friends are about I really need to talk to him alone (and to boot the irony a friend now hates me because they like the exact same guy I like and got rejected by him).

Well... i have somewhat a plan to go after him:
I approach him when he's on the way to a class; trust me it's the only time he'll be with the least amount of people and I say Hi and try to spark a conversation with him and then I'll get to the point of my question and see how he reacts and take whatever answer the nicest way I can (I'm expecting the 'no' as it's the word I've always gotten an I'll just have to take whatever answer comes my way (and even if he rejects me his best reason he could use is that he doesn't know me enough and then I'll just say 'then spending time with me is a way to know me better') well it's the 30 plans I've worked out and I'll have to give my chances a shot

(I've had two perfect oppurtunities before in the past when he and I were late for school and on the same bus but back then i was very reclusive and he never even spoken to me; because I've talked to him once so he partially knows me so I'm not a stalker).

 

I'm pretty sure this is the right place for this, I don't see where it could fit in anywhere else and its not spam because I'm looking for meaningful insight and advice... (If this is not the place to post this I'm really sorry I thought it was! Please tell me why it wasn't and where to post something like this next time!)

I come seeking guidance from people I hardly know yet because my friends are all very biased and on my side and claim my boyfriend is a ****** bag and that they "Love their Tiffy forever! She's the best!" Its nice to know I have such caring and loyal friends though =]

Alright. When me and my boyfriend got together a month ago, he always called me every night and on every break he had at work. (6:00 PM, 8:30 PM, 11:00 PM and he gets off at 2:00 AM). It was wonderful and I could talk to him for hours about all types of meaningful things AND nonsense alike. Most times he just liked listening to me talk and trying to figure out my character and the way I think and work. (He's pretty good at that!) He also used to talk to me before he had to get ready for work (Approx. 2:00 PM)

Due to the fact that he works and I babysit/nanny all week we only see each other on the weekends.

I'm sorry you only have my side of the story to go on because he hardly tells me anything about how he feels about something or not. If I knew anything I'd post it up here too. All he's really said on the matter is that he doesn't want to come off as too clingy, but if that were really the case how come he can't even answer when I call him?

Well here lately, the past week and beginning of this week, I only talk to him twice, maybe three times a day if I'm lucky for intervals of 5 to 30 minutes before either he has to get back to work, he falls asleep, or for some reason or another the call was ended/lost and I call him back but he doesn't answer or he never calls me back.

I called him at 12:30 PM today and he answered and I talked for maybe 5 minutes before he rushed me off the phone and said "I have to get ready for work I'll call you later." He called me at 6:00 PM but I never heard my phone ring I didn't even know until I opened my phone and saw that I missed a call. He called me again at 8:40ish before we got disconnected and he never called back. He didn't call me at his 11 PM break and I have yet to hear ANYTHING from him at all.

I tried calling an hour ago to talk to him about it because it was bugging me AND the fact that he usually calls me after work but for some reason today he didn't. He couldn't call me, but he found the time to read one of my new blogs on myspace and tell me everything I wrote in it was wrong?

So since I couldn't talk to him about it and all my friends are asleep I had to resort to sending him a message on myspace and leaving a voice mail to make sure he knew it was there to read. I've NEVER had to resort to something so ridiculous. I'm the type of person to either say it to your face or if that's not possible tell you over the phone, not send stupid messages! >_<''

So I also sent him a text message stating that I would never again bother to call him, that from now on if he really wanted to talk he should call me. It just breaks my heart that I miss talking to him so much and I'm always here for him when he calls, but my calls are NEVER answered, and his calls are a SOMETIMES close to a RARITY.

So I guess what I'm asking is that if I'm being irrational or if I shouldn't worry about it? And what do you think is going through his head, why he might not be calling? Should I let it hurt me as much as it does, or should I try to be strong and ignore it?

EDIT: Alright. I just found out he's been putting in extra hours at work and he didn't get home until about 6:20 AM but still, why not message me if he could criticize my blog?! x_x"

 

This is hard to analuse with only knowing that he hasn't called you as much as he use to. If you coud say more like, if he has been acting strange or different or if he has changed at all.

 

Honestly I couldn't tell you because I only see him on weekends and this weekend he was sick but the weekend before that everything was okay.

I mean.. I don't know. He always puts me through these little challenges like "Well how would she react if I did this.." or "How will she handle this situation."

He told me so.. and I hate it when people do that, but he said the reason he challenges me with random stuff is because he wants to learn more about who I am.

I guess I really am over reacting.. I feel like an idiot..

 

Well, in all seriousness, not to mean but I had a gf that would call me all the time and it got on my nerves. She was acting so co-dependent, in my business and all and it really killed any feelings I had for her at all. If I were you, I'd try to talk to the guy in person and say your feelings but really, tone down on the needing to hear the person on the phone all the time. Some people do not like it and it is pushy. Instead, try calling less and instead plan out actual dates with one another and he might open up more. Of course, I only know what I read and that both of you were calling all the time etc, and I think what he's saying when he says he doesn't want to be seeming clingy is that it's too much forced on him all at once. Phones are so popular to some people but they really are an annoyance with a relationship sometimes.

 

I agree, with Repliku.
The more you spend in person with him the better you will know him, phones can complicate things.

But it is not idiotic to be cautious of someone, especially when they act different.
it is kind of you to be concerned of him, I’m sure it makes him comforting, but being obsessive can make people annoyed of you, like Repliku said.
If he is making challenges for you, it means he cares, seriously, I do that to people sometimes, to know them a little better, what they might do in that position if they were ever put in it, it means he cares about you, because he wants to know you better, and by the sounds of it, you 2 don't spend much time together, this is the best way for him to know you with so little time on his or your hands.

Just take your time in the relationship, don't push too much and have fun together.

And remember, if you still have troubles, you always have this thread to talk about it, we all willing to help.

 

Well now we've worked past all that but I have another problem.

He's not very reliable. I don't think I could rely on him to get me to a hospital on time if I was bleeding to death. A few times already he's said he was going to say or do important things for/to me but never has, and I haven't seen him all weekend and he said today after church he was driving straight here to pick me up and we would go do something. Well, church ended at about 12 and its getting close to 5 and I haven't heard or seen ANYTHING of him. I understand he's extremely busy but is it very fair of him to do this to me? He's been busy from the start and honestly when we began this relationship I didn't know all that, it was him begging me "Please I know we're busy during the week but it will be great I could see you on the weekends it will all work out." But since then he never shows up when he is supposed to and shows up hours later or never calls when he is supposed to and calls VERY early in the morning and I'm asleep but I wake up and answer it anyways because I love talking to him. Is it fair to start a VERY serious relationship knowing you don't have the time to devote to it?

Tomorrow is our anniversary (and again, we can't do anything during the week) and I was hoping today would be special but nothing has happened at all. I didn't have any money for Christmas so I baked him these awesome cookies and got Christmas cards for him and his roommate and he KNOWS I have things I want/need to give him so why would he do this? If he got caught up in something why couldn't he find one minute to call me and say so? Why leave me hanging, make me wake up and get ready to go out with him and never show up?

It just proves to me, once again, that he is unreliable and doesn't really have time for me. And all this makes my head and heart spin in circles, I don't understand why he says I mean so much but constantly it seems like I'm being pushed aside, but his cousin talks to me and tells me he's hoarding all this money and bought me a ring? (I ripped into his cousin for that, why spoil the surprise?! Now if he really DID propose to me I couldn't give him the deserved response!) The ring I couldn't give an accurate guess about, but the hoarding the money I already know is for new furniture and everything. He's already told me his house isn't nearly fit enough for "someone wonderful like me/" and that this summer he's getting all this new furniture, flooring, etc. I know that for a fact because he already told me he wants me to look through the furniture catalogs with him because if I planned on him being part of my future, I would be the one spending more time at home with all the furniture and everything anyways since he works about 12 hours or more everyday.

And I know its a possibility that he's so busy because he's planning a nice and wonderful future for us, but how can there be an us in the future if he's so focused on that that he doesn't have the time for us today?! And now since I probably won't see him today, I have to go another week without seeing him for a total of TWO weeks.

**EDIT: I know to many it would seem.. well if you aren't happy etc.. why not just end it? Well he is a really nice guy and I love him so much, I really want this to work because when we do talk everything out and see each other its truly amazing. Just this morning he had me laughing so hard I was in stitches.

And also to make this clear, our relationship can't be all messed up because its purely physical or whatever, we don't really do that. We talk more and go to the store or mall or whatever more often than anything else.

EDIT 2 - Its 7 and he's still not here. He had to be home by 8 so all is lost. no point of going out for like 10 minutes. Another day with my hopes up and when they fell down he didn't catch them.

 

Its tough to answer something like this, because its not a good for a third party to be involved in deciding what happens in a relationship. But I understand what you mean asking for some help.

I don't know if he does or doesn't know how much he is hurting you, because it would be a good idea to tell him how frustrated and sad you are. Show him how much you won't to work through the problem of him being busy all the time.
And you should also think about what he means to you, if he is really worth the effort, I'm not saying you should end the relationship, all I am saying is think about it.

If you 2 get a day off on Christmas Eve or Boxing day, try talking to him then, don't do it on Christmas, its not a good idea.
Just hope things workout for you.

 

Well once again I played the fool quite well.

He was in the hospital all day yesterday! :rockdoversad:

I really need to stop over reacting. And I've talked to him about that. For a split moment when I was mad I posted in here but a few minutes later.. it turned into fret and worry. I worried all day and finally he called to tell me he just got home from the hospital x_x;; Apparently he had a really bad dizzy spell because of the pain medication for his foot (was in a football accident, his right foot is permanently crooked and facing outwards at about a 45 degree angle).

Honestly despite only being together as long as we have.. we don't really have any issues besides the fact that I require lots more attention than what he gives. There's no jealousy or trust issues. No issues over who annoys who or anything like that. There never was. Somehow in such a short time the relationship has progressed and matured above stupid relationship problems like that, I know this because one of his friends thats a girl has made it pretty clear that she wants to be with him, but whats really weird is I'm not even worried about it! She isn't a threat to me at all, like somehow in my heart I already know that there is no possible way that she could ruin or destroy us, and that he would never do that to me. But its not a helplessly and crazily in love scenario, either.

Its a pretty strong, well built, mature relationship. We love each other, but don't need to say it or show it every five minutes. We can actually have a long lasting conversation on any subject.

I'm a little confused because I was brought up and taught and told my whole life that it takes years and years to build what I have with him in only this short time. And despite the last two problems I brought to this thread, never, never, NEVER has it crossed my mind to break up with him, not because I'm afraid or going to be hurt about it, it just simply honestly and truly has never crossed my mind, like it was never an option to begin with or maybe we are just really meant to be. Honestly he's already told me he feels that way, and afterwards I told him : D

Hmm.. so I guess my next question would be what should I do if I start getting all upset like that again? Because honestly I don't think not speaking/seeing him is such a big issue if one word from him makes everything better... its some kind of mental or emotional problem with me. I know that when I was young my mother didn't have a lot of time and ignored me a lot... and still does to this day. Every one of our conversations consisted of me trying to tell her something I thought was important, only to have her keep going off subject and ignoring it. I was competing for her attention along with my step dad, two little brothers, my older brothers whenever they were around, and not to mention any time my friends or her friends' kids came over. I was almost always left at home while my little brothers went with her. I was a middle child, as well. Could that play a factor in it? Could an "attention deficiency" as a child put me into hysterics when I feel neglected by a loved one as an adult?

If so.. I ask again, any good ideas on how to grow out of it?

 

Well, you ask a question about seeming to require a lot of attention, and that alongside anxiety would be my guesses of what's going on here. One of the things I can say for sure messes up any relationship is the partner putting too many expectations on the other person. What I mean by that is when you are with someone, if you expect the person to call you all the time, if you don't think of what else can happen that prevents it etc, or that things change, it's too much on someone else. The relationship to the other person can seem more a burden instead of what it should be.

Right now, it also seems to me that you are both very busy and working a lot of things out in your lives. I again say that I think you need more real social time with him and less phone time so that you can hang out and do fun things and also enjoy one another's company. You've made it a year (if anniversary is an indicator here), going out with this guy, and I'm sure he has his shortcomings too, but that says something. If you trust him, try to not get so anxious and let him and you enjoy your lives when not around each other and when with one another. This is in a way a sort of test because no one can always be there for you and even if you were married later on, people have to do things separate too. If you can endure this time of not seeing each other as much as probably both of you want to, you will both make it onwards to a more solid relationship. But if you can't, therein comes the problem.

Also, if you find that you really are so dependent on getting the attention you need, try to accept it just won't always happen, and if you can't, you may want to try talking to talk to him, and if it's really severe, a counselor about it because that can become an obsessive issue later in life and you don't want that. I'm sure you realize that your boyfriend can't make up for the love your family didn't outright give enough of and that he's going to show love in his way and do what he can, but if you require too much attention, he might try to draw back because you two are boyfriend and girlfriend; not married. As important and great a person is in a relationship, think of them as 'special friends' so that you don't just dump too much on him and also you can relax more yourself. There are certain things you would never do to a friend that you might to a boyfriend, and mostly that comes in the form of demands and such.

So, my suggestions at this point would be to talk to him, try to settle things in yourself, and well find some more activities for you to do when he's not around so you aren't always focused on missing him and what he is up to. You both do seem to need a bit more time together and the idea popped into my head that perhaps you are thinking so much on these things because it is your anniversary coming up so it's got you somewhat nervous and all. Good luck! And these issues you feel are resolvable so don't give up hope or despair. The biggest thing in the end is actually seeing there may be some problems there that need to be fixed in the first place, which you are questioning about and researching.

 

Hmmmm. I feel like I'm better at losiong close friends than making them >_<

 

Why do you say that? everyone loses friends in their lifetime... but I'm sure that you'll be able to make some new friends... If you lost friends because they moved it's understandeable... but if they just don't want to be your friend anymore then it's probably because of something you did... in that case, you aren't hanging out with the right people and should make some new friends... you don't have to change just because they don't like you... just look for people who share intrest in the same things you do ^^

does that help any?

 

I think it is easier for -anyone- to lose friends than to make them. It is far easier to destroy something than to create something or keep bonds lasting. Also, if you get really angry and don't take the other people around you into consideration, it's pretty simple to pop off some words that may leave with them a lasting impression. I hope things get better for you and you all but yeah...it would seem to me it tends to be a lot easier to lose a friend than to make one. Also, if some people are around you and take off and are just 'fair weather' friends, those are acquaintances. I wouldn't feel so bad about them going where they will.