good evening

Hi, so I don't know about you, but recently (more like a few years now) I have been playing a game series called Monster Hunter. Monster Hunter is a game produced by Capcom Japan, and is currently one of the most popular game series in Japan right now. The latest installation for the game was Monster Hunter Portable 2nd G for the Sony Playstation Portable(which will soon be coming out to North America under the alternate name, Monster Hunter Freedom Unite), and in the first one or two weeks, it sold over 2 million copies in Japan alone. Unfortunately, the success that Monster Hunter receives in Japan is far from parallel to its popularity in North America. Most gamers that reside in North America do not actually know what Monster Hunter is. More often than naught, they confuse it with the anime series and game, Monster Rancher (See: Figure 1). Albeit the slightly similar names, the two series are not similar to one another at all, other than the fact that they contain humans and monsters.



Now, I consider Monster Hunter to be one of my more favourite game series ever. It lacks a story, but to make up for that, it has amazing gameplay and the difficulty is not to be underestimated. This is a game where if you try to play it casually and simply for fun, then there is still much to be desired. Imagine playing Legend of Zelda, or Kingdom Hearts (1) without any sort of lockon system. The camera is controlled by you and only by you and every attack is manually aimed at the "target". Any perception of distance and the like must be done by you. There are no moves or skills other than walking, running or rolling, that gets you up close to the monster. This is both fun and extremely challenging and one of the shining points of the game, I think. However, despite this, Monster Hunter's sexual orientation is far from heterosexual in many, many situations.

In the next few paragraphs, I will be explaining to you why Monster Hunter is homosexual rather than heterosexual.

First off, we have Plesioth. Now, I highly consider Plesioth to be an African male, and often times I wonder why Capcom even put him in the game. There are various, various reasons upon why I highly dislike Plesioth and why he is one of the main reasons that Monster Hunter's sexual orientation is not... normal per se. For those of you who don't play Monster Hunter, Plesioth is an amphibious wyvern, and as such, he or she enjoys staying in bodies of waters and on land. Unfortunately for us struggling hunters (See: TheMuffinMan, gattai, AdmiralAdobo), Plesioth enjoys swimming more than it enjoys basking in the sunlight. This is disadvantageous for us since we can't swim, or at least not until Monster Hunter Tri. I expect this lack of swimming ability may be due to either our weapons and armour, which tend to be made of highly dense material or the middle-ages like setting that Monster Hunter takes place in. Either way, as of current Monster Hunter games, we cannot swim. Now, Plesioth likes to stay in the water for long periods of time... Disappointing really, because every 5 minutes, your hunter's stamina decreases by 50. I must say, he is a very annoying opponent to face. When he finally decides to come onto the land (sometimes, sonic bombs to do not always work), he only stays for about two or three minutes and then jumps back in, and then the process repeats. His attacks are easy as it is when he's submerged in the water, but on land, they are... stupid, for a lack of a better word. His tail has extremely deceiving range, and just when you think you're safe, you get hit and lose almost half your HP. His hip check on the other hand is probably one of the most annoying moves in the game. Similar to his tail spin, it also has deceiving range but in a more technical way. Rather than perceiving the distance and length of his tail incorrectly, his hip check has a very large hit box. Although he always hip checks to his right side, sometimes you are put under situations where there is no other way than to place yourself on the right side of his body. Even if you see the hip check coming a mile away, rolling underneath and past him does nothing as the hit box for his hip check actually extends BEHIND him, adding almost his body width to his attack. There have been many times where I almost broke my PSP or PS2/3 controller because of this invisible and extremely deceiving hit box.

Secondly, we have Diablos' tail. Although not deceivingly long like Plesioth's, it is just as bad if not worse. Now, Diablos is a large wyvern. You can safely stand under him and his pelvic region would barely touch the top of your head, so it would make sense that other than being kicked or stepped on (which actually doesn't do that much damage despite how wrong it seems according to physics), you shouldn't take damage. Ah, but that is where the Monster Hunter shenanigans come into play again. When Diablos does his tail spin (not unlike most wyverns in the game), he can actually hit you if you're standing near the back portion of his pelvic area. Biologically speaking, this does not make sense. Sure his tail extends from there, but that part of his body is not the tail itself, yet you take full damage regardless as if the tail did hit you. Another tail whip shenanigan that Diablos holds in his arsenal is yet again, another hit box error or exploit. Diablos has a tendency to only tail whip in one direction, and that is counter-clockwise. As such, the tail is always coming from YOUR left side. Earlier today while playing, I decided to use my lance and Diablos went into the tail whip motion. I'm a somewhat experienced MH player, so I saw it coming from a mile away. The tail begins to swing past me, going from the left side of the screen to the right side. If I were to get hit by this tail swing, I'd fly towards the right side of the screen, this makes sense. However, I suddenly found myself flying towards the left side of the screen. I'm sorry sir, but last time I checked, tails coming from the front do not magically hit you from behind. If I recall correctly, this must've happened at least twice during my solo Diablos run. Not pretty. Diablos, your tail makes Monster Hunter a very homosexual game. I am sorry but I have to cut your tail off now. Diablos and Plesioth aren't the only annoying monsters to face in the game. Monsters such as Black Gravios, Volganos, Hypnoc, Blangonga, Akantor, Fatalis, Gypceros, Teostra, Nana, and Chameleos all have their own shenanigans, but I feel that I would take up too much of my own time writing about them. Maybe another day, but not today.

Moving on from boss monsters, we have minions. I don't really mind most minions except for three specific ones. These minions are Cephalos, Genprey and Vespoid. Cephalos are small sand-wyverns, classified under the Piscine taxa, similar to that of Plesioth and Volganos. If there is say, one Cephalos, it's not very hard to deal with it or ignore it. However when you're fighting a boss or two in the same area filled with three Cephalos', it can become very annoying. Simply by brushing you as they swim through the sand, your hunter trips and falls which can and often times, will lead to your hunter taking massive damage from the actual boss monster. Similarly, as Cephalos are essentially incredibly smaller versions of Cephadrome, which is in turn similar to Plesioth, they behave just as boss wyverns do, and often times hinder your hunting escapades. Not only are they annoying when fighting a boss monster, they are also annoying when trying to kill them. Unless you have sonic bombs (or you're really good with clust/crag), then it takes almost forever to get them out of the sand to kill them. As their swimming patterns change almost every five minutes, this can get stressful since you do not always know where they are going to be swimming next. Next up is Genprey and Vespoid. Two extremely different minions, but are annoying in the same way. These two minions have the ability to stun or paralyze you temporarily (whichever term you prefer). Genprey are less annoying as they can be cleared out of the area for the time being and will not reappear unless you exit and re-enter. Vespoid on the other hand come out one by one or in pairs, and have an infinite spawn rate. Their stun ability can get you into countless situations where you will be forced to take two or three potions to gain back the lost health, or in a worst case scenario, die. There have been one too many times where I have failed a quest because of their stun properties. As much as I'd like to kill them, I see no point in killing Vespoids and Genprey lack any sort of intelligence and are often killed by the bosses themselves. Regardless of this, they can get very, very tedious to deal with when you are hunting a boss monster.

tl;dr I wish I had this drink:


I think I'm going to play some more Monster Hunter Frontier.

 

Sh*t dude, what kind of an idiot is going to read all of this?

 

I wish I had more asterisks.

 

Well edit your post and put those asterisks...

 

I added to your post if you don't mind.

 

Last thread of mine, I did but someone got jealous of my overuse of asterisks and deleted my thread.

I add to your mother

with my dick.

 

She is too good for that 2 inch whatever you have there. :v

 

bigger den urs

harhar i will eat ur momma's mammary glands

my penis is small but deadly, i can fight thor with it. the only dick that is better than mine is TMM's.

 

Actually "Famous" is a girl.

 

still has a penis.

 

:'D
Yes I am.



MY NAME IS HALEY AND I DON'T HAVE A ****IN PENIS
YOU ******.
GODDAMMIT
*drinks tea*

 

i don't believe you

pics or it's not true

 

I'd give you pics, but right now catch the rain is looking in this thread and she'd delete them

 

i think kayleah's pretty understanding and knows the circumstance that i am currently in, and thus would permit the posting of the images in question

hahaha

...'***'

 

This thread is very odd.

In fact, I think I will go TL;DR.

 

I know she's understanding but I don't think she'd allow those images

 

there's already a tl'dr at the end of the OP

duh

debatable

 

Go ask her and if she agrees and she states that she will not ban me then ok

 

plesioth can go choke on my GS.

 

^Where did this d*ck come from?