Fate's Dark Hands

Another Fanfic I decided to make. I'm actually continuing my last story.
Just to resume what happened in the last story;
It was based on the secret ending of Kh2Fm+.
With Ven (The roxas look alike), Aqua( Blue haired girl) And I myself named the third knight. His name is Kuro (Which means "Dark" and I think it reflects his personality).
The bald man's name (from Secret ending) is Xehanort.(Though not the Xehanort we know and love xD)

Anyway, just to resume it quickly, Kuro is a heartless in human form that killed his family (Without knowing about these things until later in the story), Mickey wanted the 3 knights to go kill Xehanort, Mickey ended up killing him, he also attacked Kuro (Because Mickey knew Kuro was a heartless), Aqua killed kuro, she actually loved him, cry cry cry the end xD.
This is just a really fast way to resume it, so it sucks if I explain it this way.
Any comments are highly appreciated from me!
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Fate’s Dark Hands

Chapter I: Rude Awakening


Darkness…All I could see is darkness. And it was all I could feel. I couldn’t even move.
Where was I? …But that wasn’t important to me at that time. The thing that was going through my head the whole time was “Who am I?â€
All my memories, my past, gone…
The only thing I remember is…a girl. Who was this girl though? Blue hair, blue eyes. It’s like I never met her before but I knew her in the back of my mind.

I then heard a voice.
“Wake up young one, your story doesn’t end hereâ€
Was this voice talking to me?

I started feeling an imaginable pressure upon me, I couldn’t even breath.
“Open your eyes Kuro!†The voice yelled.
Kuro? Was that my name?

I then saw a bright light heading towards me.

-----

As I awakened the first thing that came to my mind was who was this voice. I looked around me and there was nothing, no one.
I found myself on the ground in a strange town, more like a castle. It was like nothing I had seen before. As I got up I saw even more things.
Buildings were everywhere in sections. It was like a maze. Yet it had amazing sights.
People walked by with smiles on their faces. Greeting me like I was a local around here.

I wanted to explore the town a bit. Maybe I would find answers on where I am.
As I went down the stairs I saw Item and accessory shops. I was probably in the marketplace, but this was no time for shopping so I went to the next section of the town. People called that section “Boroughâ€. It’s where all the residential houses were.
A view of the castle can be seen from that section. The castle had cranes all around it, and huge towers with hat shaped roofs. It also had pipelines all over the place.

One of the houses in the section caught my attention. Strange noises were coming from inside. When I got close enough I saw some words that were actually carved through the door.
“Cid’s house/Lab. Keep out!â€

I then heard something from behind me. I turned around only to see a portal, a dark portal that came out of the ground. Something was coming out of it. The more the creature showed itself, the more I stuck to the door. I tried turning the handle but it was locked.
The portal closed and the creature appeared. As soon as I saw it a sign of relief came to my face.
This thing wasn’t even 1 foot tall. It was a bit strange though. It had two antennas on its head and it was totally black. These were shadows of some sort.
It kept walking in circles, and tripping each few steps.
I was panting heavily from the near fright I had, I took a deep breath and decided to forget this ever happened.

As I walked away from this embarrassing scene more portals came out of the ground in front of me, and more of these shadows appeared.
This wasn’t a mere coincidence, they were after me. I turned around to make a run for it but even more portals appeared. I was surrounded by them. At first look they seem harmless, but you can never judge a book by its cover. The true way they act is to be feared.

One of them approached me and jumped in the air to attack me.
I closed my eyes hoping that something would happen. And something did actually happen. A brown haired boy was killing them off one by one, with each blow one would dissolve and die. Eventually the shadows stopped appearing.
The boy looked about 15-16years old. He was accompanied by…animals? A walking duck and dog…But I guess after today nothing would surprise me.
The boy was wielding some sort of weapon, a key shaped blade.
He reminded me of someone I know or knew.
I wanted to know who he was but he ran off before I could say anything.
So I followed him.

Doesn’t this guy ever get tired. He kept running without breaking a sweat.
Finally reaching the outskirts of the town he stopped. I was wondering why he stopped so I stayed behind a wall and peaked from the corner.

I then heard a voice, so did the boy it seems.
“The Keyblade…A truly marvelous weapon. Were it only in more capable hands…â€
A perplexing laughter can be heard echoing. The laughter is coming from multiple people.
“Show yourselves!†The boy yelled.
A man appeared a bit far from where the boy was standing. Unreachable unless if you could do a 40 feet long jump. The man was wearing a black hood, actually his clothe were all black, and the hood would match it. He was also wearing a necklace, but I couldn’t actually see the necklace from where I was standing.
The man raised his arms in the air and 5 more people appeared near the hooded man wearing the exact same thing.
“Organization XIII!†The dog like person shouted.
“Good. Now we can settle this†The boy said, while throwing his hand in the air in making his weapon appear.
“What a shame…And here I thought we could be friends.†The organization….â€membersâ€, laughed sarcastically and disappeared via the portals they summoned.
Now was my chance to talk to the boy.
When I got close to him another portal appeared in front of the boy. Another member appeared from it and just when I was going to say something, everything stopped. Birds stop in mid-air, the boy wasn’t moving. Time froze in it’s place.
The dark portal didn’t even disappear yet.

I then heard a voice in my head.
“Now now, I can’t have you interfering with thisâ€
Everything started becoming dark, the sky was darkening, and everything around me was fading away.
The only thing that didn’t turn dark was the ground around me, in a 10 foot radius.
“Who are you?!†I yelled.

“Who I am is none of your importance†The voice said. I didn’t know where it was coming from.

“Then what was that just now, who was that boy!?â€

“Ah, you were in Hollow Bastion my friend, formally known as Radiant Garden. What you just saw was history in the making. Sora, the keyblade master, in his first encounter with Organization XIII.â€
Sora? Keyblade master? None of this was fitting right in my head.
“…†I just stayed silent.

“You’re probably not getting any of this. Tell me, what was the last thing you remember Kuro?â€

“A girl, her name was….Aqua.†I said.

“And…?â€

“That’s it. Nothing else. Heck I don’t even remember if my name really is Kuro…â€An idea came to my mind at that moment “But, if that girl is the last thing I remember…Then I should look for her. Maybe I’ll find answers with her.â€

Another voice stared talking. This voice was deeper than the other one
“Kuro…The last time you saw Aqua was 20 years ago.â€
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K that's enough for now. Kinda long for Chapter I...
Slow start, but I'm heading somewhere with this.

Comment truthfully please.

 

interstting...I like it!!!

 

MUCH MUCH MUCH BETTER!!!!

I can't stress enough how much I am in love with this new writing style of yours. It's 500 times better than the last time around. (You're so much better than I am!!!)

This story's gonna be so cool!!!!!

 

Woa, a hell of a lot better then your last fanfic. And the last one was already good.
Interesting choice of title too. XD.
And I see you changed the narrating style. Keep it coming!

 

I'm here. Sorry it took me so long. I took a left turn at the News Forms and found myself in a thread where people were chasing each other with Chainsaws? O.o (Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. :D )

Anyways... Wow. Much much better style of writing. Just... much more wonderful. More discriptions, which I won't lie, I'm kinda a junkie for, and I am really starting to like Kuro. I feel as if your previous story was a prolouge to something far greater. I'm really excited.

Now you know the drill, now I have to be mean. :: puts mean face on:: mmkay, biggest thing you need to learn, and I noticed this before but I feel as if I was pelting you with too much other crit to nail you in the forhead with yet another- Type out the WORDS of your numbers, even if it is 1... it's much prettier to see "There was one keyblade lying on the ground," than "There was 1 keyblade lying on the ground." Twenty, thirty, hundred and sixty-nine... type them out. I know big pain, but something that just makes things eaiser to read. ::nod::

The other things, I misread, but now typing it I smacked myself in the forhead and went, "Doylie, you Doink, You can't read when you're tired...." Yeah. Sorry about that... Now saying that I shouldn't be here... I should be finishing up my AP Art papers and portits so I can sleep...

Hold it!- Whoa now.

Wait a darn pickin' moment.... I thought he was- but then this is- You said- and Sora was- You mean he's NOT Xheanort?! ::falls over:: Now you got me all confuzzled and twisted around. But I will figure it out. >.< My skills of perception shall figure it out!!

 

Took you long enough xD.
Chainsaws...?
*Innocent whistle*


Anywho, I think my last fan-fic was just a warm up for me.


Ok, I can go with the numbers thing.:p
I spend my time writting this fic, might as well type out the words of the numbers.

And about the confuzzled thing, you have no idea how much I intend to actually confuse you guys. Especially you! :D
But I'm serious, towards the ending some things are going to get confusing. Especially the ending.
Now, I'll give you all the rep you want if you figure out the ending to this one, there's no way you can figure it out. HA!


*sigh* I wish It wasn't always the same people that comment on my fan-fics...-_-
Don't get me wrong, I love that you guys chose to comment. But I guess you know what I mean.

Thanks for commenting guys!

 

Don't give me that innocent look, Mr chain-saw-massacre. You know what I mean. xD

Why do I have a feeling your making things twice as difficult just to infuriate me? :: pout:: Meanie. That's fine, I'll figure it out anyways. Don't underestimate me. >: D

Don't worry about new people not reading. They'll come to their senses eventually. xD Keep up the awesome work! ::thumbs up::

 

Fate's Dark Hands, Chapter II

Chapter 2.....
By the way, little thing I had to change in the story(For the people who started reading the story about a week ago). Remember in the last chapter the "40 years" Thing? Well it's now 20 years. Due to unforseen circumstances I had to change it. xD
This is kinda annoying but it won't happen again.

---------------------------------

Chapter II:Fated destiny, Time of Fate.

“I thought I told you to be quiet Raiden!” The first voice said.
I guess the deep voice’s name is “Raiden”.

“Wait! What does he mean!?” I then said.
The voice sighed “Before you appeared in Radiant Garden, you were unconscious, sleeping. And you’ve been so for 20 years.” He explained.

“That’s….That’s crazy! How could I have been sleeping for 20 years! I’m not even old!” I yelled.

“You see, something happened to you before you went unconscious. We can say you died…but that’s inaccurate. I’ll tell you more about what happened to you later.”

“Why not just tell him now?” Raiden said.

“Who are you people…?” I asked

“Do you believe in fate Kuro?” Raiden asked.

“Well….not really.”

“To get back to who I am. You can say that I am the dominator of time. I control Time and Space as you know it. In short, you can say that I am the guardian of the Timeline.”

“So, if what you’re saying is true, you’re kinda like fate?”

“No no, I am not ‘Fate’. I can’t even compare myself to what Fate really is. I just make sure people’s destinies actually happen, and make sure people don’t disrupt the Time. And I make sure peoples ends do actually end.”

“In short, he’s Death in person” Raiden said

“Death?”

“Death is such a strong word.” The voice replied.

“And what is fate then? Is it a person?” I asked

He laughed.
“Fate is not a person; it’s something you can’t even begin to comprehend. It controls everything. Even me”

“Then why do you serve it?”

“Because I have no choice. It saved me, and gave me immortality. In return, I serve it. We’re all Fate’s pawns, while Fate is the player”

“And who’s your friend with you?”

“…” Raiden stayed silent for a second there, and then said “Just another pawn”

“So why am I here then?”

2 figures came out of the darkness. The first figure that came out had white clothe. I mean really all white, he was wearing a trench coat that flowed with the wind. He had white hair and purple eyes. With all the darkness surrounding him he was an easy target to spot.
The 2nd figure that came out couldn’t be seen directly, he was wearing black clothe with a hood to match, hiding his face. He was also walking with a cane. This man was badly hurt on his leg; he was practically dragging it through the whole process.

“Because you’ve been chosen.” The man wearing white clothe said. He was the first voice I heard. So the 2nd figure was Raiden.

“You have proven yourself to be useful to Fate. You almost died 20 years ago, but it didn’t want that, so it put you in a special place to preserve your body, in which you only aged few month, rather than 20 years. ” He said.

“I guess you want me to serve Fate then”
Raiden turned his attention to the first figure, anxious to hear what he has to say.

“Glad we got directly to the point” He said.

“And if I don’t accept?”

“Raiden, take us to the castle!” He said.
Raiden’s right arm began emitting a blue light.
Hundreds of pigments filled up the empty dark spaces to create an unbelievable landscape. The darkness had disappeared and was replaced by light.
I found myself in a totally different place, in a huge castle.
“Then when you die, you’ll see that those 20 years were nothing compared to what would be in store for you” He continued.

“You strip away my freedom and expect me to work for you?! I serve no one. Find yourself another pawn.”
I turned around and went to the nearest door that led to the outside.

“Think of it Kuro, you might find out who you really are. And hell, I might even show you. What are you gonna do otherwise? Keep asking people if they have seen you before?” He asked sarcastically while chuckling.

He had a point. I’d never find out who I am if I go out into the unknown.
I tightened the grip of my hand and said;
“What would you have me do.”
I had just sold myself to something that doesn’t even exist…Or so I thought

He began laughing.
“Haha, splendid!”

Raiden sighed after what I said, like he didn’t want me to accept the offer.

“Don’t expect me to stay long though. When I get my memory back I’m out of here.” I said.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way” A grin came to his face. “Take him to his room”

Before I left the room I asked for his name.
“Just call me Tempus” He replied.
“Tempus?”
“Which means Time in Latin.”

------------------------

The castle I was in was huge. If I wasn’t mistaken I would say that I was in the castle I saw earlier in Radiant Garden.

I finally arrived at the bedroom Tempus sent me too. The first thing I did was take a seat on my bed. My legs were killing me.

“Not a long walker eh?” Raiden asked with a little chuckle in him.

“Hey, you try walking that much after sleeping for 20 years.” I replied.

“Heh, if you knew me you would take that back right away.”
He took a seat next to me, and put his cane on the bed. He took a deep breath while relaxing his wounded leg. I wondered what happened to his him to have such a bad wound. And his hood...Raiden really liked hiding is past and identity.

“Don’t let the bad leg fool you. I could take you down in a glimpse of an eye.
And stop wondering what my face looks like.”

“How did you…”

“Like I said, there are a lot of things you don’t know about me.”
I started looking around the room. It was practically empty. Just the bed, a table and chair, and a couple of strange paintings hung on the wall.
One of the paintings was beyond weird for me. It’s a painting of the castle. That wasn’t the weird part, the castle of the painting was painted in the exact same angle of when I first saw the castle, in the exact same location, and pigeons were flying over it just like I remember it. It was like this picture was striped from my memory and put in a canvas.


“You know, I wished you never took Tempus’ offer…You set your fate when you did that.” Raiden said.

“What do you mean?”

“I was in the same position you were in several of years ago…Immortality is price not to be waged with…Serving Fate forced me to kill who I had I fought beside, those I had loved.”
I could see the red eyes behind the darkness of his hood.
He then said “Whosoever defies fate will die. I have already met fate face to face. Knowing the time and date of your death drives you into frenzy. I should know…and so will you.”

“Serving fate will drive me mad…”

“…And you will die.” He replied

“Never, my life is my own destiny”

Raiden began laughing.
“If only it was that simple. Fate has a dangerous sense of humor. Tempus should know best about what I’m talking about.”

“It is better to try then to wait here for fate.” I said

“Madness! You should do what you are told and that’s it. Or else, you will be the architect of your own destruction. You will end up meeting your fate, just as well all do.”

I got off the bed, and walked to the door.
“I will change my fate. Weather you like it or not”

“Do what you must. But know this: Your journey will not end well. You cannot change your fate…No man can”
-----------------------------
Ok, that's it for now.
Chapter 3 might be a while. I don't have the time to write it.

Anywho, please review & comment truthfully.

 

Ahhh! I can't believe I just noticed Chapter 2 is up! *commits suicide*

I got to say, I love the dialogue in this one! Really awesome.
To be Frank, some phrases were a bit corny XD, but some were really cool, like the last phrase.
Again, I really like your stories.

And what's with this Raiden?
How does he know so much? Answers to be revealed next chapter!XD *hopes*

 

Tempus and Raiden are the coolest characters that you've created so far. I love this twist!!! Like I said, much better than your last story. I can actually picture what's happening in my mind now!!! j/k, but I do like this particular part. It seems that Kuro has some issues to work out....

 

You didn't notice it?!?!*Chases C&D with a chainsaw*
Ahem, anywho I'm glad you liked it. Ah, so I wasn't the only one who thought that some lines were corny xD.

Uhmm, actually 2-3 chapters until you figure out Raiden more. Yup, sorry.
Well, I can say that he has a connection with Kuro... Hah, this is the first time I answer a question...feels good ^-^. Atleast I know I'm not totally useless.

Hah, thanks!:D I'm glad you liked it.




Gah, my PC's busted...I'm on my dads laptop now and I can hardly continue the story on it...So Chapter 3 might be a while.

 

I didnt know it was up either........probably cause the mixed the threads together........
Ha. Tempus= time. LATIN IS NOT FUN PEOPLE!!!!!!!!
I thought it was very good and a very crispy style of writting!

 

Lol, I actually only know a few words in latin xD. Don't need to learn a dead language..................
Tempus was just a word I knew, and I was there thinking what I should name the new dude.xD

Thanks you! I'm glad you liked it.:D

 

I'm back. Regretably the forum seems to have eaten my other commen (as I told you via PM) which is very sad, considering it was pretty, and smelled like flowers. ;)

So, now I will try to recreate it-

Your two newest characters have a very intresting twist to them. I reminded of Clockwork from Danny Phantom. ::Cricket:: Yeah I just revealed how much of a dork I am huh? xD Aw, well. Onward with Vigor. Tempus really hit me as that kind of guy that waves the answers in your face and then goes- "Ha ha, stupid, I'm not going to let you see. Na-nan-na-na!" ::evil laugh:: I love it.

A couple of your lines seemed forced. A little awkward in placing though it's easy to see the feelings of Mystery that you were going for. You achieve mystery even with those misplaced lines. I think you could have reorganized the diologe, but that something you learn to notice with time, and as you get to know your characters. You are getting alot better at diolouge though. I can tell you're getting a hand on our returning hero which reminds me.

I really love Kuro. I don't know why, since I still don't know who the heck he really is. Your Mystery is going to kill me. It's bad enough I'm trying to figure out how to label slides and to allegories for AP english, but now I got to figure this out. ::shakes fist: darn you and your mysterious mysteries. xD


Crap, that was no where near as pretty as my lost reveiw. :( But I hope you it made you smile, because Now I must go to sleep as my final exam is tomarrow, as as you can tell, my brain is leaking out my ears. Ew.

Brain leakage.

EDIT: Btw, I am a Latin geek and it's actually really fun language to take- You're vocabulary expands like no other AND you don't have to take an Oral exams. And the less Exams the better. ::woot::

 

Heh, Mmmmm Flowers....*cough*
I actually really like your comment. Though I wish I saw the other one to see how flowery it was....oh well.

Hmmm, yea I am trying to make my new characters as mysterious and annoying as possible. xD
I really don't know why you like Kuro. I didn't make him loveable...And almost every other character talks more than him. xD

But lol, I did notice that some lines were a bit akward in placement. I have to work on that.

Like I said before, I like your comment. I think it would have been akward for me if I read something too flowery from you.:D I got use to you telling me I got better, but that I need to work on a few things. In each chapter I make you seem to notice more flaws...Or were they there since my last fic ? :P

Thanks for commenting ^_^