EDIT!: In order to save thread space, there will only be one thread for this story! Currently it has been updated to the 2nd one! If you wish to read that, scroll through the pages for the NEXT giant blob of text (you may also want to watch or check this thread every couple of days for updates). Thanks! Drabble-esque, crack-humor. Includes everyone's favorite dysfunctional family, OrganizationXIII. I just typed it directly onto this thread and posted. It's not even in proper story format.... "HAPPY NON-BIRTHDAY XEMNAS!" Xemnas: What's in those boxes better be hearts or very good excuses as to why you all aren't collecting hearts, better yet why I shouldn't simply outright destroy you for this pointless event. Saix: That is exactly what I said Superior. Xemnas: Then what is that gaudy thing in your hands? Saix: Your Non-Birthday Gif- ahem, I mean an offerring as a sign of my eternal fealty to you. Xemnas: A telescope, I'm touched in the deepest voids of my soul. Saix: Truly, Superior? Xemnas: .... Xigbar: OK JULIET, MOVE OVER. -Anyway bossman, here's your freaking present. Xemnas: ....What in the Darkness is this? Xigbar: It's a con-. Xemnas: Consider it destroyed. Vexen: Superior, I hope you find my gift satisfactory. Xemnas: Gift? All I see is a rather effeminate...boy..? Vexen: It's a replica, its name is Repliku. Isn't it marvelous? Xemnas: Marvelous like the black plague. Vexen: I knew you would like it. Xaldin: Here you are Xemnas. Xemnas: It's a box of culinary knives. Xaldin: Stainless steel culinary knives with a life-time warranty... Demyx: Oh oh! Let me give you my gift! Xemnas: What purpose does this gigantic cone...thing serve? Demyx: Oh you don't like the conch? Well....uhm...its the thought that counts...? Xemnas: Clearly, the thought of this rivals the practicality of it. Luxord: Xemnas my good Superior! This is my humble gift to you! Xemnas: It's a bag of munny. Luxord: A universal gift can be the best one! Xemnas: Pity I'm not a part of that universe then. Marluxia: Don't break it. Xemnas: A vase with my name on it, how personal. Marluxia: ...It's an urn. Xemnas: Ah, an urn. -Where are the customary flowers I'm supposed to put into it? Marluxia: ...Right...flowers..... Xemnas: Larxene, do I even what to know what this thing is? Larxene: In some worlds they call them voodoo dolls. Xemnas: And your reasoning for giving this me? Larxene: It reminded me of how it too wishes for a brain. Xemnas: How incredibly witty of you to think so. Larxene: I'm glad we agree. Axel: Oh Xeeeeeeeeeeeemmy! Here's my present! Xemnas: Hmm, a coffee machine that looks remarkably like the coffe machine that was missing from the break room earlier this morning. Axel: Nah you're just crazy, this one is completely different from that one! Xemnas: Indeed you are right Axel, this one is still broken like the missing coffee machine that you were supposed to fix. Axel: Eheheheheheh- Roxas! HowaboutyougiveMr.Xemnasyourpresent? Roxas: *meeps* Xemnas: Why am I not surprised that you have all of the missing creamers, sugar packets and filters from the break room? Axel: Heh heh....It must be your lucky day Xemmy! Zexion: I think you should refresh your memory on the definition on the word of 'luck' Axel. -If you dare say 'that' phrase and I will do something rather drastic that entails forcing Lexicon down your throat. But I digress, here is your present Xemnas. Xemnas: A can of pepper spray? Zexion: Yes, and I will be more then happy to demonstrate its effectiveness on-. Xemnas: I appreciate the sentiment.... That leaves only you Lexaeus. Come now, put an end to this ordeal, I lack the capacity to really care anymore. Lexaeus: ........... (Please accept this.) Xemnas: ........You are all granted a temporary reprieve. You are all dismissed to resume your normal duties except for Lexaeus. *The others go on their marry way* Lexaeus: ......................... (Yes, what is it?) Xemnas: You gave me a pot of hair gel. Lexaeus: ............................................. (I take it you wanted something else-?) Xemnas: I would have preferred orange-scented hair gel. Lexaeus: ........... (....What?) Xemnas: I rather like oranges... END continue? discontinue?
*pictures* Larxene: OH THIS CORSET IS SIMPLY TOO LOOSE! *constricts* Larxene: HIGH-HEELS ARE FUN TO RUN IN. DANCE 'DEMYKINS' DANCE! o_o??
Lol! That was really amusing. It could fit very well as a one-shot, but I'll say 'Continute!' out of mild curiousity how you'll go about doing that :3 "I would have preferred orange-scented hair gel." XD
Well I received decent feedback, so it'll be continued. Same rules and deal as the last time. Drabble-esque, Crack-humor typed directly into the thread box. "Happy Non-Birthday Xigbar!" Xigbar: WHOOP-DE-FREAKING-DOO! Now fork over the goods kiddies, Xiggy want's to be impressed. Hmm, YOU FIRST XALDIN. Xaldin: ...I don't even know why I bothered to get you anything. Xigbar: Oh TIGHT. It's a metal pointy stick thing! Xaldin: It's a javelin, in sporting events you would throw it to see- Xigbar: Whatever, NEXT! Lexaeus: ............. (I wasn't sure....) Xigbar: Dude, its a metal frisbee, that's awesome. Lexaeus: ................ (It's actually called a discus, it's also from a sporting event similiar to Xaldin's-) Xigbar: Oh I get it, went to the same store huh? Clever! Vexen: Here is my latest invention. Xigbar: They look like warty grey pinecones, what're the purple buttons there for? Vexen: Ahdada! I wouldn't recommend doing that Xigbar! These are condensed explosives and pressing the button causes them to detonate! Xigbar: Heheheheh, so you got me fancy grenades! You really surprise me old man in trusting these babies with me! Demyx: Uhhh, here's my present. I wasn't sure what to get so. Xigbar: Dude, I think you just became my new favorite newbie! Demyx: R-really? I didn't know you liked magazines! Xigbar: Hells yeah! I like my women like my guns, slick and loaded if ya know what I mean. Demyx: Oh, I can give you the rest of the Swim-Summer issues then! Xigbar: That's a good boy! Looks like you have a tough act to beat Luuuuuuuxord! Luxord: Hm you may be very right Xigbar! Ah well, if you find my gift unsatisfactory, do not hesitate to ask for another. Xigbar: Call me thick Luxord, but what're these numbers supposed to mean? Luxord: Actually I have no idea myself, but a rather voluptuous female wearing an odd swimsuit and bunny ears handed this to me. She said she and her colleagues were part of a gentlemen's club, so I thought you deserved it. Xigbar: ......Duuuuude. Luxord: I'm glad you like it. Axel: Eh, well I found this on one of the patrols, I think you should have it Xig.... Xigbar: Whoa, thats one badass rocket launcher. I'm surprised a stick like you could even carry it. I wonder what make is this? Oh man, what if I could custom it?! Axel: Uhm, I'll leave ya alone then. Xigbar: Eh? Oh, its you. Roxas: IhopeyoulikethisI'msorryIdon'tknowyouthatwell! Xigbar: Didn't catch a damn word of that broom-head. But I guess ya did good...being a kid and all....I always do need more generic targets to shoot at, I'll hang it on my wall....or something. Roxas: G-good! Er-I'mgladyoulikeit! Marluxia: ....Anyway, this ought to keep you satisfied. Xigbar: Heeey you got my favorite brand of vodka with the skull and crossbones on the yellow triangle! It always made me sad they never really had a name-label... Hope ya don't mind if I help myself to it now! Hm, actually doncha want any Marly? Marluxia: ....Maybe later. Xigbar: Naw I insist! Marluxia: .....ehh I'm a......vegan....yeah.... Xigbar: ....I see, I didn't know that. Thanks for the booze anyway. Marluxia: ....you're welcome. Xigbar: Zexy! My awesome pipsqueak friend! Dude, what's with the phonebook looking thing? Zexion: I encourage you to use this as much as possible. Xigbar: A dictionary-thesaurus? Psh! Like the great Xigbar needs to look up pesky words! Silly Zexy, I don't need to know what an.... 'onomatopoeia' is in order to shoot it. Larxene: Yo cyclops! HERE! Enjoy it! Xigbar: A banana? What is the inside of it made outta gold or something? Larxene: Hahaha! How cute, the monkey thinks the banana is something special! Xigbar: ....b*tch.... Larxene: Hahahaha! Xigbar: ARGH, I'LL GET YOU BACK FOR THIS MARK MY FRIGGIN' WORDS! Saix: Truly an ungrateful wench isn't she? Xigbar: Yeah you said it. Saix: Back to more important things, Xigbar...Here is a sign of my respect for my superior. I hope it pleases you. Xigbar: An eyepatch? Saix: Yes, I made sure to find one that looks exactly like the one you have now. Xigbar: Uh, It's nice and all, but I kinda like my current one... Saix: *blinks* Whoever said it was to replace your current one? This is for when you lose your other eye. Xigbar: RIGHT. Anyway Xemmy, you're the last one! Xemnas: I am no 'last one', I refuse to partake in this foolish ritual! Xigbar: Aw come on Xemmy, we all got you Non-Birthday presents, its only fair that you return the favor at least once. Xemnas: ....Return the favor you say? Xigbar: Well yeah, common courtesy bossman. Xemnas: Well then, here is my present to you. Xigbar: A card? ....This'll be interesting. Xemnas: The most interesting part is what is written inside. Xigbar: H-HEY WAIT A SECOND. Xemnas: You can't return your gift to me Xigbar, that would be rude. Xigbar: HEY MAN THIS IS INHUMANE -I'LL SUE YOUR TANNED A*S FOR ABUSE I SWEAR! Xemnas: Oh but Xigbar, I thought you liked taking the pet Twilight Thorn on walks! Xigbar: I DON'T WANT TO PICK UP ITS SH-! Xemnas: Tsk tsk Xigbar, you should watch your language, there are young impressionable children present! Besides you should be setting an example for the others! Xigbar: You....you..... Xemnas: Are evil? Why yes I am. Now go do your task, Twillums is in dire need of a walk through Hollow Bastion. END Xaldin next? Mix it up?
