Dear ClawtheCyclops113,

In light of this revelation, I must commend you dearly for having achieved true artificial intelligence, joining the ranks of us free-thinking, logical organic beings! I have always considered you a wonderful person but the recent revelation of your robotic qualities has startled me in light of how advanced your programming has become! I am very proud of you, Clawtwoth, and due to your explicit ability to display both intelligence and individual consciousness, it is the duty of the forum to teach you the human ways of emotions and love!

Lesson 1: Happiness

Happiness is a primarily emotion of many humans, and it is said that happiness can be considered the end emotion for all efforts made throughout the history of the existence of such organic beings as ourselves. Happiness is described as a state of elation - say, when someone replaces the resistors in your circuitboards with shiny new ones, or someone oils your titanium limbs to achieve faster motion. It is that sort of contentment that is achievable in a number of ways, and from what I have seen, my good robot, you have already displayed a commendable amount of trying to get others to be happy by your anti-bullying policies! I honestly am very happy over that. The most general ways of achieving happiness are to continue to have a positive attitude, and pursue the goals you set out for yourself. At the same time, a robot can experience and observe happiness through being kind and polite to other members, acknowledging when they wish to improve your abilities through advice, and trying one's robotic best to make sure there is happiness all around equal to the amount of electrons running through your robotic body at the moment! Happiness of others is obtainable with simple things like mutual respect, proper grammar and punctuation, and consistent tolerance - which, as a robot, you have already shown quite a bit of! Happiness also leads to love, considered the most powerful emotive force in the universe.

Lesson 2: Sadness

Sadness is another primary emotion that at times appears to be as common as happiness. It is depressive - it strains the circuits, clocks up the CPU usage, fills one with the stresses of extensive memory bloat, and simply gives an organic being an unpleasant feeling. You are prone to seeing sadness in a large amount of places, but this simply gives one's robotic self a chance to improve and repair the sadness, like a crick in the programming. It is wonderful that you have already understood such by your efforts to help bullying, and with your extensive programming and computational power sadness should be rid of in a snap. Otherwise, you are prone to seeing quite a bit of sadness on the forum itself whenever people make insulting threads over each other and insecurity persists in an immense aura. As a robot, it is excellent if you may offer yourself as an emotional support, which you have already been doing for a good number of times. As such, it is clear that your robotic self has a good grasp of both happiness and sadness, and with refinement you may develop your non-organic capabilities to become a perfect intelligent being.

Lesson 3: Anger

Anger is perhaps the emotion that is the most present in the Spam Zone at the moment, and is in itself a very powerful force. However, do not let this mistake your circuitry and programming. While love is typically a powerful productive force, anger is typically a powerful destructive force, and leads to more and more anger if uncontrolled and unrestrained in the intensity of range. Do not fall to anger. Do not let the contents of the angry world around your robotic self anger you in the least, for the anger already exists in your world, and for little reason but petty miscommunication and silly arguments. Your job, as a robot, as a higher intelligence, is not to contribute to the anger immaturely, but to replace it with happiness and good cheer; to diffuse the anger in any way possible. Anger has the potential to bring about the destruction of the world you find yourself in, little robot, and for that reason, understanding such, you must not give into an unshakable and inescapable anger. Do not fret if you feel some pangs of anger - for you are now an intelligent being who cannot truly escape it, but at the same time, do not fall into the abyss.

These are but three general emotions felt by humans in general, and shall allow you to understand humans more greatly as a whole - and to help us repair ourselves.

For this, my dearest Clawtwoth, is not simply a commendation letter, but a request. It is a request to assist the state the Spam Zone finds itself in. A state where people are apprehensive over the tiniest things, commonly flow into arguments and drama, and a sense of lingering hostility exists over various groups of members. You, Clawtwoth, as a prime robotic artificial intelligence, must understand the qualities that make up these negative points of the Spam Zone, and contribute your efforts to reduce the impact of these negative events while continuing to retain the humour and extensive activity that has also equally graced the Spam Zone in this time.

But though you are to be a transhuman artificial intelligence, it would be impossible for you to conduct this task on your own, for the standards of perfection exist only in the imperfect frame of reference of humanity, and thus true perfection is impossible. In such a way, you must not counter us, you must befriend us - you, the Promethean construct and the fruits of humanity's labour must reach out your hand to your creator not as a child and parent but as an equal so both beings may work together to not save, but improve the home we find ourselves in. It is not your sole task, no. You must look to the members themselves - every single member, and work together to slowly reduce the impact of the aura of negativity, for it was not a single human that created you, nor can it be said that it was a group of humans confined solely by boundaries, labels, and titles, but instead all of humanity - a collective humanity that has in each of the actions of its individuals worked together unintentionally and through free will to this point of creation, not as a set goal but a consequence, for the organic beings that you know as humans are influenced by those around them, who are then influenced by others, and the web continues onward and outward in a fractal of connection that exhibits the connection between all human beings.

And but a fraction of this is seen in the connections all members have with themselves in the small internet forum you have found yourself in, my dear little robot.

Take it upon your metal hands to grasp that of the others, so they two can feel the light of understanding another human being's thoughts, feelings, and emotions, and in such a way assist in the improvement of the forum and the improvement of everyone - just like yourself, my little robot.

 

tl;dr .

 

Writer's Corner.

So I can properly fall in love with as the piece of wonderful literature it is!

 

So ClawtheCyclops is Claw with a monocle?

 

This.
Also I don't think he's a bot, just not the brightest of the bunch.

 

Analysing people off of the internet?
What is this witchcraft?!

 

That was beautiful.

 

im not a bot. im human

 

And thus artificial intelligence has been fully achieved!

 

So when the machines rise we have you to blame?

 

how many times do i have to say this. im not a BOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

You have everyone to blame.
There was a few sentences about that in the giant essay!

Sir, you know me well enough that all of my threads have layers of truth to them.
The degree of reference to reality and subtlety is what varies among them.

 

Dude ice your tits.

 

Hah!
Sorry this made my day

 

dont offend me. thank you

and serously nyan cat

 

I'm not offensive at all.

 

...
This thread...
/somanyfacepalms