Fan fic of 358/2 days

Discussion in 'Archives' started by Ven?, Oct 2, 2008.

  1. Ven? Traverse Town Homebody

    Joined:
    Sep 20, 2008
    Location:
    ,Indonesia,in Near's hideout
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    So my first story sucked so I decided to make a new one:

    Prologue

    So everybody was doing their usual things in the castle that never was: Xemnas viewing his collection of heart plushies,Xigbar shooting in the backyard,Xaldin sharpening his lance,Vexen in the lab,Lexaeus being silent,Zexion reading his book,Axel was out of the castle taking a walk,Sai'x and Demyx watching TV,Marluxia and Larxene arguing about something I guess.Suddenly,a new member came with Axel."This is Roxas"said Axel I found him in twilight town...
    "Hey,I was supposed to find him!"said Xemnas
    "Well soooooory"said Axel
    Then both of them started arguing

    Well,did you liked it? I'll be writing chapter 1 soon
     
  2. Maka Albarn It's called love

    Joined:
    May 7, 2008
    Gender:
    Panda
    Location:
    Fairy Tail
    1,200
    Agreed. It is kind of short for a prologue... guess I'll have to see what chapter 1 is like before I jump to conclusions... But there are some grammer errors in it... like capitolizing names and such things like that...
     
  3. Destined Working for WDW

    Joined:
    May 6, 2007
    Location:
    Lost in the Rockies
    191

    In quoting this quote for truth, my verdict is going to remain in check for the time being
     
  4. Ven? Traverse Town Homebody

    Joined:
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    Oh yeah,I missed Zexion,thanks for reminding me.
     
  5. Xaale Sylph of Hope

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2007
    Location:
    Land of Autumn and Angels
    298
    I wouldn't even really call this a paragraph ._.

    It should have a better prologue, it's way too short. Normally, a prologue should be about...

    (Represented by Xs)


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    And for a chapter, well, for me at least, is about five-10 times longer than that.

    Otherwise, I'm looking forward to seein' the real deal. Keep this story up and we'll see how it goes.​
     
  6. Ven? Traverse Town Homebody

    Joined:
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    Location:
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    So this is chapter 1:

    -Chapter 1-

    Roxas:"guys?"
    Axel:"I don't care if it's supposed to be you I found him!"
    Xemnas:"But still,I was supposed to find him not you!"
    Roxas:"guys?..."
    Axel:"Why can't you just shut up?!"
    Xemnas:"No, you shut up!"
    Axel:"No, you!
    Xemnas:"No, you!"
    Axel:"NO, YOU!!!!"
    Xemnas:"NO, YOU!!!!!!!"
    Roxas:"SHUT UP!!!!!!"
    Axel:...
    Xemnas:...
    The rest of the organization stared at Roxas for a long,long time.
    "Why is everybody staring at me?"Roxas said confused
    Then Axel suddenly ran to a hall,"Hey come back here!"Hurried Xemnas
    "Hey get the hell out of my room!!!!"
    "Okay whatever you say"said Axel
    "Good"said Xemnas,
    "What!!!this can't be happening!Noooooooooo!!!!!!!"Screamed Xemnas
    "You took 'that' didn't you?"asked Demyx
    "Oh yes I did".Said Axel
    "Give me back my plushie!!!!!!",Xemnas summoned his lazer thingy
    "Run,run away",Axel ran,
    "Hey,you did not used my phrase!I'll get you,dance water dance!!!!!Demyx summoned his sitar
    *insert org.XIII music here*
    "Go water,use hydro pump!!"Demyx attacked
    "Fire,Flamethrower!"Axel attacked
    "Haha,you cannot defeat water with fire,it's not very effective!"Laughed Demyx
    "Take this,Hydro pump,It's super effective!!!"Demyx attacked
    Axel fainted,Axel whited out!
    *Stop music here*
    "Good job number IX"said Xemnas
    "What happened?"Said Axel
    "You fainted because of hydro pump"said Larxene
    "Oh,umm...hi there uh,... Larxene"Said Axel nervously
    "Just shut up and give the new guy the tour"Said Larxene
    "Right,Roxas!"Axel said
    "So,this is The superior's room it's that plushie guy with the lazers,
    This is Xigbar's room he's the old dude,
    This is Xaldin's room,he's the guy with the weird hair,
    This Vexen's room the geek,
    This is Lexaeus's room,He's the big guy that's really quiet
    This is Zexion's room,He's the emo kid,"I am not emo!!!"
    "Whatever,emo"
    This is Sai'x's room,and you don't wanna mess with him he's the berserker boy,"What did you say?!,
    "Nothing,nothing at all,just being a guide tour for Roxas here"
    "Hmph..."grunted Sai'x
    "Phew that was close,"
    And this is my room,next is Demyx's room,Hydro boy
    This is Luxord's room,he's the one with the cards and dice
    This is Marluxia's room,she goes around telling everyone she's a boy but she's not!"
    This is Larxene's room,"What are you doing in front of my door!!!"a jolt of lightning hits Axel
    Finally this is your room,"What?!This is my room!?This looks like a toilet!"
    "It was!"said Axel
    "Oh man!"said Roxas
    "Attention,everyone,please report to the superior's office right away,"
    "ugh,another meeting!?,cmon Roxas let's go."complained Axel