Gentleman of the 21st Cen.

H'okay, this is something I really wonder about. I have been fortunate enough to grow up with very Gentlemanly young men who are very good about their manners and how they treat ladies, both their peers and older.

However, as I have left that community (Private school xD) I have found that not all guys do that. Actually I only know of one guy But the girls shrug and say their strong enough to open doors and pull out chairs themselves. I mean I see it every once and a while when a guy wants to impress a girl... but it just dosn't seem genuine.

Call me old-fashioned (Though I'm only 18), but is Chivalry really dead? I suppose I just want to know-

Girls! Does it offend you that guys hold doors open or make you wait till they come around and open the car door for you? Do you really think that these old fashioned normalites are pointless and not to mention sexist? O.o

Guys? Is is weird to hold wait for a girl to sit before you do at dinner? to take those few extra steps to get ahead of the girl you're walking with (girlfriend or just friend) so you can open the door for her?


Or am I completely Crazy? Do I live in a dream world? Do you think Chivalry is dead?


((Hmm, me thinks I should have put a Rant warning on this. xD))

 

Naturally, I can only speak on a guy's perspective--and to be perfectly honest, this is more of a personal opinion rather than a representation of the male race, because quite frankly, on an overall level I'm rather disappointed in my gender. XD.

Anyway, my natural instinct would be to hold a door open, or slide a chair for the lady during a dinner outing, but at the same time, it's a very touch-and-go scenario that may make me reluctant to do so. Like you mentioned before, there are some women who feel they don't need such pleasantries because they like this idea of gender equality or are somehow trying to live up to this 'revolutionized' society where such chivalrous norms are things of the past.

I find some women like it, others don't. However, a lot of it also depends on the atmosphere, in my opinion. I have many female friends that like to hang out with the rest of my male friends, and for the most part, we all participate in the same kinds of stuff. In that sense, gender perception is virtually non-existent and we treat each other all the same, both in our words and our actions. Because of that, I'm not so readily enthused to stand up at the dinner table when said ladies walk into the dining room of my home, however, on the contrary I may feel very inclined to when my dinner date arrives at our table at a restaurant. The atmosphere matters a great deal.

I'd consider myself chivalrous toward female strangers that I come across on the bus, on the street, etc. But toward close female friends, the formality seems to disappear.

No, I don't think chivalry has completely died. A lot of it still lingers in basic social norms (like giving up your seat on the bus for the elderly or the less capable), but lots of people don't seem to care as much as they used to. And in terms of close friendships, chivalrous acts were mostly reserved for courting atmospheres and for prospects, thus why I tend to more readily take a 'social unity' approach toward my close female friends, treating them like I would one of my guy friends (with caution, of course).

 

well, act wisely,,, I dun think it is old fashioned, it depends on the place, the time, the evironment , etc.
Too abstract!?

 

I doubt it's as simple as doing it at the right time/place/position in one's relationship. It depends on the woman. Period.

 

In the words of Dave Chappelle: "Chivalry is dead, and women killed it.".

I'm all for gender equallity, and I try to be chivalrous whenever possible, however, when you try and do something like that, women will either see this and use you, or call you sexist and spray you with mace.

Everyone is just so stressed and freaked out these days, it's nearly immpossible to think of others while you're watching your own back. It's very hard to trust people, especially for modern women, they are stuck between the role of an independent women who is insistant on doing everything exactly the same as a man, and the old stereotypical version of a woman. This conflict causes a lot of stress and makes it hard to trust people. Modern women must keep up an appearance, and sterotypical women must always be nice. It's almost immpossible to balance this due to fear of things like rape and murder and things liek that. Mostly because women are targeted more for those types of crimes. Any act of chivarly can be taken as a kind gesture, (Old stereotypical woman), or a threat, (Modern woman). The modern woman of today are the ones that kill chivalry, don't blame the men, because we hardly have any say in the matters of women anymore.

 

Well really, it's not weird to do that once in a while. But it depends on the women, some just hate that (From the ones I met ).
And on a date, sometimes the guy would forget to do these things. Under pressure to not screw things up(Well it depends on the type of guy ).I guess it's always good to do it once in a while.

But we're human too!Don't forget that! xD.

 

Any girl who maces a guy for being polite is an idiot, for starters.

And it's not chivalry's fault that a woman becomes attracted to a man who acts chivalrously and ends up getting raped by him.

A chivalrous act in itself isn't the bad thing. It's the person's judgment and future actions of such an act.

You can still be grateful for a chivalrous act, and still be cautious.

 

Sure about that? Sometimes I think women and men are completely different species. xD

But I'll have to agree with Cin and the uberly awesome Dave Chappele, chivalry is dead and women killed it.

Little add-on here: Chivalry was never meant to pick up girls, it was never even meant to be just for girls you are interested in. Chivalry was meant to be a code of conduct for people to live by, and treat -everyone- with a good heart, good intentions and bunches of respect. We can still respect people without opening doors for them. We could pause in the street to let someone pass, we could wave people past us if we're driving slow, we could offer to pay that extra 12 cents someone might not have for a sandwich. It's very simple, and not overly creepy. I think some people just forget to be kind because they're always in a hurry or they're always worried about who will think what by doing this or that or anything..

 

Men and women are completely different species. Well, figuratively. They're different enough. lol.

And it's not an outlandish task to appreciate good deeds when it's done to you, but still be able to discern a bad situation ahead of time.

 

It doesn't really offend me. I would love for a guy to open a door for me, it shows politeness. I might open the car door by myself, out of habit, but if a guy were to do it for me, I would like it. I don't think they're pointless, they show manners and respect. To some women, it may show that you are sexist, but that may be because they are Feminists. I think chivalry is sweet and kind, but then again, everybody is different.

 

I understand that. And I will say I find you a rarity among guys. I think I generalize and I apologize about that. It's just so many guys I see (and being an artist, I'm very much an observer) don't even consider people around them much less any sort of chivalrous act... I've seen guys who will let a mom with a baby stand, juggling the crying child and her bags all at once while still holding their seat. So, thank you for that. Really. :D

Just... Well, I am all about being "one of the guys". I play video games (Obviously xD) and can kick most of my guy friends butt at Halo, which I am darn proud of, and love hust hanging out with them laughing and being as relaxed as wel are. But still, I'm just reminded of my friend Mitch, who , when it would rain, wouldwalk the girls at school who forgot their umbrella down to their car before going home himself. We were all good friends (At a school of 68 you were friends with everyone. ) ant yet he was always very chivalrous. I'm not saying go crazy... just, don't forget your girl friends are girls too.

I dunno... maybe I'm asking too much. ^^;

I can see where you're coming from, but still, I feel as if it could be used ALOT more than it is.

Women killed it huh? I can see that. It has either become a trait by which to rate guys or a creepy move to pick up girls. O.o I suppose that's what makes me mad more than anything is just that. It's no longer as you said "a code of conduct for people to live by".

I really like your idea of the continuation of chivalry in other ways. I always get made fun of by my friends when I let someone past by on the road. xD I guess we should go by the fact that chivalry isn't just for guys. But- I suppose that's the world we live in. Fast food, fast service, fast transportaion. Sometimes I find myself thinking- "I'm sharing this bus with a person that I'll never meet again. We share the same air for just a moment and then move on without even knowing who each other are...." It's kinda sad.

Gah, I'm rambling agian.

Me too. I love it when my guy friends just open the door or walk me to my car at night (though I can handle myself). For me it's just a way of showing "I know you can take care of yourself but I still care." xD And (although I know not everyone is religious) isn't that why God gave women to men? So that they could protect each other? There is a great Quote my Youth Pastor gave to me once that said-

"God did not create Women out of Man's head so that she could be above him, nor from under his feet so that he could crush her, but from in his side so she could stand tall next to him, and from under his arm to be protected by him."

I think that fit perfectly. xD

I just find so many girls a school who act so uptight about it. It's just odd to me who grew up learning such a differant set of guidlines.

 

Honestly, I don't think it was society's job to teach us how to be chivalrous. If you look at the people who are, they are not from the best of backgrounds or they aren't from a place that you would expect many chivalrous people. I come from a place in which a man will hit a little girl on her bike with a pickup just because he was late for work, and yet I still understand that that is wrong, and that there ARE indeed certain guidelines that we, as humans, should know to follow. It is a natural state of being to help your fellow man because it simply feels good. I think our problem is that we have become numb to the laws of humanity, and it's not just society's fault. It's our own fault. We are given a choice early in our youth whether to be kind or be cruel, some might know this as kindergarten. I've noticed that often times the bullies of the past are the bullies of today, and the same goes with the flirty, the shy, the kind and the smart. We were not taught to be this way (of course, my psychology teacher would have my head for saying that), but we -chose- to be that way, deep inside our subconscious. This is no longer a matter of "today" or "yesterday" or "how it was", it is a matter of becoming and remaining. I hope you all can understand this, I'm starting to even confuse myself.

Basically, we all have a choice when we wake up every morning to be a good man(or woman), or not. Deep inside, we know we can't blame anyone but ourselves for our inconsideracy...(new word?) I myself realize that I have not been as kind and understanding as I should be, and I suppose this thread actually awoken that realization of how I used to be, how I am and how I will try to be. And I think everyone should at least play their lives through their heads once or twice a year to decide if they are being who they wanted to be.

 

I believe that Chivalary is needed in other aspects. I don't feel insulted when I'm walking into the door and some random dude I've never met before doesn't hold it open. But if it's someone you have known for a while, or on a date with, it's right to be Chivalrous. I don't think it's sexist. I think it's males (being the (physically) stronger beings) being protective and respectful of women.

 

I dunno what to think. =P I sorta think it's really annoying to go ahead and open a door for a girl, pull out her chair for her etc. But at the same time, I think it shows that you really care about dat girl, ya know?

 

I feel exactly the same way.
But to be polite and chivalrous is good, because it shows you are mature enough to not be silly. Even though I'm a male, I don't think it's wrong to be chivalrous. I try and be polite to people.

 

Not many men are gentleman where I live, but I really don't mind, I do like it when a few men do act that way, but girls are becoming more do it them selves now-a-days

 

I don't really care if a guy holds open a door or carries my books or pulls out a chair for me. But when it happens I go 'Oh that's nice.'

Usually when that happens the guy wants something in return. xD Least that's how I look at it anyway.

I don't think I mind if chivalry is dead or not. But it is nice to be considerate to others around you every now and then. Am I right?

 

That's how it is for me.

I usually act on instinct to hold things open for women. Mostly because I like being nice. A man, on the other hand, is different for me. In numerous ways can this be considered sexist, but it's not entirely sexist in a bad way, if you look at it from a polite point of view. I usually don't do this for other guys because they're so used to doing it themselves anyway, and well, I just don't like holding the door open for guys in general. I do it sometimes, but not a lot. Maybe...once a month at the very most. XD

 

I think it's just common courtesy to hold open a door for someone if they're walking behind you - whether they're a stranger or a friend, a male or a female.

As for holding a chair out for someone.. it shows good manners. I've held chairs out for my guy friends. Is that weird? xD

 

I normally hold doors open for anyone, until the flow of people is over. Which means I'm often standing there holding a door for a good minute or two. But I don't mind, I would hate myself if I didn't.. I prefer to be as polite as I've been taught.