to tell you the truth... the first chappy completly lost me. it got better chapter 2, tho. overall,it was really good. i liked the symbolism. but you should be a bit more descriptive, like, i couldnt really grasp the setting in the last chappy. seriously, where were they? but i really liked it. =D keep it up
Okay, you have a lot to work on here. Second chapter shows marked improvement but I still wouldn't let you off with things as they are. First of all, learn proper grammar and syntax, you seem to have a bit of trouble getting your words out straight. For example, "The man asked , I could see it in his face what he wanted now , was answers , for what happened to Rebecca.", is wrong in several places. You meant for it to look something more like this, "The man asked. I could see it in his face, what he wanted now were answers, answers for all of the questions surrounding what happened to Rebecca." That is pretty much grammatically correct, you can change wording as needed as long as you don't kill your syntax, readers don't like what they can't understand. So I suggest you go over your work and pick out as many grammatical, and stylistic errors as you can. If you don't know what's wrong look up the rules for grammar, it's not hard. So make sure that you are clear as to who is being referred to and what is being said. Other than your grammatical errors chapter two is pretty clean, not bad, work harder. However I'd have to say that you redo chapter one for the sake of clarity: you want readers to know what you're saying and you're not saying it too clearly. Again, you've got the ideas there already but your grammar is hurting you, and the constant switching from the italics to the normal font is a little confusing at best. Again, all I can think of for this is to go through it with a set of rules and fix all errors possible. It would be nice if you could be more descriptive too.
yeah, thanks ill keep all that in mind and make everything bad go away. ill try to fix it when i get the time, and clear any grammar mistakes.
