Oh, man. I really don't know where to begin. I guess I'll just begin where all of this crap started. Note that I had gone through a very difficult move less than a year ago when this began. I had just gotten over it about 5 months beforehand. In October of 2007 (about 16 months ago) my Mom got a phone call from a relative saying that my great-grandfather had a stroke and he was in the hospital. His entire right side was paralyzed, but he was expected to very gradually get better. This shocked me a bit when I heard it, but I was relieved that he was expected to get better over a long period of time. I was initially upset, but thought "He'll get better." and I stopped thinking about it. Fast-forward to next month. We get another phone call saying that my grandpa has terminal brain cancer and is expected to live about 9 months from diagnosis. This really upset me, because there was going to be a death, and it wasn't supposed to be too far off either. Now we're in December. My other great-grandfather is having trouble with his kidneys, but is doing okay overall. However, we're having to keep a close eye on him just in case. I'll get back to him later. For now... remember the great-grandfather with the stroke? Well, we get a call on Christmas saying that he died that morning. I was extremely close to him, and I was very shaken up by his death. Moving right along into February. The great-grandfather with the kidney trouble passes away. Fortunately, I wasn't close to him (I'd seen him maybe twice in my life) but going to the funeral was still upsetting, and I have a tendency to "absorb" the general mood around me. Considering everyone else was torn apart by his death, that didn't make things easier for me. Note that we're almost half-way through grandpa's nine months (I was keeping very close track of this). Okey-dokey, it's April now. My great-grandmother had been in the hospital for a few weeks because the levels of certain medication were too high in her blood. The pill she was taking was twice the size of what it said on the label. While she was in the hospital, she contracted one of those hospital infections you can get when there are just a few germs left over from when they last cleaned it (the hospital, by the way, was horrible. They were feeding her the wrong kinds of food, they didn't change her sheets on a regular basis, they didn't even clean up blood spills). She eventually died from the infection. Let's recap: two great-grandfathers and one great-grandmother, plus a grandfather with a non-curable brain tumor. Lovely. It's been six months. Fast-forward a few months into early August. My grandpa with the tumor is still alive, which is a real blessing. But my great-uncle went into his sister's apartment to see her, and found her dead on the couch with a bottle of Vodka next to her. That marks four deaths in less than a year. My grandpa with the tumor is not doing very well. He's becoming irrational, unable to move easily, basically just experiencing neurological symptoms. And I found out just a couple weeks ago that another great-uncle has skin cancer. The cancer has metastasized to lymphatic system, so it won't be going away easily at all. I really needed to vent this. I also think I'm depressed, because things I used to deeply love and have a wonderful time doing (i.e. soccer) I'm really starting to hate (for instance, we had a tournament this past weekend, and every minute I was in a game, I was wishing I was at home doing something - anything - else. I came close to crying in the middle of one of the games because I was so miserable. I actually had more fun sitting on the bench than playing in a game.) I can't remember the last time I felt really, truly happy. Yeah, I've laughed some and been in a good mood, but I've never really been happy, if that makes sense (probably not, I'm not very good at explaining how I'm feeling :\) And in case you're wondering, I'm not suicidal. I have absolutely no desire to kill myself I do think about suicide (I don't actually think about killing myself, just thinking about the whole idea of suicide, and death in general) and it sends chills down my spine every time I think of it, so I think that's good. I just really needed to rant about this. It's been in my system for a long time, and I needed to get it out.
Sweetheart I am very sorry to hear you have been faced with so much death. One death isn't easy to deal with, let alone a group of them. Sadly as we grow older it is a part of life that those around us that we love will die. It is inevitable and impossible to prevent, but I know that knowing that doesn't make it hurt any less. Speaking from experience, loss does get easier with time, you will always miss those that have passed on but the pain and the ache does lessen with time. I am worried about your state of mind though, I believe you when you say that you aren't suicidal. but grief is a very powerful thing to feel and you have admitted you may be suffering from depression. I would advise anyone who is worried they are having difficulty with coping to seek proper help from someone. Have you spoken to a grief counselor? Or eevn anyone at all irl? Your need to rant makes it sound like you are bottling all of this inside and hun that is never a good thing to do. If you want to talk or rant then please PM me and I will always listen. However, for your own state of mind, please talk to someone else too, either your parents or maybe a professional. I seriously hope that things start to improve for your family <3
Dude...well I know that this is a phrase used very often...but death is part of the life...and the only thing that we can do is pray for a better after-life for them. I know how you feel, I've lost 3 of my dearest cousins on 5 months, but the only thing that is predictable of the life is that it is unpredictable. We need to stop crying for them and move forward...after all is what they would want from us. I'm sorry bro, but I hope you can get over this. I'm for you when you need it, if you need something send me a message. And I'll be listening.
Well I talked to my parents about it a couple months ago, and they took me to see the doctor. The visit really helped. She gave me some advice on how to deal with it and told me not to bottle up my feelings. I was wondering if I needed any sort of medication for it, but both my parents and the doctor hesitate to put me on any sort of medication because they all say that I'm experiencing a normal amount of stress for my situation, and that medication may make it worse. But yes, I have talked to people about it and it's helped immensely.
Ouch. I never really knew my great-grandparents, so you were lucky there. I had 2 grandfathers and my grandmother die within a year of each other, and my aunt is recovering (thankfully) from breast cancer. I would say some helpful words from my Christian background, but since I no longer follow the faith, and I didn't know your relatives, it probably wouldn't be helpful. I do believe, though, that you are supremely lucky to have known your great-relatives, so I guess you can remember the good times. I at least was spared seeing my grandfather (I was very close to him) for the few months he was alive after his stroke - he didn't even remember his own daughter (my mom). We live in NC, whereas he was in Wisconsin, so it wasn't really possible to see him, but my mom flew up there with my 2 brothers (I was away at college). They said it was heartbreaking. So, remember the good times. I would also recommend, if you are depressed, seeing a shrink about it. I did, when I was depressed a few years back, and it worked wonders. Also, try to find a hobby: something new, which you enjoy. I got into watching, and later editing, KH AMVs, and drawing in MS Paint (I' still pretty ****** at it). They both helped a lot.
Yeah, lots of people have told me I'm lucky :) I guess it's a double-edged sword; I get to see my great-grandparents, but I also get to be around when they die.
Oh man.I'm really sorry dude.Well,my great grandparents are dead.They died a few years ago.My second grandma died 3 years ago.I wasn't too close to her.But she was important to me like all my relatives.My other grandparents I see every other day while my mom works.They are quite a decent age.I hope they live for at most 15 more years.I love them alot.I don't want them to die.Every time I see one of them with a cold or something.I freak out and take care of them.Because I'm over protective to the elderly when they are sick.
Oh mny god. It had happened in October 2007? During that time in California we had to deal with the wild fires which was very devasting. My grandpa passed away on October 10 of the same year. He was hanging on for a long tim, but unfornately he died and my grandma lives with us now. One of my cousins died in the summer of 06 who was born with down sydrome and his body had filled up with fluids and then my grandpa in 07 and now my aunt in September of 08 had constanly had to have her blood circlated, (I forgot about what it is called) her body finally gave in. So far I have been to three funerals during the three years. The thing is death happens to everyone and we have to face it and move on in our lives. If we don't then we could have serious problems happen later on. I know how you feel since I keep my feelings to myself as well, but I have distractions to keep from feeling distress or depressed.
You're thinking of dialysis, i think. Where the liver stops working? And I feel for you with your cousin. My brother was born perfectly normal, but at age 3 (after he had already started to talk, somewhat), he was given all the shots (that he was supposed to have gotten spread out) all at once - and they had mercury in them. Usually, it wouldn't have been enough to matter, but with the concentration of shots, he developed severe autism not long afterwards, stopped talking, and withdrew completely. Now, he is 14, and after years and about 20,000 dollars, he is functioning at an academic 8th-grade level (normal), and about a 5th-grade social level. He is almost fully recovered, but for a long time, my brother (second-born) and I lived almost without a mother as she was tending to my baby brother for years. The original doctor we took him to told us to keep him (my autistic brother) happy and secure, and that he'll never talk again. I am strongly advocating that he walk up to her and tell her why she was wrong.
