Im 13. My friends are ages 13-15. Most of them drink, smoke, and do illegal drugs. Some of them do it for "relief", others just because it's fun. They act really sexual and are obnoxious and party a lot. I prefer the chiller side of life, just reading novels and manga, playing guitar, going to the park or indie concerts, etc. they make me feel violated and uncomfortable and make fun of me constantly. Saying I'm flat chested or boring or Im a ****. For no reason. It hurts a lot and they act like its ok. If I tease them a little as a joke, I get a bunch of crap for it though. I want to make new friends. Ones who understsnd me. But my current friends also have good sides. They come to me when thy have problems and I always help. We've been friends for 5 or 6 years. I think I should make new friends, ( I have a few drug free, down to earth friends that help too), but I need some advice and opinions and reassurance. What do you guys think ? Has anyone been in my place ?
I'm sorry, but if your friends are trying to bring you down emotionally like that, they're not really friends. I've learned that the hard way. You're probably going to be better off if you start hanging around them less, especially if they are already making such poor choices at such a young age. Now, as far as making new friends, best thing I can suggest is finding clubs that match your interests. Check your library; oftentimes you can find notices posted by clubs looking for more members. Find a few you like, attend a meeting or two, get acquainted. Don't see a club there, or at school? Start one. Get some help from a teacher or counselor, round up some people to help you, and get a club started. You'd be surprised how many would come out of the wood work once they find a niche.
Tell them you are affected by their obnoxious behaviors. If they persist, laugh you vis-a-vis, then cut them off. They come to you with their problems, you say? Do you ever come to them with yours? If not, tear off the leeches. Nothing good can come of such a parasitic relationship. You should not have to put up with such poor treatment, you do not deserve it.
_MOVED to Help With Life. I understand completely what you're going through! Though I began to experience it when I was around 16, I started to watch some of my friends grow into people I wasn't sure I wanted to be surrounded with--specifically, partying quite a bit, drinking, etc. Now it's not that they were bad people or we were fighting or anything, but it just became increasingly obvious to me that our characters & values were no longer compatible. There's no shame in that--in your teenage years you're still figuring out who you are, so it's natural that you begin to grow apart from some formerly close friends. I would say that it's a little extreme to just toss them aside, though, even given the way they're treating you. If possible, I would suggest vocalizing to them that you & them have some different opinions and values, and should not judge upon them. If they're incapable of being tolerant of other lifestyles and temperaments, then I would say goodbye and move on. If they're willing to make efforts towards friendship and separate your differences, then it may still be worth keeping the connection--just don't allow it to turn into a fully parasitic relationship, as Laria mentions. Moving on, though, Sebas-chan provides excellent tips. I know going out and joining clubs and meeting people can be intimidating, but it's worth bearing through it if it means meeting people you feel more comfortable around. I would especially recommend looking out for book or anime clubs--while having similar interests is no guarantee towards a friendship, you may be more able to find people cut from a similar cloth. I would also say that you should start to embrace that latter group of friends you mentioned, and see if they've any friends you've not meet, or are only loosely acquainted with. Best of luck!
Yeah, sounds like my younger sister's friends. My advice? ****ing leave those friends before they mess your life up somehow. But you already know that. Don't try to make contact with them and don't hang out with them. I understand that they're young but they act pretty freaking stupid, I hate people like this. Im glad you made a thread about it because you want to make new friends. I don't know them like you do, but I wouldn't call them friends. And pardon my star signs and whatever, it's just that your description reminds me of these idiot kids that listen to rap and goddamn I hate their guts I would never hang out with them...... Alright, so your friends may act like that, but I guess deep down they're alright, they only act like that because today people need to act like total ******bags to fit in. But still, again, not worth your time. Im not sure if this post contains a lot of help, but I wanted to speak out. I have good friends, and sure, they may do some stuff once in a while, but at least they treat me with respect and I the same. Good luck.
It's hard to look at people economically when you're already attuned to their emotions, their insecurities, what they feel and what they fear. When someone comes to you for help, they come to you vulnerable; they trust you, even if only slightly, even if only for a moment. At that point it seems cruel to cut them off. That said... Fuck 'em. There are billions of people in the world. Millions who don't drink or smoke, who don't make light of their sexuality, who live muted, simple lives and with whom you'd probably click a lot better. And I'll wager there are plenty of them who, if they come to you for help one day, won't violate you the next. You're under no obligation to lift those people up when all they do is put you down. You deserve better. Something about you is wonderful and unique, and they're stifling it. Perhaps they don't realize it. Perhaps they're not evil, just ignorant. So? Let them learn from their ignorance. If you want to help them, cut them off. Teach them that what they're doing is not ok. Remember also that you'll lose your capacity to help others if you don't help yourself. You'll become cold, embittered, even jaded; and words of kindness will turn to venom on your tongue. You need to be in good spirits too, and sometimes that means having someone of your own to turn to. The greatest friends are the ones who'll return the favor. You can find them. You deserve them. You don't have to settle for anything less. It's gonna take some thick skin. Not only will you have to sever those ties, but you'll have to take time to make new ones. It could be a little lonely. But you did say you have some stable friends to help you through it. You'll come out of that mire, and doubtless you'll be happier once you are.
Look sweetheart, these peple aren't worth a single Fuck in your life. If these are your friends, as they say they are, why are they so mean? Look at how young they are. And they're drinking? They're smoking? For relief? WTF!? Your friends are just using you. I'm sorry to say it, but it's true. They insult you because they'll amount to nothing if they continue this way, and they want to feel better. Cut them off and don't help with their problems. You shouldn't give a damn about people like this. /rantover Your friends need to get with the program and be nice to you. If they aren't, it's time to get new friends, love. Stay with the good friends you have, and go from there. If not, make new friends. It may be lonely at first but hey, it's a start. Now, if you need any advice at all after this, feel free to come see me. I'll do my best to help :).
Thank you all, very much((: It truly means a lot to me. I've decided that it's time to move on. These are my last few years before things get more serious in life, and I'm not gonna waste them tolerating bullcrap and feeling so alone. I hope to make new friends, as suggested above. Thank you again, everyone. (((:
Well theres plenty of us that would love to be friends with you :) I know how it is to have bad influence friends too. If you need anyone to talk to I'm always here to help. I'm glad you've decided to move on :)
I'd love to chat sometime. (: I've found some really good friends this summer. Thanks for being so kind and welcoming!(: means a lot
