Friends forever

This poem is about a friend who misses the other, that passed away. I was bored lol!

On my own, but mostly the emerald forest,
Where the tumbleweeds fade away and die,
Before the glassy sun burns a summer of crystals,
The glistering waters of the high seas
Of which was so far a place as of where vultures roam.
I looked around but you weren't anywhere...

You used to say that you would never die,
But I took the wrong meaning into my heart,
And thought that you would live forever.
Now the sea is wild with despair,
Deep blue like a prairie of flowers blue,
Where all children in the heavens rest in peace.
I saw you at the end,
You and I, sisters of nature,
Sisters of heaven and earth,
Your usually calm and bubbly eyes brimming with tears,
Bitterly falling one after one into a river,
Then the river of life turned red in blood.


Slowly and deadly your heart became poisoned,
You disappeared without saying good-bye,
Not a word came out of your mouth.
You became like desolation in its grave,
Those gimmering eyes that laughed in my face now lifeless
When once the skies were a realm of stars
And the sun shone brightly in summer skies,
You were there to share the Joy;
But now I stand here in midst of the tall grass
And only the emerald forest remains.

Lol, what do you think about the poem?
Must suck eh?

 

Reading Critique

Not bad. Personally, I'd have liked a few more line breaks. Clumping them together makes it seem blocky. And for some odd reason, it seems a bit wordy. Like you should take out some words to emphasize certain parts of the poem. Punctuation is kinda okay, but if these were real sentences, you'd need to add some and take others out. Won't go into any specifics right now. Just glancing through it as I type.

Fourth line, first stanza: Was the word supposed to be "glistening"?

Other than that, I don't see any problem with the piece. It's straight-forward, metaphorically to the point. Spelling and grammar was superb, except that "glistening" part.

Oh, and BTW, next time post your poems in the Original Works section.