Dark Hearts of KH-Vids

Thank you Catch the Rain, i'm glad you liked it. :)

 

Cool chapter, this is really good, can't wait to see what we do next knowing that we're being messed around with.

lol Catch the Rain, prawns XD

 

I'm glad you like it. :)

edit: Chapter 13 is now out.

 

This chapter was quite sad, especially towards the end T_T

Nice work ^^ it is good to balance atmospheres, yet again you write another good chapter :)​

 

I'm glad you liked it. :)

 

*nods* yep, I agree with Catch the Rain.

Looks like the climax is over but I still can't wait to see what happens next.

 

I'm glad you like it. :)

edit: The final chapter is now out. :)

 

Awwwww that was so awesome ^^


The ending was so sad when she was stood by his grave, omg and the credits were a lovely idea <3

I really loved following this as it progressed, seriously you have done a fantastic job :3


:glomp:​

 

I'm glad you liked it, I wanted to make the ending abit sad so the credits would seem like a good idea. And kikame made the credits for me. I will also answer any question of the story you may have.

 

It's an awesome story....haven't finished reading it yet but I will soon. :D

 

Thanks. :)

 

I finished it......pretty awesome.....there were a few mistakes in it but that can't be helped.(I don't recommend going back and correcting them)....

 

I'm glad you liked it. :)

 

Very nice, although long, I loved it. :) *claps*

Although, the dialogue should move more...smoothly, with more detail, more speaking, for instance, instead of:

“I’m sure she is fine.” Spitfire said.

“I don’t know dude.” xiegin said.

“Well she’ll be okay.” Spitfire said.

“Well if you think so.” xiegin said.

Should be like:

“I’m sure she's fine,” Spitfire assured.

“I don’t know, dude,” xiegin said, reluctantly.

“She’ll be okay,” Spitfire said, more firmer.

“Well, if you think so,” xiegin relented.

Adjectives, different ways of saying "said" helps...also, at the end of a quotation, it ought to have a comma, unless it's a question mark or an exclamatory. And well, sometimes, the sentences are a bit short, like the above conversation, as it goes back and forth with literally one-line sentences...

Also, it's better to use a more...variety of words, such as instead of "looked at him with an angry look," use "stared at him with an angry look"...and try to avoid repeating words too much...

Otherwise, you did great and the idea is very original. I can't wait to see what else you'll be able to write. :)

 

Thanks. I'm glad you liked it. :)

 

Your story looks good, and it even comes with a video, I'll be sure to read it over the weekend.

 

Thanks. :)