This rose i hold in my hand the color never lies, the color has an meaning its sad only a few relies, the thorns makes the pure white stained with my blood, will the bright red liqued that stain this white rose ruin the mood, as time passes by sadly fate makes the petal falls apart, sadly the petals color makes the rose bare wit no meaning that is the sad part, as fog and darkness makes the rose turn black is it still an sweet flower that is something people ask, with the lies you may hate me but sadly i will wither away like this dieing symbol, you will laugh when i decay my hands are dirty with the beuty gone from my petals, surrow,pain,sadness that never ending fight is gone that is not my battle, when the color is gone im away from this world sadly an purity never last.
I can see you were trying to convey some deep or sorrowful meaning in this, but put together the words didn't make sense and the lines became confusing. You can help yourself in a small way by correcting your spelling etc. Changing easy mistakes such as "beuty" to "beauty" can make all the difference. Remember the reader will not know what you were trying to say so you have to put across your message clearly.
I thought I replied here. Wonder why it was deleted. Anyway good gothic feeling to it Daniel. I really like it. You write some of the best gothic love poetry here.
Would Anyone Care Time always ticks by letting moments last forever or quickly end, Friendship,love, and happyness those saints disappeared leaving pieces that cant mend, Im an victem of the ticking moments everything i known and loved vanished, would anyone care if i laid on the ground and forever bled, the answer to that is of course no, it would be the same as if i never existed, i would ask my friends o wait i forgot time already buried them in the past, an smile an forgotten quality of my face it been ages since a smile did last, im not bleeding cause my heart already bled enough so much i got no more blood left, maybe i was an bad omen only causing trouble, but then again if people thought that they would some how care, But sadly facing reality its so clear if i died right now thats correct no one would even care.
better than the last...can't wait until February so we can submit love poetry because yours would win hands down
Loving Poison She gets closer to me I could have ran but I was in a trance, My friends often warned me of her dangerous advance, now she is holding my body tight I could feel he gently yet icy cold fingers, her scent makes me smile as she rubs my body as she kisses my neck as lust lingers, cold becomes warm as fright becomes pleasure, suddenly she hops on my lap with an face full of monstrous lust as I stay trapped by her wonderful sin, I can slowly feel myself suffer so cold I can see my breath while the succubus smiles enjoying my torture looking at me hungrily, breathing becomes harder to accomplish as I become numb my breath gets taken away as she kisses my lips, my eyelids become heavy as i slowly close them feeling her loving poison grasp around my heart strangling it, I could have gotten away but her action and body decided my fate, now I know my mistake I should have ran still feeling her touch and lips during my life’s last moments before I die knowing it was to late.
dam your good at this...what music are you listening to because this doesn't sound like you...great job
surprissingly i wasnt listening to any music when i typed this lol i was just thinking about one of my old girlfriends :) How Can I Be Happy Without You You was holding me as we laughed together being happy while the rain fell softly, then an shot was heard your eyes was so full of life but the life in your eyes start to fade away instantly, my heart cries as you try to talk to me in your faint words, suddenly even the sky cries as the rain starts to pour down as my happiness goes downwards, years passes by as life becomes hell as happiness becomes sadness, the twinkle in my eyes vanished becoming dull and lifeless, you told me to be happy but how can i without you, memories becomes reminders of how life never liked me loving you, im alive yet dead as I walk the cold uncaring streets we use to laugh and enjoy the same life that’s hating me, your death caused the cord that was always keeping me up snapped making me fall downward in misery, every time I look at the stars I can see your face frowning watching over me disappointed, there is no point of living in the life I painfully live in how can I ever be happy without you.
Death's Lullaby Let me lay so darkness can surround as i sleep, allow the pain to stay so i can keep. let my soul be traped as time goes by, let sin and despair by my keepers as i stay in my cage day by day, let the blood become acidic eating away my skin as i listen to the Lullaby, the tone is smoothing yet sinfull as i stay listening to the black angel's words, i listen till i sleep pray to death my soul to keep, as my time beats away slowly make me love the pain as i sleep, let my body burn as i weep allow my soul stay so Death can keep.
I can see the basic structure behind your poems, and the effort put into the rhyming scheme you have set up here. Perhaps you need to review your poetry by running each poem through a spell and grammar checker, as this may help them to make for of an impact/more sense. <3
Your main problems are your coherence, your spelling, and your syllables per line. Generally, the words you use to convey your ideas make little to no sense in context, and there's usually a plethora of spelling errors. Also, try to cut down on the syllables per line, or at least make them consistent. All of your poems feel very awkward to read due to each line being so long and inconsistent when compared to the other lines. Your ideas are decent, just fix up the technicalities.
