Now all in the first post! ________________ As I nervously venture outside of the RP and Spam zones, I will go ahead and say that this was the very first piece of serious writting I ever did. I had attempted to write things before, but nothing of this scale. I'd also like to state that I began writting this almost six years ago now, and my writting style has changed a fair amount. That'll probably be visible within the text itself. That said, on with the show. Spoiler: Chapter 1 The two of them ran around the corner as fast as they could. The skyscraper they were in shook. “It’s getting closer,†echoed a voice from the radios they were both carrying, “get out of there, fast!†A low rumbling could be heard from the floor above. “Keep going down, Derek, we’ll be on the bottom floor†said the voice again. “Don’t be stupid, get out of here. Me and Hannah can handle ourselves, just go!†replied Derek. The two of them kept running. They got to the seventh floor when Hannah tripped. Her leg was bleeding slightly. Derek turned to help her, and saw the shape across the hallway. It was the thing they were running from. “Go! Save yourself!†cried Hannah, she was obviously still very scared. “I can’t leave without you.†Derek replied. “Yes you can, just go.†The shape was getting closer. Derek ran to her and picked her up, putting her on his shoulder. He looked up and saw it, now less than ten metres away. Derek practically jumped down the stairs, and as the creature followed it hit the wall, bringing down the ceiling on it’s self. The rumbling stopped, but faint footsteps could be heard from above. The footsteps seemed relaxed, almost as if nothing was happening. Derek took a moment to examine Hannah’s leg. It had been cut on glass, a large amount of which was still embedded in her flesh. He ripped a section of his shirt off and used it to cover the wound. “Why did you do that?†asked Hannah, “why did you risk your life for me?†“Because we’re partners†replied Derek. Another shockwave rippled through the building. This one was more intense than the first, in that it caused the next staircase to collapse in on itself. The two of them watched in despair, as their only exit was blocked with rubble. They heard more rumbling, and the creature smashed out of the rubble. “I told you not to try and stop me, now you’ll pay the price.†……… Jay opened his eyes and saw the ceiling. The dream he just had still echoed through his mind. He had never seen those people before, yet he dreamed of them. Confused, he got up and looked around. He was in a shelter. “When will this all stop, eh?†a man said, from the next bed “When will he stop?†“When will who stop?†Jay asked. “What am I even doing here?†“What, you hit your head or something? I’m talking about Darkness†Jay just looked at the man, still obviously confused. “You honestly don’t know who I mean, do you?†the man looked puzzled. “Well, you’ll find out soon enoughâ€. The man walked off, further into the shelter. Jay, although still confused, shrugged it off and walked to the entrance of the shelter. He was about to open it when a girl, about the same age as him, ran in front of him. “What are you doing? You do know that if you open that door we’re all going to die, right?†she asked. “What? Why?†Jay had no idea what was happening. The girl sighed. “Come with me, I’ll show you exactly why†she turned around and walked into the next section of the shelter, of which Jay became more and more convinced that it was actually an military base. Jay walked after the girl until she stopped, in front of some sort of screen. Jay stopped next to her. The girl started pressing some buttons, and pointed for him to watch the screen. It flickered until a video faded into view. Buildings were slanted, cars upturned and fire everywhere. A single, tall, shadowy figure stood at the top of one of the buildings. Jay gasped; how could something like this have happened? The shape jumped down, and walked towards where the camera had obviously been. As it approached, it pulled back its arm. In a single second, a black ball had appeared in its hand. It put its arm straight forward, releasing the ball, which flew straight towards the screen. The screen fuzzed out. “That’s the last recording we got of him. Me and some others have been trying to find a way to sabotage his plans, but so far we’re not doing good…†“Him? That thing…†Jay paused “that thing’s human?†“He was, now we’re not so sure†they stopped talking. A strange noise came through the system of tunnels. The girl turned around to see what it was. According to the electronic map that was on the wall, entire sections were being damaged. She looked at Jay, as if to ask him if he knew anything. He obviously didn’t, as he looked equally confused. ……… “You’ll find out soon enough†the man told Jay. “Sooner than you think, boy†he added. The man turned around and walked further into the shelter. He stopped at the entrance to the training room. He opened up the door, though he was obviously not going to train. The man was quite old, at least fifty, and had greying hair and a moustache to match. He was very skinny and had such a face, that it seemed as if it was changing in the light. Through the doors, there were two men, both in their mid-twenties and a woman who was in her thirties. All three of the people looked at the man as he walked in, they obviously could tell something was wrong about him. The woman walked up to him “Sorry, you’ll have to leave, this room is for defence personnel only†she said. “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought I came in here for something, but I’ll leave you in peace†He began to walk out of the room. “Oh yes! I remember what I came in here for†his face appeared to ripple and his voice deepened, “I came here to destroy you!†It suddenly became apparent that his skin didn’t just appear to be rippling, it actually was. His skin slowly changed into a black, shadowy substance and his eyes turned a deep red. “I’ll make this quick†the man said, if he could still be called a man. ……… “Those were explosions!†the girl said, “but we don’t have explosives here…†she began to think. An echoing laugh filled the shelter with fear. “I know that laugh†she turned to face Jay, “we need to get out of here. Now†The two of them ran to the main entrance of the base and opened the doors wide. Jay was hit with the sudden realisation of what was taking place. The sky was covered in an orange glow, buildings lay shattered and broken on the ground and the ashes of things that were once living were scattered against every surface. “What happened here?†Jay asked “How could something like this happen?†“There’ll be time for explanations later, right now we need to get to the next base and warn them about what happened in this one†she looked around. “This way, hurry†The two of them ran as fast as they could, towards one of the buildings. The building was quite small, but not as damaged as most of the others. Inside was empty, except for a large circle that appeared to have been drawn on the floor. The girl stepped into it and beckoned for Jay to follow. He had just got his left foot inside when a wall was smashed open. A black, human-shaped object was floating where the wall was, and the girl panicked. “Get in now! Quickly!†she shouted at Jay. He jumped in just as the floating thing flew towards him. A bright green glow shone up from the circle. The creature was knocked back by it as the girl and Jay slowly faded into nothingness. “You won’t get away from me every time, children. One day I will get you.†The shadow called, fading away. ……… Spoiler: Chapter 2 ……… The two of them arrived in another building, this one not damaged at all. All around the building was a light green glow, which was probably the reason that nothing had been damaged. Jay noticed that there where more people here. Five other people, including the girl that saved him stood against a wall. “I never quite introduced myself, did I?†the girl said, “I’m Hannah Lapine, this is Ethan Blaydon, Amy Mayes, Derek Greene and Swift†The people referred to were all so different, it was hard to believe they were working together. Jay took a moment to take in their appearances one by one. They were all of average height and build, but each with obvious characteristics. Hannah had deep, brown eyes, dark brown hair and gave a first impression of a stern and determined person. Derek was the only person in the group that had coloured skin, though rather than brown it looked a dusty grey. He had green eyes and no hair. Ethan looked quite calm for someone who lived in such an environment and had a somehow warm blue tint to his eyes, and pitch black hair. Swift was more difficult to examine. Though it was easy to see his physical traits, his eyes looked cold and grey, with his unmoving face appearing to have had all emotion slowly torn away. His hair was hidden by a hooded brown cape that appeared to have a mind of its own as it fluttered slightly in an improbable breeze. Amy was the one that instantly caught his attention. Her short blond hair and blue eyes instantly captivated Jay’s thoughts. “There aren’t any more than this of us, but we manage somehow†Jay ripped his eyes away from Amy. “Bad news Han†said Derek “the teleportation platform you just used has been completely destroyed. There’s no way to send him back†“Send him back? Why’d we want to do that?†Hannah asked. “Seriously, sending him back would do no good. He’ll have to stay hereâ€. She looked at Jay. “That is, if you don’t have anywhere else you’d rather be?†“Not really, with that thing around I can’t think of any other choice but to stay here.†He replied, although the real reason behind the answer was looking at him from the other side of the room. “Then it’s settled, he stays here†said Ethan out of nowhere. “We better get his training started!†Jay was taken aback from what he had just let himself into. ……… In the city’s main skyscraper, the sound of metal upon concrete could be heard. As the sound got louder and heavier, so did the shadows in a partially obscured corner increase in size. A strange sight to any ordinary man, a black robotic body walked around the corner, half covered in the radiance of the full moon outside. The robot was around 6 feet tall, the average height for a human male. It stopped, turned and looked at the corner where the shadowy figure that was Darkness now stood. “You made it in time I see.†Darkness said, with a voice full of restrained anger. But this anger was not the robot’s to have. “I did. Did the others not?†The robot spoke. Its male-inspired mechanical voce spoke. “Wrong†spoke another voice, this one sounding somehow more pleasant. Sure enough, a brown haired male revealed himself from the shadows, showing very little emotion. “And our supposed ally?†The robot spoke. “Where is he?†“Still proving useful.†A fourth voice spoke. Through the marble archway walked a gigantic man, his eyes partially glazed as they looked between the three other beings in the room. “For now.†He finished. “Ah, Demon.†Darkness said, sounding oddly happy to see this man. “I’m pleased to see you made it on time for once.†“Always like to surprise you my lord, always like to surprise.†The man known as Demon said. “So what’s the unexpected meeting for?†the robot asked. “We are here to discuss the group of rebels that plague my new empire. They must be dealt with†Darkness replied. A look of confusion spread among the other participants. Demon was the first to speak. “Surely a few ordinary humans aren’t a threat to us?†he questioned. “It has changed now. He is with them.†Darkness answered, sounding uncharacteristically concerned. “Here?†the brown-haired man asked. “Calm yourself, Scope. He is here, yes. But the transfer has left him without his memories. He doesn’t know what it is that he came for, as well what has happened in recent events. If we could capture or kill him before he remembers-†Demon interrupted. “Then we can avoid any large-scale conflict, correct?†he said. Darkness just nodded, and then faded away into the shadows from which he came. The group scattered as soon has he had gone, leaving only the robot behind. Its black armoured arm rose to the side of its head as words appeared in its visual sensor. ‘Mission: Eliminate rebels. Eliminate allies if necessary’ It spoke with a single toned voice as it nodded. “Mission confirmed, no-one gets in my way.†……… Spoiler: Chapter 3 ……… The white walls of the circular room were suddenly alive with neon coloured lines. Jay stood in the centre, awaiting the first training exercise. “Alright, let’s see what you can do.†Ethan’s voice came over the comm. system. A group of these lines formed together and formed a wire-frame figure of a human. It unsheathed a sword, also made of the lines, and approached. “Don’t worry, the room has a special shield that prevents injury. Something that would normally kill you will only render you unconscious.†Ethan said confidently. “Although it would still be best to win, those things can give you a nasty shock if they get you.†“Alright, I’ll give it a shot.†Jay said, with a slight aire of confidence about him. “For this trial, imagine you’ve been surprised by it, without your weapon. When I did this trial the first time, I tried to take its weapon. It worked but I still failed, what will you try?†Ethan said again. His words were doing little to help Jay’s confidence. The enemy raised its weapon. “Begin!†The blade swung down, narrowly missing Jay’s left foot. Jay threw a punch at it, staggering it slightly. This didn’t last long as it soon recovered and took another swing, this time hitting him square on the right shoulder. “Gah!†Jay clutched his shoulder. “Those things hurt!†The enemy again raised its sword, preparing to strike. Jay instinctively grabbed the weapon and pushed it back. The enemy, unprepared for such a manoeuvre, swung its arms further back, impaling itself from behind. As it let go of its weapon, Jay jumped over its head and thrusted quickly with his right leg. The sole of his boot hit the swords hilt, propelling it harshly through the enemy’s body. The entire room was filled with a robotic-sounding scream as the enemy divided back into the neon green lines of light, and returned to the walls. There was a moment of pause, and for a second Jay thought he had made a mistake. “Well done.†Hannah’s voice finally echoed over the comm. “Join us in the lobby when you’re done cooling off.†……… “That was the first time it’s been done!†Ethan roared. “The kid did it the first time!†Derek stood up from his seat. Amy gasped. Even Swift turned around to check Ethan’s expression. “In all seven years of being here, there’s never been anyone that could do that test the first time. It took me until my third.†Swift said, still revealing no emotion. “He did.†Hannah said sternly. Derek rose from his seat and looked through the glass in the door leading to the practise room. “That kid sure is something…†He said. “Ethan, bring up the statistics of the fight†Hannah quickly said. Ethan did as instructed and brought a screen down, which featured the statistics of the fight Jay just had. Derek turned and looked at it for a moment. He reeled back in shock. He raised an arm to point at the screen. “Th-that’s impossible!†he stuttered. “He’s…†“Quiet, here he comes!†Ethan said excitedly, returning the screen back to its original position. ……… Spoiler: Chapter 4 ……… Two weeks after Jay’s first training session, Derek made everyone join him in the briefing room. After some initial difficulty finding it, Jay joined them and purposely sat down next to Amy. Derek looked around, nodded to himself and then began to explain what he wanted. “Alright, so you guys have all seen the huge tower on the outskirts, right?†Derek asked. Everyone nodded slightly. “Good. But what we didn’t know is that it’s actually one of the main facilities where Darkness gets his soldiers. We don’t know where they’re being recruited from, but we do know that taking it out will slow him down.†“Then that’s where we’ll come in.†Hannah interrupted, standing up. “We’re gonna meet up with the second team and make a nice crater.†“Team 2?†Jay asked suddenly. “For most of our missions we need to do two things at once, so we’ve split into team 1, that’s us, and team 2. Team 2 consists of Ethan’s two sisters, Aria and Ruri, a guy called Ratud Traya and the group leader, Corona Drago.†Amy explained. “Aria and Ruri specialise in team tactics, Ratud seems to be incredibly lucky when things go badly, and Corona is our special operations and demolitions expert.†Hannah finished. She quickly headed over to a console against the wall and pressed a green button on the top. “Alright, we’ll move out in one hour. Make sure you have everything you need and wait at the main entrance. As usual, we’re only going to have one chance at this.†Hannah announced. “Just be careful out there.†Derek said, as everyone else began to leave the room. ……… Jay walked into his assigned room and picked up his things. Over the course of two weeks, he had gathered a few weapons and other objects that would be useful on this mission. He also had the double-sword that was given to him for training with, and he had gotten quite good with it. He stopped for a moment, the fact finally got him; this would be his first time where he might need it outside of training. “I’d better make sure I don’t let anyone down†He said to himself, before picking up the bag of things he would need and heading for the main entrance. When Jay got there, only Swift was waiting for him. He looked around for the others before Swift explained. “They already left; I’m only here to lead you there.†He said, with a slight hint of annoyance in his voice. “They left already? Why?†Jay asked. “Because, although you may think otherwise, you are late.†He said, very sternly. Jay didn’t understand, he had taken less than five minutes to prepare himself, Hannah had said they had an hour. He was about to voice this when Swift interrupted his thoughts. “We need to get this done as soon as possible, everyone was ready other than you, and with the others there, one extra person is hardly a necessary asset. Now, if you’re ready, we’re going.†He said. Jay nodded and followed as Swift opened the main gate, and it was then that Jay saw for himself what the world had been reduced to. His immediate thought was that he was too late, although he instantly realised he had no idea what he meant by that. He stopped and looked up at the buildings that he could visualise as being a beautiful sight against the sky, now grey and red with what was quite obviously human blood. Jay couldn’t believe how bad it was. He wondered just how he had missed the horror of the city when he had been led from the first shelter. He was about to ask Swift about what had happened, when an unfamiliar voice spoke out. “First sight of the outside world huh? I reacted just the same.†It said. “Corona. It’s been a while.†Swift said, as the young woman stepped out from behind a building nearby. “It really has, hasn’t it! I remember the last time we teamed up, which isn’t really surprising since that was my first time with any of you guys!†She said, laughing slightly to herself. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be with everyone else?†Swift replied, although he didn’t seem to really mind her being here instead. “I heard you had a rookie with you, so I came to say hi.†Corona said, her short hair seemed to shudder slightly as the wind changed direction. “Well, as much as I’d like to, we can’t just stand here all day. Let’s get going.†Swift looked back at Jay. “Stay close.†“Uh, yes sir.†Jay said, purely by accident. Corona just giggled quietly to herself. “Alright, we should be there in ten minutes, providing we don’t get slowed down.†Swift said. “Let’s get moving.†The outline of a tall building, completely unscathed by anything, stood clear against the horizon. Jay kept up with Swift to the best of his ability, with Corona easily staying at Swifts side. She slowed down slightly, allowing Jay to catch up with her. Looking at him for a moment, she motioned towards Swift. “You’ll have to forgive him for being like he is. He doesn’t know how to behave around friends.†She said. “Yeah, I noticed.†Jay replied, “What’s his problem anyway?†Corona looked at Jay, and then at Swift, who was getting closer to the building faster than they were, but not by much. “He’s hunting down one of Darkness’ generals. A man they say is stronger than Darkness himself.†She answered. “But why?†Jay questioned again. “Why would anyone go out of their way to find someone who is less than Darkness in rank?†“I don’t know.†Corona confessed. “And he tells me everything else. I think it must be really deep for him to behave the way he does.†“We’re here.†Swift called to them both. At the side of the insanely tall structure was Ethan, and two young girls who Jay could only assume were the twins. Ethan was talking to Swift, and one of the young girls was likewise talking to Corona. Jay was approached by the other young girl. She looked quizzically at him. “Who the hell are you?†She asked quickly. Swift, who had finished talking to Ethan, turned towards them. “New guy. Introduce yourself if you like.†He said, sarcastically. The girl faced Jay again. “I’m Aria. The girl over there is my sister, Ruri and you already know Corona I guess.†Ethan walked over to Jay. “Don’t take so long on your next assignment, Han gets impatient quickly.†He said, “Alright, in any case let me fill you in. Everyone is on separate floors of this building, placing high explosives in critical points in the structure. Ratud and Han are in the underground levels, and neither of them are responding on the com. We’d like you to go down there and let them know that the other charges are set.†Jay nodded at him and Corona pointed out a set of stairs on the outside of the building that looked like it led to the understructure of the building. Jay slowly walked down the stairs, soon reaching the bottom of the set. He soon located another staircase, heading further down, and descended down them into the pitch-blackness of the underground section. The stairs went down further than he expected. Jay was sure he had taken at least one-hundred steps so far, and there didn’t appear to be an end anytime soon. The curve finally became obvious, the staircase was spiralling downwards. “No wonder they’re not responding, they probably couldn’t see the com, never mind answer it.†He said to himself. Suddenly, Jay heard an odd noise coming from below him. He broke into a run, taking two or three steps at a time before arriving on what he hoped was the only underground floor. He began to hear strange moaning noises, like someone having a horrible nightmare. He looked around for a moment, before remembering his weapon. Taking it from his back, he activated the orange flow of energy, lighting a good part of the area around him. He instantly saw a gruesome face in the light which, after making Jay fall back, disappeared. Jay saw no sign of any movement, so he nodded to himself, deciding it was just his imagination playing tricks on him. He got back to his feet, and slowly moved his blade from side to side, shining the light all around. He saw a shape in the shadows, nothing like what he had just seen, but like a foot. Then he saw the person it was attached to. “Hannah!†Jay exclaimed, raising her to her feet. Hannah moaned a little. She was uneasy on her feet, and had a slight bloodstain on her face. Nevertheless, she seemed okay. “Jay? Never been more glad to see someone late than now.†She said, with a strange sense of fear in her voice. “What happened to you?†Jay asked her, noting the bloodstain on her face. She shivered a little. “Something was hiding, it was in the shadows. It was hideous, but at the same time it looked human.†She said, sounding oddly fearful. Jay was reminded of the face he saw when he entered. Had he seen it too? Then he remembered his full objective. “Where’s Ratud?†He asked her quickly, sounding almost uncaring but also determined. “He went further down, I think he might be in trouble, I heard him saying something on the com and then he stopped in mid-sentence.†She explained. She was sounding more and more afraid. Jay noted a pair of metal doors that looked like they could be doors of an elevator. Slowly and cautiously, he entered it and, upon pressing a button with a downward arrow, began descending further underground... Spoiler: Chapter 5 As the steel doors screeched open upon stopping, Jay couldn’t help but feel that something was different. He stepped out, and immediate saw just how different the underground section was. Gigantic metal columns held up the ceiling, which looked as if it was miles away from the mesh-wire balcony that Jay stood on now. The sounds of gushing steam and metal hitting metal filled the entire underground factory that was hidden below the skyscraper. Jay looked over the side of the platform and saw huge conveyor belts moving chunks of metal towards two robotic ‘arms’ that proceeded to weld, cut and clip these pieces together, with small, black, robotic soldiers being the end product. Jay stared intently as what appeared to be an entire platoon of these creations were placed onto a low-sided lift, and ascended upwards towards the surface. It was then that Jay realised a horrible truth. Detonating the building above would cause no damage to the underground structure; only quicken the soldier’s exits. He reached for his hand-held radio to tell the others, but then remembered that there was no signal this far below the ground. He sighed, and then walked further along the balcony, trying to find something he could do. He suddenly remembered Ratud, and looked around for any sign of him. Aside from what appeared to be a control console, he could see no sign of anything. He walked up to the console, and looked it over a few times. He saw that there was a single button that looked important, a large circular button with a red X painted onto it. Without hesitation, he pressed his palm onto this button. As the button depressed, a long, horrible, scraping sound echoed around him. He looked over the edge again, and this time saw the conveyors were no longer moving. Then, another scraping sound made him turn his head towards the elevator he had seen just a moment before. It was descending again, rapidly. It hit the ground with a heavy crashing sound, spewing dust and incomplete robots all around the building. Jay smiled for a second, thinking that he had just disabled an entire factory single-handed. His smile faded as hundreds of deep, red shapes appeared from the dust. Although the factory had indeed taken some damage, it had also activated the surviving metal soldiers. Their heads jerked upwards, looking directly into Jays eyes, which were now filled with far. The robots raised a previously unseen rifle, and a blue dot appeared on each one’s weapon. Jay spun around, facing the elevator that he had used to descend to this level, and saw that it was no longer on the same floor that he was. He was trapped. ……… The peak of the factory skyscraper was quiet. The flat, open surface was a welcome change to the rocks and chasms in the mountains above. A single, thin staircase led from the building to its rooftop, and four tall towers stood like silent sentries on the corners. Ratud had not gone further underground; he had gone further up the skyscraper. He stood, quiet as the four towers, and looked down off the side. He could see the tiny dots that were his comrades. Suddenly the silence was broken by the sound of footsteps. As the footstep grew closer, Ratud turned to see the source of this noise. Swift approached the newcomer to the group and, upon arriving at his side, said four simple words. “I don’t trust you.†He said. By the time Ratud had turned again to reply, Swift was gone again. The young man turned to face the edge of the building again, and couldn’t help wondering if Swift had really been there. ……… Ugh, I hate my old writting style. -.- I have more to post, but I don't really want to send it out all in one go just yet. Still... comments and critisism, as well as everything else, are all welcome.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh................... I liked it. The writing was easy for me to read, the fast paced action in the beginning is always a win in my book, and the detail was superb. I must admit, this work seems a tad better than mine.. Please keep up the good work I would love to read more.
Oh Darky, you don't know how proud DH is of you! Anywho, It's really good and I like how it's all mysterious; doesn't give away that much in the first chapter. Detail is amazing and the action goes fast (Lurve it!). Only thing I gotta say is that you need to add a couple punctuation marks here and there, and then you're golden. Keep writing Darky! KEEP WRITING. KEEP. WRITING.
……… The two of them arrived in another building, this one not damaged at all. All around the building was a light green glow, which was probably the reason that nothing had been damaged. Jay noticed that there where more people here. Five other people, including the girl that saved him stood against a wall. “I never quite introduced myself, did I?†the girl said, “I’m Hannah Lapine, this is Ethan Blaydon, Amy Mayes, Derek Greene and Swift†The people referred to were all so different, it was hard to believe they were working together. Jay took a moment to take in their appearances one by one. They were all of average height and build, but each with obvious characteristics. Hannah had deep, brown eyes, dark brown hair and gave a first impression of a stern and determined person. Derek was the only person in the group that had coloured skin, though rather than brown it looked a dusty grey. He had green eyes and no hair. Ethan looked quite calm for someone who lived in such an environment and had a somehow warm blue tint to his eyes, and pitch black hair. Swift was more difficult to examine. Though it was easy to see his physical traits, his eyes looked cold and grey, with his unmoving face appearing to have had all emotion slowly torn away. His hair was hidden by a hooded brown cape that appeared to have a mind of its own as it fluttered slightly in an improbable breeze. Amy was the one that instantly caught his attention. Her short blond hair and blue eyes instantly captivated Jay’s thoughts. “There aren’t any more than this of us, but we manage somehow†Jay ripped his eyes away from Amy. “Bad news Han†said Derek “the teleportation platform you just used has been completely destroyed. There’s no way to send him back†“Send him back? Why’d we want to do that?†Hannah asked. “Seriously, sending him back would do no good. He’ll have to stay hereâ€. She looked at Jay. “That is, if you don’t have anywhere else you’d rather be?†“Not really, with that thing around I can’t think of any other choice but to stay here.†He replied, although the real reason behind the answer was looking at him from the other side of the room. “Then it’s settled, he stays here†said Ethan out of nowhere. “We better get his training started!†Jay was taken aback from what he had just let himself into. ……… In the city’s main skyscraper, the sound of metal upon concrete could be heard. As the sound got louder and heavier, so did the shadows in a partially obscured corner increase in size. A strange sight to any ordinary man, a black robotic body walked around the corner, half covered in the radiance of the full moon outside. The robot was around 6 feet tall, the average height for a human male. It stopped, turned and looked at the corner where the shadowy figure that was Darkness now stood. “You made it in time I see.†Darkness said, with a voice full of restrained anger. But this anger was not the robot’s to have. “I did. Did the others not?†The robot spoke. Its male-inspired mechanical voce spoke. “Wrong†spoke another voice, this one sounding somehow more pleasant. Sure enough, a brown haired male revealed himself from the shadows, showing very little emotion. “And our supposed ally?†The robot spoke. “Where is he?†“Still proving useful.†A fourth voice spoke. Through the marble archway walked a gigantic man, his eyes partially glazed as they looked between the three other beings in the room. “For now.†He finished. “Ah, Demon.†Darkness said, sounding oddly happy to see this man. “I’m pleased to see you made it on time for once.†“Always like to surprise you my lord, always like to surprise.†The man known as Demon said. “So what’s the unexpected meeting for?†the robot asked. “We are here to discuss the group of rebels that plague my new empire. They must be dealt with†Darkness replied. A look of confusion spread among the other participants. Demon was the first to speak. “Surely a few ordinary humans aren’t a threat to us?†he questioned. “It has changed now. He is with them.†Darkness answered, sounding uncharacteristically concerned. “Here?†the brown-haired man asked. “Calm yourself, Scope. He is here, yes. But the transfer has left him without his memories. He doesn’t know what it is that he came for, as well what has happened in recent events. If we could capture or kill him before he remembers-†Demon interrupted. “Then we can avoid any large-scale conflict, correct?†he said. Darkness just nodded, and then faded away into the shadows from which he came. The group scattered as soon has he had gone, leaving only the robot behind. Its black armoured arm rose to the side of its head as words appeared in its visual sensor. ‘Mission: Eliminate rebels. Eliminate allies if necessary’ It spoke with a single toned voice as it nodded. “Mission confirmed, no-one gets in my way.†……… So, this time it's the introduction of both 'teams'. Not much besides that. The next part (these are totally not ordered into chapters at all, I'm just cutting it off wherever looks right) has the first real action sequence, which I remember being pretty fun to write~
I keep forgeting to comment on this. Anywho, Darky, you must continue as soon as you can. Anywho (X2), I like how you described everyone, I could actually see everything in my head. And, I loved the ending! The plot thickened~ Keep writing my Twin, keep writing.
UNNECCESSARY DRAMATICS; GO!! ……… The white walls of the circular room were suddenly alive with neon coloured lines. Jay stood in the centre, awaiting the first training exercise. “Alright, let’s see what you can do.†Ethan’s voice came over the comm. system. A group of these lines formed together and formed a wire-frame figure of a human. It unsheathed a sword, also made of the lines, and approached. “Don’t worry, the room has a special shield that prevents injury. Something that would normally kill you will only render you unconscious.†Ethan said confidently. “Although it would still be best to win, those things can give you a nasty shock if they get you.†“Alright, I’ll give it a shot.†Jay said, with a slight aire of confidence about him. “For this trial, imagine you’ve been surprised by it, without your weapon. When I did this trial the first time, I tried to take its weapon. It worked but I still failed, what will you try?†Ethan said again. His words were doing little to help Jay’s confidence. The enemy raised its weapon. “Begin!†The blade swung down, narrowly missing Jay’s left foot. Jay threw a punch at it, staggering it slightly. This didn’t last long as it soon recovered and took another swing, this time hitting him square on the right shoulder. “Gah!†Jay clutched his shoulder. “Those things hurt!†The enemy again raised its sword, preparing to strike. Jay instinctively grabbed the weapon and pushed it back. The enemy, unprepared for such a manoeuvre, swung its arms further back, impaling itself from behind. As it let go of its weapon, Jay jumped over its head and thrusted quickly with his right leg. The sole of his boot hit the swords hilt, propelling it harshly through the enemy’s body. The entire room was filled with a robotic-sounding scream as the enemy divided back into the neon green lines of light, and returned to the walls. There was a moment of pause, and for a second Jay thought he had made a mistake. “Well done.†Hannah’s voice finally echoed over the comm. “Join us in the lobby when you’re done cooling off.†……… “That was the first time it’s been done!†Ethan roared. “The kid did it the first time!†Derek stood up from his seat. Amy gasped. Even Swift turned around to check Ethan’s expression. “In all seven years of being here, there’s never been anyone that could do that test the first time. It took me until my third.†Swift said, still revealing no emotion. “He did.†Hannah said sternly. Derek rose from his seat and looked through the glass in the door leading to the practise room. “That kid sure is something…†He said. “Ethan, bring up the statistics of the fight†Hannah quickly said. Ethan did as instructed and brought a screen down, which featured the statistics of the fight Jay just had. Derek turned and looked at it for a moment. He reeled back in shock. He raised an arm to point at the screen. “Th-that’s impossible!†he stuttered. “He’s…†“Quiet, here he comes!†Ethan said excitedly, returning the screen back to its original position. ……… Stopping short of what I'd normally post, since the next part has a brief timeskip. It just makes sense. CnC plz?
Ooh, this was really good! The characters seemed alive and it grips you from the first sentance, which is a very hard thing to do. I think it needs some work, of course, even the best writers don't get their books perfect from the first draft, and there were one or two errors in spelling, but this was probably one of the most well-written stories I've seen in a while! Keep writing, DT!
Well thank you, Marushi-sama! Regarding the spelling mistakes... are you sure those aren't just the difference between American and the correct English spellings? Only, I've had this thing on file for around four years, and I'm pretty sure I'd have found any mistakes by now... In any case, I'm now free to post another part. _________ ……… Two weeks after Jay’s first training session, Derek made everyone join him in the briefing room. After some initial difficulty finding it, Jay joined them and purposely sat down next to Amy. Derek looked around, nodded to himself and then began to explain what he wanted. “Alright, so you guys have all seen the huge tower on the outskirts, right?†Derek asked. Everyone nodded slightly. “Good. But what we didn’t know is that it’s actually one of the main facilities where Darkness gets his soldiers. We don’t know where they’re being recruited from, but we do know that taking it out will slow him down.†“Then that’s where we’ll come in.†Hannah interrupted, standing up. “We’re gonna meet up with the second team and make a nice crater.†“Team 2?†Jay asked suddenly. “For most of our missions we need to do two things at once, so we’ve split into team 1, that’s us, and team 2. Team 2 consists of Ethan’s two sisters, Aria and Ruri, a guy called Ratud Traya and the group leader, Corona Drago.†Amy explained. “Aria and Ruri specialise in team tactics, Ratud seems to be incredibly lucky when things go badly, and Corona is our special operations and demolitions expert.†Hannah finished. She quickly headed over to a console against the wall and pressed a green button on the top. “Alright, we’ll move out in one hour. Make sure you have everything you need and wait at the main entrance. As usual, we’re only going to have one chance at this.†Hannah announced. “Just be careful out there.†Derek said, as everyone else began to leave the room. ……… Jay walked into his assigned room and picked up his things. Over the course of two weeks, he had gathered a few weapons and other objects that would be useful on this mission. He also had the double-sword that was given to him for training with, and he had gotten quite good with it. He stopped for a moment, the fact finally got him; this would be his first time where he might need it outside of training. “I’d better make sure I don’t let anyone down†He said to himself, before picking up the bag of things he would need and heading for the main entrance. When Jay got there, only Swift was waiting for him. He looked around for the others before Swift explained. “They already left; I’m only here to lead you there.†He said, with a slight hint of annoyance in his voice. “They left already? Why?†Jay asked. “Because, although you may think otherwise, you are late.†He said, very sternly. Jay didn’t understand, he had taken less than five minutes to prepare himself, Hannah had said they had an hour. He was about to voice this when Swift interrupted his thoughts. “We need to get this done as soon as possible, everyone was ready other than you, and with the others there, one extra person is hardly a necessary asset. Now, if you’re ready, we’re going.†He said. Jay nodded and followed as Swift opened the main gate, and it was then that Jay saw for himself what the world had been reduced to. His immediate thought was that he was too late, although he instantly realised he had no idea what he meant by that. He stopped and looked up at the buildings that he could visualise as being a beautiful sight against the sky, now grey and red with what was quite obviously human blood. Jay couldn’t believe how bad it was. He wondered just how he had missed the horror of the city when he had been led from the first shelter. He was about to ask Swift about what had happened, when an unfamiliar voice spoke out. “First sight of the outside world huh? I reacted just the same.†It said. “Corona. It’s been a while.†Swift said, as the young woman stepped out from behind a building nearby. “It really has, hasn’t it! I remember the last time we teamed up, which isn’t really surprising since that was my first time with any of you guys!†She said, laughing slightly to herself. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be with everyone else?†Swift replied, although he didn’t seem to really mind her being here instead. “I heard you had a rookie with you, so I came to say hi.†Corona said, her short hair seemed to shudder slightly as the wind changed direction. “Well, as much as I’d like to, we can’t just stand here all day. Let’s get going.†Swift looked back at Jay. “Stay close.†“Uh, yes sir.†Jay said, purely by accident. Corona just giggled quietly to herself. “Alright, we should be there in ten minutes, providing we don’t get slowed down.†Swift said. “Let’s get moving.†The outline of a tall building, completely unscathed by anything, stood clear against the horizon. Jay kept up with Swift to the best of his ability, with Corona easily staying at Swifts side. She slowed down slightly, allowing Jay to catch up with her. Looking at him for a moment, she motioned towards Swift. “You’ll have to forgive him for being like he is. He doesn’t know how to behave around friends.†She said. “Yeah, I noticed.†Jay replied, “What’s his problem anyway?†Corona looked at Jay, and then at Swift, who was getting closer to the building faster than they were, but not by much. “He’s hunting down one of Darkness’ generals. A man they say is stronger than Darkness himself.†She answered. “But why?†Jay questioned again. “Why would anyone go out of their way to find someone who is less than Darkness in rank?†“I don’t know.†Corona confessed. “And he tells me everything else. I think it must be really deep for him to behave the way he does.†“We’re here.†Swift called to them both. At the side of the insanely tall structure was Ethan, and two young girls who Jay could only assume were the twins. Ethan was talking to Swift, and one of the young girls was likewise talking to Corona. Jay was approached by the other young girl. She looked quizzically at him. “Who the hell are you?†She asked quickly. Swift, who had finished talking to Ethan, turned towards them. “New guy. Introduce yourself if you like.†He said, sarcastically. The girl faced Jay again. “I’m Aria. The girl over there is my sister, Ruri and you already know Corona I guess.†Ethan walked over to Jay. “Don’t take so long on your next assignment, Han gets impatient quickly.†He said, “Alright, in any case let me fill you in. Everyone is on separate floors of this building, placing high explosives in critical points in the structure. Ratud and Han are in the underground levels, and neither of them are responding on the com. We’d like you to go down there and let them know that the other charges are set.†Jay nodded at him and Corona pointed out a set of stairs on the outside of the building that looked like it led to the understructure of the building. Jay slowly walked down the stairs, soon reaching the bottom of the set. He soon located another staircase, heading further down, and descended down them into the pitch-blackness of the underground section. The stairs went down further than he expected. Jay was sure he had taken at least one-hundred steps so far, and there didn’t appear to be an end anytime soon. The curve finally became obvious, the staircase was spiralling downwards. “No wonder they’re not responding, they probably couldn’t see the com, never mind answer it.†He said to himself. Suddenly, Jay heard an odd noise coming from below him. He broke into a run, taking two or three steps at a time before arriving on what he hoped was the only underground floor. He began to hear strange moaning noises, like someone having a horrible nightmare. He looked around for a moment, before remembering his weapon. Taking it from his back, he activated the orange flow of energy, lighting a good part of the area around him. He instantly saw a gruesome face in the light which, after making Jay fall back, disappeared. Jay saw no sign of any movement, so he nodded to himself, deciding it was just his imagination playing tricks on him. He got back to his feet, and slowly moved his blade from side to side, shining the light all around. He saw a shape in the shadows, nothing like what he had just seen, but like a foot. Then he saw the person it was attached to. “Hannah!†Jay exclaimed, raising her to her feet. Hannah moaned a little. She was uneasy on her feet, and had a slight bloodstain on her face. Nevertheless, she seemed okay. “Jay? Never been more glad to see someone late than now.†She said, with a strange sense of fear in her voice. “What happened to you?†Jay asked her, noting the bloodstain on her face. She shivered a little. “Something was hiding, it was in the shadows. It was hideous, but at the same time it looked human.†She said, sounding oddly fearful. Jay was reminded of the face he saw when he entered. Had he seen it too? Then he remembered his full objective. “Where’s Ratud?†He asked her quickly, sounding almost uncaring but also determined. “He went further down, I think he might be in trouble, I heard him saying something on the com and then he stopped in mid-sentence.†She explained. She was sounding more and more afraid. Jay noted a pair of metal doors that looked like they could be doors of an elevator. Slowly and cautiously, he entered it and, upon pressing a button with a downward arrow, began descending further underground... _______ Oh god, I hate this bit. Looking back it all just seems so... ugh. And there's another load of 'ugh' to go before we get to the far better more recently written stuff. Some of it's really, horribly corny. And yet, I couldn't bring myself to alter any of it.
Hmm, I suppose you're probably right. lol, I looked for the mistakes I mentioned earlier, but I couldn't find any. Perhaps what I thought I saw earlier was just my dyslexia messing with my eyes. XP At any rate, I think it's good. Don't beat yourself up too bad about the quality of writing, if you wrote it such a long time ago, of course it's not going to be as good as what you write now. Haha, I know whenever I look back at stuff I used to write, I get so embarrased by it that I usually end up tearing it to bits and throwing it away.
First post updated with Chapter 5, as well as all previous chapters, all in seperate spoilers. Each chapter on there is now coloured to (in theory) act easier on the eyes when reading.
Chapter Five, Chapter Five. I adore it. It's just...wow, between all these awesome writers here on the site (Twinny is one!) I'm really jealous. I mean, can I have some of your talent? XD Anywho, Darky Dear, please please please continue. This has seriously got me hooked, and you 've known this! So, may you please keep updating?
Chapter five was pretty good, I liked how it ended on a sort of cliff-hanger for Jay. lol, now I can't focus on anything but what happens to Jay, is he captured, is he hurt, does he make some near-imposible escape and get out unscathed? Post the next chapter soon, DT, or I won't be able to think about anything else. XD BTW, that makes five. I did it! XD
